Wednesday:
"Donna!"
"I'm coming, mom. Just one second, I'm coming." I called upstairs as I sleepily wound my dressing gown around myself and walked up the stairs. I had sent my dad to stay with Sarah, my sister, he was burning out and deserved a little break, so I was on "mom duty" as we all called it now, she was pretty ill now and could do so little for herself.
"What is it, mom?"
"I can't…" she started saying frustrated, she was half in and out of bed, she must have been trying to go to the bathroom by herself again. I sighed and helped her to her feet, she smiled at me,
"You should go back to D.C., that boss of yours won't let you stay here much longer."
"I quit remember mom?" I said, the pain in my own voice almost forcing me to sit down. She was starting to forget things, not a lot but she wasn't as sharp as she'd always been. I walked her to the bathroom as the tears fell down my face, it didn't have to be like this, it shouldn't be like this I kept saying over and over again in my head.
So you can imagine my surprise when I opened the door that morning, still in my dressing gown, no make-up and looking like death, to see Josh stood there smiling sheepishly. Not only was he stood there, but he was stood there in an old pair of jeans and checked shirt.
"I thought you might want some help." he said
"If by turning up in a pair of jeans you expect me to come right back to work, you're dead wrong."
"Actually I have some holiday time to use up and seeing as you need some help I thought I'd stay up here for awhile. This is not a ploy to get you to come back home." I was surprised by the way he called D.C. home, but in our friendship and our world it was home, this place wasn't anymore, it was where my parents lived. I still didn't believe him, but I was really glad he was there, he always made things feel easier.
"Fine, just don't go getting any ideas." I meant it seriously but I couldn't help but smile.
He was the perfect gentleman all week. He helped make the lunch, he talked to my mom and even made her smile for the first time in days, it made me cry again. He was so careful about everything, he knew when to comfort me and talk to me and when to leave me to myself. I wanted to argue with him, get him to speak about the HMO's but I couldn't bring myself to end this. I felt happier then than I had for along time, just feeling that I wasn't alone in this. When my dad came home he invited Josh to stay for dinner and after much pleading was coaxed into staying. The two of them got on perfectly, Josh even got my dad to smile, which was an even bigger thing than my mom smiling, I had begun to think he would never smile again. I sat and watched them together, realising how much like my dad Josh could be. After dinner we crashed in front of the TV and my dad went up to bed, hoping to get some sleep.
As we sat there watching some trashy film I turned to look at his face and couldn't help but smile at him, I sat there for a while just watching him when he finally turned around looking worried,
"What?"
"Nothing, I was just…thanks so much for…for everything." he smiled at me and put his arm around me, I snuggled into him and felt so safe and that this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life,
"Well, as I said I had some time off. Things are fairly quiet, or as quiet as they ever get." he said jokingly, but the reminder of work and what had happened there silenced us both.
"When are you going back?"
"On Friday, I can't take any more time off after that." he stopped and we sat in silence for a while, "You're not going to come back ever are you?" he said finally breaking the silence.
"No. You've seen her," I said pointing upstairs to my parents' bedroom, "That would be like saying how she died was ok." I was shocked at myself, I'd just talked about my mom as if she was dead already. Josh didn't say anything, he just held me tighter and we continued to watch the film.
"I'm going to miss you," he said suddenly as we watched the credits roll by. I looked over at him to see he was looking straight at me,
"I'm going to miss you too." I said quietly, unsure of what else to say, where this was headed.
" I think I'm going to go back tomorrow morning, I have a lot of work to catch up on." my heart sank and I nodded. This was probably going to be the last time we saw each other, the man I had lived my life around for four long but wonderful years was leaving and wasn't going to come back, it hurt so much I couldn't stop the tears which ran down my face.
"Hey!" he said as he wiped away the tears, "I'm only a plane trip away ok? Just because you don't work there doesn't mean you can't visit, everyone would love you to come, I would love you to come ok?" he said his eyes searching mine, I nodded but still the tears kept flowing, I just wasn't ready to admit why they kept falling. I moved over to hug him but just as I stretched my arms around him he took my face in his hands and kissed me. It wasn't even like I was shocked, I just fell into it. So hungry for that feeling, it was so soft and gentle and perfect that when it ended I almost cried for the loss of his lips. He smiled and laughed a little at me, then he wiped away a few tears and kissed the top of my head before standing up and grabbing his coat. I walked him to the door and watched as his car drive away, my last image of him being his face in the wing mirror; it looked sad, tired.
