Wednesday:
"Donna, could you get me the report from McKenzie?"
"Sure." I said as I moved to the filing cabinet, I didn't realise Josh had followed me until I turned around and tried to walk through him.
"Sorry" he looked me straight in the eye "How are you?"
"Ok, as good as can be expected." I said trying to smile.
"Any news."
"The biopsy results will be back this afternoon, we just have to wait." I couldn't help but sigh, "I just wish I could be there!"
"See how things go, ok? If you're there it might just upset your mom even more." I couldn't help but laugh,
"What?" he asked bemused
"Just that's exactly what my dad said."
"Well, he's obviously a very smart man." he said straightening his tie trying to look distinguished, I couldn't help but laugh.
"Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"Why would the HMO stop my mom from having those tests?" It had been playing on my mind all night since Josh had left and had been nagging away all day.
"Well… they have their own agendas, because they're profit making organisations they would rather not fork out a lot for very expensive tests if they can get away with it. Most HMO's are in pretty big trouble, close to bankruptcy, we have to support them a lot. So to keep things tight they often refuse tests which they see as unnecessary."
"But that's not fair, if the tests had been done they may have already found that thing!" I almost spat the words out unable to say tumour, "Peoples health shouldn't be compromised for profits."
"True but at the moment that's the system we have, and they do a lot of good work."
"Yeah, they've worked real hard for my mom, if she hadn't hit her head so hard they would never have done the CAT scan."
"Yeah we don't exactly have the best health system in the world." he said giving a mirthless laugh
"So what are you planning to do about it?" I asked, my voice hard and my stare intense, it seemed to take Josh back a little.
"What?"
"Well, excuse me but you are the Deputy Chief of Staff at the White House, you are part of our beloved government. The President should be doing something about this." Josh grimaced
"It's more complicated than that…"
"No it's not, it's not Josh! This isn't me complaining about never getting any of my taxes back, this is a serious problem with our country."
"Yeah but…"
"Hey guys!" Sam said cheerfully interrupting the argument and not realising till too late what he'd just stepped into.
"I thought you guys wanted to change the nature of democracy or was that just bull shit?!" they both look at me dumbfounded, this is not the Donna they both know. I sigh in frustration and then grab my coat,
"I'm going out to lunch, I'll be back by one, k?"
"Yeah, sure." Josh still sounded like he was in shock but I wasn't interested, I was pissed off!
I march out of the bullpen and can already envisage Sam giving Josh a bemused look and asking what that was all about. Well I didn't care. Why wouldn't they help? Why wouldn't Josh help? Why isn't he leaping into action?
***
I returned to the office to find Josh's door shut, I couldn't help but smile slightly, he was hiding from me. But then I remembered why and reminded myself that I was still angry with him. I sat down and began going through a pile of notes, collating and reorganising them. I was deep into my work when the phone rang. I checked my watch to see that it was 2:30; my parents would just have got the results. It had to be them; I let it ring for a little longer as I worked up the courage to answer. Finally I picked up the phone,
"Hello?"
"Hello, sweetie." my dads voice sounded kind and quiet, I knew it was bad news
"Hi, so what did the doctors say?" I try and sound brave, forcing my voice to stay stronger and not waver and break like I could feel it almost doing.
"Sweetie it's not good." I let out a little cry as the tears started falling, "It's cancer."
"Oh, dad!" it was all I could say
"You're mom's pretty shaken, but they say that they've probably caught it early and are going to try and operate, to take it out."
"That's good." I say, though I don't believe it. My mom, the woman who to me has always been indestructible has cancer, has to have brain surgery, could die!
"Yeah. Do you want to talk to your mom?"
"Sure." I wait as he passes the phone over,
"Donna?" her voice is shaky and I can tell she's terrified; it scares me more than anything I've heard so far.
"Hey mom!" say trying to sound upbeat. In the back of my mind I hear a door open behind me, but that's not my priority right now.
"Hey sweetie. Are you ok?" I laugh, but it's more like a hysterical cry
"Yeah I'm fine. How are you holding up?"
"The doctor says they can operate, which is good. I'll have a slight hair disaster but I can live with it."
"That's good." I say for the second time, it's more like I'm trying to convince myself, "Do you want me to come down?"
"Oh no, no dear. You stay where you are, you're needed there. I'm going to be fine, ok? Your dad's here and so is Sarah. I'll be fine." I was glad my sister still lived near-by, that it wouldn't just be my dad dealing with this, but still I wanted to be there.
"I still would like to be there."
"I know honey. But it would be too much. After the operation, come down for a week, if your boss can let you come."
"Ok, I'd like to come home for a bit."
"Well, we'll make it a date." she said trying to sound cheerful, using her old trade mark saying which made me feel twelve years old again.
"Yeah mom. I love you so much!"
"I love you too dear!" her voice was starting to shatter and I could tell she was barely keeping control.
"Bye, mom."
"Bye, sweetie."
"Ring me every night, k?"
"We will don't worry."
"Bye." I put the phone down and turned around to Josh, he was waiting with immense feeling in his eyes, that I just couldn't stay strong anymore,
"She has cancer!" I wailed as he rushed over to me and held me in his arms.
"I'm sorry, Donna. I'm so sorry."
"Donna? What's happened?" CJ's voice cut through my screaming emotions and I looked up to see her stood next to Josh and me with a very anxious expression on her face.
"She just found out her mum has a brain tumour, its cancer." Josh answered for me, knowing I wouldn't be able to say the words myself.
"Oh God, Donna! I'm so sorry! Is there anything I can do?"
"Thanks, but unless you can create miracles then no." I said it trying to smile through the pain, then a thought struck me, "You know, there is something you can do, you can both do."
"What?" CJ asked
"You can stop this happening again. You can get rid of the fucking HMO's which stopped my mom being diagnosed earlier." CJ didn't know what to say and so just took over from Josh and gave me a huge hug. But that wasn't what I wanted, I wanted something done. Josh stood back and you could tell he was deep in thought.
"Do you want me to take you home?" CJ asked,
"I'll take her." Josh said coming back from whatever thoughts he'd had. CJ nodded and she helped me into my coat and carried out my things as for the second day in a row Josh led me to his car and drove me home. When we arrived at my apartment and Josh had again deposited me on the couch with a cup of tea clutched in my hands when he finally spoke,
"Are you going down there?"
"She doesn't want me there right now, I'm going to go down after the operation some time for a week…if that's ok?"
"Of coarse!" he said, sounding like he was surprised I'd even asked, "Do they think the operation will work?" he asked as delicately as he could.
"Maybe, I don't know. Dad said they seemed to think they caught it fairly early. But it could have been earlier."
"Look, don't get yourself in a state over what could have been done, it's easy to look at these things in hindsight." I nodded, he was right but it was still wrong that she hadn't had those tests. "Look don't dwell on the HMO's right now, just stay focused on your mother because she needs you, even if it's only on the phone. The best thing to do is try and get on with your life and be there when she needs you. That's what she wants." he was right of coarse and I can't say I wasn't slightly taken aback by how profound and right he was being.
"I hate it when you're right." I say trying to lighten things
"Then you must hate me an awful lot!"
"Not really." I say nonchalantly
"Hey, I don't get things wrong all the time… granted sometimes" he says and we both laugh a little, it's good to just banter with him.
"This tea is good."
"Well you see it's a Lyman tradition. A cup of tea will sort out any kind of crisis. Of coarse coffee is even better but then I didn't want you to think I was going to start bringing you coffee when you've never done so for me."
"It's the principal."
"Fine." he says smiling, he looks at me and our eyes connect for a fraction too long. It would be so easy to just move closer and… But we break away before we get that close, it would just be a stupid thing to do, we both know that.
"I have to get back, that meeting with Leo." he says finally, he sounds reluctant to go but I know he's still got to run the country.
"I'll be there tomorrow"
"Don't worry if you don't feel up to it ok? I'm serious, if you're still feeling… fragile, stay at home. I can cope."
"Yeah right."
"I can!"
"I'll be in, don't worry. It'll keep me busy." he smiled
"See you tomorrow then." he said as he closed my front door behind him and I stayed sat on my couch watching mindless daytime TV.
****
Back at the office:
"Hey!" Sam called as he saw Josh walk through the entrance, past the security guards who barely looked at him now they knew who he was.
"Hey." Josh answered though not quite as energetically as Sam
"You ok? The meeting on the Hill was pretty long!"
"No, I just took Donna home."
"She ok?"
"She's…ok, she just found out her mom has brain cancer."
"Woah! How's she holding up?"
"She's doing ok, I think she's fairly shocked though, it's hard when someone you thought invincible becomes ill, shatters a lot of illusions." Sam knew Josh was talking about his father and just nodded as they continued walking towards Josh's office. When they walked in Sam sighed,
"Look, I'm sorry to dump this on you now…"
"What?!" Josh already dreading what was going to come next
"We have a problem with a couple of senators."
"Which ones?"
"Bruckheist and Seligman."
"What's they're problem?" Josh was shocked they were usually two of their best supporters.
"It's about nationalising the HMO's." Josh sat back in his chair and let out a blast of air.
"Which is just what we want to be dealing with now."
"Tell me about it."
"Does Leo know yet?"
"Nope, but seeing as you're…" Sam gave him a sheepish look, he hated giving Leo bad news, he always felt like he was back at high school with his scary old history teacher.
"Yeah, yeah. I'll tell him when I go later. CJ knows." it was more of a statement than a question, if she didn't she was about to get pounced on in the afternoon press briefing.
"She knows."
"Good." Josh looked down at some papers on his desk. "I'll see what Leo wants to do, but I suspect he'll want us to get Bruckheist and Seligman in for a little chat, see if we can get them to shut up." Josh looked back up at Sam, "What exactly did they say anyway?"
"That the President was letting his fellow citizens be murdered by corrupt and power hungry companies more concerned with profit margins than a patients life." Josh stared at him
"Well, at least they didn't say it was the President who was murdering them."
"Well actually…"
"Don't say it!"
"Seligman said that a little later on."
"I said don't say it!"
"Sorry."
"You realise what this will do?"
"Put an issue on the table we have done well at keeping off the public agenda because it would seriously embarrass us and cause the President some fairly major pain in the polls?"
"Yes, but I mean Donna. Her mothers just been diagnosed with cancer which could have been diagnosed weeks ago if it weren't for the hospitals HMO. How's it going to look to her when she sees us trying to bury the issue?" Josh looked up at Sam almost desperately. What Donna felt or cared about, to Josh, was almost as important to him as keeping the President in the White House, sometimes much more important. Sam looked at him with something that Josh thought looked like pity but he dismissed it.
"I dunno, Josh. I guess that's something you can deal with tomorrow. Right now we need to sort out the problem."
"Yeah…" Josh looked distant
"What?"
"What if she's right? I mean, she is right. We should be trying to sort this out."
"I know." Sam said kindly "But right now is not the time for that battle buddy." Josh smiled and Sam went back to his office.
Sam was right of course, it was just really difficult to admit it.
