A Change of Heart
Prologue-Confusion
By MysticalTenshi17
Look at me, is something wrong with me? That must be it or why else would I be acting so strange? Maybe I'm catching something. I slowly placed my hand onto my forehead. No, I feel normal. Then if I'm not sick, then what's wrong with me? Why do I always feel so hot when SHE is around me, or whenever it has anything to do with her? Why does this happen? I never felt anything like this before.
People say one always gets attached to the ones they are closed to the most. I'm afraid. Might that be the reason. Because she and I got more closer when we dealt with all the clow business. Could that be it? I've grown close to her? Is that it? I've grown used to being around her. But that couldn't mean more, could it?
We're just friends. That's it. How much more could we be? We've only become friends because of her. She was nice enough to care for me and was nice to me even when I would call her stupid and say how weak she was. That's one thing I liked about her, she always cares for everyone around her.
That's it. I keep on telling myself. We're friends. Just friends. And Partners. Only friends and partners, nothing else. This matter couldn't be dragged worse. I couldn't have started having feelings for...her. Could I? My hands reached out and scrunched up ruffling my hair in the process as I held my head screaming in frustration. I'm so confused. Are we really just friends? Aren't I suppose to hate her. Why should I like her? I don't have to. Then how did I start to like her....not that way ...but as a friend...I hope...and how did I manage to became one of her closest . How did she become one of my closest?
But before I got a chance to think futher the doorbell rang. I shook my head trying to forget everything, all this confusion and all these insignificant thoughts. After steadying myself into a cool composture I got up from my bed and went out to the living room to see who was at my door.
I reached out and turned the doorknob, not realizing that was my biggest mistake. There standing in front of me was her with a plate of chocolate brownies. What bad timing. Just when I'm getting through this chaos about our relationship , where we stand.Just when I was straighting out my feelings towards her, here she is, provoking me. Pushing me into greater confusion; making matters harder.
"Good evening Li-kun. I've made some brownies for my family, Kero-chan, Tomoyo-chan, and Yukito-san, but I still had some extra and I thought you might want some. " She smiled sweetly, innocence reflecting in her eyes.
*******
Laying on my bed I stare off into the ceiling. What's wrong with Syaoran? He's been acting really strange. Ever since Eriol-kun arrived in our class he has been acting so strange. He got mad at me for no reason. Why was he mad? Maybe I did something wrong. If I did, I should apologize to him tomorrow.
Then I remembered something Tomoyo-chan said to me the other day. "Sakura, don't you see? Syaoran likes you." Could it be? He likes me? No way. I tried to persuade myself, but then all the times we've spent together, all our adventures we've had, all our memories came back to me. It made me smiled. We made a great team. But is there more to this then just making a great team? Could we ever be more then friends? I wonder.
What Tomoyo said rang in my head over and over, echoing. 'Syaoran likes you. Syaoran likes you.' Could he really like me? I hear Tomoyo-chan telling me how cute I am and all, but personally I don't see it. I can't see myself as cute. Am I? Whatever it is, I don't know. It's strange to me when my friends point out guys that 'they' think like me. But to me, I just can't believe it. It's a big joke? They're just fooling around, right?
I don't know. I'm so confused. It used to be like I had this 'huge' crush. At first it was embarrassing. I didn't know what to think of it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was on my mind 24/7. I can't resist the urge to smile when I see him. I get this warm feeling in my heart and an unnerving tension in my stomach. My heart would skip a beat. At first I was scared of it, but as it turned out I can't change what I felt. Yukito-san, my big brother's best friend- I had a huge crush on him. I used to think 'Wow..he's the best and someday he'll be my husband.'
Now that I look back on it, and laugh at myself, at how innocent and naive I was. What was I thinking? My husband? Wasn't I a little too young to be thinking about getting married?
Then as it happened, a terrible flashback rushed right in to me. I remembered the time that I actually confused my love...yes love, I was so naive then...and he rejected me. It torn my heart to shreds. It hurt so much. Then Syaoran was there. He was there for me when Yukito-san broke my heart into a million pieces. He was nice enough to lend me his shoulder to cry on. He was there to comfort me. Without him, I don't know what I would have done after the rejection. I smiled, he was truly a good friend. A friend who was always there for me and I could count on.
I got up from my bed and went downstairs. My head was still clouded with thoughts. I went into the kitchen and started baking. Baking always helped me to settle down a bit. I got out the chocolate chips, the flour and eggs, and other necessities.
I started off baking, but as I started mixing the eggs with the flour and stirring, my thoughts drifted off. I hate this feeling. I'm beginning to get so confused again. It used to be that I could tell who I liked and who I didn't. But now I can't tell the difference. I don't know who I like anymore. It used to be so simple. Then I thought of another way, I can figure this whole mess out. I'll rely on my heart. Whoever my heart skips a beat for and I get that warm feeling, that will be the person I like. That is the easiest way of figuring out this whole mess.
Then another thought popped in my head just when the matter had been settled. Do I like Syaoran? Could I ever? I consider him a great friend, yes...but do I like him more then that. I'm so confused. I know I like him as a friend, but more? It's so hard to think. After the whole incident with Yukito-san, I don't really want to think about it. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to go through that whole ordeal with rejection once more. I want to be away from that as far as possible. I don't want to like someone again and then realize that he doesn't return the same feelings. I don't want to be in that position over again. It's too painful. I was lucky that Syaoran-kun was there for me. But what if he is on the other end this time, the one who shreds my heart into pieces. I don't think I can take another rejection, another heartbreak. If he rejects me then what happen? I'll lose everything. I won't have his friendship anymore. I won't have anything. Then who else can I turn to. That's it. I won't mess with the matter, besides Tomoyo-chan might have been joking around with me. Yeah, that's it. She was joking around with me. How else could this be? Yeah, what a laugh. Syaoran-kun likes me!?! No way, we're just friends.....just friends. Alright Sakura don't mess with what you already have.
Even when I gave myself the prep talk, I still felt somehow sadden at my conclusion. 'Just friends.' Could I like him? I'm not sure yet, but I don't want to mess it up. I don't even want to think about it. Pushing my thoughts aside I finished up the brownies and placed them in a plate for it to cool. One thought though staggered in my mind, 'We're just good friends.' Then afterward I placed them in a metal tin box. What am I going to do with them?
I don't know what to do with them, maybe I would after I get some fresh air. Then I remembered that Kero-chan might be mad if I made some brownies and not saved him some, so I took some out and brought it upstairs. The rest I placed in my mini backpack. I'll give some to Tomoyo-chan.
I went upstairs holding a plate of about 3 brownies which I believe would be more than enough for Kero-chan. I hid it behind my back and gently open the door to my room. I found Kero-chan staring into the TV with a determined face. He was playing his game and was getting very excited, then with a sudden boom he lost. He turned around with his eyes teary.
I tried to cheer him up, "Kero-chan, guess what I got for you?"
He looked at me, then saw that I had something behind me and smiled. He sniffed a bit and knew the instances. He jumped up happy screaming "BROWNIES!!" and flew toward the plate.
Then soon he was munching on the delicious sweet chocolate brownies with some smeared over his face, but he didn't care. I smiled, glad someone enjoyed them. My cooking skills had long since improved, but some people still wouldn't dare try my cooking.
"Kero-chan, I'm gonna go out for a walk. Remember to stay in my room." I told him.
"Sure" He said merrily through mouthful of brownies.
I went to my closet and grabbed my coat and then I was off. It was a bit chilly outside, like it gets when it's going to be a rainy day. Rain or no rain it didn't really matter to me. I just wanted to get outside, and...just try to forget all these confusing thoughts. I grabbed my mini backpack along the way, and slipped out the door. Then as I walked through the street I thought what we're gonna do once I'm at Tomoyo's house or should I say mansion. We would probably started off with our girl talks, then she would get me to try on new clothes she has recently made, and then she would pull out some recordings of captures. I laughed, that reminded me of the first time I went to her house. I was so surprised. I had never expected her to live in a mansion with the big estate. But I should of known since her mother was the president of a big toy company, where else would they live?
Then along the way, I got sidetracked and ended up in the halls of an apartment. As I look around I recognized it. I was at Syaoran's apartment. And I was standing right in front of his door. I wonder why I ended up here, when I was supposed to be at Tomoyo's place. Then I heard rain pouring and that's when I realized that it started to rain. I took out the brownies from my mini backpack. Since I'm here I should give him some, I thought. I knocked, and he soon came and opened the door. There he was. It just over took me. When he opened the door and I looked up about to say hello, my heart wrenched and I got that gut feeling in my stomach and then my heart skipped a beat. He looked up at me and I sort of panicked, but I tried to collect myself and acted as normal as possible.
"Good evening Li-kun. I've made some brownies for my family, Kero-chan, Tomoyo-chan, and Yukito-san, but I still had some extra and I thought you might want some. " I said, though I was freaking out. I lied. I don't know what to do now. I've realized why I didn't really intend to give it Tomoyo but someone else. Someone else my heart knew all along. I didn't know what to do with them in the beginning and I thought some fresh air would help, but here I am... standing in front of Syaoran-kun's door... offering him brownies. Now what am I going to do with the new discovery. Should I act like nothing happened and still be good friends with him or do I tell him? I don't know. I'm so confused.
So...what did u think? I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep writing this it all depends on u ppl. E-mail me ur reviews, flames, ideas, comments, all are welcomed with open arms. Oh...but one lil' thing I have to warn u about if u send me a flame be sure to know you'll get one back. My e-mail is... innocenttenshi17@yahoo.com
And check out Stephy-chan's aka hypertenshi' s fanfics at fanfiction.net (she's a really fascinating and unique author)
People I hope u weren't fooled by the whole 'she's a really fascinating and unique author', were u? In case u don't know, we write fanfics and then exchange with each other so we could help make corrections and such. Well, she added that part. But she IS a good writer though, so go check out some of her fics too.
