Author's note- if you're a guy, and reading this, don't be offended. I wrote this when I realized how undermined women are in Lord of the Rings. So I decided to even it out a little, by presenting….



IF WOMEN RAN LORD OF THE RINGS (that's LADY to you, mister!)

Three Rings for the Elven-QUEENS, under the ROOF, (women are smart enough to BUILD!)

Seven for the dwarf-ladies in their palaces (we build PALACES, not just halls) of stone,

Nine for mortal men, doomed to die, (well, men ARE mortal, and Who'd want to be doomed to die?)

One for the dark lord on his dark throne, (ladies aren't evil, so………)

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie

One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them,

One ring to bring them all, and in the brightness (well, women are smart enough to read the INSTRUCTIONS on how to install light fixtures!) bind them

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie