No Need For KidK!
An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
Part 1--The Date…I Mean, Not-A-Date-Nothing-Like-A-Date-Who-Said-Date? Ahahaha…
So, what's up with all you fanfiction people? Me, I'm havin' more fun than one person should be able to have and not explode from all the joy and glee. The only way things could get better would be if I were already queen of the universe and not just in the planning stages of my conquest…wait, you weren't supposed to know about that…now I must kill you all! Well, no, not really. I'm not the homicidal sort. But instead I think I shall torture you with my fanfiction! Wahahahahaaaaa! By the time you're finished reading this you won't be able to put a coherent sentence together, so powerful is the madness I am about to unfold. And now for some more evil laughter! Watch me as I go: Mwahahahahaaaaaa! *coughhackcough* OK, enough of that, I suppose.
This is a lovely story that has been driving me insane in the recesses of my not-quite-stable mind for some time now. In fact, I've been planning this fic out ever since I first decided to make a series of SIs. I hope it turned out OK. Anyways, this is the final story in the octet about Summer 2001. After this, KidK's gonna be in college. Weep for her. Oh, and this Part starts on August 26, which is a Saturday. I don't own August 26, or anything else in this story.
The scene is the Membrane house! Wow, I don't think I've ever started a fic here, have I? Anyways, our boy Dib is making a call you'd probably never expect him to make, and the person he's calling certainly doesn't expect to ever receive a call from him. Let's listen in, shall we? I mean, you kinda have to, since this sequence is the whole basis for the rest of this chapter…
Dib (muttering angrily): Come on, pick up! Pick up! Pick--oh, hello Mr….KidK's Dad. It's Dib. (pause) No, no, not for KidK. Can I talk to Zim, please? (pause) No, I'm not insane. (long pause) Why would I know where he is? Maybe KidK knows. (pause) Hey, KidK, I need to talk to Zim. Can you get him for me? (pause) No, really! I want to talk to him! (reeeeely long pause) Hello, Zim.
Zim (on the other end--duh): What do you want, Dib-monkey? I should be plotting your planet's demise, not wasting my time talking to you.
Dib: Yeah, sure, uh huh, whatever. Listen, I'm calling because I need you to do me a favor.
Zim: What?! As human females are fond of saying, 'As if!'
Dib: No, wait, just hear me out, OK? It's not really for me. It's for KidK. Wait, she's not standing there listening, is she?
Zim: Yeah, she's here. (to KidK) Go away! I'm having a private conversation here! (to Dib) Alright, you, you've got one minute to explain yourself. What could you possibly need from me that involves KidK?
Dib: Well, you know how she's leaving for college next Thursday?
Zim: Yes, yes, she's been making a big deal out of 'oh, it's my last week at home' lately. What of it?
Dib: See, I thought it'd be nice if we all threw her a going away party Tuesday night. So KidK can stay up late and have fun one last time before she goes to skool. I already talked to Mike yesterday and he thinks it's a good idea, and of course Gir wants to have a party, and Gaz…well, Gaz'll come as long as she can play her Game Boy.
Zim: That sounds reasonable. I'm sure she'll love it, since she has a tendency to like things like that. But what do you want from me?
Dib: Well…I was thinking that you should be the one to keep KidK out of the house for a few hours while Gaz and Gir and Mike and I set everything up.
Zim: So this party will be taking place here?
Dib: Yeah…I thought we could have it in your so-called secret lab. I mean, you're always bragging about how massive and cool it is, so it'll be the perfect party hall and--
Zim: No way! There's not a chance in the universe that I'd allow my greatest enemy to wander around in my lab!
Dib: But it's the only way! KidK'll get suspicious if you bring her here!
Zim: Yes…she is a clever one…she'd likely figure it out. I suppose you have got me there, stink beast. Very well. You may set up the party in my lab…but rest assured that I will have upgraded my security significantly by then. You will not be allowed access to anything but the top level, and if you touch anything you're not supposed to you'll be vaporized in an instant!
Dib (a tad annoyed): Hey, this isn't about you, Zim, it's about KidK. I want to do something nice for her, since she's my friend. I'm not out to get you this time.
Zim: Oh, whatever you say, Dib.
Dib: Now, about getting KidK out of the house. Can you come up with a plan so she won't suspect anything? You're really not good at that kind of thing.
Zim: Shut your noise tube! I have created a plan already! An amazing plan! I will simply ask KidK if she would like to consume a meal with me at a restaurant on Tuesday night! Then perhaps we will view a film! She will be delighted with my invitation, and thus will be kept out of your hair for several hours!
Dib: Heh heh…you mean you're going to ask her out on a date?
Zim: I know not of this 'date,' Dib-monkey, but your tone suggests that it is not a good thing.
Dib: You don't know what a date is?! What did you study before coming here? A date is when two people go out and have fun together because they loooooove each other.
Zim: Well in that case this will certainly not be a date. It will merely be me asking KidK to accompany me to some places.
Dib: Yeah, whatever. Heh. Well, make sure that she's gone from…oh, let's say 5:00 to 8:30, OK?
Zim: Three and a half hours? What are we supposed to do for three and a half hours?!
Dib: I'm sure you'll think of something…heheh…romantic…
Zim: Shut up! When this is all over I shall destroy you!
Dib: Wahahahahaaaaaa! (he hangs up on Zim and looks around) Now to plan out this party. Oh, she'll be so surprised! (yelling) Gaz! Do you know where Dad keeps the crepe paper?
Gaz (yelling back): In the closet under the stairs! But it's really old! And probably radioactive from being stored next to the plutonium!
Dib: Well, it's time to put it to good use.
Meanwhile, back at KidK's house, Zim is having a hard time convincing KidK that…
Zim: No, it's not a date, you crazy girl!
KidK (teasingly): Hmmmm…I wonder…No, I'm just kidding. It'll be fun to go out to dinner and a movie with you. We can see something really stupid and MST it! So, where do you want to eat?
Zim: I'm taking you, so you get to pick.
KidK: Wow, something must really be up with you, Zim. Are you keeping something from me?
Zim: Er…no.
KidK: Feeling guilty about something I haven't found out about yet?
Zim: No! I'm just trying to be…ugh…nice. I mean, in a few days you'll be gone and…
KidK (triumphantly): And you'll miss me!
Zim: No, of course not, why would I miss…(he thinks for a second) Wait, that's it!
KidK (confused--as usual): What's it?
Zim: I'll miss you! And so, I want to spend some time with you before you leave! It's not a date, it's a farewell dinner!
KidK: Hey, it's not like I'm a GI going away to war or anything…I'll be home every weekend.
Zim (he's faking): Oh, but nevertheless I shall miss you terribly! So please, choose your favorite restaurant and I'll be all too happy to escort you there.
KidK (a little freaked out): O…kayyyyy…um…how about ChiChi's? I like Mexican food.
Zim: I have never been there, but if that is your selection I will be glad to go.
KidK: OK, now you're overdoing it. So, when should we go?
Zim: Tuesday at 4:55.
KidK: Wow, that's precise! Are you sure you're not plotting something?
Zim: No! I mean yes! I mean…yes I'm sure that no I'm not plotting anything!
KidK (raising an eyebrow): Suuuuuure. I'll play along. So on Tuesday at 4:55 we're going to go to ChiChi's, am I right?
Zim: Right.
KidK: Fine, then! (without thinking) You've got yourself a date!
Zim: No I don't it's not a date I never said it was!
KidK: It's just a figure of speech, Zimmy. Heehee! ^_^
And so the days passed. Dib worked hard to try and get hold of some party supplies that wouldn't glow in the dark, and Mike-the-Brother persuaded his Mom and Dad that it was a good idea to go visit the Yankee Candle Factory in Connecticut on Tuesday. Gir hunted through his 'Mommy's' wide array of recipes to find the perfect formula for cake, and Gaz…well, as a matter of fact Gaz went shopping. But you can't know for what yet. Zim was very busy putting the finishing touches on…something…and so was Dib. And Mike vanished into his room for hours on end, to work on something 'private.' And Gir burst out in fits of giggles whenever KidK was around. And 'Nny…well, who knows what he got up to. Probably something messy. All the while KidK got more and more suspicious of her friends' behavior, but she decided not to say anything, and to let them have their fun, even though she suspected that they were planning to pull some kind of elaborate prank on her. Finally, Tuesday came, and KidK got dressed to go out with her bestest friend Zim. Look! She's wearing a nice outfit of a long black skirt and a pretty short-sleeved gray sweater!
KidK (eyeing her reflection critically): Hmmmm…well, I suppose this'll have to do. Why should I suddenly start caring about how I dress? I mean, it's only dinner…and a movie…oh, who cares!
She stomps out of her room and down the hall, turning the corner to go downstairs and collect Zim. She enters the lab and strides over to the console, where Zim is playing solitaire with a very bored look on his face--KidK's been keeping him waiting for quite some time.
KidK: Ready to go?
Zim (shocked): KidK?! Are you wearing a skirt?!
KidK (a bit resentfully): Yes. Why?
Zim: Oh, no reason. It's just that the only other time I've ever seen you in a skirt was for your graduation, and that was a special occasion.
KidK (mock sarcasm): Are you suggesting that I got dressed up because I think going somewhere with you is special?
Zim (real anger): Why wouldn't it be? You are so ungrateful! Here I am, wanting to do something nice for you, and already you start making fun of me!
KidK: OK, OK, I was just kidding. Don't get all bent out of shape. Let's go have fun now.
Zim (accusingly): Fun in a skirt.
KidK: Oh, would you come on? Forget the skirt!
She drags him out to the car and they drive off in the direction of ChiChi's, which is near the Moorestown mall--about twenty minutes away. They leave not a moment too soon, for shortly after Dib and Gaz arrive at the house. Dib's weighted down by several large boxes, while Gaz is carrying only her Game Boy, as usual. She rings the bell and is greeted by Gir.
Gir: Hiiiiiii, guys! Come on in!
Dib (all tired out--awwww…): Where's…the lab? I need…to put this down…before my spine breaks…(there is a cracking sound) OK, it just did…no hurry now…
Gir: Right this way, Dibby! (he takes his two pals down the elevator) Master says you can set up in this room, but that I have to (he imitates Zim's stern admonition) 'keep an eye on you.' So go ahead and put things up! I'll be right back…I'm baking the cake! (he scurries back over to the elevator and heads upstairs)
Dib: If he's supposed to be watching us, then why…?
Gaz: Who cares? Let's just decorate this place. (she looks around at the all-metal décor) Man, Zim has no taste whatsoever.
Dib: I don't know. I kind of like it.
Gaz: That's because you're a techno freak just like Zim!
Dib: Hey, I'm nothing like Zim! He's…(he waves his hands expansively in an effort to express his sentiments)…crazy!
Gaz: Whatever, Mr. Science.
Mike-the-Brother (stepping out of the elevator): I've got the folding table! Let's do this thing!
And with that the three got ready for KidK's super spectacular surprise shindig (I like alliteration, don't you?). Meanwhile, at the ChiChi's restaurant in Moorestown…
Zim (trying to understand): OK, so a burrito is meat, cheese, and various vegetables wrapped up in a tortilla, an enchilada just has the meat and vegetables inside but has cheese on top, and fajitas have whatever combination you want because you put them together yourself. Is that right?
KidK (laughing): Right. Basically it's all pretty much the same. I've had almost everything on the menu at least once, and it's all good. I like the chimichangas and quesadillas best.
Zim: Chimi…whats?
KidK: Chimichanga. It's kinda like a burrito only the stuff isn't wrapped up as tight and it's in a more floury shell rather than a tortilla. It's got a whole lotta cheese. I like cheese…
Her reverie about all things queso is interrupted by a large, extremely hairy man wearing the uniform of ChiChi's waiters everywhere--a bright purple shirt with the restaurant logo on the pocket, and black dress pants that, on him, are at least two sizes too small.
Bob the Waiter (as if reading an invisible script): Hi, welcome to ChiChi's. I'm Bob and I'll be your server this evening. Can I start you off with a drink? (he picks up the drink menu and points) We have a special on strawberry daiquiris this week, and you also might want to try our 'El Presidente,' which is tequila with a lemon twist.
KidK: Um…we're not old enough to drink.
Bob the Waiter (staring blankly--this isn't in the script): Oh…OK. Then what do you want?
KidK: Diet Coke.
Zim: I suppose the same for me.
Bob the Waiter: Alright, I'll put that order right in. (he moves to leave, but is stopped by KidK)
KidK: Can we give you our appetizer order now too? You know, so we don't have to wait as long.
Bob the Waiter: Sure, I guess.
KidK: How about some cheese nachos. Oh, and can we have the jalapeños on the side?
Bob the Waiter: OK, I'll bring that right away. (he trudges off to that place where waiters go when they're not serving you)
KidK: Well, once again we get one of the lame waiters.
Zim: Is that the normal state of affairs at this establishment?
KidK: Unfortunately, yeah. In fact, that's the main reason why you've never been here before. The last few times my parents have brought us, we've had such bad service that they don't really ever want to come anymore. (she looks over at another table, where the waiter has a big smile on his face and is enthusiastically pointing out his favorite selections to the customers) Why couldn't we get Ron?
Zim: Ron? Who is this Ron?
KidK: That waiter guy over there. We had him once and he was awesome! Like the best waiter ever! But we've never gotten one of his tables since. At least he's still working here, so there's always the chance. (note: based on reality--Ron is a real ChiChi's waiter…I don't own him, but I wish we could get served by him every time!)
Zim: Well, if our waiter guy gives us trouble, you can rest assured that I'll take care of it. Other than that, I must say it seems as though you've made a good choice, KidK.
KidK: Oh, I love this place! Just listen to the music!
They listen to the cheesy Mexican music for a moment. At ChiChi's there's a constant soundtrack that consists of fast dance tunes played by what sounds like mariachi bands, and slow love or loss-of-love songs with lots of violins. It's fun to try to figure out what the singers are saying!
Zim: Um…this is that…other language you know, right?
KidK (proudly): Yup! I've got four years of Spanish under my belt!
Zim: So, tell me. What are these humans yelling so enthusiastically about?
KidK: Well…(she works it out in her head) The guy is saying that he loves the girl, and that he wants to be with her forever, but the girl is telling him that there's no chance.
Zim: Why do they sound so happy about it? Don't you people usually get all weepy and depressed about such things?
KidK: I don't know. Mexican music is like that. Oh, here's our nachos!
Bob the Waiter (with no feeling whatsoever): Here are your drinks…(he sets the two sodas down) and your nachos.
KidK: Sweet!
Bob the Waiter: I'll give you a few more minutes to look over the menu…(he begins to back away--there's probably a margarita with his name on it back in the staff room)
KidK: No wait! We know what we want already! You all set, Zim?
Zim: Sure. I think I'll try this chimichanga thing.
Ron the Waiter: With beef, chicken, or seafood?
Zim: Beef, I suppose. Yes…humans take pleasure in eating cow meat…and I am a normal human just like you, Mr. Bob.
Bob the Waiter (a little unnerved): Uh, sure. And for the lady?
KidK: I'll have a chicken chimi.
Bob the Waiter: Great. (he carefully writes this down and then walks away without further ado)
KidK (sarcastically): Thanks!
Zim: Huh. He called you 'lady.' What's that supposed to mean?
KidK: They probably tell them to say that. It's supposed to be respectful. Unlike some Irkens I know who always call me 'beast girl.'
Zim: I never do that anymore! Well…except when you anger me!
KidK (laughing): I know, I know. I'm just foolin' with you. You know…this is really nice. It was so sweet of you to ask me on this not-a-date.
Zim: Yeah, well…you know…(he's itching to change the subject) Oh, we'd better consume these nachos before they get cold!
KidK: Yeah, nachos rock!
They eat the nachos, which as usual are very tasty. At about this time, somewhere in Connecticut…
KidK's Mom: Well, here we are at the Yankee Candle Factory! I can't wait to collect all the new scents!
KidK's Dad: Which will likely cost many, many cents. As many cents as are in a weeks paycheck, I'll wager.
KidK's Mom: Now, honey, have a better attitude. We didn't come all the way up here just to look, now did we?
KidK's Dad: Come to think of it, why did we come up here?
KidK's Mom: Because Mike said that he and Missy's little friends were throwing Missy a party and they didn't want to bother us with their loud music.
KidK's Dad: So instead they sent us to another state. What are we going to do with those kids?
KidK's Mom: Well, it's nice of them to send Missy off. Now let's go check out the display of votives! I want to make my own assortment!
KidK's Dad: Huh. Wish I could have a party…that girl doesn't know how lucky she is.
Back at the ChiChi's!
KidK: Achoo! Hmmm, somebody must be talking about me. (Aren't Japanese superstitions fun?)
Zim (worried): Oh, no, I'm sure no one's speaking of you in any way and they're certainly not talking about your impending journey to college and how they won't see you all the time and how they want to send you off in a festive manner! Ahahaha…
KidK (playing dumb): I have no idea what you're talking about.
Zim (relieved): Oh…good.
Bob the Waiter: Uh…here's your entrees. That's a chicken chimi for you, miss, and a beef chimi for you. Do either of you need refills on your drinks?
KidK: No, thanks.
Bob the Waiter: OK. (he exits hurriedly before KidK can ask for anything else)
KidK: *sniff* I'm so happy…I luv you, chimi.
Zim: Okay, let's try this thing. (he cuts off a piece of the chimichanga and puts it in his mouth)
KidK (happily chewing): Good, eh?
Zim: …………*gulp* (he has an odd look on his face for a few seconds, and then…) Ohmytallestit'shot! My throat is on fire! Yiiieeeeeee!
KidK: Oh no! Quick, take a drink!
Bob the Waiter (to the—ahem—rescue): Whoa, man, I'll save you!
Bob dashes over and dumps a pitcher of water on the screaming Zim, since he apparently took the statement about the poor Irken's throat being on fire literally. Needless to say, this only makes things worse.
Zim: Aaaargh! What have you done?! Oh, the pain!
KidK: Somebody get me some napkins, now!
Ron the Waiter (he's so cool): Here's some, miss.
KidK grabs the napkins and immediately begins trying to dry off her friend. Gradually the paper absorbs most of the water, and Zim can calm down.
Zim: What…was that…stuff?
KidK: It was seasoned beef. I should've warned you that it'd be spicy. I'm so sorry, Zimmy. It's all my fault. We should get you home right away and make sure you're alright. Come on.
Zim (glancing at his chronometer—only 6:13): Oh, no…no…I'm fine! See? All dry now.
KidK: But what about the food? What will you eat instead?
Zim: Look, there's a whole basket of free corn chips! That's enough for me, really!
KidK: Are you sure? Because I don't mind if you want to go home.
Zim (a little too forcefully): No! We can't go home yet! We still have to go to the movie theater!
KidK: OK, if you say so…
At about this time, over at house number 777, everyone's favorite homicidal maniac was just getting ready to begin a little adventure of his own.
'Nny (setting down his pen): Well, that ought to do it. (he picks up his work and eyes it critically) I wish I could've made this better…if only I had more time…but soon she'll be gone and I won't get another chance and--why am I talking to myself? Anyway, now to go make some copies!
He carefully places several sheets of paper (what are they?) into a manila folder and strides out the door to walk over to Staples. As he passes the house next to his, there is the sound of its front door being slammed in a rather theatrical fashion, and he looks over to see his little pal Todd Casil (aka Squee) standing on his doorstep, clutching his teddy bear, Shmee.
Mr. Casil (in the window): And don't come back until you're old enough to support yourself, you little…dependent!
Mrs. Casil (high as usual): Who was that at the door, dear…?
Squee (forlornly): Now I have to sleep in the shed again…come on, Shmee, let's go see if the rats have moved out yet.
'Nny (happy to see his friend): Hiya, Squeegee!
Squee (thinking): Oh, no, not the crazy neighbor man…No, Shmee, we can't run away. He's fast. Um, hello.
'Nny: That jerk father of yours giving you trouble again? You know, I could do something about that, if you like.
Squee (hurriedly): Oh, no, no, that's OK. He doesn't mean it when he says he wishes I would implode…or get hit by the skoolbus…
'Nny: Well, since you're stuck out here anyway, wanna go to Staples with me?
Squee pictures Staples, which is full of sharp office supplies, and imagines what could possibly--make that probably--happen if Johnny gets hold of any of them. It isn't pretty.
Squee: I don't know if that's a good idea. Shmee says it's dangerous to go places with you.
'Nny: Aw, come on! It'll be fun! (he grabs Squee's arm and drags him off down the street to Staples)
Meanwhile, at the Loew's Theater in Moorestown, KidK and Zim are currently viewing the animated movie 'Osmosis Jones.'
KidK: Cartoons are so much fun! Yee, check out the villain guy! Cooool!
Zim: You and your cartoon villains…I can't even tell what's going on in this movie. Once minute it's animated and the next it's not!
KidK: Oh, that's because the part with Bill Murray is supposed to be like real life, while the other part is taking place inside of the crazy world that is his body.
Zim (horrified): I had no idea humans had cartoon blobby things running around and driving cars inside their carcasses! No wonder you're all insane!
KidK: It's just a movie, Zimmy. In real life people's innards are more…gross.
The scene involving…well…snot occurs.
KidK: I stand corrected.
Zim: Yes, you do.
KidK: Anyway, you should like this movie! It's all about someone trying to invade a place and destroy it!
Zim: But of course the good guys are going to stop him. That's how human movies work. Apparently you people think that conquest is a bad thing.
KidK: No, we only think conquest is a bad thing when we're the ones being conquered. (something else disgusting occurs on screen) Oh, ew, what is up with that guy? What a slob!
Zim: Somehow, eating all those Butterfinger BBs doesn't seem like it was such a smart thing to do, now.
A little while later:
Zim: OK, why does that Ozzie guy think anyone's going to be fooled by that disguise? He's blue, and the other…germy guys are green!
KidK: It's for plot development. And I think the germs are stupid.
Zim: But what about the villain? What's-his-name…Thrax. He doesn't seem like a total moron.
KidK: Like I said, it's necessary to the plot that the good guy find out about the bad guy's evil scheme. So the bad guy won't notice something's wrong until he's already spilled his guts about the details of his plan. That's just how movies go.
Zim: And all you humans know that?
KidK: Yes…
Zim: But if you already know everything that's going to happen in every movie, why do you flock to the theaters in droves?
KidK: Hmmmm…maybe we are all insane…
Zim: By the way, is there really something called a Buffalo Wing Festival on this planet? (note: rent the movie!)
KidK: Not that I know of, but since there's a Moon Pie Festival every year in some Midwestern state, a Buffalo Wing Festival isn't entirely out of the question.
Zim: Let's just make sure Gir doesn't find out about this.
KidK: OK. By the way, we left Gir all alone with Mike, didn't we? I mean, after Mom and Dad mysteriously decided to go all the way to Connecticut…are you sure those two will be alright by themselves?
Zim: How old is your brother? 14? (note: he's 15 now, but his b-day is in October) He can take care of himself.
KidK: But can he take care of Gir?
Zim pictures Gir rampaging through the house, basically laughing maniacally and destroying everything in sight. Mike-the-Brother is curled up in a corner, weeping uncontrollably.
Zim: I'm sure everything will be fine!
KidK: I hope so. Because if Mom and Dad come home to find that they've been having some kind of wild party they'll be upset.
Zim (hurriedly): Party? Who said anything about a party? No way they're having a party of any kind whatsoever. No parties going on tonight! No way, no how. Oh, look, something suspenseful is happening in the movie! Who knew that the virus guy wouldn't die?
KidK (happily waving her hand): Me! I did, I did! There's still at least a half-hour left in the movie, so the plot dictates that all the good guys will assume the bad guy is dead, so he can go wreak some havoc. Then I'll bet only Ozzie realizes Thrax isn't gone, and he'll probably hafta go it alone on a heroic quest to stop the evil virus.
Man Behind KidK: Well, thanks a lot for giving away the ending!
Zim: She didn't give away the ending. The entire plot up to this point gives away the ending.
Man Behind KidK: Well, shut up anyway!
Zim: Now you listen here, you pathetic monkey! Nobody talks to KidK like that while I'm around!
Man Behind KidK: Oh, she your girlfriend or something?
Zim: No. Of course not. Did I say KidK? I mean, nobody talks to the supreme conqueror Zim like that!
Uh oh, Zim's causing trouble. Let's go find a more peaceful, uncontroversial plot, shall we? 'Nny and Squee should be finishing up at Staples by now…
Copy Machine Dictator: Here ya go, man. That'll be sixty cents.
'Nny: Oooo, cheap! (he rummages around in his pockets for change)
Copy Machine Dictator: You an artist, man?
'Nny: Kind of. I make comics.
Copy Machine Dictator: Oh. Cool. You giving this to somebody?
'Nny: A girl I know. Now where did I put those pennies…?
Copy Machine Dictator (grinning lewdly): Your girlfriend?
'Nny (looking up from his search for pennies): No. Why would you say that? (he doesn't wait for an answer) Because you think the only reason I'd be giving a girl a present is so she'll want to go out with me or something? Which would inevitably, in your perverted mind, lead to…other things?!
Squee: Uh oh. Yeah, Shmee I think now would be a good time to hide behind the Scotch Tape display.
'Nny: You sicko! Missy would never…oh, you'd never understand! How can you, with society forever throwing its twisted messages at you? You can't possibly comprehend the beauty of innocence, with all that evil in your mind! (he grins fiendishly as he grabs a letter opener off a nearby display) Here. Let me cut that sickness out of your brain. (he vaults over the counter and pins the Copy Machine Dictator to the wall) Of course, as with any self-help plan, you'll probably experience some extreme discomfort. But, as they say, 'no pain, no gain,' right?
Did I say that this plot was peaceful and uncontroversial? Well, I was wrong. You can never quite be sure, with 'Nny, can you? Anyways, he does his thang, in his usual bloody fashion, and soon after he and Squee begin their journey home.
'Nny: See, I told you we'd have fun.
Squee (he's traumatized): …………………
'Nny: Oh no! I forgot to ask if there was anything you wanted from the store! How impolite of me. Um…here, you can have this. (he hands Squee the letter opener, which is of course caked with drying bodily fluids)
Squee (staring at the blade in his hands): ………….Nooooooooooooooo!!
Squee flings the letter opener to the sidewalk and takes off like a shot, screaming the whole time.
'Nny: Sweet kid. A little excitable, though. Well, I'd better go clean up before I go over to Missy's place. I doubt her mom would want me tracking blood into the house…I'm talking to myself again! Aargh, what's wrong with me?
Well, that concludes Johnny's little excursion, so let's find out what Dib and the others are up to!
Dib: There's not enough electrical outlets in this place! Where am I supposed to plug this in? (he holds up a fat extension cord angrily) Stupid Zim and his stupid lab! How can he do anything without at least 50 outlets?!
Mike-the-Brother: You have 50 outlets in your lab? That's impossible!
Dib: Not for a super genius like me!
Gaz: Dib, you know Dad installed those outlets back when your lab was his lab. You just inherited them when he built the new level under the house!
Mike-the-Brother: So much for super genius.
Dib: But that doesn't solve the problem of where I can plug this in! If I don't hook it up soon, it'll never get cold in time! (hmmm, wonder what this could be…)
Gaz: Hey, genius, why don't you just unplug something else? Duh!
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah, how about this one? (he points at a very complicated looking machine)
Dib (shrugging): Why not? Oh, but wait. Zim said if we touch any of his stuff we'll be vaporized.
Mike-the-Brother: No problem. Oh, Gir?
Gir looks up from his current project--trying to make paper link-chains. Needless to say, he's a gluey mess.
Gir: Yeeeeees, Mikey?
Mike-the-Brother: Gir, we need you to do something very important for us. The completion of our mission depends on it!
Gir (going red): Yes, sir! What task can I do for you?
Mike-the-Brother: Just unplug that machine over there and plug this cord into it.
Gir: I will complete your orders!
Gir takes the cord from Dib and strides purposefully over to the machine. He yanks its cord from the wall. Dib and Mike throw themselves to the floor, awaiting impending explosions or something similar. Nothing happens. Gir plugs in the cord and comes back over to his friends.
Gir: I have carried out my function! (he fades back to blue) Now I've gotta hurry and make confetti! Watch out, paper! Me and my skizzers are coming after you! (note: scissors, spelled as said)
Dib: I don't get it. Zim said--
Mike-the-Brother: He was just trying to scare you. Anyway, he was too busy working on KidK's present to do anything with his security system.
Dib: He made a present for KidK too?
Mike-the-Brother: What did you expect? He's good at building things…sciencey things.
Dib: Not as good as me! Do you know what it was?
Mike-the-Brother: No. But whatever it was it'll never top that. (he points at the…thing that Dib was trying to plug in) KidK will go ape when she sees it.
Dib: You think?
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah, it's 10,000 times better than what I made her.
Dib: You too? Man, I thought I was being original!
Gaz: Looks like I'm the only one who went out and bought something. I guess that makes me the only creative one here.
Gir: Oh, I hope Missy likes my present as good as she likes yours! Now where's that glitter paint?
Gir + glitter paint = disaster waiting to happen. Oh, well, it's Zim's lab, right, so he's going to have to be the one to clean it up. At any rate, the appointed time of 8:30 is now only forty-five minutes away. 'Osmosis Jones' has come to a predictable conclusion as movies almost always do (with the exception of 'The Sixth Sense' and, to a small degree, 'Shrek'). KidK and Zim are now exiting Loew's Theater and walking to the car. Well, KidK's walking anyway. Zim's kind of limping.
Zim: Stupid ape monster! Ruining the movie for everyone! Let's find his car and detonate it!
KidK: Nah, I can't afford a lawsuit right now, on account of I'm unemployed. Speaking of which, where in the world did you get the money to pay for tonight?
Zim: Remember that bet I had with your brother that there's no liquid form of carbon dioxide?
KidK: Yeah, Mike was really adamant that every substance has to be able to exist in every phase. So?
Zim: Well, let's just say that he got an important lesson in basic chemistry and I got fifty bucks.
KidK: Mike had fifty dollars to bet with? I don't believe it!
Zim: Believe or disbelieve as you wish, but that's how I bought your dinner and movie ticket.
KidK: So, what should we do now?
Zim: How long does it take to get home?
KidK: Like twenty minutes. If we catch all the red lights.
Zim: In that case we can't go home yet.
KidK (suspiciously): Why?
Zim: Because…(he thinks fast) Because we have to go to the mall!
KidK: For what?
Zim: For…well, you'll see!
KidK: Alright, I guess since it's just across the highway…
Want to find out what KidK's parents are doing? You probably don't, but I control this fic and therefore I dictate that you must find out! Well, I suppose you could scroll down, but that's no fun. Just read, OK?
KidK's Mom: Do you think I got enough 'Home Sweet Home' scented candles?
KidK's Dad: You got one of every size. That's enough, in my book.
KidK's Mom: OK, now let's move on to the food scented kinds.
KidK's Dad: *groan* You aren't going to buy both 'Buttercream' and 'Birthday Cake' even though they smell exactly the same again, are you?
KidK's Mom: Hey, it's either that or I buy one of every coffee scent, and the kids hate the smell of coffee. Now, ask yourself if you want to hear them complaining all day every day.
KidK's Dad: No. But can we eat something soon? It's long past dinnertime.
KidK's Mom: We can go to the restaurant at the other end of the store if you want.
KidK's Dad: But they charge like twelve bucks for a sandwich! (note: this is the absolute truth) Remind me never to listen when Mike tells us to take a trip.
KidK's Mom: Look, they have a new scent! 'Cupcake!'
KidK's Dad: Is it just me, or are the Yankee Candle flavor inventors running out of ideas?
KidK's Mom: Whatever, honey. Grab me another shopping basket. This is going to take a while.
OK, I think that was long enough of an interlude to get KidK and Zim to Moorestown Mall.
KidK: We're here. Now what was it you wanted to buy?
Zim: Um…I forgot. Let's just walk around for a while.
KidK (suspiciously): Alriiiight…(she notices something and points) Oh, look! This mall has one of those sticker picture machines now!
Zim: Sticker pictures?
KidK: Yeah, you go in the machine and get your picture taken with funny or pretty borders around it. Like the ones that say 'Wanted,' or 'Little Devil,' or 'Best Friends'…Hey! Wanna get some?
Zim: Will that waste some time?
KidK: Yeah!
Zim: Then fine. Why not?
They go over to the sticker picture machine and sit down on the little bench inside. Zim puts some money into the slot and KidK programs the machine for the right set of photos. A few moments later, the two are in possession of some lovely keepsake pictures that can also be used as stickers!
KidK: Hee, look at your face!
Zim: I wasn't ready yet! You look funny too!
KidK: I always look funny.
Zim: Hey, why are you holding up two fingers behind my head in this picture?
KidK: It's called giving someone bunny ears. It's a human tradition.
Zim: Oh. Well at least this one turned out decently.
KidK: Yeah, we're both actually smiling! You look cute like that, Zimmy.
Zim: If there's one word that doesn't describe me in any way, it's cute. (if only he knew…) But it is a good photograph.
KidK: It's a good thing we get two copies of everything. Now we can each keep one! I'm gonna take these to skool with me in a nice frame and put 'em on my desk so I can always see them whenever I want. That way I'll always remember the fun we had tonight.
Zim: You humans are so sentimental. Why do you need objects to remind you of things? Oh well, if you want, I'll put my copy on my console.
KidK: Aw, you're sweet. Well, now can we go home?
Zim: Let's see…8:09. I suppose so.
KidK: You're getting awfully specific with these times, Zim. Anything you want to let me in on?
Zim: No.
KidK: OK, be that way. I'll find out what you're hiding soon enough.
Meanwhile, over at KidK's house…
Dib: Alright, I think that's it. We've got the banners, the decorations, the food…Gir, what are you doing?
Gir: I'm puttin' glitter on stuff! Mommy had a lot of red an' green glittery stuff. She said I could have it because it was old! It's purdy!
Mike-the-Brother: Must be from last Christmas.
Gir runs around sprinkling the glitter on everything in sight, including the computers, various machines, the food, and Gaz.
Gaz: Cut it out! I'm not a decoration! And I'm trying to beat Ganondorf the King of Evil!
Mike-the-Brother: Oooo, you finished Oracle of Seasons and Oracle of Ages?
Gaz: You mean you didn't yet? This is my third time.
Mike-the-Brother: Well, I just got Oracle of Time a week ago…
Gaz: A week? Man you're slow!
Gir interrupts this conversation by coming over and trying to brush the glitter off Gaz.
Gir: Sorry, Gazzy! See, it comes right off! Now I'm sparkly! Whee!
The little android waves his arms wildly with happiness, and knocks a cup of punch off the food table onto the already quite annoyed Gaz.
Gaz: What's your problem?! I--
Dib: Shhhh, shut up! It's 8:30, so Zim should be bringing KidK home any time now! Wait, is that the elevator? Quick, turn off the lights!
KidK (in the elevator): What do you hafta show me?
Zim: Something…important!
KidK: Huh. Well, before you show me, I just want to say sorry again that you got messed up at the restaurant, and to thank you for a wonderful evening.
Zim: You're welcome.
KidK: Um…can I give you a hug?
Zim: No!
KidK: Aw, come on, just a little hug! (puppy eyes): Pleeeeeeeeze, Zimmy?
Zim: Oh, fine. But just for a second.
KidK wraps her best friend in a warm embrace that is destined to be one of the sweetest moments in the history of my fanfiction. After a few seconds, Zim gives in and actually hugs her back…only to be very surprised when the elevator door finally opens.
Gir, Dib, Gaz, and Mike: Surprise!!
KidK: Yikes!
Zim: Geez!
Gir: Happy Going Away Party, Missy!
Gaz: Heh, looks like these two have already started having fun without us.
Dib and Mike: Wahahahahaaaaa!
KidK and Zim: *blush blush*
And Thus Concludes Part One of 'No Need for KidK!' Find Out About Those Mysterious Gifts and Other Unanswered Questions in Part Two: 'Party Down!'
