Part 8

[Okay, it took kinda long and the few of you who kept asking are what sped it up to now. Sorry, but I was out of town for a while. Anyway, e-mail me feedback here if you have something to say.]

For the sixth and seventh times that day, Monica heard the same thing. The Oh my God, you're alive!' The I thought you were dead?' The Where were you?' The Monica??' First from Chandler, then from Sam, and Audrey, then Phoebe. Now she got it from both Sam and Audrey's teachers at the parent teacher conferences. She was glad when they were over, just because she was uncomfortable.

But what was even worse was the drive home. There was an awkward silence between the two of them. Neither knew of anything to say.

Chandler began hoping she would fill the blank. If nothing else, it broke the science for a few seconds.

Monica laughed. Would you look at us? Since when do we have nothing to say?

Chandler smiled. Not for a very long time. When we met, maybe, he thought for a minute, so when are you going to go give Ross, Rachel, Annabel, and Joey their shock?

I dunno. Not for a while. I think I've heard You're alive?!?' and I thought you were dead?' enough times today. Not to mention Oh my God!' Maybe tomorrow.

Or maybe on Memorial Day, Chandler thought out loud.

Memorial Day? That's in like, a week. Why Memorial Day?

Well, it gives you a week to recover from today's Oh my God's' and also, there's gonna be a party.

A party?

Yeah. Rachel's annual Memorial Day party. At our house.

Rachel's party at our house?

Yeah. She's a pretty good con. Anyway, all four of them will be there then, so you only have to emerge once. And besides, it would add a twist to the party.

Monica smiled. It certainly was fine by her to only have to go through all the You're alive?!?'s' at once. Okay. Sounds good. And in the meantime, it'll be just like the old days. Sneaking around.

* * * * *

When they got home, Phoebe brought the kids back soon after. She also brought some of her clothes so that Monica could have something to wear for now.

I know the best choice would be clothes from Rachel's closet, but hey, she doesn't know yet. I like being one of the first to know. I used to be the last. But then again, I was the first to know when Chandler was gonna propose..... she remembered. Anyway, I helped clean out the closet and I don't think you'll be too happy wearing the things we left. So here, she handed her the bag of clothes.

Thanks, Phoebe, she said, taking the clothes. Phoebe stayed for an hour, asking her about the life on the island. Monica told her, but didn't really like remembering it. By the time Phoebe left, she just wanted to sleep. But that was another problem. Where? She didn't want to bring it up, so she decided to hold out until Chandler did.

Sam and Audrey were playing video games when Chandler ruined their fun and told them it was time for bed.

Audrey whined. I was gonna beat Sam soon!

Tomorrow, Sweetie, he told her. Besides, you always beat him.

I know, I do, Audrey agreed with a giggle. She thought for a minute. This is really weird.

What is?

Having a Mom. I can't remember ever having one and now I do. And it's not like I had time to get used to it. She just came back all of a sudden.

I know. I wasn't expecting it, either.




Can she come help me get ready for bed tonight?

Sure. If she wants to, which I'm sure she will.

You won't be sad?

No, Honey, I won't be sad. She's your Mom. I'll be happy you two are together again. You don't need to worry about me. Now where did your brother go?

You don't need to worry about him, Audrey said, pointing to Sam, who was fast asleep on the chair.

* * * *

Okay, Audrey. Looks like you're ready for bed, Monica told her after she had brushed her teeth and put her pajamas on.

Yeah. Looks like I'm ready, but really, I'm not. I hate bed.

You do, huh?

Yep. More than doing that dumb beanbag game in school. And I really hate that, she paused for a minute. Do you still know the story about you and Daddy?

You remember me telling you that?

Well, kinda. See, I used to, right after you left. Then I made Daddy tell it to me, so I haven't forgotten it.

Daddy told it? Monica asked, smiling.

Yeah. Pretty well, too. Sam says you tell it better though, because at two parts Daddy starts talking about a big tree. Monica laughed, knowing the Big Tree' was Richard and the two parts were their one year anniversary and their engagement.

Okay, I'll try to tell it. I still remember it, but I might not remember exactly how I told it before.

That's okay. We had to help Daddy. He didn't know about the fireworks being seen during your first kiss the first time he told it.

He wouldn't, Monica smiled. I never told him.

Why not?

I don't know. Just never thought about it, Monica said, then went on to tell her the story, but she was fast asleep by their wedding.

She covered her up and kissed her forehead, thinking how much she had missed her. And how much she had grown since she left. The last time she saw her, she was two, with that baby fat left on her stomach and the baby curls still at the end of her hair. And she was still trying to figure out how to form sentences and say words the right way. And she knew how to walk, but she was still getting used to having feet, not being able to walk fast and getting tired easily. Now she had no trace of fat anywhere, the curls were gone, she talked as well as anyone, and she was a decent walker- and soccer player and ballerina and everything. And she was so much taller. The thing that killed her the most was how much she looked like herself. She turned off the light and turned around to find Chandler entering the room.

She looks just like you, you know, he whispered as if he read her mind.

I was just thinking the same thing, she whispered back.

It was a such a killer having her looking just like you and not having you, you know, he put his arm around her and led her out of the room. he asked her as he noticed her yawn.

Oh yeah, she said. Long day. This morning I was still on a deserted island, and now I'm back here, with you. It's really weird.

I can only imagine. If you want to go to bed, you can take mine, well, ours, and I'll sleep on the couch. There aren't any extra beds around here.

You can't sleep on the couch. It's your house. I can sleep on the couch. After all, I'm used to the ground, she said with a smile.

Actually, if I remember correctly, we both paid for this house. And the couch is fine. It's been a long time since I've slept there, you know, without you to make me.

Okay, then, well, maybe you'd rather sleep in the bed- with me. I mean, I know it's been a while, and there's a lot to sort out, but we have shared the bed before. And we've done a lot more than that.

I dunno, Monica, won't that be weird for you?

She thought about it for a minute. Yeah I guess. But I can take the couch, really.....

Monica, you're taking the bed. That's that. You deserve it after years on an island, he said firmly.

Yeah, okay. Thanks, Monica agreed. She knew she wouldn't get him to change his mind, and besides, she was kinda looking forward to a bed.

She went to check on Sam, and kissed his cheek goodnight before going to the old bedroom. Secretly, she was scared. To go back to the room that used to be theirs and find it only his. But when she opened the door, she noticed it had hardly changed. Besides little things of hers, like her watch out on the dresser, it looked very much the same. She realized that he never would have been able to change it, anyway. Except for her clothes being missing in the closet. The door was open and there was nothing of hers in sight. She decided to change for bed.

She opened up the bag of clothes Phoebe had brought over and sorted them out on the dresser. There was plenty of t-shirts, pants and dresses, but the one thing she forgot was pajamas. Monica sighed and decided she could sleep something else. But all that was around were things that didn't look to appealing to sleep in, like jeans and skirts. Just when she was trying to figure out how safe it was to sleep naked, Chandler knocked on the door.

he said when she opened it.



I just came to make sure you have anything you need.

Oh yeah. I'm fine. Except for pajamas. The one thing Phoebe forgot. It's either jeans or a skirt, she joked sarcastically.

Oh. Well, I could give you something to wear. But, uh, you know, it'd be mine. If that's okay, then....

It's better than jeans, she said with a smile.

Okay, right, he went through the dresser drawers and gave her a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. I'm really sorry I don't have anything else but boxers.

It's better than jeans, was all she could say.

True. Okay, well, then, goodnight.

she said softly before he left. She spent a long time just staring at the clothes. Finally, she realized how tired she was and decided just to put the clothes on. Even if it was underwear. His underwear.

When she finally had changed, she decided to go close the closet door, because she didn't like looking at the closet with all her clothes missing. When she went to close the door, she noticed a box on the floor. For some reason she decided to look inside and see what there was. Inside she found mothers day cards that had probably been made at school. She read each of them and felt so bad knowing that her kids had made these with no mother to give them to. There were also small things they had made in school, too. A magnet painted and decorated with glitter, a clay picture frame, things like that. SHe looked at everything before finding a plain white, un marked envelope in the bottom of the box. She debated over whether or not to read it, then opened it. It started out Dear Mom/Monica. She decided to read it.

Dear Mom/Monica,

Hi mommy. It is me, Sam. Rembr me? I can not spel verry good and this is hard to wrte. Jus wanted to say gooby. by

Sam

Hi Mommy. Auntie Rachel is writing this for me because I can't write yet. It's Audrey. I just had to say I miss you and I love you. And one day Daddy says I wills forget you, but I want you to know now I love you, before I forget.

Audrey

Hey, Monica,

This is so weird, writing this it feels like you'll see it, but I know you won't. I just wanted to say it's not the same without you. I miss having you around. I haven't known you as long as the others, especially Ross, or as well as the others, especially Chandler, wink wink. But you were still a great friend and to Jake. I wish you could see him grow up and see our future kids, NOT named Joseph. I will miss you and I wish I had said goodbye not have fun in Rome the last time I saw you. Anyway, take care of all of us from up there.

Love,
Annabel


Monica,

This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. What do I say to you? One of my best friends, the best cook I've ever known, one of my other best friends sister and one of my other best friends wife? Well, I miss you. You know, with someone not cooking all the time, and someone not cleaning all the time, it is really different. The guy at the Chinese, Italian and pizza places know me personally now. But that's not all that's different. You should see Chandler. So different. No sarcastic comments, no little jokes. No giving ice-cream for dinner. If you ever had a doubt about him loving you, you wouldn't if you could see him now. Anyway, I really miss you. See you (hopefully) not too soon.

Love,
Joey


Mon,

Wow. I can't believe your really dead. Part of me won't believe it. You've been around since I was six. And although we lost touch for a while there, we became close again. Now, it's like POOF, you're gone. And it sucks so much. My best friend, former roommate, maybe one day sister in law. That's right, Ross sand I are trying again. I said so much at your memorial service, I dunno if I can do it all again. But I miss you, that's the bottom line. The world id totally deprived of Monica Bing. Sam and Audrey miss their mother, and everyone else misses you like crazy. I'm sorry for anything I've ever done to you that was sucky. And that's a lot. Okay, I should go, because this is hard to write and I've been at it for 45 minutes. So, bye, Monica. I miss you a lot.

Love always,
Rachel


Monica,

I THOUGHT I was psychic. But I guess not because I never got a vibe that you were gonna die. I so missed that one. But, seriously, when I realized you were really dead, as we cleaned out your closet, I couldn't stop crying. I was no great friend, but you were. I took you way for granted and I'm sorry. I don't want to ramble forever like Chandler will, so here it it: I miss you and I love you ( as a friend of course!) Goodbye, Monica.

Phoebe


Dear Monica,

I was only one when you were born, but I can still remember it kinda. Small flashbacks. After all, it was a big event. But I never thought I'd see you die. I thought that since women live longer and I had a year on you, I'd go first. But I guess things don't always go like that. You know, I'd go for you in a second. You are married, I'm not. You have two kids, I have one. Who doesn't even live with me and would still have two parents. I'm sorry I couldn't. I'm sorry I didn't know you'd die and didn't save you. Chandler and I talk about that all the time. I feel as your brother that I'm supposed to protect you and he feels as your husband he should have protected you, even more than I should've. We know there was no way to prevent what happened, but still. I love you, Monica. You were a great sister (annoying at times, but that's okay....) I miss you.

Yours Truly,
Ross



Monica,

Hey you. I have no idea what to say here. I'm a mess, you know that? I have two kids to take care of and a dead wife, who I loved more than anyone or anything in the world. I wish I could've saved you from what happened, but I didn't. The only thing that helps me here is that I know that the last thing I said to you was I love you' over the phone the day before you left Rome, and that the last time I saw you I said I loved you and Id miss you and I kissed you goodbye. Not that it makes it easier that you died. That will NEVER ever be easy. I'm just glad it was a nice last time together, not a fight. You know what I mean? I miss you so much, it's like I'VE died. If it weren't for Sam and Audrey, who miss you, too, I probably would've killed myself. You are the one person in this whole crazy world I've ever loved as much as I love you. The one person I could never stay mad at, who I found cute when most people would think annoying. The one person who I never had to do my Hug and Roll on. I know how you said you saw fireworks and had butterfly's in your stomach the first time we kissed, and I wish I could go and tell you that I knew. And I found out how you felt when I was playing that dumb trick that I hated marriage on you before we got engaged, and I'm sorry. It sucks that in how long we knew each other, we only got a little time to be together. I can never hear the word London without this terrible pain. I love you so much, still, right now, and you know I always will. Everyday I wish I'D died and you were still here. I could go on forever, but you'll never even read this. Just never forget how much you mean to me and how much I love you. One day I'll see you again, when it's my time to go. And then your mine, forever. Or your soul is, anyway. Don't forget that when Richard dies, cause he'll probably get up there first. I miss you so much, and I love you even more.

I Love You,
You Know Who

Monica reread all the letters three times, and re read Chandler's close to twenty. Every time it made her cry. She looked at the clock as she folded the letter and put it back in it's envelope, back in it's box. Then she went downstairs to see if he was still awake. He wasn't, but se decided she could change that. But before she did anything to wake him up, she thought about how cute he was when he slept. She was watching him for a few minutes when she remembered she wanted to wake him up. Just as she was about to, he opened his eyes and looked up at her.

What are you doing here? he asked her.

Watching you sleep. She said in a voice and tone she hadn't meant to use. One that she had only used when they were together. She quickly changed it and went on. I wanted to come find you. I mean, I dunno if you'll like that I was in your closet, but I went to close the door and found the box with the Mother's Day presents.....

You found something else, didn't you? he asked her.

Yeah, the letter.

I know. I didn't know what else in that box would make you cry and come down here at midnight.

How did you know I was crying?

Your eyes are all red and puffy, he stopped for a minute. So, the letter......?

I read your part 20 times. No exaggerating. And I couldn't stop crying. And I know it's only been one day but we have to talk. About, you know. Us.

Monica, believe me, I do know. I've been wanting to since you knocked on that door this morning.

So.... do you still love me?

Of course I do.

Well, you know I still love you, right?

I got that from the kiss this morning.

So what else is there?

There's I don't know what to do. How do we go about this? Start all over or pick up where we left off?

We don't need to start over. Starting over is for people who don't love each other yet.

He gave her a smile that she hadn't seen for a long time. Well, we have to do it the right way.



He sat up. I love you, Monica.

She smiled. I love you, too, Chandler, she said before he leaned in and kissed her, one of those amazing kisses, like in the bedtime story. That was an amazing letter. Really made me cry. And you know what? About our engagement night, don't be sorry. You made up for it already by proposing and that amazing sex that night. And the fireworks and butterflies? Yeah, those are still there. Just felt them a few seconds ago, she told him.

You're really here, he marveled.

I am, she smiled. But we need to talk about some stuff..... she said, wanting to talk about the baby before it became a lie, not something she hadn't told him yet.


[To Be Continued. Okay, the next part is coming, sooner than this one took. Thanks for reading!]

Updated 03-03-03 for grammar and mechanics.