breakfast

I don't know where this came from, but this kind of thing actually does happens. If it happens to you, go home!!



Staying With Boys

by zapenstap






Relena stood behind a marble-top counter and stared at the cutting board. Her gaze then drifted to the refrigerator, humming happily beneath her notice in the corner. There was a loaf of wheat bread in front of her... in a plastic bag, a plastic bag sealed with one of those square plastic things with the slit on one side. She stared for it dumbly for a moment, but gradually her hands creeped forward. She picked it up, feeling her fingers connect with the plastic, feeling the weight of the bag, the slices of bread inside moving about over her fingers. She twisted off the plastic sealer and measured out ten slices of bread.

"...?"

One minute she had been getting ready to go home from work in her own apartment and the next she was standing in a strange kitchen in flannel pajama bottoms and a T-shirt way too big for her...the next morning. They weren't even her clothes.

How did this happen?!

"I prefer the walk of shame," she said to nobody in particular. Well, nobody, because she was the only one in the room. "At least that way I would get noticed."

She she had shacked last night. Big deal, right??? Nothing happened; she'd just slept over. It was uncommon that the gundam pilots were all together, staying in Duo's house. She has promised herself she was going to stay away from Heero, but he'd invited her over; she did not invite herself! She'd been getting ready to go to home after work last night and he'd come to her office with Duo grinning over his shoulder and said in an absolute monotone, "Relena, you want to come to Duo's tonight?." She'd stared at him dumbfounded and heard herself saying "okay" as if watching herself from another room. Leaving her stuff exactly as it lay on her desk, untidy, disorganized, and even dangerously exposed, she followed them both out.

Heero didn't say two words to her on the way over and she'd been so totally confused she didn't attempt to start any sort of conversation. He walked beside her, but with significant space between them, his hands in his pockets, not looking at her, and probably not thinking about her. Duo walked on her other side, too close, leaning into her with one arm slung over her shoulders. She'd stared at him in spooked silence, her eyes as big as saucers and he rambled on about nothing.

They'd arrived at Duo's place and lo and behold! the other three pilots were already there, gathered around the TV with an assortment of mainly unhealthy food and drink items. Quatre and Trowa welcomed her, Wufei ignored her. He was too busy eating cheetos and flipping through channels with the remote.

She'd been about to announce that she was going home, still totally bewildered at what she was doing there in the first place, when Duo announced that it was time for a movie and why shouldn't Heero and Relena go pick one out of his room... alone?

If her eyes were big before, they got wider. She thought her eyelids might have receded into her skull. Heero merely shrugged and strode off. She followed him, still in silence, feeling most uncomfortable and out of place in her business clothes. Upon mentioning this, Heero offered to let her wear his clothes. She agreed without really thinking about it. So she changed in the bathroom while he arbitrarily pulled out a movie and back to the living room they went...like fifteen, maybe twenty minutes later. She'd taken her time changing.

But she hadn't counted on the reaction of the others. Quatre's eyes literally popped out of his head at seeing her in Heero's flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.

"Whoa. You guys didn't waste anytime!" Duo roared, laughing hysterically.

Both Heero and Relena were way too conservative to give any response other than their shocked facial expressions, at which Duo merely laughed harder. Wufei snorted and went back to flipping channels with the remote. Quatre bit his lip and turned away with a half-conealed smile. Trowa spoke up briefly in their defense, but Duo overrode him with exclamation and questions abotu "what they had been doing." It didn't matter that he was obviously joking. Relena had never been so embarrassed in her life. Heero just looked profoundly annoyed.

They didn't even watch the movie. The boys just chatted idly while Wufei flipped channels. Relena sat on the edge of the couch and pulled her feet up under her, but instantly recognized how she was not really factored as part of the group. She was a strange outsider, a spectator, a decoration of some sort. Heero sat beside her, but he didn't say anything either, not to her anyway. He did talk a little bit, but only to refute something someone else said, usually Duo, and never followed up on any particular comment.

Relena sat there for a few hours, waiting patiently to be included, recognized, something, but eventually realizing that this was not going to happen, her mind turned to her inward thoughts, mostly about her work and the stress involved, and some about Heero. She gradually came to realize that she was angry at him, which was totally new, and took a great deal of time dissecting her own mind. At length, she became drowsy and fell asleep...

...until she was rudely roused by Duo...the next morning.

"Hey, Relena," he said as she opened her eyes slowly, feeling stiff and sore. "Us guys have got to get ready for work and stuff. You want to make us lunch for later?"

She was so sleepy and naturally kind-hearted and benevolent that she simply agreed without thought. It was only after Duo left that she realized how angrily she should have reacted to such a suggestion. Of course, if she had, the most likely result was that she would probably be mocked for freaking out about nothing.

So that was how she found herself in front of a marble counter, in a strange kitchen, wearing Heero's clothes, attempting to make lunch for five boys when she had her own demanding schedule to attend to. This was an example of how nice girls are ill-used. She was so angry she could spit.

She shouldn't have to take this crap from these people! She took crap from everybody in her work, of course, on behalf of people who needed someone to take crap for them, but this was just ridiculous!! She had wanted to spend time with Heero, sure. She thought he'd invited her out of some affection or desire to start...something; God only knows what, but this was NOT what she had expected at all. To be invited so specifically and then ignored, and then left to sleep very uncomfortably on a couch and then asked to make lunch???? Were they kidding?

Well, she wasn't going to stand for it!

A wicked idea began to take form in her mind.

They probably thought her too dull for ordinary conversation. They probably didn't think she had any imagination, not to mention feelings or cares of her own. She'd show 'em, though. Yeah, she'd make them lunch.

She stared down at the unoffending slices of bread with narrowed eyes. Crossing the kitchen floor she opened the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of eggs, some lunch meat, some vegetables, some random sauces, and variety of other food materials. She spotted the leftovers of last night's food gorge in the cupboard (none of which had been offered to her! And she was too polite to have asked!) and spread it all out on the table before her.

Taking the first two slices of bread, she set them before her and reached for the carton of eggs. Opening it, she took out one of the eggs, tossing it lightly in her hand.

This one for Duo.

She was so mad! He was most to blame. It was his house! He was the host; she was the guest. Getting her here had to be his idea. Heero would never had done it on his own. And for those comments after she changed into something she could sleep in!!!!! The insensitive jerk, making her feel like trash that way!

Gritting her teeth, she cracked the egg on her forehead. She didn't know why. She just did it. It didn't get on her thankfully (she hadn't smashed it; just cracked it). She put the egg, shell and all, on the first slice of bread. She slapped a piece of deli ham on top of it, put the second slice of bread down and pushed just hard enough. Some of the egg spilled down the side of the bread. A shell poked out one corner. She deposited the whole sandwhich in a plastic baggie and the baggie in a paper bag.

But of course, Duo would want more than a sandwhich, right? She threw in a squash. A whole, uncooked, yellow squash. Let him munch on that!

But he'd want something to drink, right? She threw in an empty juice carton. It was appearances that counted.

Time for Wufei.

Wufei's sandwhich consisted on a slice of lettuce and some cheetos. He'd been eating enough of them last night. She put a tomato in as a fruit (or a vegetable) and then as an afterthought tossed in the tv remote control. He wanted it; let him have it!

Quatre got plain bread. That was it; nothing inside, just bread. Serves him right. She added a beer with an evil smirk. Bread and beer, just what Mr. Winner would order.

To Trowa she was a little decent. He got cheeze on his bread, anmd then covered it with tabasco sauce. And she put in a stick of celery to munch on. That wasn't so bad. And hey, since celery had so much water in it, she supposed it served doubly as a drink.

Now for Heero.

She stood with her arms crossed as she pondered what to do about Heero. She couldn't help loving him, that was the problem. She would really like to make him a nice lunch and she didn't want him to be angry with her. No no; she wanted Heero to apologize and take her out on a real date...or something. Just a sincere talk maybe. It didn't matter what the others thought, and he had let her borrow his clothes.

Smiling, she set about making real food with all the tender loving devotion she could muster. She toasted his bread, lavished it with mayonnaise and mustard and sliced pickles. She cut thin slices of cheddar cheese and gave him roast beef instead of ham. She put on thinly cliced tomatos and lettuce and for a finishing touch, kept it all together with two toothpicks, like a sandwich in a deli. She wrapped it carefully and added a pop and a bag of fresh chips. Well, it wasn't gourmet, but compared to the others it was a feast! Once deposited in the bag, she fished through Duo's drawers for paper and a pen and wrote him a little note. Smiling, she capped the pen, deposited the note into the bag, and then lined all five lunch bags up on the counter, the tops rolled carefully down. She labled each with a permanent marker.

Just as she finished the boys came pounding down the stairs in their boots and preventor jackets.

"Hey thanks, Relena!" Duo sang as he grabbed his lunch. "You're a sport, princess!" Then he was out the door.

Wufei took his without comment, not even noticing how heavy it was. Relena had to supress a giddy smile as she imagined him trying to eat the remote. Quatre and Trowa grabbed theirs without even looking at her. She was glad she hadn't been so nice to them after all. To all of them she stood in perfect attendance, her hands clasped in front of her, dimpling through sweet, closed-mouthed smile.

Heero came down last, trodding heavily. He stopped on the stairs to look at her with the most peculiar expression on his face, and her heart thumped loudly.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged. "All right. You're going to be late."

He looked her a moment more with those beautiful dark blue eyes. He seemed about to say something, his brow creasing with the effort, but then thought better of it and turned away. He grabbed his lunch from the counter and followed the others outside.

Relena smirked once the door closed on her face. Leaving everything out on the counter, she went upstairs, changed back into her business clothes and made her way outside. She shut the door to Duo house and paused with her hand on the doorknob, smiling. She hoped Trowa got a hot mouth from that sauce and Quatre would take a sip of that beer without looking at it first. She hoped Duo swallowed some of that egg shell!! She hoped Heero felt pretty bad for the way she had been treated, though she would forgive him instantly, of course. She hoped Wufei liked his cheeto sandwich.

She smiled. All in all, she felt a great deal better. That would teach them not to undermine the sensitivities of Relena Darilan.

Oh, but it was the last time she would stay with boys!





REVIEWS????? Yeah, yeah, so I'm taking a break from Temper the Soul with a short little digression. That's okay! Digression is good. If you want to see the reaction of the g-pilots to their "lunch" in this fic you'll have to write lots of reviews telling me, 'cause that's what I like. I got the idea for this from a crazy dream (the imagery of Relena cracking an egg on her head mostly, and I thought I might as well throw it out there. Can't hurt, right?) I don't know; what'd you think?