A/N: Don't read this if you have a fear of Jews, Girls, Gryffindor,
Mirrors, METMA or Owls That Are Not House-Trained
The Jew in Gryffindor rolled over in bed. A soft fluttering was heard overhead, and she turned to see a rather large owl. She rolled out of bed to avoid the owl which was relieving itself on her pillow. She began swatting at it, and it dropped three letters on the windowsill before flying away. The Jew cleaned up the mess with her wand and read the letters. The first one was hastily scrawled on what looked like a pink tissue covered with lipstick blots. It was from Lavender Brown's mirror. The Jewish Girl glanced over at it, and then turned to read the next letter. It was long and very fancy, but half of it was it telling METMA that they had never saved it. It was written by Gilderoy Lockhart's Head Mirror. The girl scratched her head, sighed, and finally read the last letter. It was written on a piece of notebook paper, and the ink was splotchy. The Girl figured that A:the person who wrote it had a faulty pen, or B:the person who wrote it had too many oreos and was on an almost dangerous sugar high.
Take a wild guess which was right
The letter read
To: The Jew in Gryffindor
From: The Head of METMA...or someone pretending to be the Head of METMA, in which case, would probably still be the Head of METMA, because, I mean, who really wants to be the Head of METMA, ok, ok, fine, I'm not really the Head of METMA, I'm just the Head of the Special Agents department. Ok? You happy now? I told you! You just positively giddy that I told you? Huh? HUH?
It continued in that vein for a while. The Girl skipped over it, and finally reached the body of the letter. It went as follows:
Congradulations! You have been chosen as a special agent for METMA! Why don't you just relax, sit back, and have a cup of coffee while patting yourself on the back? On second thought, no, don't do that. Just get cracking on this case so you won't be fired, decapitated, and have your ears on a platter. What is METMA you ask? I would explain, but time is of the essence. Ok, since you twisted my arm, I'll tell you. Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Artifacts. Listen, bub, don't get smart with me, I know you aren't a muggle. That is why you are a SPECIAL agent, smart one. Keep reading this dumb letter or I will hurt you.
The Girl raised her eyebrows a bit, but continued to read
Anyway, we have decided to choose some well placed witches and wizards to help us save all mistreated magical artifacts. Currently, as shown by the two, less important, letters, that I am sure you read first just to hurt my feelings, and cause me to have another oreo binge, anyhow, you will be rescuing these mirrors. I think that you may know either one or both Lavender Brown and Gilderoy Lockhart. Anyway, because you are magic, and I'm not, believe me, I checked, and I have to scars to prove that I can't really play quidditch, let me tell you, you will have the most dangerous task of rescuing these mirrors. And, if you fail, well, I personally won't be able to do anything, but you will definately have a lot of bad luck heading your way lady, so you better watch out. And METMA Mandy will probably pelt you with cookies and false antlers, but lets not get into that. Just rescue the dumb mirrors already!
Signed
Why aren't you saving those mirrors yet?
Oh! You mean my NAME!
Oh. Ok then.
Head of Special Agents Department of METMA
The Girl sighed, folded up the letters, and placed them in her robe. She decided to save Lavender Brown's mirror first. She walked over to Lavender Brown's bed, which Lavender Brown herself was sitting on in a positvely revolting pink robe and cooing to her mirror:
Lavender: Mirror Mirror on my bed, who has the prettiest head?
Mirror:*Gags*
The Jew in Gryffindor: LAVENDER! HEY LAVENDER! LOOK OVER THERE! SOMEONE PRETTIER THEN YOU!
Lavender:*looking wildly around* Where? Where? Let me find them, and I will scratch their eyes out! Then they won't be so pretty any more, will they? *waves wand at hand, giving her foot long neon pink nails and stalks out of room screaming like a banshee*
Mirror: Thanks, but why did you do that?
The Jew in Gryffindor: I'm a special agent for METMA
Mirror: Really? Great! Anyway, I was wondering, if you could replace me with that mirror over there *points in general direction of Hermione's mirror, which is snoring loudly.*
The Jew in Gryffindor: *is slightly surprised that mirrors can point, and that she can understand them* Er, ok, sure, I'll do that. But I'm just wondering, why can I talk to mirrors? I never could before.
Mirror: when you start working for METMA, strange things start to happen. BELIEVE ME!
The Jew in Gryffindor: Ok, I believe you. *believes him* So you mean this mirror over there? *points to Hermione's mirror, which is covered in dust, and snorts a bit*
Mirror: yeah, that one
The Jew in Gryffindor:Oh, ok *walks over to Hermione's mirror, waves wand, and it is automatically dusted. The dust transfers to Lavender's mirror, who sighs with relief*
Mirror:*sighs with relief*
The Jew in Gryffindor:*puts spell on Hermione's mirror to say what Lavender's mirror USED to have to say, and switches the two*
Lavender:*returns* Ha! That Pansy Parkinson will never know what hit her. Where was I? Oh yeah! *runs over to bed* Mirror Mirror on my bed, who has the prettiest head?
Hermione's, now Lavender's Mirror:*groans*
Lavender's, and now Hermione's, now dust covered Mirror: Thanks METMA!
The Jew in Gryffindor rolled over in bed. A soft fluttering was heard overhead, and she turned to see a rather large owl. She rolled out of bed to avoid the owl which was relieving itself on her pillow. She began swatting at it, and it dropped three letters on the windowsill before flying away. The Jew cleaned up the mess with her wand and read the letters. The first one was hastily scrawled on what looked like a pink tissue covered with lipstick blots. It was from Lavender Brown's mirror. The Jewish Girl glanced over at it, and then turned to read the next letter. It was long and very fancy, but half of it was it telling METMA that they had never saved it. It was written by Gilderoy Lockhart's Head Mirror. The girl scratched her head, sighed, and finally read the last letter. It was written on a piece of notebook paper, and the ink was splotchy. The Girl figured that A:the person who wrote it had a faulty pen, or B:the person who wrote it had too many oreos and was on an almost dangerous sugar high.
Take a wild guess which was right
The letter read
To: The Jew in Gryffindor
From: The Head of METMA...or someone pretending to be the Head of METMA, in which case, would probably still be the Head of METMA, because, I mean, who really wants to be the Head of METMA, ok, ok, fine, I'm not really the Head of METMA, I'm just the Head of the Special Agents department. Ok? You happy now? I told you! You just positively giddy that I told you? Huh? HUH?
It continued in that vein for a while. The Girl skipped over it, and finally reached the body of the letter. It went as follows:
Congradulations! You have been chosen as a special agent for METMA! Why don't you just relax, sit back, and have a cup of coffee while patting yourself on the back? On second thought, no, don't do that. Just get cracking on this case so you won't be fired, decapitated, and have your ears on a platter. What is METMA you ask? I would explain, but time is of the essence. Ok, since you twisted my arm, I'll tell you. Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Artifacts. Listen, bub, don't get smart with me, I know you aren't a muggle. That is why you are a SPECIAL agent, smart one. Keep reading this dumb letter or I will hurt you.
The Girl raised her eyebrows a bit, but continued to read
Anyway, we have decided to choose some well placed witches and wizards to help us save all mistreated magical artifacts. Currently, as shown by the two, less important, letters, that I am sure you read first just to hurt my feelings, and cause me to have another oreo binge, anyhow, you will be rescuing these mirrors. I think that you may know either one or both Lavender Brown and Gilderoy Lockhart. Anyway, because you are magic, and I'm not, believe me, I checked, and I have to scars to prove that I can't really play quidditch, let me tell you, you will have the most dangerous task of rescuing these mirrors. And, if you fail, well, I personally won't be able to do anything, but you will definately have a lot of bad luck heading your way lady, so you better watch out. And METMA Mandy will probably pelt you with cookies and false antlers, but lets not get into that. Just rescue the dumb mirrors already!
Signed
Why aren't you saving those mirrors yet?
Oh! You mean my NAME!
Oh. Ok then.
Head of Special Agents Department of METMA
The Girl sighed, folded up the letters, and placed them in her robe. She decided to save Lavender Brown's mirror first. She walked over to Lavender Brown's bed, which Lavender Brown herself was sitting on in a positvely revolting pink robe and cooing to her mirror:
Lavender: Mirror Mirror on my bed, who has the prettiest head?
Mirror:*Gags*
The Jew in Gryffindor: LAVENDER! HEY LAVENDER! LOOK OVER THERE! SOMEONE PRETTIER THEN YOU!
Lavender:*looking wildly around* Where? Where? Let me find them, and I will scratch their eyes out! Then they won't be so pretty any more, will they? *waves wand at hand, giving her foot long neon pink nails and stalks out of room screaming like a banshee*
Mirror: Thanks, but why did you do that?
The Jew in Gryffindor: I'm a special agent for METMA
Mirror: Really? Great! Anyway, I was wondering, if you could replace me with that mirror over there *points in general direction of Hermione's mirror, which is snoring loudly.*
The Jew in Gryffindor: *is slightly surprised that mirrors can point, and that she can understand them* Er, ok, sure, I'll do that. But I'm just wondering, why can I talk to mirrors? I never could before.
Mirror: when you start working for METMA, strange things start to happen. BELIEVE ME!
The Jew in Gryffindor: Ok, I believe you. *believes him* So you mean this mirror over there? *points to Hermione's mirror, which is covered in dust, and snorts a bit*
Mirror: yeah, that one
The Jew in Gryffindor:Oh, ok *walks over to Hermione's mirror, waves wand, and it is automatically dusted. The dust transfers to Lavender's mirror, who sighs with relief*
Mirror:*sighs with relief*
The Jew in Gryffindor:*puts spell on Hermione's mirror to say what Lavender's mirror USED to have to say, and switches the two*
Lavender:*returns* Ha! That Pansy Parkinson will never know what hit her. Where was I? Oh yeah! *runs over to bed* Mirror Mirror on my bed, who has the prettiest head?
Hermione's, now Lavender's Mirror:*groans*
Lavender's, and now Hermione's, now dust covered Mirror: Thanks METMA!
