CHAPTER SIX : The Faith Chapter

If Wesley hadn't known better he would have said that he was stuck in some fantastical yet sadistic dream. He was tired and stressed and felt like that he had experienced nearly every single emotion under the sun all in the space of a few unbelievably short hours.

His current feeling was a sense of overwhelming confusion as he cast his eyes in the direction of the Irishman before him.

"You came here to see me?", Wesley asked finally finding the voice to question what was in his mind.

Doyle simply nodded as he began to survey the room, casually and curiously rooting through Angel's private possessions as he did so.

"But why, y..you don't even know me", Wesley replied seeming more confused than ever.

"And that's exactly why I'm here", Doyle replied wrinkling his brow at a small metal contraption he was holding that looked like some kind of medieval torture instrument, "I wanted to get to know you before I...."

"Take my life in place of Angel's", Wesley finished for him.

It made such perfect sense that Wesley chastised himself as to why he hadn't thought of it before. He put his delay in judgement down to his weariness but was satisfied that he was correct in his assumptions now. After all who would you rather have on your side when facing the impending apocalypse. an ex-watcher who was mighty fine at research or a powerful vampire warrior who was proven in battle. There could be no comparison in the eyes of the PTB or indeed in the eyes of Wesley himself. As scared as he may have initially felt, Wesley knew that if his suspicions were correct then he would gladly lay down his life in exchange for the resurgence of the vampire with a soul. In all of his born days, no one had ever accepted him for who he was as Angel had. Wesley knew he was far from perfect and had made countless mistakes time and time again yet Angel had never judged him unlike so many other peers in his life.

Doyle's head jerked up as Wesley's last comment caught his attention dropping the metal object he had been scrutinising so intently to the floor. He really had to talk to his employers about getting some kind of training on presentation skills or at least take lessons in diplomatic international relations or something.

"I was going to say that I wanted to get to know you before I had to return to the heavenly realm", he said to Wesley incredulously, "Why on earth would you think that I would want to take your life?"

"W...well you work for the PTB and so you wield a lot of p...power", Wesley stuttered explaining his reasoning, "Add to that your previous friendship with Angel and not to mention his value to your employers, a trade seems to be a perfectly logical presumption"

Doyle threw his hands up in the air in frustration knocking over a glass ornament in the process.

"Wes, tell me - do I look like some kind of evil bat winged harbinger of death?", he asked trying desperately hard to rescue the ever plummeting situation, "I mean I know I don't have the best fashion sense but do I?"

Wesley quietly shook his head as he lowered his face to look at his feet never once meeting Doyle's eye.

"That's because I'm not", Doyle continued, "Just because I don't wear golden sandals and a shiny halo doesn't mean that I'm not one of the goody good guys"

"Then I don't understand", Wesley said finally reverting his attention back to the Celtic man, the courage of his conviction slowly returning, "What other reason could you have for being here to see me?"

Doyle shuffled nervously, averting his gaze by picking up the remnants of the shattered ornament and placing them in his pocket. As he fidgeted he caught Wesley's inquisitive stare.

"You could say it's...er...personal business", Doyle uttered turning his back so that he faced away from the young Englishman.

"Personal business?"

"Yeah", Doyle replied his embarrassment starting to get the better of him. His mouth felt a little dry and he would have murdered for a shot of old Irish malt whiskey at that point. The air hung heavy with anticipation. Doyle turned around to find Wesley looking at him expectantly waiting for a reply to his unanswered question

"I wanted to meet you in person because...", Doyle paused considering his next words carefully, "Hell I wanted to meet the man who replaced me in the hearts and affections of those people I loved and left behind", he finished deflatedly.

Wesley's jaw dropped to the floor. This was not the answer that he had been expecting. What answer he had been expecting he didn't know either. Looking at the bedraggled man before him, Wesley felt ashamed that he had misjudged Doyle so badly.

"I'm sorry" he said to Doyle sincerely, "I...I jumped to the wrong conclusion about you. I automatically thought the worst and I'm sorry"

Doyle simply shrugged his shoulders in reply, "Ah forget about it man. I get that alot. I don't exactly look like your typical guardian angel next door now do I "

"Maybe you should try golden sandals and halos", Wesley suggested, a half smile playing on his lips. Doyle remained silent and merely smirked in response.

Wesley felt momentarily humbled. He watched as Doyle began to anxiously fidget again, the awkwardness now returning in an unbearable manner.

"Can I offer you a drink of something?", Wesley asked reverting back to the role of host and beginning to feel more and more relaxed in Doyle's company, "...er....assuming of course that you still can drink considering your lifeless state"

Doyle's smile increased realising that normality, or at least Wesley's version of normality had now been resumed and his intentions now vilified

"As long as you don't mean a cup of Earl Grey", Doyle grinned in reply. Doyle could see why Wesley had been accepted into the gang. He was an amiable kind of guy if not a little stuffy.

"Well I don't think Angel keeps anything stronger up here", Wesley replied looking around the room for any possible hiding places for liquor. He knew by reputation that Doyle like a touch of the hard stuff, "I do keep some beer downstairs however if that is any good"

Doyle nodded his approval, "Wes my man, that'll do just fine so it will"

Wesley left Angel's room and made his way to the Angel Investigations office in the large hotel foyer. [What a strange world we live in], he thought as he descended the main stairwell, [Here I am taking a break from keeping vigil over a sick vampire to fetch a six-pack of beer for a spirit from the netherworld. Unbelievable. If I ever decided to tell my story and write a book, then I'd either be very rich or my shrink bills would be HUGE].

His mind continued with this train of thought when he opened the door to Angel's apartment a few minutes later, six-pack in hand, to find Doyle sat on the end of Angel's bed watching as his fellow Irishman silently slept.

"Doesn't look too good does he?", Doyle whispered sensing Wesley's return.

"I think he's better than he was when he was first injured", Wesley replied placing the bottles of beer gently on the bedside table, "He seems quieter now and in less pain but I can't be certain if there has been any improvement at all. I just don't know what else I can do to help him"

At the sound of their voices, Angel stirred in his unrest, a painful sigh escaping his lips and a shudder running through his body. It only lasted a few fleeting seconds before he settled again and resumed a peaceful sleep.

"I'm worried about Cordelia too", Wesley said wincing slightly at Angel's anguished stirring, "I don't think that she is handling Angel being hurt as well as she makes out. She sits with him constantly, she feeds him, she bathes his fevered skin and she reads to him. I had a hell of a job persuading her to get some rest. If he doesn't come back to us soon or if he doesn't come back at all then ........"

Wesley stopped before he could finish the sentence. He desperately did not want to consider the consequences of Angel's death or the effects it would have on those who cared for him. Angel's recent sabbatical from their lives was a hurtful yet repairable damage, his death would have irrecoverable repercussions of that Wesley was certain.

"Aye, she always did have a soft spot for the big man", Doyle whispered hoping to divert Wesley's sadness. He gently eased himself from the bed trying not to disturb Angel's sleeping form any further and guided Wesley out of the bedroom and into the main living quarters, picking the beer up on the way. He felt a little awkward. He wanted more than anything to reassure Wesley that there was going to be a happy ending to this story and that Angel was going to recover, but his commitment to the PTB strictly forbade him to say anything.

"Wes man", he said breaking the uneasy silence that had unwittingly formed, "I wish that I could tell you that everything is gonna be OK but the fact is I can't. What I can tell you is that Angel is a fighter and he's faced dangers like this before. If anyone can beat this and come back it'll be Angel and if anyone can pull him through it then it's you and Cordelia"

"And Gunn and Fred", Wesley added thoughtfully, "They care for him to"

"Then he has all the strength that he needs", Doyle said with a gentle encouraging slap to Wesley's back. "Now are we gonna get back to those beers before they get warm?"

Wesley nodded and smiled with gratitude at Doyle's kind and reassuring words. For the first time in a long while, he had hope that Angel was going to come through this and that was certainly worth a drink in his honour.

"Doyle", Wesley said as he opened one of the beer bottles and passed it to the half demon, "I'm curious about something"

"Oh yeah - what would that be?"

"Why would you think that I've replaced you?"

Doyle took a couple of long gulps from his beer before answering Wesley's question.

"I've watched you. From up there", he said pointing a finger towards the ceiling, "I've seen how close you, Angel and my princess have become, like a family and I guess in my own way I'm a little jealous. I wasn't really around long enough to form that kind of bond before I well you know....er...croaked"

Wesley didn't know what to say or whether or not he should say anything at all.

"I...it's not that I mind or anything you understand", Doyle continued, "I'm happy that they have got on with their lives and that you helped them and became a part of it. I just sometimes wish that I could still be with them. I get scared in case they, you know, forget me"

"Forget you?", Wesley interrupted choking on his mouthful of beer, "How could they possibly forget you? I only met you five minutes ago and I'm pretty certain that you're gonna stick in my memory"

"Ah but that's probably because its not usual practice for you to down a few beers with a non corporeal seraph", Doyle surmised.

"Granted it's not your usual everyday occurrence", Wesley agreed, "But you're not exactly an easily forgettable character. Doyle don't you know that the legacy you have left behind is unique"

"Unique?"

"Of course. Think about it, there wouldn't even be an Angel Investigations if it wasn't for you", Wesley said, "Angel would still be hiding and brooding in some darkened sewer somewhere, helping others but not sticking around long enough to care about anyone. Cordelia would probably still be so wrapped up in herself and jumping to the whim of some wealthy sugar daddy. You helped to shape who they are, helped to guide them, put them on their paths and they still miss you every single day"

"Really?", Doyle asked as he finished one beer and quickly moved on to another.

"Really", Wesley confirmed, "I know Angel misses your companionship, I don't think he opens up to anyone like he used to open up to you. And Cordy, did you know that she still carries a dog eared photo of you that she took from a videotape in her purse.."

"No, no I didn't", Doyle whispered flattered by the response. He could feel himself beginning to blush and hoped that Wesley would think it was the effects of the beer.

"Not to mention that she conveniently throws your name back at me in almost every argument we ever have", Wesley continued. This particular piece of information seemed to bother him a little, "You're a bloody tough act to follow",

Doyle bowed his head in modesty or embarrassment, which one he didn't know.

"I feel extremely lucky to have found a connection with two extremely incredible people", Wesley finished, his expression sincere, "But you have to know that you'll never ever be replaced Doyle. Not by me. Not by anybody"

"Well I'll drink to that", Doyle cheered clinking his bottle against Wesley's.

He couldn't help the smile that had just widened across the entirety of his face. Wesley had told him exactly what he needed to hear.

"Thanks man" he said appreciatively.

Wesley simply nodded in return. He was so used to being the one who felt inferior and vulnerable so he found it satisfying to be able to use that to good effect and ease Doyle's insecurities.

"So tell me Wes", Doyle said turning the conversation back to joviality whilst rapidly finishing his second beer, "Does Cordy still have a never ending obsession with......"

"Shoes!", they both said simultaneously. Wesley laughed and nodded emphatically

"And does she still give you hell if you don't notice she has a new pair", Doyle carried on

"Yep she certainly does," Wesley smirked

"And if you don't know who designed them or how much they cost.......".

They started laughing now.

"And what about that frown that appears at the top of her nose when she's about to have a screaming fit at you. Does she still do that?", Doyle said. He was having fun remembering Cordelia and the little idiosyncrasies that he had adored so lovingly.

"She does. And let's not forget the patented hand on the hip with the finger waggle", Wesley added as they both then demonstrated one of Cordelia's infamous traits.

The laughter and the memories continued as Wesley and Doyle swapped observations and case experiences. They were so wrapped up in their conversation that they didn't hear the door to the apartment open and were unaware of Cordelia's presence until Wesley caught her eye.

"Cordelia", he said standing from his chair in surprise and walking towards to her. She still looked so tired and it was obvious that she had not slept, "You were supposed to be resting", he admonished.

"I...I heard voices and I thought that maybe Angel had come back to us", she whispered hopefully.

Wesley sadly shook his head, "I'm afraid there's no change Cordelia", he replied in return, cursing that the flicker of optimism that shone in her eyes had been extinguished so quickly.

"Then who were you talking to?", Cordelia enquired wearily, "Is Gunn back from patrol""

Again Wesley shook his head. Cordelia glanced over to the table to see who owned the second voice that she heard only to find her view obscured. She took a couple of steps forward but stopped almost instantly when she saw who now stood directly in front of her. Small tears formed in the corner of her eyes yet she could not turn away.

"Hey princess", Doyle said

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Angel watched his surroundings change around him until it disappeared completely and he remained in a throbbing white void. He felt like he was the only character on the blank page of a living, breathing comic book or as if he was riding some surreal roller coaster ride in some mystical amusement park.

Angel concentrated on the light, trying to discover if he could distinguish anything, but all his vampiric senses had seemed to switch off. He couldn't see anything, he couldn't hear anything and he couldn't smell anything. Silently he waited, the quiet unnerving him in a way it had never really bothered him before. As a solitary character Angel was not unused to being alone. Usually he was more than comfortable in his own company yet there was something about this kind of stillness that disturbed him more than he cared to admit.

Angel wondered whether it was because he was in a situation that he could not control. His movements around this alternate plane were being orchestrated he assumed by the Powers That Be. In his first encounter, they had taken him to his beloved Buffy, and then to the company of his good friend and confidante Willow. Now as he sat patiently waiting to see what their next move would be, he wondered how many 'chance meetings' were waiting for him.

Suddenly a brief glimmer of something caught his attention. Slowly Angel stood and tentatively began to pace in small circles waiting to see where the next shaft of reality would come from. He felt a cool wind brush against his face and then it hit him. An incredible kaleidoscope of colour swirling all around him, their images merging from one form to the next evolving from transparency into solid mass. The gentle breeze now felt like a hurricane as objects began to take shape before him.

A huge oak table. Chairs. Books. Shelf upon shelf of weird and wonderful magical artefacts.

Angel briefly closed his eyes against the distorted imagery and waited until the momentary madness had subsided. When he reopened his eyes he could have sworn that his new location was The Magic Shop, a small and quaint establishment located in the Hellmouth town of Sunnydale. The shop was owned and run by Rupert Giles, a man that Angel greatly respected and admired because of the love and protection he gave to all The Scooby Gang members least of all his Slayer, Buffy.

Angel acclimatised himself to his new surroundings sensing that he was not alone. He cautiously focused his highly attuned sense of smell trying to determine who or what he found in his company. Each being that walked the face of this earth had a distinctive smell. Demons emanated a bitter acrid smell a little like acid, brought forth usually from the evil that coursed through their being and enhanced by their own particular breed. A vampires smell was not so pungent softened by the remnants of their previous mortality and sweetened by the taking of their life's sustenance.

The scent that hung in the air however was clearly human. It was pure, rich and intoxicating especially to the nose of a vampire, driven by the blood that pulsed so temptingly through each vein and artery and cleansed with the purity of a soul. In this instance there was also a faint hint of apple and honeysuckle leaving Angel to come to the conclusion that he was definitely in the presence of a woman.

But who?

The only women that Angel associated with Sunnydale were Buffy, Willow or Cordelia. He had already met with the first two names on his mental list and he could not understand why Cordelia would have been brought back here. She hated Sunnydale and the life that she had there. She would not want to be reminded of it at any cost. He remembered that he had had countless conversations with Cordelia about the kind of person she was when they met for the very first time. He was always struck by the loneliness that twinkled in her eyes when she talked about the empty friendships she endured with the Cordettes and how her life wasn't really worth much despite all that she appeared to have. Cordelia was happy in LA, she had found purpose and Sunnydale was merely a reminder of someone she no longer wished to be.

Angel paced the room for a few short seconds, his mind a maze of confused thoughts and overwhelming emotions. He was so distracted with his own conscious thought that he did not see the figure that moved out of the shadows.

"Hey stranger", a voice called out disturbing Angel's thought pattern

Angel glanced up towards the direction of the voice to see a very familiar face looking down at him from the first floor balcony.

"Faith", he gasped, "What are doing here?"

"Yeah well its good to see you too stealth guy", Faith replied with a slight grin as she made her way down the stairs towards Angel pulling him in to a brief hug.

"I…I'm sorry", Angel stuttered returning the embrace, "It's just that this is the last place that I would expect to see you. I mean the last time I saw you, you were….."

"Doing time playing Little Miss Repentance at the local hellhole?", Faith finished for him in more of statement than a question, "Thanks for the reminder kiddo"

Angel said nothing momentarily bowing his head and breaking his eye contact with Faith when something suddenly occurred to him

"Er…Faith…you are supposed to be here aren't you", he asked nervously, "I mean its not that I'm not pleased to see you but you've not escaped or anything have you?"

Faith broke into an unbelievable smile as she witnessed the mild form of panic that had overtaken the features of the vampire before her

"Relax big man", she replied failing miserably to stifle the amusement in her voice, "I'm not here to stir trouble"

Angel's demeanour visibly relaxed and he allowed himself a wry smile when he realised that Faith was mocking him.

"Then what are you doing here", he asked finally, "And I mean that in a nice way of course"

Faith was still smiling as she walked passed Angel towards the large oak counter behind him.

"Managed to get through a few days without throwing down with an inmate", she answered jumping up onto the large counter frame, "And I guess someone in the know was making notes"

Angel watched as Faith made herself comfortable on the countertop. She looked as stunning as ever dressed in her patented denim and leather combination yet there seemed to be an unusual presence about her. There was something different about Faith that he couldn't quite figure out. Then he noticed them.

Her eyes.

They were beautiful and her gaze touched his very soul.

They captivated him in a way that only one person had ever done before. Darla.

While entranced, he could hear Faith's muted voice in the background continuing to talk about her current situation. He heard her tell of her early release from prison and about returning to the employ of The Council. She talked about how Giles had volunteered to help guide her and had agreed to become her Watcher. She spoke of how she had enrolled back into high school and about how Slayer training was working out.

Angel could hear the words that excitedly escaped Faith's lips but none of the information seemed to register in his feeble brain. He was completely absorbed by the brilliance and laughter of her stormy brown eyes.

Someone had once said to him that the eyes were like a window into a person's soul and he believed that sentiment to the core.

Buffy's eyes always portrayed her love, her need and desire for him yet Willow's eyes twinkled with trust and innocence. Cordelia's eyes were honest and true.

And Faith's?

Whenever he had looked into them before, he felt saddened by the sea of torment that seemed to plague her. No matter what she said or how she acted, her eyes always betrayed the sorrow, conflict and hurt that she felt deep inside. But now they portrayed something else completely.

Hope.

They shone with a chance for a new beginning and as far as Angel was concerned that was one of the most incredible sights that he had ever witnessed in the 250 years of his existence and would be imprinted forever in his memory.

"Are you listening to me Dead Boy", he heard Faith prompt impatiently. Broken from his trance, Angel looked in Faith's direction to see an exasperated frown upon her brow.

"Of course I am," he lied

"Well what did I just say?", Faith challenged him

Angel drew an unnecessary breath and hoped against hope that his subconscious memory banks would not let him down.

"Well you started off by saying how well life was working out for you", Angel began, "Although you could have done without having to take classes in Modern History because it's a drag. On the upside however there's a guy who sits behind you in English class who you find rather droolsome. You also said that Giles was firm but fair and worked you hard and that you bagged five vampires in one night last week which beats your own personal record"

"Er…I guess you were listening then", Faith stuttered amazed that Angel had repeated her stories back to her almost word for word.

"I told you I was", Angel answered with fake indignity thankful that he hadn't been caught out, ttle, "You're doing really well for yourself Faith and that makes me really happy"

"Not too happy I hope", Faith answered with a slight blush in her cheeks, "We wouldn't want you to lose that pesky soul of yours and let the bad boy out to play"

"I don't think there's any danger of that just yet", Angel assured her. He took a couple of paces towards Faith shortening the space between them. Faith adjusted her position on the counter a little nervously at the approaching presence but settled once Angel had taken her hand lightly in his

"You've turned a corner Faith", Angel said gently in a voice so low that it was almost a whisper, "I am so unbelievably proud of you"

Faith could see the sincerity in the face of her vampire friend and couldn't help the small tear that trickled down her face. He looked amazing in his magnificence, his face so strong and proud, his eyes so full of friendship and encouragement, it only made her want to cry more.

Angel removed his hand from Faith's and wiped away the stray tear rolling down her cheek. He said nothing choosing to remain silent rather than saying something that would ruin the mood. He took a couple of paces back allowing Faith some space.

Faith felt grateful for the air. She could not describe how she felt at this moment. For the first time in her life she felt content, almost serene and these happy fuzzy feelings were so new to her that they were overwhelming.

She looked over to where Angel had taken a seat at a table in the corner of the shop. She knew that was an area that Tara, Willow's girlfriend, sometimes read people's futures by using tarot cards. She briefly wondered what the future would hold for her and found that for the first time in a long time she was uncharacteristically optimistic about what life may throw at her.

"So Dead Boy", Faith hollered regaining Angel's attention as well as her own composure, "Now you know what I'm doing here, what are you doing here?"

Angel was lost for words. He really didn't know what to say. He could hardly tell her that he had been transported from another reality by the PTB to 'audition' her for lead role of his soul keeper.

"Er....I'm just passing through", he said lamely hoping that she wouldn't press him any further on it. Fortunately for Angel, Faith seemed content with his answer and let the subject matter drop.

"You know I was just thinking," Faith said as she jumped from the counter and made her way over to where Angel was sat, "You and I have a pretty colourful history"

Angel gave an ironic laugh

"We certainly do Faith", he agreed, "We certainly do"

"I mean first I tried to decapitate you when I thought you were trying to kill my psychotic phoney Watcher Gwendolyn Post", she began turning the chair to face her before straddling it.

"Yes I definitely remember that", Angel replied sub consciously rubbing the area of his head that had taken so much abuse that night

"And then I tried to take your soul after unsuccessfully trying to seduce you", Faith continued cringing inwardly at that particular memory

"But you didn't succeed, my soul is intact", Angel replied simply. He didn't feel the need to open up any wounds relating to his rejection of Faith in favour of Buffy nor did he need to remind her of her lack of foresight in that incident.

Faith continued her gruesome trip down memory lane finding the detail of her non too pleasant past far too easy to recall

"I terrorised The Scooby Gang including Buffy which in turn caused you distress", she said thinking back to her allegiance with The Mayor, "And then I was back to trying to kill you again whether it be by poisoning or as hired assassin"

"So how is it that you're still talking to me?", Faith finished dramatically throwing her arms in the air

"I guess I just can't resist your witty turn of phrase", Angel replied erupting into a round of raucous laughter. It was the only thing he could think of to do, if not he could go mad thinking of all the things that had passed between them.

At first Faith looked at Angel as if he had gone completely crazy. She had just listed the numerous ways in which she had tried to eliminate him from this world and instead of being angry he found it funny. She didn't think she had ever seen Angel laugh and as she watched him she found his incredible smile infectious. Before long she was joining in the laughter yet she had no idea why.

After a few uncontrollable minutes, Faith and Angel managed to compose themselves long enough to carry on with their catching up conversation. Faith told Angel about how she had coped in prison and how surprised she had been that Wesley had visited her on more than one occasion. She suspected that it was him who had contacted The Council to consider her reinstatement and the parole board about her early release. Faith still felt a little uneasy when she was in Wesley's company as it only reminded her of the pain she had subjected him to whilst torturing him.

Angel told Faith about his journey to Pylea to rescue Cordelia. Although this wasn't the only thing that had happened to him since he had seen her last, he had deliberately steered his conversation away from his recent troubles with Wolfram and Hart over Darla. Faith had just emerged from her own dark tunnel so she definitely did not need to hear about Angel's trip back into the hidden depths of his own dark abyss.

"Angel?", Faith said after what seemed like hours of endless ramblings, "I know that it's getting pretty late and that you will probably have to be splitting soon but do you mind if I ask you one more question"

At the sound of those words Angel cast his mind back to his recent meeting with Willow. He knew that he wouldn't like the question Faith was about to ask him. He knew that its answer would involve indulging information that he had kept hidden but he also knew that he would give an answer whether he wanted to or not.

"Ask your question Faith", he said trying hard not to let his apprehension echo in his voice

"I know that we've been joking around a little today", Faith said holding Angel's attention in her own, "But I wanted to know how you can forgive me after everything that I've done to you?"

"How could I not Faith?", Angel replied softly expecting that simple phrase to be the answer to all unasked questions.

Faith shook her head slightly, "I…I don't understand", she said as she gazed at Angel with bewilderment

"Choices Faith", Angel explained resignedly, "Life is all about the choices you make and how it effects you and the lives of those people you surround yourself with"

Faith still tilted her head in mild confusion struggling to make any sense of the words of wisdom leaking from Angel's lips. Angel stood from his chair and knelt on the floor in front of her. Tentatively, he gently turned her head so that were eye to eye before placing both of his hands on top of hers.

"When I look at you Faith", he continued his voice strong yet gentle, "It's like I'm staring at my own reflection for the first time in 250 years. Do you know how similar we are? We both come from families that showed no other emotion but disinterest and ,,,,, and we both yearned for something better than what we had. I wanted freedom…"

"And I wanted you….", Faith said interrupting Angel just long enough for him to catch an unnecessary breath.

"As much as I'm flattered to hear that", he whispered, gently stroking her hair, "I don't think it was really me that you wanted"

"No?", Faith asked, the tears threatening to fall again, "What did I want then?"

"I think that you wanted acceptance Faith", Angel answered trying to be as gentle as he could so as not to upset Faith any more than necessary, "I think that you needed to feel wanted. I think you needed to be in a place where you belonged and just like me I think that you were willing to do anything to get a taste of what you wanted. You tried to find acceptance with Buffy and her gang but I think the more you tried to belong, the more alone you actually felt "

Faith tried to pull herself free of Angel's hold. She didn't want to hear him talk of how she felt Buffy had rejected her or how that led to her weaknesses and her failings. Angel held her firmly refusing to let her go until she had faced the truth.

"Faith, I chose an unrighteous path to be with Darla", he continued, "And it condemned me for the rest of my days. Hatred was my master and it controlled me for 150 years. It gave me the freedom that I craved and I didn't care who I hurt along the way as long as I got what I wanted. I think The Mayor gave you the acceptance that you wanted and the darkness he offered out to you comforted you"

Faith nodded sadly knowing that Angel had always been able to see through her tough girl facade and that what he was saying to her now was the plain, honest truth.

"You see Faith, we are two halves of the same coin. But do want to know where we differ", Angel asked making sure that he looked deep into Faith's eyes when he spoke, "I didn't choose redemption Faith but you did. Regret and remorse were emotions that were forced upon me when the gypsies cursed me and returned my soul. I didn't choose to face up to my mistakes and change my life for the better but you did"

"Angel, how can you say that. You do good every day of your life…", Faith argued

"Only because I got a second chance to do what was right", Angel answered honestly, "When the gypsies first cursed me I did nothing. I travelled the earth for 90 years not making a difference to anyone. I felt sorry for myself and allowed myself to wallow in that self-pity until I met a guy, a really badly dressed demon actually, who showed me what my life could be like. For the first time in over 200 years, I had a choice to make and fortunately this time, I made the right decision. But you Faith, you made that decision long before it was made for you and I admire you for that"

"I did a lot of regrettable things when I was a true vampire Faith and yet people accept me for who I am now and have forgiven me. So tell me Faith, how can I not forgive you?"

Faith could do nothing but pull Angel into a tight embrace. She held on to him close as she cried all the tears that she had waited a lifetime to cry. Angel cradled her in his arms and rocked her until her tears subsided.

"Angel", Faith said, pulling back slightly from Angel but still allowing his tender touch on her arms, " I once asked you that if things between you and Buffy had been different, whether things between you and I would be different….well you're in LA and Buffy's in Sunnydale …things are different"

"Faith", Angel gently chided, "You know I still can't answer that question",

"I know, I know", Faith admitted a mischievous smile reappearing in her tear stained face, "But you can't blame a girl for trying"

Angel smiled and helped Faith into a standing position. They stood face to face, almost close enough to kiss

"Angel I know you don't believe me when I say this", Faith whispered, her gaze never faltering from his, "But I do want you, always have and I think a part of me always will. YOU saved my soul despite what you may say or think"

Faith gently placed a hand on Angel's chest directly over his heart.

"You've made a difference in my life Angel", she said gently tapping her fingers to the tune of a fake heartbeat, " And who knows maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to work my way into that big heart of yours"

Angel smiled and gently placed a lingering kiss on the top of Faith's head.

"You're already there Faith", he told her, "You're already there"

"Then that's Five by Five", she answered with a smile before disappearing from Angel's view.

To Be Continued…..