No Need For KidK!
An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage
Epilogue--Across the Miles
This story is getting awfully long, isn't it? Well, I hope you've enjoyed reading it at least a fraction of as much as I've enjoyed writing it. This is one of my personal favorites, you see, because it's been partially based on a really good dream. Is it wrong to feel nostalgic for things that never happened and can never happen? All I know is, there are a lot of songs that I can't listen to lately without conjuring up a mental image of a scene from one of these stories. I'm crazy, I know, but I'm also the creative force behind a surprisingly well-received series of fanfics, so forgive me and shut up.
This epilogue introduces a new character! So I have to add to my original disclaimer! Diane is not my real roommate. She's loosely based on my roommate, but is about 3,872 times worse. Over the summer, when Mike and I were joking that I'd probably get a ditzy, braindead roommate, I named this fictional person Diane (I don't know why, and if any of you are named Diane please don't take offense--I have no problem with real-life Dianes in any way). So, you could say that I do own Diane, since there are only vague similarities between her and my real roommate, who shall remain nameless. The boyfriend thing is the absolute truth, though. And her little pal, Cheyenne, is my roommate's best friend, only renamed. Got all that? OK, good, now let's put this puppy to bed!
The scene is KidK's newly furnished dorm room at the fabulous Douglass College in New Brunswick, New Jersey, on August 31! It's on the third floor of a residence hall, and let me remind you, heat rises. Therefore, it is extremely hot inside the room, which is very, very small (the smallest rooms on campus--gasp!). Out in the hallway, one can hear the delighted giggles of KidK's fellow Douglass Scholars (the honors program) getting to know their roommates and neighbors. KidK, however, is busy with a little project of her own, and is taking very little interest in her own roommate, Diane, who is currently on the phone to her boyfriend back home.
Diane: Oooooh, Damey! I can't wait to see you next weekend! We'll have sooooo much fun together! Now, here's a list of the things I need you to bring to my house so I can bring 'em up here when I come back. I need you to give me back my old CD player and--(pause) What?! Why can't you?! What do you mean it won't fit in your trunk?! Oh, that's so mean! Say you'll bring it! (pause) Say it! (pause) Come on, Damey! (pause) Come on! (pause) OK, I love yooooou, my little cutie Damien…smoochy boy…
KidK (thinking): So the little creep has a boyfriend, eh? Just as well, since she'll spend all her time talking to him instead of bothering me. Though if she thinks she's going to blab and whine at him past midnight, she's got another thing coming! Yeah, if she tries that I'll…well, I'll sigh heavily and glance meaningfully at the clock. Darn me and my incredible shyness around people my own age! Now let's see here, I should probably tack up a copy of my schedule in the middle…
Diane: Byyyyyyye, Damey! Heehee, byebye! (she hangs up the phone and decides to harass KidK for a while) Ooooo, Melissa, what are you up to?
KidK (in a slightly annoyed tone): I'm decorating my bulletin board. See, it's gonna go on the wall above my desk. (thinking) Should I tell her not to call me Melissa? Nah, KidK's reserved for friends, and I barely know this person.
Diane: Oh, cool! I did mine yesterday, since I got to move in a day early cuz I'm in sports! See, it's got pictures of me and my Damey! He's my boyfriend, you know.
KidK: Yeah, I gathered that.
Diane: So what're you going to put on your board, Melissa?
KidK: Well, I've got these pictures from the party my friends threw for me a couple nights ago, so I was thinking of putting those on for now.
Diane: Neat! Can I see your pictures? (what is it with girls and needing to look at each other's photographs? What's the point if you have no idea who any of the people in them are?)
KidK: Um, I suppose. (thinking) No point in getting her mad this early in the game. Anyway, she'd probably cry at me like she cried at poor Damien. (she hands over the envelope of pictures) My friend Gaz took most of 'em without my even knowing it. She's a cunning one, that girl. And about halfway through she gave the camera to my friend Gir, so the pictures after that are a little bit weird.
Diane: Awww, lookit the little robot guy! Oh that's so cute! Is it like a toy?
KidK: No, that's Gir. He's got artificial intelligence. (ironically) Very artificial. But he's sweet and his heart--or whatever--is in the right place, so…
Diane: How cuuuuuute! He's dancing! And who's this guy here with the glasses? Is he your boyfriend?
KidK: That's Dib. He's not my boyfriend, at least partly because he'll only be in seventh grade this year.
Diane: Oh, so he must be one of your friends' little brother, right?
KidK: No, he's really my friend. He might only be 12, but he's super smart. He made me a brainfreezy machine as a going away present.
Diane (a glazed look in her eyes): Ummmmm, what's a brainfreezy?
KidK (thinking): Oh, god, don't tell me…
Diane (off on another tangent): Uh ohhhhhh…
KidK: Uh oh what?
Diane (sing-song): I found your boyfrieeeeeend… (she holds up a picture of KidK hugging Zim in the elevator) But he's so short!
KidK: I hate to break it to you, but I don't have a boyfriend. That guy is Zim, my bestest friend in the entire world.
Diane (condescending): Well, don't worry, that's how me and Damey started out too. I'm sure you guys will be more than friends in no time!
KidK: 'More than friends?' Don't you mean less? (that's what 'Nny said! Remember?!)
Diane: Whaaaaaat?
KidK (thinking): Not even gonna try…
Diane: He is kinda cute though…if only he were taller…(she flips to another picture) Oooooo, who's this you're singing with? Now he's tall!
KidK: Oh, you mean Johnny? He's really only a few inches taller than me, he just looks a lot taller cuz he's all in black. (thinking) Oh, please don't say--
Diane: I'll bet he's the one! Your boyfriend!
KidK: No. Like I said before, I don't have a boyfriend. We're all simply friends here.
Diane: Now that you mention it, he is a bit too skinny--and look at that hair! I'd simply die if my Damey looked as wacky!
KidK (thinking): No, but you'd probably die if 'Nny ever found out what you just said…
Diane: Hey, these pictures are all funny! What's this supposed to be?
KidK: That must be when Gaz gave Gir the camera. I think he took a picture of the cake he made. And that's one of the ceiling.
Diane: The little robot made you a cake? That's sweeeeeet! Oh, and this must be that girl Gaz you were talking about, right? I can tell because she wasn't in any of the other pictures.
KidK (thinking sarcastically): Well my, aren't you clever! Yeah, that's her.
Diane: Oh, I just love her hair! And who's this guy? Is he your--
KidK: Brother. He's my brother. You met him today.
Diane (dismissively): Oh him. Well, here's your pictures back! I'm gonna call Cheyenne now! She's my friend from sports, you know.
KidK: OK, sounds good. (thinking) Just please don't talk to me anymore.
Meanwhile, back at KidK's house, Zim is having somewhat similar problems of his own.
Zim: Give that back, monkey boy!
Mike-the-Brother: Haha, I've got your pictures! Zim and KidK sittin' in a tree…
Zim: Shut up! Just give me those pictures!
Mike-the-Brother: What're you so embarrassed about, Zim? Unless you like my sister or something…
Zim: Do you wish to be a pile of ash? Because that's what I'll reduce you to if you don't give me those photos right now!
Mike-the-Brother: Okay, okay, no reason to get so worked up. Here you go.
Mike hands over the strip of sticker pictures, and Zim stomps off to the lab, where Gir is busily turning the mess from the party into a slightly worse mess of soap and Orange Clean.
Gir: Hiiiii, master! Whatcha got there?
Zim: None of your business.
Gir: Aw, don't be mad, master! I didn't do nothin'!
Zim: Hmf. Not even as if I care about what that silly girl does…(suddenly, the 'incoming call' light on his wrist communicator starts flashing) Hello, KidK?
KidK (speaking into her communicator): Who else would it be? How're you doing, Zimmy?
Zim: Oh, just fine, just fine. Tell me, do you mind if I melt your brother's ears off?
KidK: Yes I mind! What'd he do?
Zim: He was annoying me to no end about these sticker pictures we made.
KidK: I'll yell at him when I call Mom's cell phone in a little while. Other than that, is everything OK?
Zim (unconvincingly): Yeah, just great! And with you?
KidK (equally unconvincingly): Of course, everything's peachy up here. The room's a little hot, but that's nothing I can't live with and--
Zim (cutting in): Just because we made these pictures doesn't mean I like you or anything!
KidK: I know. I don't like you either. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?
Zim: Right. So…
KidK: So…
The conversation quickly deteriorates into an uncomfortable silence. The two shuffle their feet a little and search for something to say. Then suddenly--
KidK: Zim?
Zim (at the same moment): KidK?
KidK and Zim: ………I miss you.
The End
Diane (off in the background): Are you talking to your boyfriend?
