Tuesday:

"Has your mom rung?" I look up as Josh walks out of his office, surprised he didn't just yell.

"Huh?"

"Your mom? She was going to call?"

"Yeah… no I haven't heard anything. She may not be back from the hospital yet, you know how they can be about discharging people." I said trying to smile and make light of it, but I knew he could tell that I was worried sick. Why hadn't they rung, it was after lunch, surely they should have got home by now. I'd checked my answer machine at home five times but nothing. Maybe they just didn't want to disturb me at work again, they'd always been worried they might be taking me away from some national emergency. Though the only one they had was when Josh had tried to fight with his desk and yet again lost.

"They'll probably ring when you get home, probably don't want to disturb you during work." I laughed slightly at the fact we had both hoped the same thing

"Yeah, probably."

"Why don't you call them?"

"Because then it'll look like I'm worrying."

"So?"

"Well…." I couldn't think of a reason why this was bad, so I nodded and picked up the phone and dialled. I sat there looking at Josh while the phone rang…and rang…and rang…and rang.

"There's nobody there." I said

"Don't worry yet. Ring back in an hour. Maybe they went out to lunch, or stopped to do some shopping." I nodded but couldn't agree. Something was wrong. I didn't have to wait long to find out what it was.

Half an hour later I was about to go to the photocopier when the phone rang, I lunged at it as I had every time it had rang all day.

"Hello?"

"Donna?"

"Dad? Where's mom? Is she ok? I thought she was going to ring me."

"Donna…" I knew something was wrong, he didn't even have to say anything more than that, I felt myself begin to shiver and I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"The doctors did that CAT scan…they say…they say she has a tumour. They don't know if it's cancer yet. They're going to do a biopsy."

"Oh God."

"Nothings certain, it could be benign. They think that's why she had the episode in Mickey's." I felt irritated about the way he kept calling it an "episode" as if it was just a silly little thing, but it wasn't, she had…she had something growing in her brain that wasn't supposed to be.

"I'm coming home."

"No, no. I talked to your mom. She says she's not dying and that you should stay in Washington."

"But Dad!"

"Look, I'll tell you what happens with the biopsy but right now it won't do any good to have you here, if you're here your mother will get into even more of a state than she already is."

"You'll ring me tonight? Just to check up?"

"Of coarse, sweetie."

"Tell mom I love her ok?"

"I will, don't worry."

"Ok." Don't worry? How the hell am I supposed to not worry? My mum may just have cancer.

"It's just annoying."

"What?"

"Well, you're mom has been complaining of headaches, when she went to the doctor he was going to give her some tests, but the HMO wouldn't let him. He didn't seem too bothered, said it was probably just migraine."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"Well the doctor was sure it was nothing, so we didn't think it was anything to worry about." he sounded defensive and already I felt awful for snapping at him

"I'm sorry dad, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's ok, sweetie. I'll call you tonight ok?"

"Ok, bye dad." After hanging up I walked into Josh's empty office, he was off at some meeting on the Hill, shut the door and sat and cried in his chair.

***

"Donna, why is it that whenever I come back to my office you are in here, not doing any…" he stopped half way through the door when he saw the tearstains running down my face.

"What's happened?" he said as he quickly moved to me and knelt by the chair. I was so upset, I needed to feel secure. I reached out to him and sobbed into his shoulder as he hugged me tight and whispered that I was ok. But I wasn't. After what seemed like forever I moved away and wiped away the next round of tears that were beginning to form.

"What happened?" he asked again, the concern in his eyes almost overwhelming me again.

"My mom…she has, has a tumour, in her brain." he stepped back slightly, unsure of what to say. I could almost see him remembering the night of the Illinois Primary when I had to tell him his father had just died, he'd been fighting cancer too, though in the end it wasn't the cancer that killed him.

"Is it cancer?" he asked as carefully as he could, trying not to set me off crying again.

"They don't know yet, they're going to do a biopsy." he nodded his head. He knew it all already.

"I'm sorry…Josh I should have been, I mean I haven't done half the work you asked me to do. I'm sorry, I just…"

"Hush!" he said holding her again, "It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it."

"Ok." I mumbled

"Do you want me to take you home?" I nodded. I felt drained, it was only 5:00, not anywhere near when I usually got away but I couldn't stay there any longer. I let Josh help me up and out of the office, not even noticing the stares and whispers that followed our exit.

Josh opened my front door and took me to the couch where he placed me as he carried onto the kitchen.

"Tea, it's the best thing for any type of situation…or so my mother says." I smile half-heartedly. He returns a few minutes later with my favourite giant mug full of sweet smelling tea. He was right, just holding it made you feel better, or maybe it was Josh's arm which had found it's way around my shoulders and was the most welcome feeling in the world, just for it being there.

"Thank you." I said, he smiled

"It's ok, you were no good for work anyway." I try and laugh and half-heartedly hit him. We sit there for what seems like hours. I sit there hoping that this moment will never end, away from the world outside and the tumour growing in my mothers brain, just sat here with Josh.

"Why didn't they give her the tests?" I said finally

"Sorry?"

"Mom, she went to the doctor about these headaches she was getting. He was going to do some tests but the Health Management Organisation they're doctor belongs to wouldn't let him. If they had just…maybe… I don't know." Josh sat in silence; I looked over at him, his eyes deep in thought. It had always amazed me, the rest of him could be doing fifty other things but if you looked at his eyes, you could see that really he was only focussing on one thing, that something else was on his mind.

"What are you thinking?"

"Oh, nothing. Do you know why they didn't do the tests?"

"No, my dad just mentioned it on the phone, they hadn't even told me she'd been suffering from headaches." then we just sat there.