DISCLAIMER: Don't own... ~sighs~

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Wow... "Plots" is almost finished. When I started writing it I had no idea I'd be brave enough to post on ff.n, and I'm glad I did, the reception it's gotten has inspired me to write other angsty/thought process things, like "And I Let Go" (semi-obscure Amiboshi fic I dreamed up one night).

Arigato, minna, for sticking with me, especially since it's taken me such a long time with this chapter. Chiriko-chan, thank you for finding this fic nearly a month after it was updated last and reviewing. It helped me so much in getting focused again.

Mouse-chan says for full effect one needs to listen to the slow version of Itooshi Hito no Tameni (the opening song) while reading this, and I agree. So sweet, so sad...

Just one chapter left, after this...



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I couldn't stop one or two tears from escaping as I stood in front of their graves that bright morning. Three graves. Three friends gone. How many more would I lose before this was all over? I was never really the praying type, despite being one of Suzaku's chosen seishi, but that once I bowed my head in silence, my hands clutched tightly together in front of my body, hoping and wishing as hard as I could that we would all make it through this damn miserable hell called war. Tamahome and Miaka were the gods only knew where, and for the moment it was as if they were dead too. Five friends gone, three seishi left. Would it be enough? Would we be able to hold up under the incredible burden we were no longer strong enough to bear?

A sound somewhat like the noise of Chichiri's staff, yet not it, caught my attention and I quickly wiped my face dry. No good to let 'em think I was a sentimental fool, although Chichiri already knew that.

"Hi pal." His lilting voice carried easily over the silence. There had been a temporary break in the fighting, a day of truce to separate and bury the dead, pay last respects to fallen comrades. I had come here, and he had known that. My blue-haired friend stepped up beside me and picked up a stick of incense from the shrine. He didn't light it, but turned it over and over in his fingers, giving them something to do. He frequently did that, he always needed to be doing something. I might have been the boss's favorite, but I knew who would've been the one making all the right decisions for me as I ran the bandits. They were incredibly lucky to have him as their leader. "Knew ya'd be here."

I didn't answer him, staring instead right in front of me, at the mismatched set of graves that held members of my surrogate family. He glanced over, blinking in the sun, then abruptly dropped to his right knee in front of Nuriko's grave and placing the incense, still unlit, in the earth. It looked like a miniature cattail, bobbing there gently in the small breeze that danced through the garden. "Ya know, I remember him real well. Ya don't really ferget someone who tried t' strangle ya t' death." I smiled mirthlessly at that memory, when we'd just met the three travelers and Miaka had decided to help me reclaim my tessen. "He was pretty impressive. Then again, we weren't all that sure that he was a he." He looked in my direction, at the newest grave, barely two days old. The sheer size of it spoke volumes about the man sleeping peacefully beneath the ground, who'd had a heart as big as his body. "And him. Fuck man, I could never do what he did, we both know it. He was gonna be better, and he gives up his life t' save one baby girl. That's… that's somethin' ya don't see a lot nowadays." He stood up again, causing the rings on the leather armor he wore to jingle. I was wearing the same apparatus. Neither of us were idiots enough to unquestionably think the enemy would hold to the temporary truce.

Koji gazed down at the earth that he, Hotohori, Chichiri, and I had used to cover the large healer. "I don't know what I'm tryin' t' say, man. And yer bein' silent isn't helpin' much either. But look… damn, here I am, the leader of the most feared bandits of the past ten years or so, the guest of Emperor Saihitei himself, stayin' in a palace, fightin' fer my country, best friend of a legendary seishi. Ya know, people're startin' t' talk about us like heroes, not outlaws." His mouth twisted into an ironic smile. "If we're not careful we'll lose that bad image we've been workin' so hard t' get." The look dropped away to be replaced with one I'd never seen him use before, one of almost infinite sadness. "And we might look like heroes t' those clods who don't fuckin' know any better, but we know we're not. Ye're the hero. All ya guys are the heroes. Not us. Especially… these three." His eyes began to glass over.

I was shocked. Koji? Cry? Hell no. It couldn't happen. It went against all natural laws for him to cry. Yet there he was, standing in front of graves of people he knew little to nothing of, only stories I'd told him in the past few days and what he'd gathered from his own brief meetings with them. And he was crying for them.

"Koji…" My voice creaked with disuse, and I coughed quietly before trying again. I placed my left hand on his shoulder and nodded slightly. "Thanks man."

He looked at me, not bothering to wipe away the tears. I wished I could be as strong as he was, able to show feelings without looking like a wuss. "I knew ya needed it. But it's the truth. What they did, even what ya yerself did, those thin's're nothin' less than heroic. After all, how can ya be legendary warriors if ya don't do the good stuff?"

I laughed, the first time I'd done so since Mitsukake died. It sounded right there, in the peaceful, secluded place where my friends could sleep for the rest of eternity. They all much preferred laughter, even the quiet healer. Mitsukake… in some ways the strongest of us all. I knuckled a fresh tear out of the corner of my eye and forcefully turned my thoughts to more pleasant manners. "Speakin' of the good stuff, how 'bout we go get somethin' t' drink?" I used my hand on his shoulder to turn him around, and the two of us began walking back towards the buildings.

"What're ya thinkin' of?"

"Well, we could start off with sake, acourse, but I know where the real hard stuff's kept."

"Bet ya found out yer first night here."

"Ya expect me t' do otherwise?"



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




The infirmary was a strange and lonely place now. Emiko and I continued to run it, but we both worked automatically, performing in an endless rhythm that never seemed to quit. As our former patients went out, fresh ones took their places. The palettes were always full, especially on today, when people took advantage of the day of rest to cross to the city. Now even the blankets that people brought with them, filthy as some of them were, were resting places for the wounded. We had more than one death every hour, people who had been too severely wounded to last long or had gone for too much time without treatment. Tama was always underfoot, the saddest animal I'd seen in years, yowling and wanting to be held. I'd taken to carrying him in my shirt, for my comfort as well as his. He missed Mitsukake. We all did. I kept looking up, expecting to see him step through the entrance to the courtyard, smiling and saying it had all been a joke, he was really alive - although if the man ever joked once in all the months I knew him I'd be tempted to eat my kasa. He just didn't joke. But Suzaku, how I wished he did, and it would be just a cruel hoax.

I'd felt like I'd lost the one friend I'd had in years. And while I knew that wasn't true, that I still had Tasuki and his highness and even Koji now, I'd lost the one person who could possibly understand what I had gone through, was still going through. Who else could know the pain of having killed the person closest to him in the world? Losing one's entire life in simple seconds? Each of the Suzaku seishi had been through their private hell, but only we two knew what it was like to have caused it.

And now I was alone.

Only the cat was there to comfort me, and as smart as he was he couldn't speak, couldn't really listen, couldn't comprehend the scale of misery I would try to convey. Just yesterday we had buried his master, and we hadn't been able to keep him out. Tama had tried to climb in the grave, curl up on Mitsukake's chest, but we'd chased him out. And as we covered him, Tama kept meowing, yelling, as if he was trying to tell us Mitsukake wasn't dead.

But he was. There was no getting around it.

A new patient distracted me, and for a few minutes I managed not to think of my lost friend. But as soon as I leaned against the wall and the girl was carried off I was flooded by memories. My first sight of him, learning from Miaka and Nuriko the story of Shoka, the quiet times we'd spent together, simply thinking. He had found the words to help everyone after Nuriko's passing, when I had choked and the sounds died on my lips. He had given himself to save another he didn't know. It hurt so much, I could feel him die within me, even as he died in my arms. I just snapped, shrieking at the soldiers who had been healed with his sacrifice and gone right back to fighting. I could never forgive them, Kutou or Konan. They acted like he didn't matter.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Emiko. For a small woman she had a commanding presence, but today she was as exhausted as I was. We were overworked and understaffed, and the two of us did most things ourselves. She gave me a small, sad smile, squeezed my shoulder, and turned back to another wounded soldier.

She had transferred her quiet strength to me. I picked up Tama and put him back in my shirt, standing slowly, supporting the cat with one hand as he curled against my stomach. He would stay with me. I knew he would.

And maybe, in some way, so would Mitsukake.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




The palace was strangely empty. All the refugees who'd been crowded in various places, sleeping where there was room, had left for the day, most of them to try and locate loved ones they'd been separated from. The servants, too, had made themselves scarce, and as I prowled the halls on this supposed day of peace I felt more furtive than ever. Most of the courtiers had left, escaping through the fighting to their estates and provinces. My advisors were still there, of course, as were several others, but surely not even a fourth of the number we would have had normally.

I was restless, I didn't know why, but nothing would occupy me. Paperwork, boring even in peacetime, now made me want to rip it to shreds. Books I'd read and enjoyed held no interest, were tossed aside in dark corners where more likely than not they would never be found. Hour after hour passed as I was plagued by thoughts of pain, misery, the plight of the people I ruled slowly pushing away everything else.

I was to blame. I hadn't been there for any of my friends. Nuriko would still be alive if I had been there, Chiriko probably would also, and Mitsukake… I couldn't forgive myself. I was the cause of their death, I who could have prevented it, who SHOULD have prevented it, even just as Emperor. Even if they weren't seishi, they were still my subjects, and it was my job to protect them. I had failed them. Failed them miserably.

I slowly collapsed to lean against the wall of the darkened hallway, laughing bitterly. Mitsukake… was this what Mitsukake had felt? He was a healer, yet he had been unable to help his friends, his love… He was so much more than me, giving up his life for the little girl… but if I had been out there he wouldn't have been injured in the first place! It was because of me! Me!

And then I was running, running, knocking aside anyone in my way, from servants to courtiers, my robes streaming out behind me, the tie on my hair coming loose and falling off along the way, running, running, running out of control to an unknown destination. People I didn't recognize reached out, tried to stop me, but I burst past them with speed that would have made Tasuki jealous. I blew past guards who had been alerted, sent to catch me, running outside, bursting through a set of doors and leaping down the steps. The gardens lay before me and I headed straight for them, ducking into the seishi garden and taking the familiar path to the pond.

It was nearly night; the sky was turning dark gray above me as I fell to my knees in front of my friends' graves, stars just beginning to shine in the twilight as I lay there, sobbing for my friends and my failures. They were gone, they were gone, and nothing I could do could bring them back. We had not the power of Suzaku anymore, the two Shinzaho had been used to call Seiryu instead, the miko had vanished along with one of the warriors, three others were dead. There were only three left, fighting despair and heartache, trying to keep on our feet so we could face the Kutou, and hold them back for as long as we could. Everything was against us now, and the best we could hope for was that Sairou and Hokkan would decide to help us and send reinforcements. We'd sent letters long ago, asking for their help, but both nations were understandably unwilling to send troops they might need to guard their own lands if the Kutou won over us.

It was over. I knew it, somehow, that my time as Emperor would never be the same after this. Whether we won, or lost, or just reached a truce, we would have much work ahead of us to rebuild, if we were allowed to rebuild at all. And so I let myself go, freed the tears I'd been holding back for years, and cried at the feet of my friends' graves. Cried for me, cried for them, the lives they would never have. Cried for my people, who were being tormented, persecuted by foreign soldiers. Cried for children who wouldn't see parents again, and parents whose children had been ripped from them. This was war. This was chaos.

This was hell.

And no amount of crying could fix it, however much I wished it could.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




The next day dawned grim in my eye. Today was the day that Hotohori-sama was insisting on going to war. Tasuki and I had both tried to talk him out of it, I more than Tasuki; he was too valuable to the country to be injured. But he had simply refused to listen to us and told one of the servants to make sure his armor was ready.

I had stolen a quick glance in Tasuki's direction, and the worry within me grew as I saw the smirk that was threatening to fight its way onto the bandit's face. He would enjoy this. Enjoy having our emperor in danger.

Or maybe just enjoy watching what the emperor did to the enemy. We'd seen him practice in the past few days, his sword slicing the air like liquid, his movements too fast to be detected. I was probably worrying myself witless for nothing; Hotohori-sama WAS royalty after all, and royals received the best education that could be found, both in books and weaponry. While I was useless in a large-scale battle, especially without my ki abilities, Hotohori had been trained for this almost since birth.

I mentally kicked myself for being so morbid. He could take care of himself, it wasn't like he was five.

Ahh, but Chichiri, he is the ruler no da. And you didn't think Nuriko or Chiriko could be defeated, either.

Shut up, I told the annoying little voice. He'll go whether we want him to or not and you know it na no da.

Then at least tell Tasuki to keep an eye on him, since you won't be there.

I reluctantly gave in to this rather sensible piece of advice, decided to determine if having conversations with myself meant I was going crazy later, and went to find the fire-headed bandit.

He and Koji were in the set of rooms that had been given to the bandits for their use while they stayed to fight, Tasuki pulling on his leather armor and Koji sharpening his sword and daggers. Various other weapons belong to other bandits leaned against the walls and were scattered over the floor, but none of them were to be seen. "Where's everyone else, no da?" I asked, stepping gingerly around the floor to avoid impaling my feet on various sharp things.

"Breakfast. Quickest way t' get 'em outta here in th' mornin' is t' say they've got food waitin'," Koji called, a smirk cresting his features. "Greedy pigs."

"I'm not surprised, na no da." I shook my head at the large stomachs and small brains of some members of our gender, then looked up seriously at Tasuki, slipping the mask off my face. "We have to talk. Now."

"Ehh? What's goin' on Chichiri? Ya get me scared when ya take that thin' off, I know ye're gonna get serious."

I groaned in despair. "And just when we get you to start talking like a normal person, your friends show up and you revert."

"What th' fuck're ya talkin' about? This IS 'normal'!" He glared at me dangerously and I decided not to press the point.

"Tasuki, this is serious. You have to keep an eye on Hotohori while you're out there, I can't do it from a mile away. He's…. he's strange now, he's not himself, he might do something stupid like get hurt."

"Hotohori can take care o' himself and ya know it, so don't go askin' me t' baby-sit him!" Tasuki jokingly drew his sword and pointed it in my direction, poking the air with it.

"I'm not asking you to! I'm TELLING you!" I knocked the sword aside with my staff, smacking out of his hand and to the other side of the room, then bashed him on the top of the head with the tip. "Don't you get it? We call him Hotohori-sama for a reason! He's the most important person in this country, and he's not as good as he normally is! Someone has to watch out for him, because I damned well know he's not going to be watching out for himself!"

Tasuki and Koji both stared at me speechlessly, frozen with shock. I leaned against my staff, breathing hard. I'd been as mad at Tasuki as I had been at those soldiers who had wasted Mitsukake's wonderful gift. At my new friend, and my friend and fellow seishi. I hadn't exploded in front of anyone close to me in years, and the feeling was strange and left me exhausted. But I was right, and by the looks on their faces they knew it. Hotohori-sama would think of his subjects first and himself last, and while he was a formidable enemy he also wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't sure how Tasuki and I were still lucid, but I suspected it was because we had less on our minds… and, in a way, were used to tragedy. We grieved, but we went on. Hotohori, however… the gossip was he hadn't been close to either of his parents or any of his half-siblings, and while at least his parents were dead he'd never experienced the loss of someone close to him until Nuriko had died.

I would be a mile away in the infirmary. Tasuki would be surrounded by a group of trained fighters who wouldn't let him out of their sight. But Hotohori-sama… I just couldn't rid myself of this sense of wrongness and an it's a bad idea to let him do this feeling. I had learned not to ignore my feelings. It had saved my life more than once.

But there was no way he'd stay behind now.

I sighed and slumped into a chair that had been left pulled away from its table, leaning my staff on my shoulder. "Gomen… I didn't mean to yell at you two. I just… can't shake this feeling…"

A hand clapped itself on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Tasuki grinning fangily down at me. "Don't worry about it, we got it covered. Ya can't be there t' worry, so we'll worry fer ya."

"Yeah," Koji said confidently. "Just leave it t' us, we'll stick t' him so tight he won't be able t' eat wifout one of us breathin' down his neck."

I felt my lips stretch in a tentative smile. "Arigato Tasuki, Koji."



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




It was strangely exhilarating.

All around us were people fighting, dying, living in torture, and I was whooping with laughter and galloping around like an idiot. My best friend was there, Hotohori was fine, and not one of my guys had been hurt yet. I was doing something I'd been trained to do for five freakin' years and was facing some real bastards who I had no opposition to fighting. Traveling with the other seishi hadn't made me THAT much of a pacifist.

Around noon Koji, Hotohori, I, and some other people in charge met for a quick strategy session.

"The enemy is barricaded here, here, and here," one of the generals said, pointing to three different places on a map spread on the rocky ground. "We've got them trapped here, but they could get through here within a few hours." More pointing. "I suggest, sire, that we send the… non-military fighters-" Both Koji and I grinned widely. We knew what they thought of us, and knew what terms they'd like to use to describe us, and we reveled in it. "-out to support the men there, the area where they were is pretty secure for the time being."

"Yeah, cause o' us," I muttered under my breath. It was true, our unusual fighting style, as opposed to the strict military one all the army soldiers were trained in, was keeping the Kutou moving. The Mt. Reikaku bandits didn't just roll over for anyone, and the enemy was learning that the hard way. "How far away is it?" I called, raising my voice.

"About a hundred feet to the west, Tasuki-sama."

I nodded quickly, grabbed Koji, and split for our horses. He stumbled on the first couple of steps but promptly got his feet under him, running with me and leaping when I did to land in our saddles. Our feet found the stirrups and our hands the reins, and we rode off to grab the rest of the guys as I saluted the gathering behind us with my sword.

I swore I could hear someone mutter something like "Bloodthirsty idiots." I could also swear I heard the clang of Hotohori's sword against the mutterer's helmet.

Hours later, we were still fighting in the spot we'd been sent to. A few of our men had been injured, but no one was killed, and the wounded had been pulled over to the side until we could take them to Chichiri and the infirmary. I whacked a foot soldier with the flat of my blade, stunning him, then stabbed him quickly through the chest, at least trying to give him a quick death. Koji and I hadn't been unseated once yet.

"Oi, Genrou! Ya still alive?!" Koji slashed away his own opponent and yelled across the noise, grinning at me widely.

"Damn right I am! Ya think this is enough t' kill me?!" I shouted back, taking a quick moment to check out the way things were going around the rest of the battlefield. Something seemed to be missing, something important… "Huh?"

Oh shit. Ohhhhh, shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit…FUCK!

"What's wrong?!" Koji yelled, leaning over to help him hear better.

My mouth refused to work for a minute as I once again scanned the crowds, looking for the familiar plume… "I don't see Hotohori-sama anywhere…"



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




Time had vanished all together on that field of death. There was no morning, no afternoon, no hours or minutes or seconds, just an endless stream of pain and violence and death and decay. I had never imagined anything like this, hell on earth, pain in the heart of heaven. All my lessons, all learning, all came to naught here, in this place.

But I had finally understood something as I lay awake the night before, unable to sleep because of the guilt tearing at my heart and the possibility for redemption which was presenting itself to me. I hadn't been able to stop my friends' deaths, but I hadn't started this war. Someone from Kutou had. The one everyone was always talking about, but I had never met in person: Nakago. He had caused this. And he would pay.

Never mind the fact that he had drugged Tamahome and turned him against us. Never mind the fact that he had played us like puppets from step one. Never mind the fact that at the moment I was nothing more than a superior swordsman. And never mind the fact that he was probably the most powerful man in the world.

He would pay. And I would be the one to make it happen.

All through the day I had fought, commanding the troops from horseback as I rode up and down the lines of defense, being kept mostly from the brutality by my generals. But I had broken free of their reins several times and had gone after officers of the Kutou army, who had fallen before me. I wasn't moving like I was used to, the actions weren't as fluid, as clean, or as fast as when I had my powers, but I was still good.

And they learned that the hard way.

In all the fighting I always kept my eyes open for that telltale blond hair and spiked blue armor, watching, waiting for him to show himself. But he seemed to be hiding from me; not once did I see anyone match the description I'd heard so often from Miaka and the others.

I was near Tasuki's portion of the battle, watching him and his friend Koji fight better than almost anyone in my army and deciding to offer them both officer's posts when this was over, when I caught my first glimpse of the man. Out of the corner of my eye I saw blue on white, brilliant against the drab brown of the ground we were fighting on and the rocks forming the background, and as I looked quickly in that direction I saw a lock of blond hair escape the blue helmet.

It was him. Nakago. I spurred my horse into a quick canter without bothering to tell anyone where I was going, the plume on my helmet snapping in the breeze my speed produced, dodging officers and soldiers alike to follow him. There was also someone in his saddle in front of him, and he was riding away from the fighting, towards the places where grass still grew on the ground, not trampled under horses' hooves and booted feet. And I followed, as silently as I could.

All noise around me dimmed to nothing, the sky faded to gray as I focused on the clop of his horse's hooves and the glint of his armor. Farther and farther from the armies, the fighting, the bloodshed, so far that even if I had been paying attention the noises would have died to almost nothing. There were still low, jagged cliffs everywhere, but now there was grass carpeting the ground, filling my nose with the scent of growing things I hadn't been able to appreciate recently.

For a man feared by more than two countries, he was slow to notice I was behind him. When he finally did turn around, his face wore a battle-hardened, cruel, and amused look. He pulled his horse around to face me, and I brought mine to a slow stop, sword held ready in my hand.

And I was facing my greatest enemy. The man who'd come between us and happiness so many times, to kill us, crush us, conquer us… "You're the general from Kutou… Or, rather, Nakago of the Seiryu no shichiseishi, correct?!"

His eyes narrowed in a wicked smile and the corners of his mouth turned up just a bit, giving the illusion of mirth on a beautiful face of evil. "None other. You are Saihitei, fourth emperor of Konan." I held my horse in line as it tried to take a step back, watching him warily. "Or would you prefer me to address you as Suzaku no shichiseishi Hotohori?"

How… How…?

How did he know that? No one outside the palace knew I was one of Suzaku's chosen, not even my own subjects. It had been the secret guarded the closest of anything I knew, not even being revealed to me until I had taken the throne. There had been attempts on my life for being royalty; if it was known I was a seishi as well they would have been doubled. And one of them might have gotten through.

"It's admirable that you, the lord of this realm have come to fight for your country. Even if you did come here only to die. If you'd quietly stayed in your palace, you would have lived."

I could feel my face stiffen, tighten in anger at underestimating me. No one underestimates me and gets away with it. They always find they were dead wrong. My hand tightened unconsciously around the hilt of my sword, getting ready for the fight.

"I will withdraw my forces here."

NANI?!

The adrenaline drained out of me as my shattered mind began to wrap itself around the scenario he was describing. His powerful voice was painting a picture of conquest and fighting, but not where we'd thought. He planned to take the army back into Kutou, take control of that land. All we'd done, all we'd suffered… he'd been the cause. And it had been just a diversion to keep the Kutou emperor from suspecting anything.

And there was another world he'd decided to take as well.

For his own reasons, for his own gain, he sentenced thousand of people to die, all to overthrow one man. Thousands of soldiers, thousand of civilians who should never have had a part in all this… all for his own reasons, his own ambitions, his own fancies… My rage returned, more powerful than ever, so overwhelming that I could barely speak, couldn't keep the hand holding my sword from shaking violently as I thought of all those innocent people he'd condemned to death.

And also… his talk of another world. Was it… could it possibly…

He smiled his cruel, cold smile as he started to turn his horse back to the fighting. "I'll be sure to send your regards to your miko."

I snapped.

I lost control, my mind spun off into the unknown of the night sky as images of the girl I'd loved pushed it aside, the girl I'd finally been able to give up if she would be happier that way, and one of my closest friends in the world, the man she loved… They'd vanished weeks ago, leaving behind not a trace but the things she'd brought to this world with her, and the only place they could have gone was back to the home of the miko. And he was… this bastard was… "Miaka…" My voice shook more violently than it had since my infancy, since I'd begun my training as a prince of the realm. There was nothing I wouldn't do to preserve them, preserve the love they'd struggled to share and keep across time and space. "Tamahome… Not those two… I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO COME BETWEEN THOSE TWO!"



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




A blinding flash of rage split my mind and I leapt up from where I knelt, screaming. Helpers rushed to me, asking frantically what was going on, what was wrong, if I needed to lie down and rest, and I pushed them aside with no thought to humanity or decency, screaming my throat sore for a horse. One was finally brought to me and I shoved the boy out of the way, grabbed the reins, and climbed on, then turned its head out of the infirmary and kicked it into a gallop, leaping patients and fires and gods know what else in my rush to get out the gate, get to the battle field, get out, get out, get out, get there, stop him, stop him from doing something insane…



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




The rage ripped through my head and nearly threw me off my horse, and only Koji's quick move was able to prevent me from being run through with a Kutou sword as I righted myself in the saddle. Then an ear splitting, animal-like scream came on the wind to our position, emerging from a voice I never thought could produce anything but rich, mellow tones… royal tones… Without a word, the rage still clouding my mind, Koji and I spun our horses on their hooves and began galloping for the place where I knew my ruler would be, the source of that scream…



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




"You fool." Soi's body draped over his saddle prevented him from drawing his sword to use as defense against my headlong rush, but he didn't need it. He was still in possession of his powers. And even if I had been as well, I couldn't have guarded against what was coming.

In the air above his free hand a blue spark blazed, grew brighter, stronger, only slightly larger, the power concentrating in one place. I knew what it was, but there was no way in all the hells I could think of that I would stop… the bastard deserved to be taken down, and he would be… now… My horse charged blindly forward, seeming to cover the ground between us in so little yet so much time, drawing me closer but at the same time further away. Then a blue barrier erupted in front of me, enclosing him in a protective dome of his power, and I hit it head on, my helmet being knocked off and thrown somewhere far away with the force I hit, my horse running, running, but not able to get any closer…

I gritted my teeth and steeled my arms and back, praying I would succeed. "Suzaku… GIVE ME STRENGTH!"

And suddenly, whether through divine interference or my own determination, I was through the barrier and approaching him at a pace too rapid for him to deflect, and my sword was sinking into his shoulder, producing blood as red as anyone else's even if his soul was that of a demon. I pushed it in farther as he stared at me in shock and horror that the little "child emperor" would have the strength to do this to him… him of all people, the most powerful man in the world…

And the blue spark still hovering above his hand exploded, throwing off light and energy and force and power and Suzaku knew what else, picking me up and throwing me far, far from him, from my horse, my armor crumbling to bits in the air around me, opening thousands of little gashes inside my body, hammering my mind like it was sheet metal, battering my body like the gates of a city under siege.

And I fell, on the grassy floor that I'd never gotten to appreciate, in the country I hadn't loved enough, hadn't been able to protect, and I knew I would join the friends I hadn't been able to save.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




Miaka's… voice?

From… the sky…

So warm… I wanted to sink into her voice one more time, that voice so full of caring and friendship for everyone, even a sworn enemy, especially for her friends and loved ones, sink into it and lose myself forever in its caress. And from the cloudless, blue sky, rejoicing in color because of the retreat of the Kutou soldiers, raindrops fell, only a couple, landing on my face. Miaka… was crying for me, from her own world…

She and Tamahome were safe. I smiled a weak smile, thanking Suzaku for that small grace, pressuring my voice to rise to a high enough level so she could hear the news of the withdrawal. If she couldn't come back, it was all right, because she would be happier in her world anyway, in her world… with Tamahome.

Tamahome. He had to defeat Nakago. He was the strongest of us all, and the only one able to face the Seiryu seishi with any hope of winning. With four of the warriors gone now, he was the last chance we had, for everyone to be happy. And so… So I did what I had to do, and laid that task on him, wishing I could talk to him and hear him promise he would win. But… I knew he would. He and Miaka couldn't be truly happy until he had, and he wouldn't allow anything to stand in the way of that.

"Hotohori, don't! Don't die! Because… Because… what will Houki do?!"

Miaka's ragged, pain-filled voice made me wish I was there, wish I could wipe the tears gently from her cheeks, but her words brought another face to mind. A face I'd first seen the day Nuriko had fought Ashitare, and in grief and confusion had dared approach and sweep into a tight hug… only to discover that this time, in fact, it really was a woman. A woman with a wonderful disposition, a perfect sense of humor… a woman I could actually be friends with. We'd talked, after that first meeting, seeing each other often in the course of palace duty, and had grown closer than I could have believed, and when I'd finally found the courage to ask her to marry me she'd said yes without hesitation, because she knew and respected and loved who I was, not just a crown or the man beneath it. And now…

Now she was carrying my child. My child. My child. I couldn't die… without seeing its face. Miaka insisted that Houki would have a boy that looked exactly like me, but for once I didn't care what it looked like, it would be ours and it would be perfect.

And as the breath came harder and harder into my lungs I tried to find words to express myself, explain to Miaka all the things she'd taught me, shown me, helped me experience… and I knew the bond between all of us was so close that not even death could break it, our spirits would find some way to remain together, in the next life and beyond, even in death…

And under my armor I'd put the "picture" she'd taken of us before that fatal trip to Hokkan. Now was the time to take it out. We were all there, all eight of us, happy, alive, healthy, and naïve, with no idea what the future held. But still… we were happy together in this life, we'd be happy together in death and beyond… And if we couldn't be together now, she still had to know… "Be happy… Miaka…"

"Hotohori? Hotohori…?"

I loved you… I felt my arm folding slowly to my chest, my fingers still gripping the picture. And I couldn't resist any longer, and slowly closed my eyes, taking my last breath, welcoming the gentle darkness beginning to enfold me… Be happy…

Arigato, Miaka. Arigato, minna.