Episode V - Part IV - Food and Other Stuff

Despite all Goku could do, it was almost an hour before they had the bookstore more or less straightened out. The shelving of books took a long, long time. Fortunately, with Hakkai's help, and Gojyo's somewhat more reluctant assistance, the three youkai were able to sort things out with well... inhuman speed. Then they ran into trouble.

"What do you mean we have to pay?" Goku demanded. "We didn't break anything!"

"You crushed two shelves and damaged a whole mountain of books, and you claim that you didn't break anything?"

"Yeah, he just crushed them," Gojyo muttered.

Goku looked pissed. "Oh very well. I'll go and look for Sanzo."

Looking for Sanzo turned out to be harder than expected. The priest had walked out two hours earlier, and now he had completely disappeared. Goku raced from level to level, peering into shops, and finally came to a halt fifteen breathless minutes later. Defeated, he went back to the bookstore to look for Hakkai.

"You can't find him?" Gojyo asked. "Looks like he's finally decided to dump you, you dumbass ape. It would serve you right too."

"Maa, maa," Hakkai said, a little wearily. "Gojyo, why don't you help him look? We can't continue without Sanzo, anyway." We can't even get home, because we can't pay for the transportation!

Gojyo smirked. "Let the master show you how you go about doing this."

He sauntered out into the middle of the shopping centre, took a deep breath, and bellowed:

"SANZO! YOU STINKY, MISERLY, MUMBO-JUMBO MONK! I BET YOU'RE SNUGGLING IN SOME CORNER-"

He ducked the moment he heard the gunshots, and escaped instant death by a hair's span. Unfortunately, he never saw the fan as it came crashing down from behind.

Goku's eyes went wide as he watched Sanzo's attempts to pulverize Gojyo into a paste with nothing more than a paper fan. Nothing more? That thing's a deadly weapon in itself!

Thump, thump, and thumpety thump.

After he had broken his last fan and reduced Gojyo to a little puddle on the floor, Sanzo finally regained his composure. Goku piped up, "Sanzo, we need to pay for damages--"

"Ch'!" Sanzo glared at the pile of broken fans, then rolled up his sleeve and cuffed Goku across the head with his fist instead.

"ITAI! What was that for?!!"

"For causing this in the first place!" Sanzo raged at him, and stormed off in the general direction of the bookstore.

Gojyo looked up and grinned weakly. "Well, it worked, didn't it?"

Hakkai wandered up. "What did you do to Sanzo? He's in a really foul mood. Even fouler than usual." He looked down. "Oh dear."

Goku's eyes widened as Hakkai pulled a broom and a dustpan out of his spandex space and began sweeping up what remained of Gojyo. "Don't worry, we'll have you back in shape in no time," the green-eyed man smiled.

***

It was inevitable that they would end up in a restaurant again sooner or later. Sanzo would definitely have preferred later. (If it was late enough, they might only have to eat twice during the entire trip) Unfortunately, after the morning's exertions, Goku was already close to fainting from hunger. In fact, he did faint, and went thumping down the escalator.

The rest of the Sanzo-ikkou watched in amazement as the monkey tipped backwards and tumbled down the next few steps, gathering momentum. Several people who saw him coming were fast enough to duck to one side, but those below had Goku slamming into them at full speed.

What happened next can be likened to a row of dominos tipping over, no... more it was more like an avalanche, since it gathered mass and speed as it went down. By the time the whole mess hit the ground, it was a huge tangle of arms and legs. The only things getting out of the pile were curses, and the sound of Goku's stomach rumbling.

Hakkai looked and Sanzo and Gojyo. "This is where we disappear," he prompted.

"I second that," Gojyo said.

Goku found them waiting for him in a discrete corner. One glance at Sanzo's face warned him that there would be trouble Real Soon Now.

So he wasn't surprised when Sanzo grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shook him until his teeth rattled. "Any more of that, and no more food for the rest of the day!" the priest snarled, then cuffed him across the ear for good measure.

"NO MORE FOOD???!!!!!" Goku wailed. "SANZOOOO! How can you be so CRUEL?!"

Sanzo ignored him and stalked off.

***

"And roast duck, and roast chicken, and beef cubes, and braised tofu, and fried noodles, and--"

"That's enough."

"Dumplings, and meatbuns, and crab--"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" Sanzo roared, snatching the menu out of Goku's hands.

"Add a beer to that," Gojyo smirked, and leaned back.

The other patrons stared.

Gojyo had insisted that they take a long table for eight, and he was seated at the end furthest from Sanzo. Goku and Hakkai were seated somewhere in the middle, Goku on the same side as Sanzo, but one seat down for safety's sake.

"So what else do we have to pick up?" Hakkai asked.

"FOOD!" Goku piped up immediately.

"Chicks," Gojyo added.

"Paper fans," Sanzo said pointedly. Goku gulped.

"Oh yes, we need new cutlery," Hakkai said cheerfully.

"What do we need cutlery for? Saru doesn't use cutlery, and Sanzo's tongue is sharp enough to cut through anything."

Hakkai had to intervene to stop Sanzo from shooting Gojyo on the spot.

Gojyo grinned weakly and eased his way even further down the table. Hakkai leaned over. "This isn't Piss-Off-Sanzo day, Gojyo. I'd hate to have to put you back together if Sanzo really loses his temper."

"What? You mean Mister Worldly Monk hasn't lost his temper yet?"

"I think... it can probably get worse," Hakkai replied, as another vein started ticking in Sanzo's forehead.

When the food arrived, it was evident that, safety margins between Sanzo and Gojyo aside, the Sanzo-ikkou did need all the space it could get... for the dishes.

46 dishes (in the largest size available), not inclusive of the three soup courses, arrived. They were joined by the small mountains of beer cans accumulated on Sanzo's and Gojyo's ends of the table, and the bottles of Sake stacking up in front of Hakkai. Goku didn't bother to let things stack up in front of him. By the middle of the meal, he was already standing on the table, steadily eating his way from one end to the other.

When he finally finished working his way through the entire lot, the other diners sighed and turned their attention back to their food.

Then the second helping arrived.

Goku gave a cry of delight as he bounced out of his seat, and resumed eating. For a long, long time, there was just sound of food being consumed at the rate of 5 dishes per minute.

But the peace couldn't last.

"That's my meat roll!" Goku thundered.

"Ha. I can eat it if I want, bakazaru!" Gojyo smirked back, popping it into his mouth.

"YOU LOUSY KAPPA! Give it back!" Goku lunged across the table. Gojyo danced out of reach and picked up the last meatroll with his chopsticks. "This one's mine."

"NO! You've already eaten eight of them! The last one is mine!" Goku scrabbled wildly for it.

"Come and get it."

"GAHHHHHHH!!!!"

There was a click from the other end of the table.

"No more food for the rest of the day," Sanzo threatened in a low voice.

Goku deflated immediately. "But Saaannnnzzzoooooooooooooo..."

Sanzo cocked the hammer of the Exorcism Gun again. "But what?"

"Er... nothing."

"I think we ought to be going," Hakkai cut in.

"High time," Sanzo snorted. "Oi, Goku! Stop licking the plates!"

***