*So I Sit Here* -Duo P.O.V

1 By: Deux Maxwell

*I sit here and wait

For what? For who?

For something that I know will never come

For someone who I know will never understand

*I sit here, cold

What freezes me this way?

Is it was I fear of feeling?

Or is it the feeling I have but fear of acknowledging?

This ice cold fire that burns in me

It rages…

Fuelled by hate

Unspoken desires

Unspoken only because I fear

*I sit here, lost

Lost for words to describe my hurt

The hurt I feel is strange

Strange only because I, myself caused it

I'm lost in a world even unknown to me

I've lived in a world where I could never be wrong

Would never have to worry or ever feel real pain

*Pain is but a word

And has only been a word

A word to throw around and manipulate to my every pitiful need

But no longer

I now feel pain in a way that I've never known

It's an uncontrollable longing, wanting, hoping

But towards what…

Towards who…

Is unclear

But this feeling is painfully clear

I am not certain for how much longer I can bear it

*I sit here, lying

Lying to myself

Telling myself stories

Stories of success and survival

But lies are all I am achieving

'I will be okay'

'It'll all just disappear'

Lies…

My hope is disappearing

Fading away slowly but steadily

It will continue to fade until I have nothing left

*I sit here, dying

My world is falling apart

A part of me wants to keep lying

Wants to keep me alive

But the better, sensible half knows to die

Let all these feelings and useless emotions die

*I sit here, crying

Hot tears drip down my face

A face so disfigured and made hideous by anger

So full of anger, hate

Now all I feel is disgust

Disgusted with my feelings…

With my pathetic hopes and desires…

With myself…

So I cry

*I sit here, alone

So alone and isolated from everything around me

I try to change my attitude and outlook about life

About a life I know will end before it even begins

New beginnings for more pain and hurt to thrive on

I'm so alone in a room crowded by people

People who think they understand

Think they know what I'm going through

*I sit here, hiding

Hiding my feelings from everyone

Everyone that I know will try to help

Try…but not succeed

I've been hiding behind these walls for a couple of years now

But now these once protective walls are closing in on me

I feel this urge to push the walls away

And speak the unspoken feelings I keep locked up within

But I'm not so foolish

To follow and go on such an urge is far too dangerous

Danger is too big a risk to take

I've taken risks before

It has only added to this feeling that I now suffer with

Only added to this unspoken hurt

*So I sit here

Waiting, cold, lost, lying, dying, crying

So alone and still hiding

*So I sit here now

Praying for relief…

How will this relief come?

In what form?

When?

Will it even come at all?

I do not know…

*So I sit here*