The "Secret Love Affairs" of Hogwarts…
Tangled love affairs everywhere.
Alternate EndingScene Nineteen: Hogwarts grounds
Hermione: Urgh! Who wrote these? Ernie Macmillan…? No, Peeves…? (Check off names on checklist.)
Ginny: Wow, it really bugs you, doesn't it?
Hermione: Yes! There is not one guy in this school that could be this sweet and sensitive! And this talented at writing!
Ginny: Do you think you'd like him if you knew who he was?
Hermione: What? Yes, of course I would.
Ginny: Not just because he likes you?
Hermione: (Looks scandalized.) Of course not! (Looks thoughtful.) Though it's part of the reason…
Bill: GINNY! (Both girls jump.)
Ginny: Bill! What the heck?
Bill: Aw, aren't you happy to see your favorite brother, Gin?
Ginny: Actually –
Bill: Anyways, have either of you seen Ron or Harry?
Ginny and Hermione: No…
Bill: Augh! (Walks around desperately.)
Hermione: OH MY GOSH! (Bill and Ginny look at her uncertainly.) Oh, it's nothing…(stares at bottom of checklist: Draco Malfoy.)
Distant voice: O, Beell!
Bill: Crap! Hide me! (Tries to hide behind Ginny.)
Ginny: Stop it! What's with you? (Bill dashes off into the castle as Fleur runs up.)
Fleur: (Pants and looks around.) 'ave any of you seen an attractive young man wiz red 'air? (Ginny stares.)
Ginny: Yeah…he went that way. (Points to Forbidden Forest.)
Fleur: Zank you! (Runs off.)
Hermione: (Still staring at checklist.) That wasn't very nice.
Ginny: You're right…I should have shown her to the castle. (Chuckles.) The look on Bill's face would be priceless! What are you looking at? Did you finally figure out who it is?
Hermione: (Blushes.) Er, uh, no…I thought I did. (Scratches head.) Why don't you, uh, go to the castle…or something?
Ginny: Alright….
Hermione: (Fingers pink book.) Malfoy… (Blushes bright pink.)
* * *
Scene Twenty: Potions class. Everyone is a little woozy from drinking too much Truth Potion.
Snape: Goyle! Stop putting that Truth Potion in Crabbe's hair! You're supposed to drink it, fool! This potion is extremely strong - you're going to make him go bald!
Draco: (To himself.) You must admit, it would be an improvement.
Crabbe: (Hair bursts into flames.) ARRRRGGGHH!!
Snape: Stop! Drop! Roll! (Shoves Crabbe's head on the floor.)
Hermione: (Standing by Malfoy with a big gap between them.) Trade with Harry, Ron. I'm…not done yet.
Ron: (Both drink potion. Ron stumbles.) You know what, Harry? I always thought your sock tan was sexy. (Clamps hand over mouth.)
Harry: Why thank you, Ron. All from Quidditch y'know. (Trips.) I like your coral pink socks…(both continue to babble on.)
Hermione: (Quietly.) Malfoy.
Malfoy: (Stiffens.) What?
Hermione: Will you drink my potion? (Holds vial looking a bit sinister.)
Malfoy: It's probably poisoned. (Takes a swig anyway.)
Hermione: (In a low mysterious voice.) You never told me who wrote those poems.
Malfoy: (Gets a little lightheaded.) Oh, those? I wrote 'em. (Brandishes vial in her face.) You're s'posed to drink this, Granger. (Hiccups.)
Hermione: Right…(takes a big gulp.) How nasty. (Leans against table.)
Malfoy: (Falls over and staggers up again.) SO! You know it's me. Whaddya think, sweetie? (Cackles.)
Hermione: (Giggles.) I think you're too sexy, Draco.
Malfoy: So do I. (Both laugh. Draco starts coming out of his delirium.) Yeah… Hermione?
Hermione: Yes?
Malfoy: Do you wanna…will you…
Hermione: Spill it, Romeo. (Hiccups.)
Malfoy: Willyoubemygirlfriend? (Takes a deep breath.)
Hermione: (Stands on desk.) I DO! (Truth potion wears off.)
Snape: 10 points from Gryffindor. Get down from there, you silly girl. (Pours water over Crabbe's flaming head.)
Hermione: I mean, yes. I would love to be your girlfriend.
Harry and Ron: What?!?!
Neville: (Comes out of nowhere.) You may now kiss the bride! (Bashes their heads together to make them kiss.)
Seamus: You know, you're not the Queen of England yet, Neville.
Crabbe: Arrrrrgghhh!
* * *
Scene Twenty-One: Hogwarts Lake. ß (aka the scene that has no real point in it)
Pansy: Come on, Blaisey-poo! I know the perfect spot for us! It's nice and sunny and nobody knows where it is! (Drags a tied up Blaise Zabini past Draco and Hermione, who are holding hands and sitting by the lake.)
Blaise: Somebody help me PLEASE! (Hits a rock and goes unconscious.)
Parvati: (Comes out of castle.) So I said that he said that I said that…
Lavendar: (Stops suddenly.) Oh. My. Gosh. (Looks at Hermione and Draco.)
Parvati: Ooh, let's get a picture! (Colin Creevey appears out of nowhere with a big bandage on his head, a token of Ginny's love.)
Colin: Did you say picture? Where's is he? Where's Harry? (Parvati snatches camera and tries to take a picture.) Not so fast, girlie. You have to pay me first!
Parvati: What?! (Both start fighting over the camera.)
Malfoy: (Ignores squabbling behind them.) So are Potter and Weasley okay with us?
Hermione: They'll survive. Right now they're concentrating on other things.
Malfoy: Such as…?
Hermione: You'll see. (Bill comes running out of the castle, Harry and Ron following close behind.)
Bill: Which way to Hagrid's hut? I can't remember!
Harry: Over there! C'mon! (Bill runs for his life around the lake towards the hut.)
Fleur: Beell! Come back! (Sees Bill running to the hut. Dives into the lake and swims across.) I'm coming, Beell! (Bill screams.)
Ron: Faster, Bill! She's gaining on us!
Parvati: (Distracted from Draco and Hermione.) You. Creevey. Get me a picture of that. I'll give you five Knuts.
Hermione: Draco, these people are distracting me.
Malfoy: I think it's quite amusing seeing Potter and Weasley run like the dickens.
Hermione: (Sighs.) If you insist. (Malfoy puts his arm around her.)
Scene ends with Creevey demanding his fee, Fleur swimming across the lake, Bill, Harry, and Ron barring up the door to Hagrid's hut, Hagrid demanding to know what the hell is going on, and the happy couple watching from a distance…
The End…FINALLY! ^^
A/N: I knew I couldn't leave Draco all alone singing…he's too cool! *now if only he were a hobbit…oh, don't mind me! ^^* Okay, so that didn't go like I would have thought it would. It's all good! Wow…it's finished! It's actually…DONE. *sniff* Welp, I'll be moving on to new projects, though what they are I don't know. Look forward to spoofs…many spoofs. ^^
