Comparisons - Part Six
By T'Pam
For disclaimer, codes and rating, please see part 1.
~^~
The days and then weeks went by as Voyager continued on its
quest for home. Tom continued to work diligently in sickbay
and was quite pleased with his progress. He had even learnt
to appreciate the Doctor's rather dry sense of humor,
although he and Kes seemed to be the only ones who could see
it. The EMH had even told him that he might be of some use
after all, which was high praise indeed.
The only cloud in his otherwise bright horizon was the lack
of improvement in his hands. He hadn't been able to notice
any discernible difference in them for over a week now and
was becoming seriously worried. He had known it would take
time and a lot of hard work, and he was prepared to be
patient, but nothing seemed to be happening at all.
On this particular day he had gone down to sickbay a full
hour before he was due to start his shift, hoping that the
Doctor would help him plan a new therapy program. As he
entered sickbay he could hear voices coming from the Doctor's
office.
"I think you should talk to him, Captain. He is becoming
more agitated each day, but refuses to listen to me."
"If you think I can help, but I know the Commander has
already tried to speak to him on more than one occasion."
Tom wondered idly who they were talking about. He decided
to go and clean up the cupboard on the other side of the room
while he waited, to give them a little privacy. He'd just
turned around when the Doctor's next words froze him in his
tracks.
"Lieutenant Paris is determined to pretend that he will fly
again. I thought that by having him work in here and
increasing his medical knowledge, he would gradually accept
the truth of his situation for himself. But this has not
been the case. He refuses to accept that his hands will
never be any better than they are now. He continually speaks
of when he will fly again. It's a fantasy that has kept him
going until now."
"No," the protest was ripped from his throat.
A hand on his shoulder made him turn around. "Tom, we didn't
realize that you were here. I'm sorry that you heard that,
but perhaps it's for the best. It's time to face the truth."
"No," Tom protested again. "How can you listen to him,
Captain? He's wrong. He doesn't know what he's talking
about. He's not even a real Doctor. He's just a hologram."
"Insulting me will not change anything, Lieutenant."
"Shut up!" Tom yelled.
Janeway took a step towards him, but Tom took two steps back.
"Tom, please come and sit down. We need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about. It's not true." Tom backed
away a few more steps. This wasn't happening. It was a
nightmare. He'd wake up soon.
The Captain stepped towards him again and he bolted for the
door. He didn't know where he was running to. He just knew
he had to get away.
******
"Well, I do not believe that went particularly well," the EMH
commented and Kathryn turned around to glare at him.
She headed for the door. "I'll find him and try to calm him
down," she said.
Hurrying through the ship she was alarmed when the computer
announced that Tom was headed for the shuttle bay. Slapping
her commbadge she ordered. "Tuvok, meet me in the
shuttlebay. We could have a problem."
"At once, Captain," Tuvok replied calmly.
Tuvok arrived at the shuttle bay doors the same time as she
did. She quickly told him what had happened, and they entered
the room carefully.
"Tom?" Kathryn called out. "We know you're here. Come out
where we can see you." There was no answer.
Tuvok indicated a shuttle at the far end of the room, and
they hurried over. He had a keen sense of hearing and
Kathryn guessed that he must have heard something.
Cautiously climbing into the shuttle they saw Tom sitting at
the helm. "Tom?" Kathryn came up behind him.
He didn't turn around. "I was going to take the shuttle and
run away." He gave a small laugh, but there was no humor in
it. "I was always running away when I was a kid."
Kathryn squeezed his shoulder and sat down in the co-pilots
seat.
"My fingers won't stretch far enough to fly properly. And
they're never going to be able to, are they? This is as good
as they'll get."
"I'm sorry, Tom."
"The Doctor was right you know. I knew it all along. I just
didn't want to accept it." He held his hands up. "They're
useless. I'm useless."
"No, Tom. That's not true. There are plenty of other things
you can do. The Doctor says you have the makings of an
excellent field medic and nurse."
"I can't do that properly either. My hands haven't got
enough feeling in them, and some of the equipment I can't even
use."
"There will be limitations, I know."
Tom snorted. "Let's face it. I wouldn't be much help."
"Well the Doctor seems to think otherwise."
"He's just saying that. He doesn't mean it."
"Oh? I've never known the Doctor to say anything he didn't
mean. I realize that I don't know him as well as you do, and
that Kes and you have managed to soften his attitude a
little, but I still don't think he's capable yet of saying
something that wasn't true, just to make some one feel
better."
Tom sighed. "I guess you're right."
Kathryn squeezed his arm. "I know it's going to be hard for
you. I know how much flying means to you, but there are
other things. Now's your chance to find them."
"I'd like to go back to my quarters now, if it's all right?"
Tom asked quietly.
"Of course," Kathryn answered softly.
******
Over the next few days Tom kept to himself as much as
possible. He did his duty shifts in sickbay and spent the
rest of the time in his quarters. Even Harry and B'Elanna
didn't see him. After three days they decided that he'd been
left alone to brood long enough and went to his quarters as
soon as they'd finished their shifts.
"Hi, Tom" Harry said brightly as their friend answered the
door. He was a little surprised to see Tom wearing the blue
uniform of sciences instead of the red one he usually wore.
"Hi," Tom answered. He didn't step back, as he usually would
have, to let them in.
B'Elanna pushed past anyway and Harry sheepishly followed.
"We thought we'd come and see how you're doing," he explained.
"I'm fine," Tom said, still standing by the door.
"What's with the change in uniform?" B'Elanna demanded.
"It seemed more appropriate," Tom answered shortly.
"This place is a bit of a mess, isn't it?" B'Elanna screwed
her nose up.
"It's as neat as I can manage these days," Tom said, a touch
of anger in his voice.
Harry immediately felt guilty. "We can help you clean it
up," he offered.
"No, it's all right, I can do it." Tom stepped away from
the door. "I've just been kind of tired lately. In fact,
I was just about to go to bed now."
"Tom, it's not even eighteen hundred yet," B'Elanna
protested.
"Well, it's been a busy day. I'm tired."
"We're going to the holodeck tonight and wondered if you
wanted to come with us?"
Tom shook his head at her. "I don't think so."
"Come on, Tom. It will do you good," Harry pleaded.
"Thanks, but I really don't feel like it."
Harry tried again. "You'll feel better once you get there.
There are all sorts of great programs in the data base."
Tom shook his head. "I don't want to."
B'Elanna growled angrily. "You're coming and that's the
end of it."
Tom crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at
her. "What's the matter with you, Torres? Can't you take
no for an answer?"
She glared back at him. "You're not holing up in here,
feeling sorry for yourself, any longer."
"I am *not* holing up here," Tom hissed angrily. "Will you
get out of here and leave me alone?"
"No!"
"B'Elanna, maybe we should..."
"Shut up, Harry! We're going to the mess hall for something
to eat and then we're going to the holodeck... and *he's*
coming with us. Even if I have to carry him."
Tom faced her angrily. "Just try it, Torres, and see how
far you get."
Harry nervously stepped between them. "I really don't think
this..."
"Harry... shut up!" B'Elanna pushed him out of the way.
"Hey! Don't push Harry!"
"I will if I want to."
"Hey, now wait a minute," Harry stepped between them again
and B'Elanna pushed him away again.
"Stop pushing Harry around," Tom yelled furiously.
"And who's going to stop me?"
"I will!"
"I seriously doubt that, Paris." Before Tom even had time
to blink she hurled herself at him and tackled him to the
floor.
"B'Elanna!" Harry cried out, trying to pull her off of Tom,
while he struggled beneath her.
B'Elanna started yelling in Klingon and Tom was yelling in
all sorts of different languages.
"Stop it!" Harry shouted as loud as he could, trying to be
heard above the two of them.
"What the hell is going on in here?"
******
Kathryn slowly made her way to Tom's quarters. She was
worried about him. The Doctor had reported that Tom had
barely spoken over the past few days, and no one else had
even seen him. She wanted to make sure he was all right.
As she neared his quarters she could hear raised voices and
by the time she reached his door all hell seemed to have
broken loose. Without hesitating she overrode the code on
the door and hurried inside. The sight before her froze her
in her tracks for a few seconds. B'Elanna had Tom down on
the floor and Harry was trying to pull her off of him.
Janeway's voice seemed to ring around the room and the three
on the floor, stilled - as one - and then hastily scrambled
to their feet.
"C-Captain," Harry stammered, helping Tom to stand up. The
three stood stiffly at attention before her.
"Can some one please tell me what's going on?" she asked
coldly.
"It's my fault, Captain. Please don't blame them."
"I see." Kathryn studied Tom for a few moments. "It
appeared that Lieutenant Torres was attacking you and
Ensign Kim was trying to stop her. May I ask what you did
to incur her wrath?"
Tom flushed a little. "It's kind of personal, Captain."
"Really? I'm still waiting."
Tom flushed even brighter. "I wouldn't go to the holodeck,"
he finally mumbled.
"Well that sounds like a good reason to attack a fellow
officer," Kathryn said sarcastically, glaring at B'Elanna.
B'Elanna looked mortified. "I'm sorry," she said shakily.
"I lost control."
"It would appear so. I will not have senior officers
behaving in this way. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Captain," all three answered together.
"Ensign Kim, please take Lieutenant Paris into the bathroom
and help him to clean up. His lip is bleeding."
As soon as they were gone she indicated to B'Elanna to sit
down on the couch. Glancing around, she noticed for the
first time just how messy Tom's quarters were. "It would
appear that Tom hasn't bothered to do much housekeeping."
B'Elanna seemed a little surprised, but answered. "He says
he's been too tired. Harry and I were going to give him a
hand, but he didn't want us to."
Kathryn sat down on a chair opposite her. "I know you care
about Tom, but what do you think you were trying to do?"
B'Elanna sighed. "He just made me so mad. Harry and I have
been worried sick about him. We thought he needed to get out
a bit. Get back into life, so to speak. He refused, and I
just lost it. I'm so sorry, Captain. The Klingon part of me
is hard to control sometimes."
"I understand that, B'Elanna, and I know you wouldn't have
reacted so strongly if you didn't care so much. The Klingon
blood in you will always make you a little volatile and I'm
willing to accept that. It's part of who you are, but you're
going to have to learn some restraint. Learn to control your
temper a little. We can't have you attacking every one that
displeases you. It would become rather disrupting to say the
least. I'm wondering if Lieutenant Tuvok may be able to help
you."
"I'd be willing to try, Captain."
Kathryn smiled. "Good. I'll speak to him about it." She
stood up as Tom and Harry re-entered the room. "B'Elanna,
Harry, you may go now. I'd like to speak to Tom alone."
"Yes, Captain," they both said, and with one last glance at
Tom, they left.
"Tom, come and sit down. I came to see how you were
actually. The Doctor is rather concerned about how quiet
you've been."
"There hasn't been much to say," Tom said quietly, sitting
down on the couch.
Kathryn sat back in the chair and regarded him thoughtfully.
"I can only imagine how devastated you must feel."
Tom stiffened. "I'll get over it. As you said, there are
other things in life. I just have to find them."
"Yes, that's true, but you've lost something very important
to you. Flying was a part of you and I know it's going to be
hard for you to readjust."
Tom shook his head. "Don't worry about me, Captain. I'll
be fine."
"I know you will, but if you need to talk, I'm more than
willing to listen. And I'm not the only one. The Commander
has offered his services also."
"Talking isn't going to change anything," Tom said, and there
was a trace of bitterness in his voice. "Besides, I've
already said it all. There's nothing else to say."
And Kathryn had to leave it at that.
******
B'Elanna cursed as the console in front of her beeped once
again. Slapping her hand down on it angrily, she struggled
to control her temper. Taking a deep breath she felt herself
calming down and even managed to say to Carey in a normal
tone of voice, "You'd better do this. I can't seem to
concentrate."
As Joe Carey took over, she told him she was going to go and
grab a late lunch and headed for the mess hall. When she
entered, she saw that there was hardly any body in there, but
Tom was sitting by himself at a table at the far end of the
room.
She'd been hoping that he would be. She'd only seen him
twice in the past week and he'd barely spoken. She knew that
Harry hadn't had much luck either. Tom was taking late meal
breaks and skipping some meals all together. Picking up the
first thing she could see, she dumped it on her tray and
hurried over to him.
"Hi," she said, slipping into the seat opposite him. "How
are things?"
"Fine," Tom answered. "How are things with you?" He quickly
looked down at his tray again, as if the pudding-like
concoction on it had suddenly become fascinating.
"Good. Actually, you should congratulate me." At Tom's
quizzical look, she explained. "Tuvok's sessions seem to be
helping. I managed to calm myself in just a few seconds a
couple of minutes ago."
Tom looked back down at his tray again. "That's good."
B'Elanna gave a small sigh. "Anything exciting happening
with you?"
"No."
"Nothing in sickbay?"
Tom shook his head. "No."
B'Elanna sighed again... louder this time. She could feel
the anger starting to surface and decided to count to ten, as
Tuvok had taught her. They ate in silence for a while.
"Have you seen Harry lately?" she asked suddenly. They were
the only ones in the mess hall by now, except for Neelix, who
was pottering around behind the counter.
Tom didn't look up. "I saw him last night."
"How is he?" She already knew that Harry was fine. She'd
called in on him herself this morning. But she thought it
might get Tom talking.
"All right. He doesn't have any memories of being turned
into photonic energy."
She already knew that too. "The Doctor did a good job
getting Chakotay, Tuvok and Harry back, didn't he?"
Tom nodded. "Yes."
"Who would have thought of Harry as Beowulf? I'm going to
have to tease him about that."
Tom didn't say anything to that and B'Elanna gritted her
teeth and counted to ten again. You're not mad at him, she
kept telling herself... you're worried. The friendly,
cheerful, outgoing man she had come to know, was now quiet,
withdrawn and completely anti-social. On top of the fact
that her best friend in the Maquis - Seska - had turned out
to be a Cardassian spy, betraying them to the Kazon, it was
all too much.
"Tom, how about coming to the holodeck with me tonight?
Harry doesn't want to, after yesterday's fiasco with the
photonic beings. I'd really like some company. I'll even
let you pick the program."
Tom shook his head. "No, thanks. I was going to have an
early night."
B'Elanna growled. "You're always having early nights. You
never want to go any where or do any thing." She wondered
why she cared so much. He's a friend and he needs help, she
told herself.
"I'm just a little tired."
"That's what you always say. I don't believe you."
Tom stood up abruptly. "I'd better get back to sickbay."
B'Elanna grabbed his arm. "We haven't finished talking."
Tom managed to break free. "Yes, we have."
B'Elanna jumped up. "Stop running away."
Tom turned around to glare at her. "I don't know what you're
talking about. Did it ever occur to you that I don't want
to be around every one feeling sorry for me? I can't stand
all that pity."
"The only pity around here is your self-pity. You're full
of it."
"Will you mind your own business, Torres?"
"Don't make me hurt you, Paris." She grabbed hold of both of
his arms this time and determined not to let go.
Neelix, hearing the raised voices, hurried out from his
galley. "Lieutenants," he said. "Whatever the problem is,
I'm sure we can work it out."
B'Elanna growled at him, and he took a step back.
Tom struggled to get away, but this time she had a better
grip. "Let me go."
"No. You're not going any where."
"I said... let me go," Tom yelled, struggling even harder.
"Please, please," Neelix begged, trying to be heard over the
top of both of them.
It was absolute chaos, and into this entered the Captain and
Tuvok, about to have a very late lunch.
******
Tuvok's eyebrow's rose and Kathryn put her hand over her
eyes. "Not again," she muttered.
"It appears Lieutenant Torres requires more sessions with
me," Tuvok commented before hurrying forward to try to
separate the two.
"Enough," Janeway bellowed in her best command voice, and
B'Elanna let go of Tom abruptly. Tom staggered backwards and
Neelix steadied him.
"May I ask what's happening here?" Kathryn's voice was
frosty.
B'Elanna gulped and opened her mouth to confess; only to have
Tom beat her to it.
"I'm sorry, Captain. Things got a little out of hand. It
was all my fault."
"No, it wasn't," B'Elanna hastily said. "I lost my temper
again."
"Yes, but I made her, Captain, so it *is* my fault."
As B'Elanna was about to argue, Janeway held up her hand. "I
don't care whose fault it is. I just want to know why it
happened. What's going on *this* time?"
Tom looked at B'Elanna and B'Elanna looked back at Tom. They
both hesitated. B'Elanna certainly didn't want to admit that
she'd lost her temper because Tom wouldn't go to the holodeck
with her - again. She didn't think the Captain would be
particularly amused or as understanding as the last time.
Tom didn't want to admit that he was feeling sorry for
himself and pushing his friends away.
"Oh, let *me* tell you, Captain," Neelix offered.
"Lieutenant Torres wouldn't let Tom leave here because she
was trying to get him to go out with her, but he doesn't want
to go out in case everyone feels sorry for him, and she says
he's full of self-pity and he wants her to mind her own
business and she wants to hurt him... I think... and oh... I
nearly forgot... she thinks he keeps running away."
He took a deep breath, but before any one could say anything,
he rushed on. "Lieutenant Torres wouldn't let Tom go, no
matter how much he struggled. I was about to suggest that
he kick her in the shins or trip her up or something, but I
wasn't sure if I should. Some species frown upon a gentlemen
physically fighting with a lady, but I think under these
circumstances it would have been acceptable. After all, she
is so much stronger than he is and..."
"Thank you Neelix," Janeway finally managed to say. She
turned to Tuvok, who was watching Neelix as if he were the
most unusual thing he'd ever seen and she had to struggle not
to laugh.
"Oh, my pleasure, Captain. I'm just glad that I could be of
assistance." Neelix beamed around at every one. B'Elanna
glared at the Talaxian, while Tom studied his shoes.
Kathryn turned back to Neelix again. "I'm sure we've kept
you from your duties long enough."
"Why no, Captain," he interrupted. "This is much more
interesting."
"I'm sure it is, but you must be very busy." She wondered if
the Talaxian could take a hint.
"Not at the moment, Captain. I have the next few hours to
myself until I have to start preparing the dinner. I'd be
more than happy to stay here and help in any way that I can."
"Thank you, but that's not necessary."
"Oh, but I don't mind."
She decided she would have to be straightforward. "I do. I
would like to speak to the two Lieutenants in private."
"Oh! Of course, Captain. You should have said. Come along
Mr. Vulcan. We have to go now."
Tuvok looked at him in amazement and then turned to her.
"Do you require me to leave, Captain?"
Kathryn shook her head. "No. I'd like you to stay, thank
you, Tuvok."
"Oh! I understand," Neelix bobbed his head up and down. "In
case Ms. Torres becomes uncontrollable, you will need Mr.
Vulcan's superior strength to contain..."
"Goodbye, Neelix." Kathryn glared at him.
"Um, goodbye." Neelix bustled from the room and they all
breathed a sigh of relief - even Tuvok.
Kathryn turned back to Tom and B'Elanna and folded her arms.
"Although Neelix's account of what happened was rather
amusing, I'm no longer amused. I will not have my crew
behaving in this manner. It was just a bit of luck that
there was no one else in here to witness this little
spectacle."
"I'm sorry, Captain," B'Elanna said miserably.
"I'm sure you are, but that doesn't really change anything.
This is becoming a serious problem. Tuvok, do you think that
you can help Ms. Torres to achieve some self-restraint?"
"Yes, Captain, I do. But it will take time."
"Very well. I want you to increase your sessions with her,
to as frequently as you deem appropriate... daily if
necessary." B'Elanna looked as if she were about to protest.
"Yes, Lieutenant? You have something to say?"
"No, Captain."
"Good." She turned to Tom, who was still studying his shoes.
"Mr. Paris. I would like you to speak to Commander Chakotay.
I believe you need some counseling to help you readjust."
Tom looked up at her in surprise. "That's not necessary,
Captain."
"I think it is."
"I'm fine," he protested. "Just because I don't want to go
out partying every night."
"It's a lot more than that and you know it, Tom."
"If Torres would just quit bugging me, I'd be all right."
"You are going to speak to Commander Chakotay, that's an
order, Lieutenant."
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Now both of you get back to work and I never want to hear
of anything like this happening again. Do I make myself
clear?"
"Yes, Captain," they both said at once, marching towards
the door.
As they stepped out into the corridor she heard Tom hiss.
"This is all your fault, Torres."
"My fault?" B'Elanna hissed back. "If you weren't so
stubborn..."
"And if you weren't so interfering."
"Interfering?" B'Elanna's voice rose to full volume. "I'm
trying to help you, you pig-headed pig."
Janeway rolled her eyes and looked towards Tuvok, who merely
raised one eyebrow.
"Some help. And who are you calling a pig, Pinocchio?"
"P'tahk! What's a Pinocchio?"
"It's a creature that sticks its nose where it's not wanted
and each time its nose grows." Janeway raised her eyebrow,
herself. She hadn't heard that particular story told in
quite that way before. "It's a wonder your nose hasn't made
its way back to engineering by now."
A loud thump was heard after that, followed by a yelp.
Kathryn shook her head. "I did not hear that, Tuvok. Please
tell me, I didn't hear it."
More thumps could be heard, then a loud groan. "You didn't
hear that either, Captain," Tuvok said dryly.
As the bangs and thumps grew louder, Kathryn hurried to the
door. "I'm throwing them both in the brig this time, Tuvok.
I mean it."
"Indeed!"
End Part Six
By T'Pam
For disclaimer, codes and rating, please see part 1.
~^~
The days and then weeks went by as Voyager continued on its
quest for home. Tom continued to work diligently in sickbay
and was quite pleased with his progress. He had even learnt
to appreciate the Doctor's rather dry sense of humor,
although he and Kes seemed to be the only ones who could see
it. The EMH had even told him that he might be of some use
after all, which was high praise indeed.
The only cloud in his otherwise bright horizon was the lack
of improvement in his hands. He hadn't been able to notice
any discernible difference in them for over a week now and
was becoming seriously worried. He had known it would take
time and a lot of hard work, and he was prepared to be
patient, but nothing seemed to be happening at all.
On this particular day he had gone down to sickbay a full
hour before he was due to start his shift, hoping that the
Doctor would help him plan a new therapy program. As he
entered sickbay he could hear voices coming from the Doctor's
office.
"I think you should talk to him, Captain. He is becoming
more agitated each day, but refuses to listen to me."
"If you think I can help, but I know the Commander has
already tried to speak to him on more than one occasion."
Tom wondered idly who they were talking about. He decided
to go and clean up the cupboard on the other side of the room
while he waited, to give them a little privacy. He'd just
turned around when the Doctor's next words froze him in his
tracks.
"Lieutenant Paris is determined to pretend that he will fly
again. I thought that by having him work in here and
increasing his medical knowledge, he would gradually accept
the truth of his situation for himself. But this has not
been the case. He refuses to accept that his hands will
never be any better than they are now. He continually speaks
of when he will fly again. It's a fantasy that has kept him
going until now."
"No," the protest was ripped from his throat.
A hand on his shoulder made him turn around. "Tom, we didn't
realize that you were here. I'm sorry that you heard that,
but perhaps it's for the best. It's time to face the truth."
"No," Tom protested again. "How can you listen to him,
Captain? He's wrong. He doesn't know what he's talking
about. He's not even a real Doctor. He's just a hologram."
"Insulting me will not change anything, Lieutenant."
"Shut up!" Tom yelled.
Janeway took a step towards him, but Tom took two steps back.
"Tom, please come and sit down. We need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about. It's not true." Tom backed
away a few more steps. This wasn't happening. It was a
nightmare. He'd wake up soon.
The Captain stepped towards him again and he bolted for the
door. He didn't know where he was running to. He just knew
he had to get away.
******
"Well, I do not believe that went particularly well," the EMH
commented and Kathryn turned around to glare at him.
She headed for the door. "I'll find him and try to calm him
down," she said.
Hurrying through the ship she was alarmed when the computer
announced that Tom was headed for the shuttle bay. Slapping
her commbadge she ordered. "Tuvok, meet me in the
shuttlebay. We could have a problem."
"At once, Captain," Tuvok replied calmly.
Tuvok arrived at the shuttle bay doors the same time as she
did. She quickly told him what had happened, and they entered
the room carefully.
"Tom?" Kathryn called out. "We know you're here. Come out
where we can see you." There was no answer.
Tuvok indicated a shuttle at the far end of the room, and
they hurried over. He had a keen sense of hearing and
Kathryn guessed that he must have heard something.
Cautiously climbing into the shuttle they saw Tom sitting at
the helm. "Tom?" Kathryn came up behind him.
He didn't turn around. "I was going to take the shuttle and
run away." He gave a small laugh, but there was no humor in
it. "I was always running away when I was a kid."
Kathryn squeezed his shoulder and sat down in the co-pilots
seat.
"My fingers won't stretch far enough to fly properly. And
they're never going to be able to, are they? This is as good
as they'll get."
"I'm sorry, Tom."
"The Doctor was right you know. I knew it all along. I just
didn't want to accept it." He held his hands up. "They're
useless. I'm useless."
"No, Tom. That's not true. There are plenty of other things
you can do. The Doctor says you have the makings of an
excellent field medic and nurse."
"I can't do that properly either. My hands haven't got
enough feeling in them, and some of the equipment I can't even
use."
"There will be limitations, I know."
Tom snorted. "Let's face it. I wouldn't be much help."
"Well the Doctor seems to think otherwise."
"He's just saying that. He doesn't mean it."
"Oh? I've never known the Doctor to say anything he didn't
mean. I realize that I don't know him as well as you do, and
that Kes and you have managed to soften his attitude a
little, but I still don't think he's capable yet of saying
something that wasn't true, just to make some one feel
better."
Tom sighed. "I guess you're right."
Kathryn squeezed his arm. "I know it's going to be hard for
you. I know how much flying means to you, but there are
other things. Now's your chance to find them."
"I'd like to go back to my quarters now, if it's all right?"
Tom asked quietly.
"Of course," Kathryn answered softly.
******
Over the next few days Tom kept to himself as much as
possible. He did his duty shifts in sickbay and spent the
rest of the time in his quarters. Even Harry and B'Elanna
didn't see him. After three days they decided that he'd been
left alone to brood long enough and went to his quarters as
soon as they'd finished their shifts.
"Hi, Tom" Harry said brightly as their friend answered the
door. He was a little surprised to see Tom wearing the blue
uniform of sciences instead of the red one he usually wore.
"Hi," Tom answered. He didn't step back, as he usually would
have, to let them in.
B'Elanna pushed past anyway and Harry sheepishly followed.
"We thought we'd come and see how you're doing," he explained.
"I'm fine," Tom said, still standing by the door.
"What's with the change in uniform?" B'Elanna demanded.
"It seemed more appropriate," Tom answered shortly.
"This place is a bit of a mess, isn't it?" B'Elanna screwed
her nose up.
"It's as neat as I can manage these days," Tom said, a touch
of anger in his voice.
Harry immediately felt guilty. "We can help you clean it
up," he offered.
"No, it's all right, I can do it." Tom stepped away from
the door. "I've just been kind of tired lately. In fact,
I was just about to go to bed now."
"Tom, it's not even eighteen hundred yet," B'Elanna
protested.
"Well, it's been a busy day. I'm tired."
"We're going to the holodeck tonight and wondered if you
wanted to come with us?"
Tom shook his head at her. "I don't think so."
"Come on, Tom. It will do you good," Harry pleaded.
"Thanks, but I really don't feel like it."
Harry tried again. "You'll feel better once you get there.
There are all sorts of great programs in the data base."
Tom shook his head. "I don't want to."
B'Elanna growled angrily. "You're coming and that's the
end of it."
Tom crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at
her. "What's the matter with you, Torres? Can't you take
no for an answer?"
She glared back at him. "You're not holing up in here,
feeling sorry for yourself, any longer."
"I am *not* holing up here," Tom hissed angrily. "Will you
get out of here and leave me alone?"
"No!"
"B'Elanna, maybe we should..."
"Shut up, Harry! We're going to the mess hall for something
to eat and then we're going to the holodeck... and *he's*
coming with us. Even if I have to carry him."
Tom faced her angrily. "Just try it, Torres, and see how
far you get."
Harry nervously stepped between them. "I really don't think
this..."
"Harry... shut up!" B'Elanna pushed him out of the way.
"Hey! Don't push Harry!"
"I will if I want to."
"Hey, now wait a minute," Harry stepped between them again
and B'Elanna pushed him away again.
"Stop pushing Harry around," Tom yelled furiously.
"And who's going to stop me?"
"I will!"
"I seriously doubt that, Paris." Before Tom even had time
to blink she hurled herself at him and tackled him to the
floor.
"B'Elanna!" Harry cried out, trying to pull her off of Tom,
while he struggled beneath her.
B'Elanna started yelling in Klingon and Tom was yelling in
all sorts of different languages.
"Stop it!" Harry shouted as loud as he could, trying to be
heard above the two of them.
"What the hell is going on in here?"
******
Kathryn slowly made her way to Tom's quarters. She was
worried about him. The Doctor had reported that Tom had
barely spoken over the past few days, and no one else had
even seen him. She wanted to make sure he was all right.
As she neared his quarters she could hear raised voices and
by the time she reached his door all hell seemed to have
broken loose. Without hesitating she overrode the code on
the door and hurried inside. The sight before her froze her
in her tracks for a few seconds. B'Elanna had Tom down on
the floor and Harry was trying to pull her off of him.
Janeway's voice seemed to ring around the room and the three
on the floor, stilled - as one - and then hastily scrambled
to their feet.
"C-Captain," Harry stammered, helping Tom to stand up. The
three stood stiffly at attention before her.
"Can some one please tell me what's going on?" she asked
coldly.
"It's my fault, Captain. Please don't blame them."
"I see." Kathryn studied Tom for a few moments. "It
appeared that Lieutenant Torres was attacking you and
Ensign Kim was trying to stop her. May I ask what you did
to incur her wrath?"
Tom flushed a little. "It's kind of personal, Captain."
"Really? I'm still waiting."
Tom flushed even brighter. "I wouldn't go to the holodeck,"
he finally mumbled.
"Well that sounds like a good reason to attack a fellow
officer," Kathryn said sarcastically, glaring at B'Elanna.
B'Elanna looked mortified. "I'm sorry," she said shakily.
"I lost control."
"It would appear so. I will not have senior officers
behaving in this way. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Captain," all three answered together.
"Ensign Kim, please take Lieutenant Paris into the bathroom
and help him to clean up. His lip is bleeding."
As soon as they were gone she indicated to B'Elanna to sit
down on the couch. Glancing around, she noticed for the
first time just how messy Tom's quarters were. "It would
appear that Tom hasn't bothered to do much housekeeping."
B'Elanna seemed a little surprised, but answered. "He says
he's been too tired. Harry and I were going to give him a
hand, but he didn't want us to."
Kathryn sat down on a chair opposite her. "I know you care
about Tom, but what do you think you were trying to do?"
B'Elanna sighed. "He just made me so mad. Harry and I have
been worried sick about him. We thought he needed to get out
a bit. Get back into life, so to speak. He refused, and I
just lost it. I'm so sorry, Captain. The Klingon part of me
is hard to control sometimes."
"I understand that, B'Elanna, and I know you wouldn't have
reacted so strongly if you didn't care so much. The Klingon
blood in you will always make you a little volatile and I'm
willing to accept that. It's part of who you are, but you're
going to have to learn some restraint. Learn to control your
temper a little. We can't have you attacking every one that
displeases you. It would become rather disrupting to say the
least. I'm wondering if Lieutenant Tuvok may be able to help
you."
"I'd be willing to try, Captain."
Kathryn smiled. "Good. I'll speak to him about it." She
stood up as Tom and Harry re-entered the room. "B'Elanna,
Harry, you may go now. I'd like to speak to Tom alone."
"Yes, Captain," they both said, and with one last glance at
Tom, they left.
"Tom, come and sit down. I came to see how you were
actually. The Doctor is rather concerned about how quiet
you've been."
"There hasn't been much to say," Tom said quietly, sitting
down on the couch.
Kathryn sat back in the chair and regarded him thoughtfully.
"I can only imagine how devastated you must feel."
Tom stiffened. "I'll get over it. As you said, there are
other things in life. I just have to find them."
"Yes, that's true, but you've lost something very important
to you. Flying was a part of you and I know it's going to be
hard for you to readjust."
Tom shook his head. "Don't worry about me, Captain. I'll
be fine."
"I know you will, but if you need to talk, I'm more than
willing to listen. And I'm not the only one. The Commander
has offered his services also."
"Talking isn't going to change anything," Tom said, and there
was a trace of bitterness in his voice. "Besides, I've
already said it all. There's nothing else to say."
And Kathryn had to leave it at that.
******
B'Elanna cursed as the console in front of her beeped once
again. Slapping her hand down on it angrily, she struggled
to control her temper. Taking a deep breath she felt herself
calming down and even managed to say to Carey in a normal
tone of voice, "You'd better do this. I can't seem to
concentrate."
As Joe Carey took over, she told him she was going to go and
grab a late lunch and headed for the mess hall. When she
entered, she saw that there was hardly any body in there, but
Tom was sitting by himself at a table at the far end of the
room.
She'd been hoping that he would be. She'd only seen him
twice in the past week and he'd barely spoken. She knew that
Harry hadn't had much luck either. Tom was taking late meal
breaks and skipping some meals all together. Picking up the
first thing she could see, she dumped it on her tray and
hurried over to him.
"Hi," she said, slipping into the seat opposite him. "How
are things?"
"Fine," Tom answered. "How are things with you?" He quickly
looked down at his tray again, as if the pudding-like
concoction on it had suddenly become fascinating.
"Good. Actually, you should congratulate me." At Tom's
quizzical look, she explained. "Tuvok's sessions seem to be
helping. I managed to calm myself in just a few seconds a
couple of minutes ago."
Tom looked back down at his tray again. "That's good."
B'Elanna gave a small sigh. "Anything exciting happening
with you?"
"No."
"Nothing in sickbay?"
Tom shook his head. "No."
B'Elanna sighed again... louder this time. She could feel
the anger starting to surface and decided to count to ten, as
Tuvok had taught her. They ate in silence for a while.
"Have you seen Harry lately?" she asked suddenly. They were
the only ones in the mess hall by now, except for Neelix, who
was pottering around behind the counter.
Tom didn't look up. "I saw him last night."
"How is he?" She already knew that Harry was fine. She'd
called in on him herself this morning. But she thought it
might get Tom talking.
"All right. He doesn't have any memories of being turned
into photonic energy."
She already knew that too. "The Doctor did a good job
getting Chakotay, Tuvok and Harry back, didn't he?"
Tom nodded. "Yes."
"Who would have thought of Harry as Beowulf? I'm going to
have to tease him about that."
Tom didn't say anything to that and B'Elanna gritted her
teeth and counted to ten again. You're not mad at him, she
kept telling herself... you're worried. The friendly,
cheerful, outgoing man she had come to know, was now quiet,
withdrawn and completely anti-social. On top of the fact
that her best friend in the Maquis - Seska - had turned out
to be a Cardassian spy, betraying them to the Kazon, it was
all too much.
"Tom, how about coming to the holodeck with me tonight?
Harry doesn't want to, after yesterday's fiasco with the
photonic beings. I'd really like some company. I'll even
let you pick the program."
Tom shook his head. "No, thanks. I was going to have an
early night."
B'Elanna growled. "You're always having early nights. You
never want to go any where or do any thing." She wondered
why she cared so much. He's a friend and he needs help, she
told herself.
"I'm just a little tired."
"That's what you always say. I don't believe you."
Tom stood up abruptly. "I'd better get back to sickbay."
B'Elanna grabbed his arm. "We haven't finished talking."
Tom managed to break free. "Yes, we have."
B'Elanna jumped up. "Stop running away."
Tom turned around to glare at her. "I don't know what you're
talking about. Did it ever occur to you that I don't want
to be around every one feeling sorry for me? I can't stand
all that pity."
"The only pity around here is your self-pity. You're full
of it."
"Will you mind your own business, Torres?"
"Don't make me hurt you, Paris." She grabbed hold of both of
his arms this time and determined not to let go.
Neelix, hearing the raised voices, hurried out from his
galley. "Lieutenants," he said. "Whatever the problem is,
I'm sure we can work it out."
B'Elanna growled at him, and he took a step back.
Tom struggled to get away, but this time she had a better
grip. "Let me go."
"No. You're not going any where."
"I said... let me go," Tom yelled, struggling even harder.
"Please, please," Neelix begged, trying to be heard over the
top of both of them.
It was absolute chaos, and into this entered the Captain and
Tuvok, about to have a very late lunch.
******
Tuvok's eyebrow's rose and Kathryn put her hand over her
eyes. "Not again," she muttered.
"It appears Lieutenant Torres requires more sessions with
me," Tuvok commented before hurrying forward to try to
separate the two.
"Enough," Janeway bellowed in her best command voice, and
B'Elanna let go of Tom abruptly. Tom staggered backwards and
Neelix steadied him.
"May I ask what's happening here?" Kathryn's voice was
frosty.
B'Elanna gulped and opened her mouth to confess; only to have
Tom beat her to it.
"I'm sorry, Captain. Things got a little out of hand. It
was all my fault."
"No, it wasn't," B'Elanna hastily said. "I lost my temper
again."
"Yes, but I made her, Captain, so it *is* my fault."
As B'Elanna was about to argue, Janeway held up her hand. "I
don't care whose fault it is. I just want to know why it
happened. What's going on *this* time?"
Tom looked at B'Elanna and B'Elanna looked back at Tom. They
both hesitated. B'Elanna certainly didn't want to admit that
she'd lost her temper because Tom wouldn't go to the holodeck
with her - again. She didn't think the Captain would be
particularly amused or as understanding as the last time.
Tom didn't want to admit that he was feeling sorry for
himself and pushing his friends away.
"Oh, let *me* tell you, Captain," Neelix offered.
"Lieutenant Torres wouldn't let Tom leave here because she
was trying to get him to go out with her, but he doesn't want
to go out in case everyone feels sorry for him, and she says
he's full of self-pity and he wants her to mind her own
business and she wants to hurt him... I think... and oh... I
nearly forgot... she thinks he keeps running away."
He took a deep breath, but before any one could say anything,
he rushed on. "Lieutenant Torres wouldn't let Tom go, no
matter how much he struggled. I was about to suggest that
he kick her in the shins or trip her up or something, but I
wasn't sure if I should. Some species frown upon a gentlemen
physically fighting with a lady, but I think under these
circumstances it would have been acceptable. After all, she
is so much stronger than he is and..."
"Thank you Neelix," Janeway finally managed to say. She
turned to Tuvok, who was watching Neelix as if he were the
most unusual thing he'd ever seen and she had to struggle not
to laugh.
"Oh, my pleasure, Captain. I'm just glad that I could be of
assistance." Neelix beamed around at every one. B'Elanna
glared at the Talaxian, while Tom studied his shoes.
Kathryn turned back to Neelix again. "I'm sure we've kept
you from your duties long enough."
"Why no, Captain," he interrupted. "This is much more
interesting."
"I'm sure it is, but you must be very busy." She wondered if
the Talaxian could take a hint.
"Not at the moment, Captain. I have the next few hours to
myself until I have to start preparing the dinner. I'd be
more than happy to stay here and help in any way that I can."
"Thank you, but that's not necessary."
"Oh, but I don't mind."
She decided she would have to be straightforward. "I do. I
would like to speak to the two Lieutenants in private."
"Oh! Of course, Captain. You should have said. Come along
Mr. Vulcan. We have to go now."
Tuvok looked at him in amazement and then turned to her.
"Do you require me to leave, Captain?"
Kathryn shook her head. "No. I'd like you to stay, thank
you, Tuvok."
"Oh! I understand," Neelix bobbed his head up and down. "In
case Ms. Torres becomes uncontrollable, you will need Mr.
Vulcan's superior strength to contain..."
"Goodbye, Neelix." Kathryn glared at him.
"Um, goodbye." Neelix bustled from the room and they all
breathed a sigh of relief - even Tuvok.
Kathryn turned back to Tom and B'Elanna and folded her arms.
"Although Neelix's account of what happened was rather
amusing, I'm no longer amused. I will not have my crew
behaving in this manner. It was just a bit of luck that
there was no one else in here to witness this little
spectacle."
"I'm sorry, Captain," B'Elanna said miserably.
"I'm sure you are, but that doesn't really change anything.
This is becoming a serious problem. Tuvok, do you think that
you can help Ms. Torres to achieve some self-restraint?"
"Yes, Captain, I do. But it will take time."
"Very well. I want you to increase your sessions with her,
to as frequently as you deem appropriate... daily if
necessary." B'Elanna looked as if she were about to protest.
"Yes, Lieutenant? You have something to say?"
"No, Captain."
"Good." She turned to Tom, who was still studying his shoes.
"Mr. Paris. I would like you to speak to Commander Chakotay.
I believe you need some counseling to help you readjust."
Tom looked up at her in surprise. "That's not necessary,
Captain."
"I think it is."
"I'm fine," he protested. "Just because I don't want to go
out partying every night."
"It's a lot more than that and you know it, Tom."
"If Torres would just quit bugging me, I'd be all right."
"You are going to speak to Commander Chakotay, that's an
order, Lieutenant."
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Now both of you get back to work and I never want to hear
of anything like this happening again. Do I make myself
clear?"
"Yes, Captain," they both said at once, marching towards
the door.
As they stepped out into the corridor she heard Tom hiss.
"This is all your fault, Torres."
"My fault?" B'Elanna hissed back. "If you weren't so
stubborn..."
"And if you weren't so interfering."
"Interfering?" B'Elanna's voice rose to full volume. "I'm
trying to help you, you pig-headed pig."
Janeway rolled her eyes and looked towards Tuvok, who merely
raised one eyebrow.
"Some help. And who are you calling a pig, Pinocchio?"
"P'tahk! What's a Pinocchio?"
"It's a creature that sticks its nose where it's not wanted
and each time its nose grows." Janeway raised her eyebrow,
herself. She hadn't heard that particular story told in
quite that way before. "It's a wonder your nose hasn't made
its way back to engineering by now."
A loud thump was heard after that, followed by a yelp.
Kathryn shook her head. "I did not hear that, Tuvok. Please
tell me, I didn't hear it."
More thumps could be heard, then a loud groan. "You didn't
hear that either, Captain," Tuvok said dryly.
As the bangs and thumps grew louder, Kathryn hurried to the
door. "I'm throwing them both in the brig this time, Tuvok.
I mean it."
"Indeed!"
End Part Six
