DISCLAIMER: Why do I even bother?
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The epilogue.
It's over. It's really over. It's like... wow. I actually finished something. At last.
I finally got to re-watch the pertinent episodes of the anime that pertain to this story, and it's kinda strange how much I remembered wrong -_-(). So let's just say this is an AU fic, K? It'll be our little secret. ~_~
Mouse-chan, samuraiheart, this is for you *_~ You've stuck with me, you deserve it.
Four plots.
One, two, three, four. Four plots arranged in one neat row, giving no sign as to the condition of the hearts of those making the plots. For all anyone could tell, an impartial observer had simply shoveled out dirt, then shoveled it back in.
But it was more, oh, so much more to those of us that were there. The graves held our friends, our brothers, our dear comrades to whom we'd had to say good-bye. They had died bravely, valiantly, but the knowledge didn't make it hurt any less. I knew that, eventually, I'd be able to move on, live a day without tears coming to my eye at their memory…
But that wouldn't happen for a long time.
I walked blindly through the grounds, my head in the sky, with my friends. They were gone. Gone.
And they had no regrets.
They'd looked so healthy and well and alive when they'd appeared, saving us, saving the miko, saving the world… I'd had to hold myself more in check than ever to keep from rushing to one of them, any one, and embracing them like they'd… well, returned from the dead.
But they had to leave when our task had finally been accomplished, and the third wish had been used. They'd faded once again to ghost of memories, the only proof of their presence the fact that the blond demon was gone. And I missed them, possibly more than before.
It had been so wonderful… seeing them again… Fighting along side them for that brief space of time, feeling whole and complete as I had not since Nuriko's death, since the first of us was gone…
There had been no time for reunions. The worlds, both of them, were in trouble. We'd put aside personal feelings and supported the miko, supported Tamahome, sealing Seiryu… Chiriko's idea, so smart… But ever since that familiar "Moooouuuu!" had rung through the air there was no doubt I was on my way to healing, even if the second separation had been more painful than the first.
It would just take time…
I remarked idly to myself that seishi still seemed to be drawn together as I walked up slowly behind him, stopping just to his left and gazing quietly at the graves. They were all so different, so unique… like the men in them. I could instantly tell, even without the markers, just who was who… Chiriko first, nearest the water, the little boy so much smarter than any of us, who I'd needed to protect as a little brother. Then Nuriko, the strong man-girl, the one I'd never been able to figure out, but somehow hadn't needed to, his mystique being one of his best characteristics. Then the largest mound, Mitsukake, the most selfless, caring man I'd ever known, even through his stoic front.
And the newest. Hotohori. That stubborn, headstrong emperor… You just had to go and get yourself killed. And guess who took Houki's rage. I still had bruises from that encounter.
But I couldn't blame him. He was the noblest man I'd ever met, the perfect emperor. He would have made the perfect father…
"Tasuki no da," my companion said quietly.
"Hai?"
"What will you do now?"
I had no idea. I'd been approached, as had Koji, by more than one member of the imperial council, being offered a position as a commander in the army and the promise that our "dubious pasts" would be forgotten in lieu of our service in a time of need. Koji had flatly refused, saying he couldn't stand all the routine. But in private he'd also given me an option, to return to the Mt. Reikaku bandits and resume my place as leader, with Koji once again my second-in-command.
Chichiri sighed at my silence and looked up at the clear blue sky, the light breeze making his bangs stir against his forehead. His eye was hidden, as usual, by the fox-face mask. "They offered me an advisor's post, or one in the temple, since I am a monk. But… I don't think I can take either."
"Why not?" My voice was perfectly serious, heavy. "They're both good positions… you could be one of the most powerful men in the country."
He slowly lowered his head, and to my great surprise I saw tears trickling out from the sides of the mask that hid all his emotions. "I don't think they'd want me to."
The breeze ruffled his wild hair, making it appear as if it really was just an extension of his flames, and I could hear a child's shout from somewhere outside the garden. I knew my traitor tears were showing, but I didn't dare take off my mask… It was the only thing I had that would keep me from falling apart entirely.
Healing doesn't happen in a day, or a month, or even a year. It's so much more than that, so much more… complex and convoluted and confusing than simply crying. I would be all right. But not for awhile.
"I think they'd want you to do what you want to do." Tasuki's voice was rough, scratchy, as if he were trying to stop himself from crying. "I know… If I was there too, I know that's…" He lost his battle, the droplets pouring from the corners of his eyes in silent waterfalls, but he pushed himself on, as if he didn't finish this thought he would never speak again. "I know that's what I'd tell you."
"Tasuki…" Impetuously, exactly like that time after Miaka and Tamahome had vanished, I put my arms around his shoulders and let him cry. He buried his face in my shoulder and let out a low, animal-like howl that was severely muffled by my kesa. His fingers clutched my sleeves, twisting the fabric so tight my circulation was nearly cut off, but I didn't raise my voice in protest. If he needed to do it, I would let him. If it would help him heal, it was all right.
My own tears dripped onto the back of his head as he cried, and I felt another pang of grief burn through my heart, this one much older… six years older, to be precise, when my family, including my little brother, were swept away in the devastating flood, where I'd ceased to be Hou Jun… Tasuki was bringing it back, drawing out my brother instincts, and I remembered just how much younger the bandit was than me, how much less experienced with the grief of life…
Soon he pushed my arms away and stepped back, swiping a quick fist across his eyes, shaking his head and looking at the ground. I knew he was thinking that seeing him cry had lowered my respect for him, but it hadn't. Sometimes it takes more of a man to cry than to seal up feelings inside.
"Tasuki, what are you going to do now no da?" I asked the question softly.
He glanced at the graves next to us. His happiness, for now, lay with those men. But hopefully, soon… "They said I could stay, too. Be a commander. And Koji said I could go with them and be the leader again."
"But Koji-"
He cut me off with a quick nod. "They left this morning. And of course I didn't go with them."
"So you want to stay here, then?"
He glanced at me once, then back at the ground our friends lay in. "I can't take it here. Too many rules, too many things to do…"
Too much pain, his voice seemed to say in my head.
"Chichiri… actually…I was kind of wondering…"
"If you could come with me?" His gaze snapped up at me in momentary surprise, then grew serious again, accepting of the fact that we all knew our fellow seishi so well. "What do you think I'd say to that?"
He shrugged. "Hopefully 'sure', but…"
I allowed, just for a moment, a tiny smile to break through the sadness and settle itself on my lips. "Sure." I perfectly matched his cadence, rhythm, and inflection, making him gawk in surprise. At the look on his face I just had to laugh, and reached out to ruffle his already-messy hair. "You can come. It'll be good to not be lonely on the road anymore no da. Who knows, maybe you'll even decide to take it up on your own…"
"Being a monk? Hell no."
"See? You're too quick to judge, someone has to keep your hot head in line, might as well be me."
"Are we gonna start that again?"
"At least you're talking mostly correctly now."
"What was wrong with the way I talked before?!"
"Most people couldn't understand it…"
As we walked away from the pool, bickering like the brothers we were in spirit, I could almost swear I heard, somewhere behind us, the faint, laughing voices of our fellow seishi.
AUTHOR'S NOTES II: This is it... the last part of the first multi-part fic I've ever finished. I'm starting to get all sappy and sentimental, remembering everything this story's brought me and all the firsts that happened because of this story, but I won't bore you all with them. Just a few. ~_~
This story caused me and Mouse-chan (Purple Mouse, maybe you've read something of hers? ~_~) to strike up a correspondance... you can probably guess the results of all that. This was my first angsty thing (although definitely not the last). Of course, it's the first one I've FINISHED. It's pretty big for me.
Thank you thank you everyone who reviewed. It means so much to me when people appreciate something I've poured my heart into, like this. You all are the nicest people imaginable.
Unofficial Official Soundtrack: Itooshi Hito no Tameni (the opening theme song), slow version
Kaze-chan's Favorite Line: "And just when we get you to start talking like a normal person, your friends show up and you revert." - Chichiri to Tasuki, in chapter 4. What was your favorite line? ~_~
