TITLE: Vaccine

AUTHOR: R. Franke

E-MAIL: RFrankeUS@yahoo.com

RATING: PG

CLASSIFICATION: Post-ep, Vignette, Angst

SPOILERS: Daemonicus

SUMMARY: He knows she doesn't love him.

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, the Fox Network, the actors, writers, and all other persons or legal entities known or unknown with a lawful claim upon the characters. This story is a work of fan fiction, written for the purposes of personal satisfaction and the enjoyment of others, and monetary or other compensation is neither expected nor desired.

ARCHIVE: Permission is given to archive this story, provided it is archived without alteration, including this disclaimer and copyright notice, and the author is contacted at RFrankeUS@yahoo.com

COPYRIGHT 2001 by R. Franke

VACCINE

He knows she doesn't love him, can never love him, but he doesn't mind. Truth be known, he prefers it that way. It's safer.

She cares for him of course, he isn't that far gone, to love a woman who despises him, or worse yet, feels nothing for him. She can't offer her love, for that belongs to her partner, the father of her child, but she can offer her friendship, and that's enough. Enough for him to be able to wield his love as a shield, to block any others, such as his own partner.

Perhaps especially his partner. She does care for him, and he for her, but that caring could far too easily turn to love, on both their parts, and he doesn't want that, doesn't want what it could lead to. His ex-wife loved him once, and he loved her, and the son they made between them, but that love lies buried now, beneath a simple stone he visits every April fifteenth.

Their "little refund" they'd called him. They had watched him grow, learn to walk and talk and play and had known, in their hearts of hearts, that this child of theirs was the brightest and the best, although they had kept this knowledge to themselves, in deference to the misguided beliefs of the other parents. Now he and his ex-wife meet once a year, at their son's grave, and he pays an accountant to do his taxes.

That madman in the asylum had been wrong. Not about his feelings for her, although he still can't figure out how he knew of them. Perhaps merely by observing their interaction, after all, the man was supposed to have been a pretty fair head-shrinker in his day, but not because he was some demon out of hell, or whatever he'd fooled those two into believing. He still hasn't quite explained the whole vomiting thing yet, but he knows there is a simple, rational, and entirely mundane explanation. The good doctor was wrong about his feelings for her partner, though. Even the most observant of madmen, or of sane men for that matter, he supposes, have their blind spots.

He doesn't resent her partner, as far too many people seem to think he does, or should, doesn't feel as if they're competing for her affections. In fact, he's grateful to him, however he managed to return to her. Even though he seems to have disappeared once again, he is still her focus, he and the child they made between them.

It occurs to him that he hasn't seen the child in quite some time, since the day she stood in the doorway of her apartment and forbad him any future visits, the day her partner disappeared. Nonetheless, they are her primary focus, and he's thankful for that small mercy. If they didn't exist, were not the center of her world, she would see more clearly the pain he bears, the pain her healer's heart would feel driven to alleviate, and he cannot allow that, cannot risk the possibilities.

So he will love a woman who does not love him back, and let that small pain inoculate him against the greater pain awaiting those unfortunate enough to be loved by those they love.

Comments? Questions? Opinions? RFrankeUS@yahoo.com