The "Secret Love
Affairs" of Hogwarts…
Tangles love affairs
everywhere.
Part 4
Scene
Ten: Great Hall.
Ron: Today's the day, Harry?
Harry: What's happening today?
Ron: I'm going to ask Hermione out on a date.
Harry: Whatever you say.
Ron: What? You don't believe me?
Harry: No, not really.
Ron: You just watch and learn from the pro.
Harry: He's on his sabbatical right now.
Ron: Well, here goes.
Harry: I think I'll go…find some toast*. (Walks away fast.)
Ron: Hey, Hermione. What's a woman like you doing at a place like this?
Hermione: Ron, I eat breakfast here.
Ron: Right! I knew that!
Hermione: Ron…I think I know what you want.
Ron: (Blushes.) You do?
Hermione: Of course! I've sort of noticed every time you try to play slick, Ron. By the way, you're really bad at it.
Zoom
to the Ravenclaw table.
Harry: (Walks behind Cho.) Hi, Cho!
Cho: Harry! You just made me drop my toast!
Harry: Oh, sorry…I'll get you another piece! (Reaches for a piece of toast just as
Padma Patil grabs for one.) Whoops!
Padma: Yuck! I just got grease all over my brand new robes!
Harry: Here, have a napkin. (Hands her a napkin and knocks over a
glass of pumpkin juice.) Er, sorry
'bout that! (Hands Cho a piece of
toast drenched in pumpkin juice.) Here's
your toast.
Cho: Um…thanks.
Go
back to Ron and Hermione.
Ron: You've known all along?
Hermione: Ron, I'm not stupid.
Ron: Why didn't you say anything?
Hermione: I thought you would ask me first! Anyways, how does 7:00 on Friday sound?
Ron: Great! So how about we go to Three Broomsticks?
Hermione: Why? It would be much easier to stay in the common room.
Ron: It would? (Eyes light up.) Oh! It would…wouldn't it? (Winks at Hermione with a stupid grin on
his face.)
Hermione: Of course! If you had a question, I could easily go to one of my books!
Ron: (Mouth drops open.) Hermione, what are you talking about?
Hermione: I'm saying that if you have a question while
I'm tutoring you, I could just go find a book to help you. If we were in Three Broomsticks, it would be
much harder.
Ron: Tutoring? (He starts to blush bright red.)
Hermione: Yes! That's what you needed, didn't you?
Ron: Sort of…in a way. Well, I've got to go now! Bye! (Runs off quickly. Hermione shrugs and keeps eating.
Back
to Harry and Cho…
Harry: Here's another piece of toast to make up for
the five pieces of toast I ruined before! (Picks up a piece of toast and knocks butter all over the toast
plate.)
Cho: Harry! Really…it's okay. Just…stop
giving me toast. (Hold toast between
her fingers and tries to avoid touching butter.)
Harry: Oh, do you want a croissant instead? (Hands her a croissant that is drenched
in spilled pumpkin juice. The orange
juice drips on her shoe.) Er…maybe
not? (Cho looks scandalized.)
* * *
Scene
Eleven: Slytherin Common Room at
night. Malfoy is sitting in his dorm
alone. He solves a great mystery of
life.
Malfoy: (Picks at the feathers on his
headress*. Writes on loose parchment.) I wonder where my pink book went? (Sticks headress on his head.) Oh well, no point in worrying about it now.
Pansy: Hey, Draco…look at what I have!
Malfoy: (Runs up and locks his door.) Doesn't she have better things to do? Geez, it's like she's stalking me!
Pansy: (Knocks on the door.) Hey Draco…I know you're in there. (Malfoy snores very loudly.) Awww…you are so cute when you're sleeping, (Walks
away.) Hey, Blaise**! Look at what I have! (Hears distant yelling and screaming.)
Malfoy: (Sits up again.) That's weird…I have this jumpy feeling in my
stomach. It won't go away. (Rubs his stomach.) Urrghh…now what the heck is that? (Appears to be thinking very hard.) Am I nervous or something? I know! I'm scared! But of what? (Rubs chin.)
Pansy: Draco? Are you talking in your sleep? (Giggles.)
Malfoy: (Scrunches up his face and mutters.) Please go away, please go away, please,
please…
Pansy: I was just – oh, there you are, Blaise! Where did you go, you silly goose? (More yelling and screaming.)
Malfoy: Eureka! That weird feeling in my stomach is…fear! Fear of Pansy! Am I a
genius or what? (Scribbles on his
parchment.) Oh, sweet, sweet,
Hermione, every day I understand everything more and more. And one day, I shall be able to decode your
feelings for me!
Blaise: Hey, open this door!
Scene
Twelve: Hogsmeade.
Colin: Okay, today's the day. (Creeps toward Ginny in a very obvious
way.)
Ginny: Colin? What exactly are you doing?
Colin: Um…see, well…you know…(Hold up camera and
snaps a picture of a very shocked Ginny.) Smile!
Ginny: How dare you!! (Shrieks and grabs the camera.) I didn't even get a warning?
Colin: Well, Ginny, you know – hey! Hands of the lens! – the best pictures are
never posed! Heheheh?
Ginny: Not funny!
Hermione: Oh dear, it looks like Colin got the bad
side of Ginny.
Ron: So? (Chews
on a Sugar Quill thoughtfully.)
Hermione: Shouldn't you do something about it?
Ron: Why? This is fun.
Harry: Besides, Hermione, I don't think either of
them would like you to butt into their business.
Ginny: What are you going to do with that
picture? (Tugs at the camera. It flashes.)
Colin: I'll throw it away, okay?! (Pulls back. It flashes again.)
Ginny: You'd better!! (Lets go of the camera. It flashes again.)
Colin: Thank you. (Walks away fast. Grins sheepishly to himself.)
Ron: Aww, that's all?
Harry: What else were you expecting?
Ron: I dunno…a punch or two? A black eye? (Hermione rolls her eyes. Ron notices.) Of course,
though, I am very…glad…that they stopped fighting. (Throws a fake grin at Hermione.) At least no one got…hurt. (It's Harry's turn to roll his eyes.)
*Inside
jokes from part one.
**Remember
him from the first book during the Sorting?
