I can't take it personally.I know that. He's hurting and he's frightened,
and he's taking it out on the wrong people. But my stars the words hurt.
Standing there listening to him took me back to my first year at Hogwarts,
back to the day I over heard Ron making fun of me. But that horrid
experience ended with the forming of two of the most important friendships
of my life. Perhaps this will end just as well--if I can only manage not
to take it personally. Ok--what now--my hands are shaking, I've got to
get a grip on myself. Dry up Hermione if you fall apart it's all for
naught. All right. The next thing to do is to get him up and awake for
more than a few moments at a time. Wizards, I had no idea he felt such
guilt. I knew he was depressed, that he was grieving--but how can he think
it was his fault, Voldemort was so strong, our side never had a chance.
Not at that point anyway.
He thinks he could have stopped it. How long was he in the hospital? Dose he even know that he almost saved Fred's life, that it was really the counter curse that killed him. It was such a shock, everyone thought he was ok, that things were going to be just fine, and then he had a really horrible reaction to the healing spells. It was over just like that, it all happened so fast no one was ready for it. We didn't even suspect it, Angelina was with him when it happened, I don't know if that was a blessing or a curse, the healers said her presence made is last few moments much more comfortable, but I'm not sure she will ever be the same. I don't see Angelina much anymore.
Great Wizards, how am I supposed to do this--I don't even know where to begin, how do I decide to tell him and what to leave out until later, I feel that the wrong word said could destroy any chance I have of pulling him out of this, but on the other hand, I have to find a way to make him see that we still love him, that we need him. Blast! Why do I have to do this? Why can't it be Harry or Ron or--or--oh I don't know, anyone but me. I didn't ask for this! But hang it all, I couldn't walk away now--I don't want to. But how to make him see--wait--I think I might have an idea.
******~~~~~~******
When I woke she was there, sitting by the bed reading.
"Why are you here?" I ask, managing to force the words past the dry tightness of my throat. I think I surprised her, but I can't really tell because all she does is put down her book and look at me. "Why are you here?" I ask again, struggling to sit up. She reaches out and adjusts the pillows so that I am half sitting.
"I'm here, because I'm tired of seeing you like this." She says very quietly, but there is a steadiness in her voice I don't think I've ever heard before. I look up at her face and find her eyes locked with mine. Her hand hesitates on my shoulder, then she reaches up and gently brushes the hair out of my eyes. "I'm here to make you well George." I feel the old anger rise up in me again. I jerk away from her touch.
"You?" I hiss, "you are going to make me well?" Her expression falters, and I almost stop my self from saying the words forming in my head, but for some reason I don't. "How in the bloody hell do you come off thinking you can make me well? Do you know me? Do you know anything about me? No! You don't know anything! All you know is your blasted books! Maybe if you ever took the time to look at the people around you, you might see what's right under your nose. But you can't because you are too stuck up and selfish. You never even realized did you? In all our years at school together you never understood, how much I-Look forget it, it doesn't matter anymore. The point is you are the last person that could ever help me, and you are the last person I want here with me right now. There is only one person who could be any use to me, and he's gone, he's gone because I let him die. Yeah, Fred died because of me!! ME!! I let him die and my family can never forgive me, why should they? At least Dad isn't here to see how I've ruined their lives. You see my life isn't worth fixing. So why don't you just walk out of my life! I don't want you here!" There is confusion in her eyes as she pulls away.
"Alright George." She says softly. "Then I guess there is nothing else I can do for you." She stands and walks toward the door but stops midway. "I have one last request for you." She says turning to looking at me, there are tears in her eyes. Tears that I put there, its almost enough to make me apologize, but then I remember all the times I had tears in my eyes because of her, because of how much I loved her. I remember how oblivious she was, how she didn't care and the knot in my heart hardens a little more.
"What?" I say glairing at her. She moves back over to the bed and puts the book she was reading down on the bedside table.
"Read this," she says, "Read it, and if you still believe no one cares for you then so be it. But if you find that you're wrong, then let them help you. They want to help you George, they love you, I--, they love you. Let them love you again." She turns and walks away, shutting the door behind her. For a long time I just sit there, then for some reason I can't explain I reach out for the book and open the cover--wait a minute, these are letters, letters to me.
A/N: Ok---let me just say here and now that I HATE this chapter-its short and its disjointed and it's just dumb. AHHHHHH--this fic is being really squirrelly right now, I can't seem to get it to go where I want it to. I'm having MAJOR problems with it, that is why the updates are so far apart. I'm really sorry for that, thanks SOOOOO much to all of you who have kept up with this-sigh-maybe this fic is just not meant to be I don't know, at any rate, exams are almost over and then I'll have two weeks with nothing to worry about so maybe I can get some headway done, here's hoping any way.
He thinks he could have stopped it. How long was he in the hospital? Dose he even know that he almost saved Fred's life, that it was really the counter curse that killed him. It was such a shock, everyone thought he was ok, that things were going to be just fine, and then he had a really horrible reaction to the healing spells. It was over just like that, it all happened so fast no one was ready for it. We didn't even suspect it, Angelina was with him when it happened, I don't know if that was a blessing or a curse, the healers said her presence made is last few moments much more comfortable, but I'm not sure she will ever be the same. I don't see Angelina much anymore.
Great Wizards, how am I supposed to do this--I don't even know where to begin, how do I decide to tell him and what to leave out until later, I feel that the wrong word said could destroy any chance I have of pulling him out of this, but on the other hand, I have to find a way to make him see that we still love him, that we need him. Blast! Why do I have to do this? Why can't it be Harry or Ron or--or--oh I don't know, anyone but me. I didn't ask for this! But hang it all, I couldn't walk away now--I don't want to. But how to make him see--wait--I think I might have an idea.
******~~~~~~******
When I woke she was there, sitting by the bed reading.
"Why are you here?" I ask, managing to force the words past the dry tightness of my throat. I think I surprised her, but I can't really tell because all she does is put down her book and look at me. "Why are you here?" I ask again, struggling to sit up. She reaches out and adjusts the pillows so that I am half sitting.
"I'm here, because I'm tired of seeing you like this." She says very quietly, but there is a steadiness in her voice I don't think I've ever heard before. I look up at her face and find her eyes locked with mine. Her hand hesitates on my shoulder, then she reaches up and gently brushes the hair out of my eyes. "I'm here to make you well George." I feel the old anger rise up in me again. I jerk away from her touch.
"You?" I hiss, "you are going to make me well?" Her expression falters, and I almost stop my self from saying the words forming in my head, but for some reason I don't. "How in the bloody hell do you come off thinking you can make me well? Do you know me? Do you know anything about me? No! You don't know anything! All you know is your blasted books! Maybe if you ever took the time to look at the people around you, you might see what's right under your nose. But you can't because you are too stuck up and selfish. You never even realized did you? In all our years at school together you never understood, how much I-Look forget it, it doesn't matter anymore. The point is you are the last person that could ever help me, and you are the last person I want here with me right now. There is only one person who could be any use to me, and he's gone, he's gone because I let him die. Yeah, Fred died because of me!! ME!! I let him die and my family can never forgive me, why should they? At least Dad isn't here to see how I've ruined their lives. You see my life isn't worth fixing. So why don't you just walk out of my life! I don't want you here!" There is confusion in her eyes as she pulls away.
"Alright George." She says softly. "Then I guess there is nothing else I can do for you." She stands and walks toward the door but stops midway. "I have one last request for you." She says turning to looking at me, there are tears in her eyes. Tears that I put there, its almost enough to make me apologize, but then I remember all the times I had tears in my eyes because of her, because of how much I loved her. I remember how oblivious she was, how she didn't care and the knot in my heart hardens a little more.
"What?" I say glairing at her. She moves back over to the bed and puts the book she was reading down on the bedside table.
"Read this," she says, "Read it, and if you still believe no one cares for you then so be it. But if you find that you're wrong, then let them help you. They want to help you George, they love you, I--, they love you. Let them love you again." She turns and walks away, shutting the door behind her. For a long time I just sit there, then for some reason I can't explain I reach out for the book and open the cover--wait a minute, these are letters, letters to me.
A/N: Ok---let me just say here and now that I HATE this chapter-its short and its disjointed and it's just dumb. AHHHHHH--this fic is being really squirrelly right now, I can't seem to get it to go where I want it to. I'm having MAJOR problems with it, that is why the updates are so far apart. I'm really sorry for that, thanks SOOOOO much to all of you who have kept up with this-sigh-maybe this fic is just not meant to be I don't know, at any rate, exams are almost over and then I'll have two weeks with nothing to worry about so maybe I can get some headway done, here's hoping any way.
