Comparisons - Part Five
By T'Pam


For disclaimer, codes and rating, please see part 1.


~^~

"How is he?" Janeway asked as the EMH program hovered around
Tom's bed. Tom was still unconscious.

"There is severe muscle and nerve damage," he answered
sternly. "May I ask just what he thought he was doing? He
should not have been crawling around anywhere in the
condition he was in, not to mention whatever else he was
doing. There are extensive injuries."

"He didn't have much choice at the time," B'Elanna said
fiercely.

"Well be that as it may, there may be permanent damage to his
hands. The scars on his face will be easily taken care of
with some deep tissue regeneration, but his hands are another
matter."

Tuvok commed the Captain. He was back on the bridge as he
had only had a slight concussion. "Captain, the Kazon are
insisting that we leave this area of space. They say they do
not want us near the Array. They have threatened to use
force if necessary."

"Understood. I'm on my way."

"Captain," the EMH interrupted her. "You shouldn't be
walking on that leg yet."

"Thank you for the advice," she answered, heading for the
door.

A sudden blast rocked the ship and Chakotay beckoned to
B'Elanna. "Come on. We'd better get back to our ship. They
may need some help."

"I wouldn't advise that you leave yet," the EMH told
B'Elanna.

She nodded to Harry. "See you later, Starfleet," she said.

Harry also got off of his biobed and headed for the door.
"That goes for you too, Ensign." The EMH stood in front of
Harry blocking his way.

Harry neatly sidestepped. "Take care of Tom," he said.

"Well, naturally. That is what I'm programmed to do," the EMH
replied a little huffily.

Neelix and Kes looked at each other and then promptly left
the sickbay as well.

"Well... really!"

******

When Tom woke up, he could see the Captain sitting on the
chair next to his bed, dozing. He watched her for a few
moments, feeling a little surprised to see her there. He
lifted his hands up into his line of vision and saw that they
were heavily bandaged once again. The movement caught the
eye of the EMH, who hurried over.

"Good morning, Lieutenant."

"Hi! Doctor... um. I don't think we've met."

"I am the emergency medical holographic program."

"Oh! Where are the proper doctor and nurse?"

"They are both dead."

"You mean you're the only medical staff we have?"

"That is correct. Do not concern yourself. I am programmed
to treat any injury or disease. My program is a
technological achievement of vast proportions..."

"I'm sure it is," Tom interrupted. "But what about my hands
and face?"

"Of course. The scars on your face have been completely
healed. The skin is still a little red, but that will fade
in a day or two."

Tom heaved a sigh of relief. "And what about my hands?"

"Your hands will require further treatment. There has been
extensive damage to the muscles and tendons."

"How extensive?"

"There has been severe nerve degradation."

"I see. Well as soon as we get home they'll send me to the
best medical facilities to deal with these types of
injuries."

"I'm afraid that won't be possible, Lieutenant."

"Why?" Tom's voice rose a little and the Captain woke with
a start.

"We are stuck in the Delta Quadrant. So unless you prefer to
wait for seventy five years for treatment, we are going to
have to discuss other options."

"Doctor," Janeway said sternly. "I wanted to break the news
to him myself."

Tom turned to her in confusion. "What's he talking about,
Captain? Won't the caretaker send us home? Surely you
haven't given up?"

Janeway explained to him all that had happened on the Array
and her heartbreaking decision to destroy it to save the
Ocampa people from the Kazon.

"So now we're stranded," Tom said flatly.

"I'm afraid so," Janeway answered. "But I'm not giving up.
We're looking for wormholes, spatial rifts, and new
technologies. Anything to get us home faster. And don't
forget... there's another caretaker out there. Maybe we'll
get lucky and find her."

"Not in the next few days or even weeks though, right?"

"No, I wouldn't think so," she said sadly.

"So where does that leave me? What about my hands?"

"I can assure you, Lieutenant," the EMH quickly intervened,
"I am more than capable of dealing with your injuries. I may
have been meant for only short-term use, but I have been
programmed with all the latest skills and techniques. Your
treatment will be no different than what you would receive
back on Earth. In fact, if I do say so myself, it may even
be a little better."

"Well that's a relief." Tom looked up at Janeway and smiled,
but the look on her face sobered him immediately. "What's
wrong?"

"The nerves in your hands have been severely damaged..."

"The Doctor explained all that," Tom interrupted. "But he
can fix it. Can't you?" he asked, turning back to the EMH.

The Doctor shook his head. "I can certainly give you back
some movement and grip, but even our modern medical knowledge
can not heal the type of extensive nerve damage that you have
suffered. It will be impossible to restore your hands to
their original state. I cannot say for certain how badly
damaged they will remain, but you must prepare yourself.
Your fingers will never have the dexterity that they had
before."

"I'm sorry, Tom," Kathryn said softly, placing her hand on
his arm in a comforting gesture.

"Are you saying I won't be able to fly again?" Tom choked
out.

"I do not believe so... no," the Doctor answered.

Tom stared down at his bandaged hands as if he'd never seen
them before. "You're wrong," he said quietly. "I *will* fly
again. I'll get back full use of my hands and I *will* fly
again."

"That is not possible, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Yes it is."

"Lieutenant, as I have just explained..."

"Doctor, please. Leave him alone for now. He needs to
digest what you've told him."

"Very well," the EMH said huffily, walking away.

Tom looked up at her. "He's wrong, Captain. I know he is."

Kathryn shook her head sadly. "I pray that he is, Tom. I
pray that he is."

******

B'Elanna hurried along the corridor towards sickbay. Two
weeks had gone by since she and the rest of the Maquis had
been forced to join Voyager. After a rocky start she was
now Chief Engineer, and loving every minute of it. The
Starfleet crew seemed to have accepted her without too many
problems... perhaps her friendship with Harry and Tom had had
something to do with it, she mused.

She was worried about Tom, but couldn't exactly say why. He
had been working hard at his physical therapy sessions,
determined to prove the Doctor wrong. So far he had been
doing extremely well, better than the Doctor expected, and he
could already use his hands to hold things and do easy tasks.

He was bright and cheerful and full of good humor, which she
knew she wouldn't be if she had been in his situation. She
winced as she thought about how she would probably react if
her hands had been injured the way Tom's had been. No... it
wouldn't have been pleasant.

She heard laughter as she entered the room and saw Harry
sitting on Tom's bed with him. "Hey, Torres," Tom called
out. "Look at this." He held up his hand and with a frown
of concentration, wiggled his fingers. He then did the same
with the other hand. He looked over at her and smiled, his
eyes shining brightly.

She smiled back and hurried over to give him a quick hug.
"That's wonderful, Tom," she said as she perched up on the
other side of the bed.

"I think this calls for a celebration," Tom said with a
laugh.

"Well, I hope this celebration doesn't get as noisy as the
last one," the EMH said, coming over to them.

Tom sighed. "Don't worry, Doc. We'll keep it down."

"Now let me see," the EMH continued. "This celebration is
for wiggling your fingers. The last one was for being able
to go to the bathroom by yourself, if I recall."

"Yeah, well, that was pretty important to me too."

"Yes, I must say I felt like celebrating as well. I no
longer had to tag along behind you to, lend a hand... so to
speak."

Harry and B'Elanna burst out laughing, as Tom shot the EMH a
dirty look. "Computer, deactivate the EMH."

"Hey, Tom. That wasn't very nice," Harry scolded.

"*He's* not very nice," Tom scowled. "I don't know who
programmed him, but he could use a little work on his
personality."

"He *can* be a little rude at times," Harry admitted.

"A little? You have no idea how bad he can get. And that's
another thing. I don't think the Captain's going to get any
one to be able to train with him. He's that impatient with
every one. There's been four different trainees in here this
past week and Jenkins, the last one, told me that he'd rather
be thrown in the brig than work in here, so I doubt if he'll
be back."

"Well, I know I wouldn't like to work with him," B'Elanna
said shortly.

"Yeah, and I can't wait to get out of here. A few more days
and I should be able to go back to my quarters."

"Hey, that's great," Harry said. "We really *should*
celebrate."

"We are," Tom answered, getting out of bed and going over to
the replicator. He came back cradling a bottle of something
in his arms. "B'Elanna, could you please get some glasses?
I don't trust myself to carry them yet."

"Sure," she said jumping off the bed and coming back with
three.

"Tom," Harry said in a shocked voice. "That's a real bottle
of champagne. We can't drink that in here."

"Why not? We're celebrating."

"Well yes, but I thought we were going to have lemonade or
root beer or something. I shouldn't drink alcohol. I have
this acid stomach."

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Harry. Lighten up. We're in sickbay.
I'm sure I can find something in here for your stomach. And
anyway, we're talking about one glass. That won't hurt you.
You're not on duty."

"Tom's right, Harry. One glass won't kill you." B'Elanna
popped the cork.

"We're senior officers, B'Elanna. We could get called to the
bridge at any moment, or to the briefing room or something."

"Fine. Don't drink it then. But I'm going to," B'Elanna
said with a toss of her head.

Harry sighed and held out his glass. "Don't blame me if we
get caught."

"I'll take full responsibility," Tom said solemnly as
B'Elanna poured the champagne.

They all perched back up on the bed and clinked their
glasses. "To wiggly fingers," Tom said.

"To wiggly fingers," B'Elanna and Harry echoed.

They sipped their champagne and Tom started to laugh.
B'Elanna soon joined him and then Harry did also.

"Well, this looks cozy."

Harry almost choked as Chakotay walked up to them.
"C-Commander," he stuttered, jumping off the bed and trying
to stand at attention.

"At ease, Mr. Kim. May I ask what's going on here?"

"We're celebrating," Tom answered. He didn't seem too
perturbed that the First Officer had just caught them all
drinking alcohol in the sickbay.

"I see." Chakotay picked up the bottle of champagne and
studied the label. "With only the best too."

Tom nodded. "It was my idea. Don't blame them."

"I see," Chakotay repeated. He looked at them all in
silence. "Somehow you forced them both to drink this," he
finally said.

B'Elanna snorted. "Don't report Harry, Chakotay. We did
kind of talk him into it."

"I take full responsibility for my own actions, Sir," Harry
said, standing stiffly at attention.

"Naturally," Chakotay answered. "May I ask just what it is
you're celebrating?"

"I can wiggle my fingers, Sir." Tom sounded a little worried
himself now. He wiggled them to demonstrate.

Chakotay broke into a wide smile. "That's great, Tom." He
looked over at Harry. "For the sake of the Spirits,
Ensign... relax. I'm not going to report any one. Although
I *will* ask you not to make a habit of this."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir," Harry gulped gratefully.

"Why don't you join us?" Tom said, indicating the bottle.

Chakotay shook his head with a smile. "I'm willing to turn a
blind eye, but I'd better not implicate myself."

"Good judgment call, Commander." They all started in
surprise.

This time Harry *did* choke as the Captain came up to them.
B'Elanna pounded him on the back.

"Captain! Maybe you'd care to join us instead?" Tom
recovered quickly.

"I don't think so, Lieutenant. I think the Commander has the
right idea. I'm going to pretend I didn't see this. Just
this once. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

Janeway smiled and squeezed Tom's shoulder. "I'm pleased to
hear your good news. Your hands seem to be improving every
day."

Tom nodded. "They are. I'll be back at the helm in no
time."

"You will?" The Captain sounded surprised. "Did the Doctor
tell you that?"

Tom snorted. "Him? He's the voice of doom. I've decided to
ignore him."

B'Elanna noticed that the Captain looked a little worried,
just as she had felt all along.

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Tom. It's important
that you keep a positive attitude, but you should still heed
his advice."

"If you say so, but he says I won't be able to fly again, and
I'm not listening to *that*."

"I see. Well it's probably a little too soon to say anything
for certainty."

"Well, I can. I'd rather be dead than not be able to fly
again." Tom's voice was intense. The light cheery
atmosphere seemed to have darkened and B'Elanna saw the
Captain and Chakotay exchange glances.

"Tom, don't say things like that," Harry urged, his
discomfort in front of the Captain and Commander forgotten in
his anxiety. "You don't mean it."

"Yes, I do. Flying is everything to me," Tom insisted.
"It's all I've ever done. All I've ever wanted to do. It's
all I *can* do."

"That's not true," Janeway said crisply. "There are plenty
of things you can do."

"No, there isn't, Captain. It's the only thing I was ever
any good at." He looked down at his hands and then back up
at the group of them, forcing a smile. "Hey, I'm sorry. I
didn't mean to get all maudlin on you. I don't know what
started all the gloomy talk. I *will* fly again and that's
all there is to it."

There was an uneasy silence. "I'm sorry," Tom apologized
again. "I've really spoilt the mood, haven't I?"

"No, of course not," B'Elanna said brightly. "Come on,
Harry, drink up."

"We'll leave you to it," Janeway said with a smile, squeezing
Tom's shoulder lightly again. She motioned for Chakotay to
join her and they left the sickbay together.

As soon as they left, Harry turned worriedly to Tom. "You
didn't really mean what you said, did you, Tom? That you'd
rather be dead?" He was deeply upset. B'Elanna felt sorry
for him. The three of them had formed a very close-knit
bond.

"Of course he didn't," she glared at Tom. "He was just being
melodramatic."

Tom hesitated a little, so she frowned at him fiercely. "I
didn't mean the bit about I'd rather be dead," he reassured
them, "but I did mean the rest of it. I really can't do
anything else but fly."

"That's because it's the only thing you've ever done," Harry
said quickly.

Tom started to say something but then stopped. "What are we
talking about this for?" He smiled suddenly. "We've got a
bottle of champagne here to finish. If I can wriggle my
fingers today, imagine what I might be able to do with them
tomorrow."

B'Elanna shook her head. "I can. And I really rather wish I
hadn't," she said dryly.

Tom burst out laughing, and B'Elanna and Harry soon joined in.

******

"I think we could have a problem with him," Kathryn said as
they made their way to the turbolift.

Chakotay nodded in agreement. "There really is no way he'll
be able to fly again, is there?"

"Not according to the Doctor. He has tried to explain that
to Tom many times, but Tom refuses to accept it."

"I suppose it would be a little hard. He sees himself
improving every day. In his mind, why wouldn't he keep on
improving?"

Kathryn nodded. "I know. But soon he's going to reach the
point that there can be no more improvement. I'm not sure
how he's going to handle it."

"Do you think he meant it, when he said that he would rather
be dead?"

Kathryn sighed. "I'm not sure. But I have a horrible
feeling that he did. Flying really is everything to him. It
really *is* all he's ever done. All he's ever prepared for."
She shook her head sadly. "Some of the stories I've heard
about his flying skills are unbelievable. I never got a
chance to see any of them, of course, but he is acknowledged
as the best pilot in the fleet."

Chakotay followed her into her ready room. "It's going to be
very hard for him."

Janeway sat down heavily in her chair and Chakotay pulled up
a chair across from her. She nodded thoughtfully. "Did you
know that he could pilot a shuttle all by himself, and better
than most of the cadets at the academy, by the time he was
five?"

Chakotay whistled. "A child prodigy."

"I would say so, yes. Although he has only ever bothered
about flying, I suspect he is highly intelligent. We need to
find something else for him to do. Something that doesn't
involve his hands so much, well at least, not to the same
degree as flying does."

"I'll see what I can come up with. If we can help him to
feel useful, it may help his spirits."

******

Tom watched in concern as Neelix gasped and struggled for
breath as the Doctor battled to stabilize him. Only the
night before, the Talaxian had visited him full of his plans
to make a galley in the mess hall. The ration packs were not
too popular with the crew and the replicator had to be used
sparingly. Neelix, who said he loved to cook, wanted to help
out. He wanted to give something back to the people that had
given him so much, he said.

Tom had thought it was a thoughtful gesture, but had warned
that he should get permission from the Captain before making
any drastic changes. Neelix had wanted to surprise her,
however, and Tom had joked that she would certainly be
surprised.

Now Neelix was fighting for his life. The away mission, that
the Talaxian had been so excited about, had gone horribly
wrong. Tom listened in horror as the Doctor explained to
the Captain that Neelix's lungs had been removed and he would
die if they could not be retrieved.

Chakotay raced around trying to help the EMH as best he
could, but it was obvious he was out of his depth. Tom, who
had thought it was best to keep out of the way, hurried over
to him. He pointed to a strange oblong instrument in the
drawer that Chakotay was sorting through. "There, Commander.
That's what the Doctor's talking about."

Chakotay looked up at him in surprise. "Are you sure?"

Tom nodded. "Positive."

"Thanks." Chakotay grabbed the instrument and raced back to
the biobed. Tom went back over to his own bed and sat down
again, wishing he could do more. He waited until the Captain
had left to take a team back down to the surface and Neelix
was stabilized for the moment, and then asked if he could do
anything to help.

The Doctor looked him up and down for a moment before
replying. "Actually, Lieutenant, there is. You can monitor
Mr. Neelix's life signs for me. You seem to know a little
more than the Commander here and I'm sure your hands are up
to pushing a few buttons here and there."

Tom nodded eagerly and jumped down from his bed.

"Well, I don't think there's anything I can do here so I'll
get back to the bridge," Chakotay told them. He gave Kes's
arm a comforting squeeze before hurrying from the room.

"Really, what it is to get good help around here," the EMH
remarked with a sniff.

"Well, you don't make it too easy you know, Doc. You just
expect everyone to know everything and that's not how we poor
non-computer programs work," Tom commented. "We have to be
taught... shown things."

"Of course," the Doctor sniffed. "I realize that. The
Captain has already explained to me that I must train
replacement medical staff."

"Yeah, train them... not terrorize them. You're not a very
patient person."

The Doctor looked a little surprised. Whether it was because
Tom had called him a person or he was trying out the concept
of patience, Tom wasn't sure. He turned back to watch the
monitor in front of him.

"If I was sent some one that was trainable, I'm sure I would
be patient." The EMH had to have the last word. Tom decided
to ignore him.

******

Over the next few days Tom helped nurse Neelix and then Kes,
much to their relief, as they recuperated from their lung
transplant. The EMH's bedside manner was terrible. Tom had
been discharged from sickbay, but spent most of the time
there anyway while the Doctor grumbled and complained about
his inexperience. Nevertheless, he continued to find things
for Tom to do that he could handle.

Kes was released after a couple of days and Neelix the
following week, but still Tom gravitated towards sickbay. He
had to go there for his physical therapy and tended to stay
there once he was finished. It was boring hanging around in
his quarters when all his friends were working. He couldn't
wait to get back to the helm.

And then came the day that Chakotay came to see him about
becoming a field medic. Tom had been surprised at the time.
"Isn't Kes training to help the Doc? I've just been filling
in time down there."

"Kes *is* training to become his assistant, but the Captain's
not keen to send her on away missions. You'd be perfect for
the role. Even the Doctor thinks so. He suggested it
actually. He says you're spending a lot of time down there
anyway and have already learnt quite a bit. The Doctor needs
more help than Kes is able to give him. Kes has to divide
her time between sickbay and airponics as it is. That's not
to mention when she's not helping Neelix in the kitchen."

"I know that Kes is always on the go, but I don't know
whether I'd be much good. There's a lot of things I can't do
at the moment because of my hands."

"He's not expecting you to do microsurgery or anything. Just
basic first aid, and your hands can cope with that now. Once
your hands have improved, your training will extend as well."

Tom shook his head. "I don't know, Chakotay. I want to help
out where I can, but once my hands are healed I'll be back at
the helm full time. It would be wasting the Doc's time. He
would have to get some one to replace me, anyway."

"Maybe you could do both part-time. It will give you
something to do for now, and the medic training will certainly
come in handy. Who knows, you might even like it better than
flying?"

Tom laughed. "No way, Commander. I will admit I like
helping in sickbay - helping people - but flying is a part of
me. There's nothing better to me and never will be."

"I'm a pilot too, you know, Tom, and I've found there's more
to life than flying."

Tom frowned, wondering why Chakotay was telling him this.
"Maybe for you, Commander, but not for me."

Chakotay sighed. "Well, are you willing to give this medic
thing your best shot? We really need you."

Tom nodded. "Sure. There's one thing though. Harry's
pretty good with computers. Do you think he could reprogram
a bit nicer personality into the Doc? He's a bit hard to
take sometimes."

Chakotay smiled. "Kes is already working on that. She
thinks the Doctor can learn to become a nicer person. She
believes that between the two of you, you can teach him."

Tom laughed. "It'll certainly be interesting. I still think
it would be easier just to reprogram him though."

"His program is very complicated. It's not a good idea to
start messing around in it."

Tom sighed. "Well it was worth a try. When do you want me
to start in there?"

"How about, right now?"


End Part Five