CHAPTER FOUR : The Buffy Chapter

CHAPTER FOUR : The Buffy Chapter

Cordelia was tired, she was emotional but more than anything she was scared. It had been over two days since Angel had returned to the hotel injured and there was still no sign of him regaining consciousness. In fact if anything his condition seemed to be growing steadily worse as the wounds created by the Braxior spindles were not healing as quickly as they should and a short while ago Angel had succumbed to a high temperature fever. When that happened Cordelia had felt relieved yet guilty to see some reaction from Angel. With no heartbeat, no pulse or breath to rely on, his increased body heat had proved to her that in some way Angel was still with her and that gave her an odd sense of comfort.

Wesley had managed to persuade Cordelia to take a break from her recurring bedside vigil and she had agreed albeit reluctantly. She now found herself lying on the bed in one of the many empty rooms at the Hyperion gazing up at a pale and grimy ceiling. She gave a casual glance at her watch and noticed the time. It was five minutes short of midnight. Cordelia let out an exhausted sigh which in turn changed into an extensive yawn. She was unbelievably tired yet she knew she wouldn't sleep. Her mind was too active. Her thoughts were too full of Angel.

She felt the tears begin to well in her eyes for what seemed the hundredth time that night when she thought of how fragile Angel had become. There had been many instances in the past where she had felt powerless, and often she could not help out in battle but right at this moment she had never felt so helpless or, as much as she hated to admit it, she had never felt so alone. Angel had become the singularly most precious person in her life and she needed him more than she would ever dare admit. Angel was immortal and there wasn't supposed to be a chance that he could be taken from her.

She turned in the bed and pulled the covers over her shoulders trying to capture any warmth she could and cast out her ever increasing fear. As she tried to settle, Cordelia cast her mind back to her first meeting with Angel post Sunnydale.. She had bumped into him purely by chance at some glamorous LA bash where they had chatted for a short time, exchanging pleasantries and life updates. Cordelia cringed as she recalled how eager she had been to return to networking with the Hollywood bigwigs who were there that night rather than give Angel the attention that he deserved. She had dismissed him as readily as she would any high school inferior in favour of talking to people who were in her own words "actually somebody". She thought that would be the last she would see of him. How wrong could she have been.

Angel didn't mind her lack of sensitivity of course. As far as he was concerned that was classic Cordelia Chase behaviour. He certainly didn't seem to hold it against her when he saved her life the following evening from the jaws of one those LA 'somebodies', nor when he put her life back on track by offering her a job. Looking back maybe she had bullied him into the job part but he took her in anyway and had kept her safe ever since.

Cordelia smiled as she continued to remember that party. She had spent the better part of the evening trying to impress an agent by the name of Oliver Simon but without much success. Imagine her disbelief when she discovered a short time later that Angel had been offered and refused Oliver's business card without 'working' him but by just being Angel

"He thought I had a quality", Angel had told her and looking back now, Cordelia could not argue with that sentiment. Angel had always been there when she needed him, her memories were littered with times when he had saved her again and again. When she was pregnant with demon children for example, Angel hadn't judged her but instead acted as her protector. When she was tormented by her recurring visions, he had been her strength, her lifeline and when she experienced the lowest of her lows after Doyle had lost his life, he had been her cornerstone. Now above everything else he was her closest friend and she loved him dearly.

Cordelia had seen a change in Angel too in the time that they had worked together. He didn't seem to brood as often and she liked to think that in her own small way she had helped with that. He seemed to be less afraid around strangers, seeing them for the souled human beings they were instead of either a potential feast or as a jury of vengeful descendants waiting to condemn him for his sins of the past against their elders.

She could never describe Angel as light hearted but his heart certainly didn't seem to be as heavy these days. Not since his epiphany anyway. Cordelia had even managed to make him smile on more than one occasion and she didn't just mean his trademark half smirk but a full on smile that radiated across his entire face and what an incredible sight it was to behold.

It was with this calming image in her head that Cordelia felt herself give way to her weariness and fell into a deep, badly needed sleep.

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Angel was almost too scared to open his eyes afraid of what he might see. Doyle had asked him if he could handle the choices he was to be faced with and now considering it more closely, Angel wasn't so sure that he could. Angel had been a loner for the better part of one hundred years, learning to depend on nobody but himself, and although he had formed close emotional ties with several incredible human beings in recent time, he wasn't keen on laying the responsibility for his whole future in the hands of another. It just didn't seem fair that an innocent life was to be bound to him forever all in the name of his salvation. Maybe he should refuse this chance for humanity and continue his search for forgiveness by fighting the very evil he once was as, what Cordy described as, The Dark Avenger.

A small shrill of laughter pierced the air bringing Angel out of his realm of uncertainty. His eyes quickly flickered open as he finally took in his new surroundings recognising where he was immediately. He also knew who he had been brought here to see.

Buffy. His beloved Buffy.

There was a cool chill in the air brushing against his face like heaven's fingertips. Tentatively, Angel took a couple of paces forward, his stomach knotted with nervous excitement as he searched for his heart's companion. He could almost hear her heartbeat calling to him, guiding him home. Further footsteps brought him closer to her, closer to her warmth, closer to her arms. He could feel her with every part of his being and it drove him crazy. Always did.

Then he saw her and his unneeded breath was taken from him.

Tears formed in Angel's eyes as he watched Buffy glide across the ice of the Sunnydale Ice Rink just as he had watched her so long ago. She was graceful and elegant and every bit as beautiful as his memory had preserved her, if not more so.

Angel leant forward on the rink barrier content to watch Buffy's lithe body twist and turn with such fluidity. She looked so happy and free, he could feel himself falling in love with her all over again. Buffy caught Angel staring at her. She smiled as she waved to him and skated over to where he was stood.

"You're late", she said reprimanding him with a playful punch to the arm, "You were supposed to have been here over half an hour ago".

Angel was taken aback at the normality of the situation. This wasn't what he had been expecting. Did Buffy know the circumstances of this meeting or was Doyle just trying to place him in real life situations as a taster of what his humanity could be like.

"I said you should have been here half an hour ago", Buffy gently reminded, "What took you so long?"

Angel brought his attention right back to where Buffy's hazel eyes were twinkling with mischievous intent.

"I…..I'm sorry", he managed to stammer in return , "I got delayed that's all"

He didn't know why he was nervous around her. Buffy was always the one person who made him feel most at ease. Yet seeing her here in front of him like this as if all the pains of the recent months had never happened, before Angelus, before Hell, before Faith, before The Ascension, before he had left her, unsettled him more than he dared to confess.

"It wasn't demon trouble was it, you're not hurt or anything?", Buffy asked worriedly, placing one hand on his forearm and the other brushing his hair away from his forehead as if checking for any sign of injury.

"No Buffy, I'm fine, honest", Angel assured her taking her hand from his face but keeping it firmly fastened in his own.

Buffy gave a gentle sigh and smile of relief. As Angel looked into her eyes, he could see the depth of emotion she felt for him. He was touched but it scared him too. Buffy's mum had once said that Angel was all that Buffy could see of tomorrow and in the mist of her beautiful orbs that certainly seemed to be true. She always placed his unlife above her own and Angel was fearful that in her need to protect him, she would lose her own life. After all wasn't that the reason why he had left in the first place. Isn't that why he had given back his humanity the first time it had been gifted to him. To keep his Buffy safe even if it meant never being able to be with her.

"So are you gonna stand there all night or are you gonna get on the ice or what stealth guy?", Buffy asked, pulling at his hand, interrupting his train of thought. Angel froze. Did Buffy just say what he thought she just said. He hoped not.

Inwardly Angel panicked, "You are joking right", he answered, hoping against hope that she was. He didn't like the idea of hauling his massive frame around a rink of frozen water. The idea of flailing about like a bumbling fool, especially in front of Buffy did not appeal to him in the slightest.

"Why would I be joking?", Buffy asked bemused

"Well I thought that you could skate and enjoy yourself and I could lurk and watch from the sidelines. After all isn't that what I do best"

Buffy raised her eyebrows at Angel, "Where's the fun in that?", she said, "It's a big rink, you and me, we could skate together". Buffy wasn't being deterred, so Angel tried another tactic.

"I don't have any skates", he said shrugging his shoulders in defeat hoping that Buffy would drop this subject any time soon. Unfortunately she didn't.

"Angel, lots of people don't have skates, that's why places like these hire them out", she replied drawing his attention to a large booth at the other side of the rink with an oversized sign hanging above it declaring 'ICE SKATE RENTAL'

"But ….but…..maybe they won't have my size. I have quite ……er……big feet", Angel returned. He was struggling for excuses now. He knew it and Buffy definitely knew it.

"Angel, what is the matter with you?", Buffy asked. She paused for a moment trying her upmost to keep the amusement from her voice before continuing, "You're not scared are you Angel?"

Angel almost felt himself blush, "No of course not", he replied a little too quickly before confessing, "It's just I've that I've never skated before and well I wouldn't want to………you know"

"Look like an idiot perhaps?"

Angel smiled and reached out placing the palm of his hand on Buffy's face gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. Buffy had seen through him, seen through his fears and insecurities. No matter what the situation, she always managed to do that somehow.

"Well I do have a dark, mysterious brooding guy image to keep up you know and I don't think revealing the geek within me will do well for my reputation", he smirked.

"Its okay", Buffy reassured him, turning her face and placing a soft kiss on Angel's palm, "There's only me here and I'll show you what to do. Besides you never have to be anybody but yourself with me."

For a moment, there was complete silence between them. Angel wanted to kiss her so badly but he thought back to Doyle's words. Think with your head not with your heart. If he allowed himself one single touch of her lips then he knew he would be lost forever.

"Should we try and find some skates then?", he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before retreating to the relative safety of the booth Buffy had pointed out to him earlier, "But you have to promise not to laugh at me", he shouted back at her.

"I promise", she said as she followed him.

Ten minutes later, Angel stood nervously at the entrance to the ice rink. Buffy was already on the ice waiting for him. All he had to do was get to her and everything would be OK. Simple in theory but in practice it was a different matter. Buffy sensed Angel's apprehension and skated over to where Angel's stubborn feet refused to leave terra firma. She outstretched her hand towards him.

"Come on babe, first steps are the worst but you'll be OK I promise", she encouraged. One look at the smile radiating from her face and Angel knew he would do anything she asked of him. Tentatively he placed his left foot forward and immediately felt as if the floor had been moved from under him. He grasped wildly as Buffy managed to catch him before he hit the floor. Buffy knew that she had promised not to laugh at him but she couldn't suppress the giggle that escaped from her lips as Angel clung desperately to her. With Buffy stood in front of him supporting both of his arms, Angel managed to straighten himself.

"You promised you wouldn't laugh", Angel said as he fought to keep his balance.

"I know and I'm sorry but I just couldn't help it". The smile was still playing on Buffy's lips but she managed to keep it at just that. Angel wobbled in her grip a couple of times, so she removed one of her hands from his and placed it around his waist for better stability.

"OK, the key to skating is balance", she began, "Once you have mastered that then the rink is your oyster….or…..er… something like that. So maintain your balance then we can move."

Angel could do nothing but stare at the ominous expanse of ice directly below his feet. He didn't want to move, he couldn't move. He was perfectly content to stay in the arms of his one time lover within easy reach of the safety barrier.

"I don't want to move. I want to stay here", he confessed to Buffy.

"Angel sweetheart you have to move", she cajoled, "It isn't called ice standing you know it's called ice skating."

"Don't care I still don't want to move"

Buffy smiled at the beautiful man beside her and placed a kiss on the back of the hand she was still holding.

"Look baby I'm here and I'm not going to let anything happen to you", she assured him.

Angel believed her. He always believed her. She would always keep him safe remember.

"Alright what do I have to do?", he asked her.

"Angel, you practice T'ai Chi and correct me if I'm wrong but that's all about focusing your inner balance right?"

Angel nodded in agreement.

"OK, I want you to do whatever it is you need to do to get yourself centred, gain your balance and keep yourself still"

Angel admired the fact that Buffy had used something useful that he could relate to in this situation. He closed his eyes, and drew in several unneeded yet slow and deep breaths. Instantly his whole demeanour changed. Instead of the nervous crouched huddle, he stood tall and proud, his balance perfectly attuned. He opened his eyes and smiled down at Buffy.

"Now what", he asked. Angel wouldn't quite say that the excitement was there yet but the enthusiasm was definitely increasing.

Buffy noticed this, "I want you to slowly push your left foot away from your body and then do the same with your right."

Angel did as instructed, his first few steps uncertain and faltering. Every time he felt his balance shift, Buffy was there to support him. It wasn't too long however before he found his footing and was gliding slowly but steadily across the ice with Buffy by his side. A few minutes more and he felt confident enough to go it alone. He carefully manoeuvred himself away from Buffy's tender hold and skated a few feet unaided. The longer he stayed upright, the more adventurous he became, increasing his speed.

Buffy smiled as she watched Angel.

"That's it Angel, you're skating", she shouted, clapping her hands excitedly.

Her heart somersaulted at the absolute joy radiating from her immortal babe. She had once told Angel, that skating was an escape for her, a chance to forget the arguments that invaded her childhood family home, a chance to be just any other girl and not the chosen one. She was overwhelmed at seeing that gift of simplicity passed on to her one time and true mate. Buffy felt a lump form at the base of her throat from just witnessing his happiness. As she watched Angel contentedly drift around her, she saw the freedom that had been missing from his life for over two centuries. It was incredible and she felt very privileged. When she looked at Angel now, she didn't see the most feared vampire in Europe nor did she see a demon tortured by his own soul. All she saw was a man. An incredible, beautiful, precious and courageous man. A man she loved more than anyone in her world. A man she would die for tomorrow.

Angel laughed out loud. He could not remember the last time he had had so much fun without blood being spilled or torture being involved. His initial reservations on taking to the ice were long since dismissed, as he sauntered around the ice now with relative ease. The only problem he had was he didn't know how to stop.

"Er….Buffy", he shouted over his shoulder quite desperately, "Where are the brakes on these things?"

Buffy looked over to where Angel was heading straight for the crash barrier with apparently no sign of slowing down.

"Angel", she called back to him skating in his direction, "You need to stop. Turn your blades sideways and………"

Too late. A 248 year old vampire and a hard unrelenting crash barrier met head on. For once, the vampire was not the victor and ended up in a disgruntled heap on the floor. Buffy was with him in seconds.

"Are you okay?", she asked, reaching her hand towards him to help him up. Angel ignored it for the time being and managed to pull himself up into a sitting position and checked himself over for any sign of damage.

"I'm fine", he replied brushing loose flakes of ice from his lap, "Just my pride been bruised that's all" , he winced slightly as he moved, "oh and my bottom" ,he added rubbing the offended area gingerly.

Buffy gave Angel an amused yet apologetic smirk, "I'm sorry", she said sweetly, "I guess I should have taught you how to stop before I taught you how to start",.

Angel nodded, "Horse – stable door – bolted", he replied in a semi sarcastic tone.

Buffy smiled and reached her arm out to him again, "You'd better get up, you're getting a damp patch on your pants and it could be you know……er…….kind of embarrassing"

Angel looked at the ever darkening shadow on the material of his trouser leg and decided Buffy was right. He stretched out to take her offered hand but instead of allowing her to pull him up, he pulled her down so that she landed non too gracefully on top of his lean body. Bringing his arm around her waist, he held her close to him.

"Angel, what are you doing?", Buffy squealed. She didn't know whether to struggle or to lie still contentedly in his arms. She decided on the latter.

"I'm just showing you what the view is like from down here", Angel replied, "It's kind of pretty don't you think"

"Breathtaking I'd say"

Buffy was lost in the depth of Angel's chocolate eyes. They had always held a hypnotic attraction to her and they portrayed Angel's emotions so much. As she looked into them now, she saw nothing but Angel's devotion to her. They shone with trust, admiration and need. She could also see the conflict that flickered once in a while as if he wasn't allowed to love her. Buffy reached out and gently caressed Angel's face. She ran her fingertips from his hairline to his chin, exploring every contour with such tenderness.

"You should get up", she whispered affectionately, "You'll freeze on this ice"

"I'm a vampire, I don't feel the cold", he replied moving a few strands of loose hair away from her face so he could study her beauty. Buffy sensed this and lowered her eyes from him feeling a slight blush taint her cheeks. Angel lifted her chin gently regaining their eye contact.

"Besides, you're all I need to keep me warm", he smiled at her, "you're my very own hottie"

Buffy grinned and took a playful swipe at the man beneath her.

"Listen to you with your 21st century lingo", she teased, "I bet you didn't say that to your 18th century ladies of the court"

"And as I've told you before, that's because they were all incredibly dull", he smiled in return.

Angel placed a hand on either side of Buffy's head and gazed lovingly into her eyes.

"I want you to know Buffy that nobody has ever made me feel the way that you do"

The tear that had threatened to spill earlier, slowly rolled down Buffy's cheek now.

"Good", she whispered as she lowered her head and placed it just by Angel's ear, "Because I've never loved anyone the way that I love you"

It had seemed at eternity since Angel last heard those words come from her lips or from his.

"I love you Buffy", he said quietly pulling her even closer to him. He craved her touch and needed to feel her for as long as inhumanly possible.

"I'm sorry I let you go Angel," Buffy said, kissing Angel's forehead, "I promise that I'll never, ever let you go again"

Angel wasn't sure if Buffy meant letting him go on the ice that led to his fall or whether there was a hidden deeper message in there somewhere. Maybe Buffy did know that this scenario wasn't real and she wanted to leave him with a lasting message.

Unable to resist any longer, their lips touched in the most gentle of kisses. Angel closed his eyes and allowed himself to be overtaken with his desire to be with Buffy. Their kiss deepened, as did his longing to stay here and never return to the world where she was out of his life. Surely his destiny was to be with the woman he loved. If not, then was it a destiny worth pursuing.

He missed her. He missed this. The softness of her lips. The warmth of her breath. The tenderness of her touch. The gentle pressure of her tongue and the sweetest taste of her.

When Angel finally opened his eyes, Buffy was gone.