Episode V – Part III : Books
Author's Note : sf - Be warned. I was on a caffiene high when I wrote this, and I'm *definitely* going for the dramatic here.
"Hakkai! Check this out!"
"Nani?" Hakkai looked over to where Goku was perched precariously on top of a ladder. "Goku, come down."
"Check this out first!"
"Since when did a bakazaru have much interest in books, any way?" Gojyo asked.
"I wasn't talking to you, you ero-kappa! I don't care for your kind of books!" Goku snapped. The ladder wobbled. "Whoops."
"I'm coming," Hakkai sighed. And sotto voce to Gojyo : "Can you... ah... read something other than... uh... romances?"
"These aren't romances," Gojyo smirked. "Romances are nothing compared to these."
"My point precisely!" Hakkai hissed. "And don't let Goku get his hands on any of your Playboy magazines either!"
Gojyo just smirked some more.
Hakkai sighed, and wandered across the book store to where Goku was starting to hop up and down with impatience. "Ne, Goku?"
Goku waved a book. "Look, it's all about food! It has these huge pictures of food... cooking directions, and names of all the good eateries around here! Can I buy it? Hakkai? Please?"
"I knew it!" Gojyo said. "Food, food and food. Can't you control your damn appetite?"
"As much as you can control your damn hormones!" Goku raged.
"Daft monkey."
"You—" Goku's balance vacated him. "Wahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"
Down came Goku, ladder and all.
The book, a very large, hard-cover, leather-bound, metal buckled edition with about 3,600 pages, came down on Hakkai's head.
A deathly hush fell over the book store as Hakkai hit the ground with an audible thump. His eyes formed two interesting 'X'es. A clump of dust slid off the shelf and into his mouth.
"Hakkai? Hakkai? Wake up!" Goku panicked.
"BAKAZARU!!" The paper fan came crashing down like a Bolt of Doom.
*THUMP*
"What did you do that for? Saaaaaannnnnnzooooooooo!!!!" Goku backed away, and crashed into the bookshelf. There was a rumble.
A book fell off the shelf.
Like an avalanche, the rest followed.
"Shiiiiit!" Sanzo swore, as books bounced off his head and shoulders. "I'm going to KILL you, you bloody ape!" More books came slamming down. And more. And more.
The shelf toppled over, hitting the next shelf. Which toppled, hitting the next. Like dominos, row after row of shelves collapsed, burying unfortunate browsers. Books fluttered down, books crunched down, books rained down. Blue, red, yellow, green, white, black... it really was a very pretty sight. The screams only added to the flavor.
Mayhem ensued for the better part of 3 minutes.
Finally, the noise subsided. For another long moment, all was still.
Then Gojyo started laughing. He couldn't help it. Clutching his sides, he stared at the mess and laughed his head off.
There was a rustle of paper, then Goku's head burst out from a pile of books. He looked frantically around. "Oh no... did I do that?"
Sanzo emerged rather more slowly. The glare that he delivered Goku could have melted steel. (Unfortunately, Goku's a bit tougher than that.)
"San..." Goku gulped.
Four vein pop-outs were clearly visible.
Gojyo convulsed in laughter again.
"What happened?" Hakkai's voice drifted back out from under the pile of books.
No one replied. A few lightning bolts flashed through the air between Sanzo and Goku.
"Sanzo... can I buy that book?" Goku asked, with what he hoped was disarming charm.
"You-Stupid-Dumb-ass-Good-for-nothing-BAKAZAAAAAARRRRRRUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!"
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK**THUMP**THUMP**THUMP*
"IIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!"
*THUMP**THUMP**THUMP**CRUNCH*
The paper fan snapped in half. Sanzo glared at it and pulled out a spare.
*THUMP**THUMP**THUMP*
"Maa, maa, stop it before someone gets killed..." Hakkai choose that moment to crawl out from under the book pile. He also had the ill-fortune to come between Sanzo's fan and Goku's head.
*THUMP*
"--..." Hakkai collapsed again.
Sanzo slapped his forehead. "Che. I don't know any of you!" he turned and stomped out of the book store.
"Looks like you'll be clearing up this mess for the rest of the day, saru!" Gojyo smirked. "And explaining that nice lump on Hakkai's forehead to him when he wakes up."
"I.. I.. but..." Goku looked helplessly around.
"But what?"
"But I'm hungry!"
***
