The "Secret Love Affairs" of Hogwarts…

The "Secret Love Affairs" of Hogwarts…

Tangled love affairs everywhere.

Part 3

Scene Seven: Outside the Great Hall, after breakfast. This scene's based on an episode of 'Hey Arnold!' only I'm twisting the plot a little.

Malfoy: (Scans the crowd for Hermione, holding his little pink book..) Where are you, my darling? This is the day…the day when I finally declare my love for you. I can wait no longer! I must tell you. (Sees Hermione with Ron and Harry.) But you're with them. Oh, Hermione, I can only hope that you do not feel for them as I do for you. (Opens his pink book and looks at his tiny little picture of Hermione, who really doesn't look happy now. )

Ron: Look guys! It's a Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow! I'm in the mood for some butterbeer, what about you?

Harry: Sure, why not?

Hermione: Maybe now some people will join S.P.E.W!

Ron: (Exasperated.) I can't believe you're still all over the house-elves deal!

Hermione: Well, they deserve better! How would you like it if you had to obey someone's whims and wishes and not get paid for it?

Ron: If I were a house-elf? I'd enjoy it. (Hermione clenches her teeth.) How many times do I have to tell you, Hermione? They. Like. It. (Hermione glares.)s

Malfoy: (Closes pink book and sneaks up behind them. Snorts behind their backs.) Is this an attempt at popularity for you, Granger?

Hermione: Buzz off, Malfoy! No one asked you!

Ron: (Suddenly smiles mischievously.) Look, Malfoy. Your spitting girlfriend is calling you. (Malfoy turns around. Pansy is leaning against the wall, tossing her hair.)

Pansy: Hey, Draco! Come spend some time with me!(Malfoy clenches his teeth and stuffs his pink book in his bag. It's hanging in the bag by the front cover. As he stomps off, it falls to the floor. Harry, Ron, and Hermione don't notice it.)

Malfoy: (With some effort.) Hey, Pansy. You look…nice…today. (Pansy squeals in delight and runs toward Malfoy. He looks scared as she attempts to jump into his arms, but instead she knocks him to the ground.)

Pansy: (Sitting on Draco's stomach as he groans in pain.) Oh, Draco…(dreamily.) You say the sweetest things.

Malfoy: I think my appendix just burst. (Pansy giggles and stands up as Draco clutches his stomach and groans some more.)

Pansy: Let me help you up, Draco. (Yanks him off the ground. Malfoy looks like he's going to throw up.) Oh, Draco, you don't look so good…do you want me to hug you and make you all better? (Throws her arms around his stomach and squeezes him.)

Malfoy: Augh…(Throws up all over Pansy's robes. People around them are starting to laugh. Pansy looks horrified.)

Pansy: Oh, Draco! You – OH MY GOSH! My robes! My brand new robes!! (Starts shrieking and running around hysterically.)

Draco: Maybe it's an ulcer…(Clutches his stomach and races for the bathroom. Everyone starts walking away from hysterical Pansy.)

Ron: (Closes his eyes in pleasure.) I have to savor the moment.

Hermione: Should we just leave them there and wait for a teacher to find them?

Ron: Shh! I'm seeing Malfoy spewing all over Professor Snape in Potions (Trips.) What's this? (Picks up the pink book.)

Hermione: Hmm…it looks like a diary.

Ron: No kidding. ( Stuffs pink book in his bag.) Oh, well, I'll have to look at it later.

Harry: I wonder who's it is? (All three shrug and walk away.)

* * *

Scene Eight: Hogwarts grounds. This scene is a bit weird...

Ron: Snape's really got it in for you, Harry! We're making Truth Potions next week!

Harry: I'll just fake sick and ditch the lesson. Who knows? Snape will probably be jumping with joy.

Hermione: But then you'll fail the exam because you don't know how to make Truth Potions!

Ron and Harry: So?

Ron: What if he made you take it, Hermione? Would you want to spill everything about how you and Harry freed Sirius? Secret feelings you might have for someone? (Winks at Hermione, but she's not paying attention. Harry shakes his head.)

Hermione: Well, no…but…(A figure comes up from the front of the castle.)

Bill: Ron! Hey, Ron! (All three turn around in shock.)

Ron: (In awe.) Bill! What are you doing here? (Everyone looks at each other, confused.)

Bill: Can't I spend some quality time with my little brother?

Ron: You have Percy. (Bill looks a little disgusted.) Okay, okay. Why are you really here? (Bill looks around cautiously first, then lowers his head.)

Bill: Okay, there's this foreign girl that works in Daigon Alley and well, (Scratches his head uncertainly.) I think she's kind of following me.

Harry: Someone's stalking you?

Bill: Not exactly stalking…more like just watching me wherever I go. She's French. (Harry's eyes widen.) I remember seeing her here – I think she was from Beauxbatons.

Harry: Fleur Delacour! (Ron sputters.)

Bill: I think she likes me, but…I don't like her and I really want her to stop staring at me and everything. It's creeping me out! (Pouts a little.)

Harry: Well, she did seem to look at you a lot when you and your mum came to Hogwarts. (Bill scowls. Another figure comes up from the front.)

Fleur: 'ello! 'Arry! Beell! Remember me? (Everyone's mouth drops open.)

Hermione: She followed you all the way here! I can't believe it!

Fleur: I was riding by when I saw 'Ogwarts, and I thought I would drop by to zee 'ow everyone was doing! (Looks at Bill affectionately.) I did not know zat you would be 'ere also, Beell. (Bill laughs weakly.)

Bill: Well, I think I'll be heading back to Gringotts, now…see you guys later. (Dashes off.)

Fleur: Wait, Beell! I must return to my work, also! (Starts walking away very fast.)

Bill: (From a distance.) Write to me, guys! Please!

Ron: (All three are just standing there in shock.) That…was just weird.

Hermione: Poor Bill…I would never follow a guy like that.

Ron: Not even if you loved him like crazy? (Tries to put his arm around her, but falls down because she moves away without knowing it.)

* * *

Scene Nine: Transfiguration for the Slytherins. Professor McGonagall is making everyone transform shoes into frogs.

Malfoy: Why would you ever need to turn your shoes into frogs? (Pansy, who is standing next to him, sighs.)

Pansy: You have such an inquisitive mind, Draco. (Smiles. Malfoy turns around and makes a face toward Crabbe and Goyle. They look lost.)

Malfoy: (Under his breath.) Forget it! (Pokes his pair of shoes. They transform into two huge, wet, green frogs. They croak.)

Pansy: Oh, good job, Draco! You're so smart! (Malfoy rolls his eyes. Crabbe and Goyle come to investigate. One of Goyle's shoes falls to the floor.)

Malfoy: (Looks suave.) What can I say? I'm good. (Pansy sighs. Crabbe and Goyle walk over. Goyle trips over the shoe he dropped. His wand comes flying out and hits Pansy on the face.)

Pansy: Ouch! (Rubs her face.) Oh, Draco, it hurts!

Malfoy: What do you want me to do about it? (At that moment, Goyle picks up his wand, but Crabbe tries to step over him and falls on his back. A huge puff of smoke rises up with a bang.)

Professor McGonagall: Everyone, stay calm!

Malfoy: (Waves his wand and his free hand in front of his face to get rid of the smoke.) My frogs! Where are they!

A Slytherin: I think I stepped on something squishy!

Malfoy: You stepped on my frog?! (A loud bang and sparks come out of his wand. Malfoy creeps toward his desk and searches for his pink book.) If you were here, my darling, you would know what to do…(Sticks his hand even farther into his bag.) My book! Where is it?

McGonagall: Everybody stand still! (Waves her wand and all the smoke disappears. Everyone is either lying on the floor, pressed against the wall, or stuck to the floor because they stepped on frog goo.) Everything alright? (Few people mutter yes. Class resumes.)

Malfoy: (Searching desperately through his bag.) Oh, no! Oh, man! Please say it's here! (Turns over his bag and everything falls out. Malfoy lets out a tiny squeak of horror.) Oh…please, no…

Malfoy flashes back to scene seven when he last had his pink book.

Malfoy: (Looks really horrified.) I swear I put it in my bag! (Looks stricken.) I hope my love doesn't find it! (Relaxes a teeny bit.) At least…I didn't sign my name in there.

McGonagall: Class dismissed! (Everyone leaves. Malfoy scrambles out of there, looking worried. He scans the classroom.) Can I help you, Mr. Malfoy? (Malfoy shakes his head. A huge frog ribbits next to a pair of shoes.)

Malfoy: (Sneers.) No, I don't need any help. I have to wait for Pansy. (Stands there for 30 seconds as McGonagall pokes frogs and they each turn back into shoes. Pansy is no where to be found.) Oh well, I guess she had to split. (He starts to leave. The huge frog ribbits very loudly. Professor McGonagall examines the frog.)

McGonagall: Hmm…this isn't a frog transfigured from a shoe. It's too big. (Frog ribbits loudly.) No, it looks like something else that was transfigured. Hmm…(Sets the frog down and pokes it with her wand. A loud bang…then Pansy appears in a heap, looking terrified.) Miss Parkinson?!

* * *