The "Secret Love Affairs" of Hogwarts…
Tangled love affairs
everywhere.
Part 3
Scene
Seven: Outside the Great Hall, after
breakfast. This scene's based on an
episode of 'Hey Arnold!' only I'm twisting the plot a little.
Malfoy: (Scans the crowd for Hermione, holding
his little pink book..) Where are
you, my darling? This is the day…the
day when I finally declare my love for you. I can wait no longer! I must
tell you. (Sees Hermione with Ron
and Harry.) But you're with them. Oh, Hermione, I can only hope that you do
not feel for them as I do for you. (Opens
his pink book and looks at his tiny little picture of Hermione, who really
doesn't look happy now. )
Ron: Look guys! It's a Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow! I'm in the mood for some butterbeer, what about you?
Harry: Sure, why not?
Hermione: Maybe now some people will join
S.P.E.W!
Ron: (Exasperated.) I can't believe you're still all over the house-elves deal!
Hermione: Well, they deserve better! How would you like it if you had to obey
someone's whims and wishes and not get paid for it?
Ron: If I were a house-elf? I'd enjoy it. (Hermione clenches her teeth.) How many times do I have to tell you, Hermione? They. Like. It. (Hermione glares.)s
Malfoy: (Closes pink book and sneaks up behind
them. Snorts behind their backs.) Is this an attempt at popularity for you,
Granger?
Hermione: Buzz off, Malfoy! No one asked you!
Ron: (Suddenly smiles mischievously.) Look, Malfoy. Your spitting girlfriend is calling you. (Malfoy turns around. Pansy is leaning against the wall, tossing
her hair.)
Pansy: Hey, Draco! Come spend some time with me!(Malfoy clenches his teeth and
stuffs his pink book in his bag. It's
hanging in the bag by the front cover. As he stomps off, it falls to the floor. Harry, Ron, and Hermione don't notice it.)
Malfoy: (With some effort.) Hey, Pansy. You look…nice…today. (Pansy
squeals in delight and runs toward Malfoy. He looks scared as she attempts
to jump into his arms, but instead she
knocks him to the ground.)
Pansy: (Sitting on Draco's stomach as he groans
in pain.) Oh, Draco…(dreamily.) You say the sweetest things.
Malfoy: I think my appendix just burst. (Pansy giggles and stands up as Draco
clutches his stomach and groans some more.)
Pansy: Let me help you up, Draco. (Yanks him off the ground. Malfoy looks like he's going to throw up.) Oh, Draco, you don't look so good…do you
want me to hug you and make you all better? (Throws her arms around his stomach and squeezes him.)
Malfoy: Augh…(Throws up all over Pansy's
robes. People around them are starting
to laugh. Pansy looks horrified.)
Pansy: Oh, Draco! You – OH MY GOSH! My robes! My brand new robes!! (Starts shrieking and running around hysterically.)
Draco: Maybe it's an ulcer…(Clutches his stomach
and races for the bathroom. Everyone
starts walking away from hysterical Pansy.)
Ron: (Closes his eyes in pleasure.) I have to savor the moment.
Hermione: Should we just leave them there and wait for
a teacher to find them?
Ron: Shh! I'm seeing Malfoy spewing all over Professor Snape in Potions (Trips.) What's this? (Picks up the pink book.)
Hermione: Hmm…it looks like a diary.
Ron: No kidding. ( Stuffs pink book in his bag.) Oh, well, I'll have to look at it later.
Harry: I wonder who's it is? (All
three shrug and walk away.)
* * *
Scene
Eight: Hogwarts grounds. This scene is a bit weird...
Ron: Snape's really got it in for you,
Harry! We're making Truth Potions next
week!
Harry: I'll just fake sick and ditch the lesson. Who knows? Snape will probably be jumping with joy.
Hermione: But then you'll fail the exam because you
don't know how to make Truth Potions!
Ron
and Harry: So?
Ron: What if he made you take it, Hermione? Would you want to spill everything about how
you and Harry freed Sirius? Secret
feelings you might have for someone? (Winks
at Hermione, but she's not paying attention. Harry shakes his head.)
Hermione: Well, no…but…(A figure comes up from the
front of the castle.)
Bill: Ron! Hey, Ron! (All three turn
around in shock.)
Ron: (In awe.) Bill! What are you doing
here? (Everyone looks at each other,
confused.)
Bill: Can't I spend some quality time with my
little brother?
Ron: You have Percy. (Bill looks a little disgusted.) Okay, okay. Why are you
really here? (Bill looks around
cautiously first, then lowers his head.)
Bill: Okay, there's this foreign girl that works
in Daigon Alley and well, (Scratches his head uncertainly.) I think she's kind of following me.
Harry: Someone's stalking you?
Bill: Not exactly stalking…more like just watching
me wherever I go. She's French. (Harry's eyes widen.) I remember seeing her here – I think she was
from Beauxbatons.
Harry: Fleur Delacour! (Ron sputters.)
Bill: I think she likes me, but…I don't like her
and I really want her to stop staring at me and everything. It's creeping me out! (Pouts a little.)
Harry: Well, she did seem to look at you a lot when
you and your mum came to Hogwarts. (Bill
scowls. Another figure comes up from
the front.)
Fleur: 'ello! 'Arry! Beell! Remember me? (Everyone's mouth drops open.)
Hermione: She followed you all the way here! I can't believe it!
Fleur: I was riding by when I saw 'Ogwarts, and I
thought I would drop by to zee 'ow everyone was doing! (Looks at Bill affectionately.) I did not know zat you would be 'ere also,
Beell. (Bill laughs weakly.)
Bill: Well, I think I'll be heading back to
Gringotts, now…see you guys later. (Dashes
off.)
Fleur: Wait, Beell! I must return to my work, also! (Starts walking away very fast.)
Bill: (From a distance.) Write to me, guys! Please!
Ron: (All three are just standing there in
shock.) That…was just weird.
Hermione: Poor Bill…I would never follow a guy like
that.
Ron: Not even if you loved him like crazy? (Tries to put his arm around her, but
falls down because she moves away without knowing it.)
* * *
Scene
Nine: Transfiguration for the
Slytherins. Professor McGonagall is
making everyone transform shoes into frogs.
Malfoy: Why would you ever need to turn your shoes
into frogs? (Pansy, who is standing
next to him, sighs.)
Pansy: You have such an inquisitive mind,
Draco. (Smiles. Malfoy turns around and makes a face toward
Crabbe and Goyle. They look lost.)
Malfoy: (Under his breath.) Forget it! (Pokes his pair of shoes. They transform into two huge, wet, green frogs. They croak.)
Pansy: Oh, good job, Draco! You're so smart! (Malfoy rolls his eyes. Crabbe and Goyle come to investigate. One of Goyle's shoes falls to the floor.)
Malfoy: (Looks suave.) What can I say? I'm good. (Pansy
sighs. Crabbe and Goyle walk over. Goyle trips over the shoe he dropped. His wand comes flying out and hits Pansy on
the face.)
Pansy: Ouch! (Rubs her face.) Oh,
Draco, it hurts!
Malfoy: What do you want me to do about it? (At that moment, Goyle picks up his wand,
but Crabbe tries to step over him and falls on his back. A huge puff of smoke rises up with a bang.)
Professor
McGonagall: Everyone, stay calm!
Malfoy: (Waves his wand and his free hand in
front of his face to get rid of the smoke.) My frogs! Where are they!
A
Slytherin: I think I stepped on
something squishy!
Malfoy: You stepped on my frog?! (A loud bang and sparks come out of his
wand. Malfoy creeps toward his desk and searches for his pink
book.) If you were here, my
darling, you would know what to do…(Sticks his hand even farther into his
bag.) My book! Where is it?
McGonagall: Everybody stand still! (Waves her wand and all the smoke
disappears. Everyone is either lying on
the floor, pressed against the wall, or stuck to the floor because they stepped
on frog goo.) Everything
alright? (Few people mutter
yes. Class resumes.)
Malfoy: (Searching desperately through his bag.) Oh, no! Oh, man! Please say it's
here! (Turns over his bag and
everything falls out. Malfoy lets out a tiny squeak of horror.) Oh…please, no…
Malfoy
flashes back to scene seven when he last had his pink book.
Malfoy: (Looks really horrified.) I swear I put it in my bag! (Looks stricken.) I hope my love doesn't find it! (Relaxes a teeny bit.) At least…I didn't sign my name in there.
McGonagall: Class dismissed! (Everyone leaves. Malfoy scrambles out of there, looking worried. He scans the classroom.) Can I help you, Mr. Malfoy? (Malfoy shakes his head. A huge frog ribbits next to a pair of
shoes.)
Malfoy: (Sneers.) No, I don't need any help. I have to wait for Pansy. (Stands
there for 30 seconds as McGonagall pokes frogs and they each turn back into
shoes. Pansy is no where to be found.) Oh well, I guess she had to split. (He starts to leave. The huge frog ribbits very loudly. Professor McGonagall examines the frog.)
McGonagall: Hmm…this isn't a frog transfigured from a
shoe. It's too big. (Frog ribbits loudly.) No, it looks like something else that was
transfigured. Hmm…(Sets the frog
down and pokes it with her wand. A loud
bang…then Pansy appears in a heap, looking terrified.) Miss Parkinson?!
* * *
