Chapter 19- If I Was to Give In
"Whatever you say it's alright
Whatever you do it's all good
Whatever you say it's alright
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
We'll wrap the world around it
If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way"~ Bush
Serryn cringed, drawing a sharp breath as a cool dampness touched her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open. The bright light above caused her to squint, and she could bearly make out the expressionless feline face hovering above her.
"She's awake," a voice stated tonelessly. The face was joined by another, almost identical to the first.
"Can you hear us girl?" the second face questioned her.
Serryn nodded, sitting up. It was the two demi-felines who loomed over her. They stepped back, regarding her with bored expressions.
"Where am I?" she asked looking around. The walls were steal plated, and lights so white they were almost blinding hung from the ceilings.
"You're in the Vione medic ward. Lord Dilandau brought you here shortly after he returned."
"But why?" Serryn asked, confused. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with her, not counting the wounds she'd already received.
"The laceration across your waist was split open and bleeding. We had to redress it."
"Oh..." Serryn looked down at her waist. It was hard to tell anything now. Her dress covered the wound. Serryn felt her stomach turn over. Her dress that was still splattered with blood that wasn't her own.
"May I go now?" her voice was weak as she averted her gaze from the crimson stains.
Naria glanced at Eryia who shrugged. "As you wish, we must return to Lord Folken anyway."
Serryn nodded, standing up. Naria called after her as she stepped out the door. "Don't strain yourself and rest for a few days. Sudden movements might cause the wound to reopen again."
Serryn walked down the silent halls of the Vione. It was getting familiar now. She knew the way back to her room. 'It shouldn't be familiar. I shouldn't be here. I wish I had died down there. The pain...' An image of the mans eyes flashed in her mind. Widened with surprise and pain as her dagger plunged deep into his flesh.
She gasped, leaning against the wall, her stomach heaving. Nausea made her head spin and great wretches escaped her throat. Her stomach was empty, saving her the embarrassment of vomiting, but at that point it wouldn't have mattered.
"I'm so wrong" Serryn moaned, tears trickling down her face, "....so wrong...what have I done? I'm not a bad person...I'M NOT!"
She wiped the tears from her eyes angrily. She had no right to cry. None. She stepped quickly away from the wall, hurrying to her room. She wanted to lock herself away. But as she approached the door, her hands wouldn't reach for the key pad to open it. She couldn't bear to be in that room alone. She wouldn't wallow in her own despair.
"Celena..." Serryn whispered turning her back on the door. She wanted to talk to Celena. Or maybe not talk. Just listen. Celena would tell her it wasn't wrong. That she was still a good person, wouldn't she?
She started off back down the hall, but paused. Frowning she turned heading the other way, only to stop again. She cursed, feeling the tears come again. She didn't even know where Celena was. For all the time they'd spent together, Serryn had never learned where Celena's room was, or if she even had one. Or did she just go back to Folken's laboratory?
Serryn shook her head, her feet moving again. 'Gatti, I'll find him then.'
Her footsteps echoed down the empty hallway. The slayers quarters were located on the other side of the Vione.
She stopped suddenly as she passed a distinctly familiar door. She would never forget that symbol, even if she didn't know what it meant. 'What am I doing here?' she thought, her eyes never leaving the twined engravings. 'Is this supposed to mean something?'
She bit her lip, shaking her head. 'No, it doesn't. It can't.' She turned away, only to turn back. She stood for a few moments, her mind blank. Finally the princess let out a shake, reaching her hand out to the door. 'I must be crazy...'
Serryn jumped, gasping as the door slid open before her hand even touched it. Dilandau regarded her, his arms crossed.
"I didn't think my door was that interesting to stare at," he stated tonelessly.
Serryn's words caught in her throat as she stared at the red eyed general in shock. 'How did he...'
"I can hear the most skilled men sneaking up on me while I'm sleeping. Don't think for a second I'd miss you're clumsy footsteps." He smirked answering her unasked question.
Serryn felt blush warming her cheeks, "I'm sorry," she didn't know just why she was apologizing. Dilandau was frowning at her, taking in her appearance. It was pitiful she knew. Her torn and bloodstained dress accommodating her tangled hair.
"I never seem to make a good impression on you, do I?" she remarked, staring at her feet. She felt his fingers jerking her head back up.
"Not when you're acting like a fucking coward." Her glared at her, turning and heading back into the room.
Serryn's eyebrows furrowed, the old rage reawakening within her. "I am NOT a coward," she retaliated, following him into the room, "I saved your life back down there."
Dilandau chuckled, as he slumped down into a chair, pouring himself a glass of wine. "Oh did you?"
"Yes! You would never have escaped if I hadn't helped you."
"Yes, I would have."
Serryn growled, "Why are you so goddamned arrogant?"
"Because I can be."
Serryn let out a frustrated sigh turning her back on him, sitting herself on a wooden chest at the foot of his bed. She was aware suddenly of her lip trembling. The memory had returned. There was so much blood. Her voice was quite when she spoke again. "Does it get easier?"
"Does what get easier?" he questioned from behind her.
"Killing..."
"Every time." Even with her back turned, she knew he was grinning. It was in the tone he used. She scowled.
"Why? It's so wrong. We're not gods, we don't have a right to decide the fates of other people. I'm not a bad person," her voice cracked, "I don't KILL people..." She gritted her teeth, forbidding the tears to come. She heard footsteps, and her hand was then lifted. She felt her fingers encircling cool glass. The cup was filled with a dark crimson liquid.
"It helps," Dilandau spoke quietly looking down at her.
Serryn nodded, brushing away the few tears that had slipped passed her guard. The wine was strong and tasted bitter in her mouth. She downed the entire glass. "Thanks," she muttered handing the glass back to Dilandau. He filled it to the brim once again handing it back.
"What? Are you trying to get me drunk or something," she asked sarcastically sipping from the cup.
Dilandau's lips curved up, his eyes hidden behind his silver bangs. "Maybe..."
Serryn glared at him over the rim of the glass. "Well, it won't work," she scoffed finishing off her second glass, "I have a very high tolerance to alcohol."
"Of course," the young general replied refilling the cup.
"And if it so happens that I DO get drunk, I'm still very aware of my actions and what's going on around me."
"Mmmhmm..." he hummed, downing a glass of his own.
"So is this what YOU do whenever you're feeling depressed? Just drink until your head's swimming and you can't walk straight?" she hiccuped, setting her glass down, feeling more then a little dizzy though she would never admit to it. The wine was VERY strong.
Dilandau's eyebrows furrowed. "First of all, I DON'T get depressed often, and when I do, it's not usually after coming back from a battle. Blood, chaos and fire are all I need to get intoxicated."
Serryn giggled, despite the shudder that ran down her back. "You're so weird sometimes. It's impossible to determine just what's going on inside your head." She leaned against the bed post sighing. Her breath sharpened when she noticed his face inches from hers.
"Would you like to find out?" his voice was low.
Serryn studied his face, her glazed eyes wide. "I don't know...I'm afraid of what I'd find. I might not like it..."
"What if you did like it?"
Her eyes slid shut. "Then I really would be a horrible person."
"Who's to judge you?" he asked brushing a tress of hair from her eyes, his own garnet iris's boring into her.
"Myself?" Her expression was uncertain, but it was nothing compared to what was going on inside her mind, and her heart. It was a battlefield. Her heart spoke to her in a coaxing voice. 'It's not wrong, you know it. Forget the past, he understands you. Deep down you always knew their was something...' while her mind screamed 'don't be a FOOL! He'll only hurt you more and more. He's a demon, a cold blooded monster who cares for NO ONE!'
But she couldn't help remembering Madine's voice in it's childish innocence, '...Because nobody's a bad person, deep down inside...'
Serryn wasn't quite aware of when her body started leaning forward. All she knew was Dilandau's came closer and closer, until she felt her lips brush his. She didn't know quite why either. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the fact that she was emotionally unstable. It was too late now.
His garnet eyes widened for a moment in surprise, but it didn't last and he grinned, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Her hand wandered up to his face, her fingers grazing the scar adorning his cheek. His hands tightened around her arms slightly, like the marred flesh still hurt him. She wondered at this, but dismissed the thought.
Dilandau's hand slid behind her back, while the other one supported her legs. With almost no effort at all he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed. The cools sheets felt pleasant against her skin, but Serryn could feel herself trembling. The words 'oh gods...oh gods...' played across her lips.
It didn't go unnoticed to Dilandau as he leaned over her smirking. "I take it you're never done this before," he remarked, holding back a chuckle at the look she gave him.
"You jackass," she grumbled, subconsciously crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm a princess, law says I'm supposed to wait until I'm married to..." She trailed of as the silver haired boy reached down grasping her wrists and uncrossing her arms.
He kissed her again, his hands traveling behind her to undo the laces on the back of her dress. "Stupid law..." Dilandau muttered, pushing the white cloth from her shoulders. He paused his eyes flickering over her bandaged torso. His fingers ran over covered gash, watching as she cringed in pain slightly. "Who did this?"
"A Therran soldier," she replied warily, studying his eyes, "right before you shoved me into the forest."
"Did I kill him?"
"Yes," she didn't like the contented expression that spread over his face, "I'm supposed to be careful, it was already reopened once..."
"Well, then," his voice was sultry, "I suppose I'll have to go easy on you this time." And almost as if he were contradicting himself, pressed his lips to hers in a wild, fiery kiss, his tongue exploring every inch of her mouth.
"You won, you know," she spoke when he broke the kiss, allowing breath to be taken, "you fought, in you own deceptive and coniving way, but you still won."
"So I did..." Dilandau grinned, "You're mine princess," he whispered, his breath brushing against her ear.
Serryn closed her eyes, letting the all to familiar words wash over her as she wrapped her arms around the silver haired general's neck. "You're mine as well Dilandau Albatou."
****
And this is where I start putting the commentary at the bottom of the page. That way I won't give every freakin detail away and save the surprises! I know I know, no lemon, sorry peoples, but after all it's rated R and I have a rule about writing lemons. I must read at least 5 GOOD ones starring the featured character before I actually write one. Such is was for Slayers, so it is for Escaflowne. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be very many straight Dilandau lemons out there...aw who am I kidding, there are NO straight Dilandau lemons out there, but you know what? That's ok, I don't mind yaoi, it just doesn't help in most situations.
But if there is anyone out their who DOES know of a good straight Dilandau lemon, don't hesitate to let me know about it because that person will immeadiatly be added to my list of people not to turn into mindless drone slaves when me and Missa-chan succeed in world domination.::yells:: OY! MISSA! Those blue prints ready yet?? ::tsk:: sidekicks, what're ya gonna do? ::knows she's gona get a bonk on the head for that one::
Anywho, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, I worked extra extra hard on it to make it all semi-perfect so I expect extra reviews! Now go on, get! Review my loyal subjects...er I mean fic readers! ^-^
~Sarah~
