TABLOID CONSPIRATORS: PART ONE
AN: This is a continuation (kinda) to "Evil Words". Go read that first, if you want to.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. FWEE! Sue me and you'll get some lovely Icelandic souveniers, but not much else.
FBI BUILDING
Mulder and Scully's office
8:45 AMAMAMAM.. OOPS.
(Scully enters the office with a cup of Starbucks coffee in her hand)
Scully: Good morning Mulder. How many people have seen the face of Satan over the US capital over the night?
Mulder: (looks up) How did you know?
Scully: (rolls her eyes) Because you're holding that tabloid newspaper in front of you like a shield. You do know those things aren't true, right?
(Mulder turns towards Scully and gives her a completely shocked look)
Mulder: (screams) THEY'RE NOT??? OH MY GOD!!! I'VE BELIEVED THEM ALL THESE YEARS!! NOOOOO!!!! HOW WILL I LI-
Hey wait, you're making that up.
Scully: (stares at Mulder blankly) No, I'm not. It said so on NBC.
Mulder: Did not.
Scully: Did too.
Mulder: Fine then. Anyway, I stumbled across a new case.
Scully: You do know that Tupac is dead, right?
Mulder: He is? Hmm. Well. No, this doesn't have anything to do with Tupac. But it could (grins evilly)
Scully: Riight...
Mulder: This takes place in Memphis, Tennessee. A large amount of people are claiming to be haunted by the ghost of Elvis.
Scully: The skinny one? Or the fat, middle-aged leisure-suit wearing one?
Mulder: The skinny one. Apparently, the people who were haunted by the fat middle-aged leisure-suit wearing one died of shock. Or disgust. One of those.
Scully: (gives an impatient sigh) Well where do we start? We have nothing better to do today.
Mulder: Bermuda.
Scully: (raises eyebrow) I thought you said Memphis.
(Mulder's eyes grow huge and he sinks to his knees.)
Mulder: (screaming) YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT!! THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED! I DIDN'T-
(Mulder casts a glance at Scully. She's giving him the "Scully look". Hee hee. I wish I could do that. Mulder stops screaming and stands up)
Mulder: Sorry. It's automatic.
Scully: That's understandable. Now, let's go catch a plane to Bermuda before Skinner forces us to go after a three-legged psycho.
Mulder: Oo. Fun.
(Scully and Mulder dash out of their office, ignoring Spender who had his ear to the door for about an hour)
UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT SOMETHINGSOMETHINGSOMETHING
SOME TIME ABOUT TWO HOURS LATER
(Mulder and Scully are sitting next to each other on one of those neato plane things. Scully has the window, and Mulder has the middle)
Mulder: (whines) Why do I get the window?? This other weirdo next to me is taking up my armrest!!! WHY DON'T I GET TO REST MY ARMS???
(Mulder stops when he realizes that people are staring at him)
Mulder: Uh, hi everyone. Are we all okay? Yes, yes, that's what I thought.. (whines) Scu-leeee... I'm bored...
(Scully turns to him and raises an eyebrow)
Scully: Ask the flight attendant for a deck of cards.
(Mulder reaches up and presses the button that signals the flight attendants. An extremely annoyed one walks up to Mulder.)
Attendant: WHAT do you WANT?? Is it a CUP of COFFEE?? Is THAT IT?? Well let ME TELL you SOMETHING, BUDDY, I've had SO MANY people ASK for a CUP of COFFEE and then NOT want IT!!! Do you KNOW what I have to DO WITH THE COFFEE then?? DO YOU??
Mulder: Uh.. no... I just want some cards....
Attendant: Oh, so THAT'S it, IS IT?? That's FUNNY, you don't LOOK like a THREE YEAR OLD who has an ATTENTION SPAN OF A GNAT!!!
Mulder: All I want is some stupid cards!!!
Attendant: FINE THEN. Be that WAY.
(The attendant sulks off to go get some cards, muttering death threats along the way)
Mulder: Wow. I wonder what she's on.
Scully: Her yelling is scaring me.
(The captain's voice blares through the cabin speakers)
Captain: HI everyone!! WE'RE just about to LAND here!! In case SOMETHING goes WRONG, use the AIRPLANE FOOD as SHARK REPELLENT!!!! AND, IN CASE of EVIL FLIGHT ATTENDANTS, use the MAGICAL CALL button!!!
Scully: What's this guy on?? It seems like he's flying high....
Mulder: Yeah.. hee hee. We're about 2,000 feet off the ground you know...
Scully: Uh, no Mulder. That's not what I meant.
Mulder: Oh. Hey, look!
(Mulder takes a folded piece of paper out of his pocket)
Mulder: How did this get here? (hands it to Scully) Hey.. it could be A BOMB!!
(the plane suddenly gets silent)
Mulder: Um.. no.. it isn't a bomb.. really... it isn't... he hee... (whispers to Scully)
Let's get off this plane as soon as possible.
Scully: Yes, let's.
Captain: OKAY!! GET READY FOR LANDING!! HEHEHE- OWW!! STOP HITTING ME!! I'm trying to FLY A PLANE here!!
Scully: Riight.....
(The plane makes it safely to the ground, despite the feverent wishes of the evil Flight Attendant)
Scully: Well.. I'm preparing myself for flying hamburgers and people acting like statues.
I just hope they don't start moving.....
(All of a sudden, a bright light fills the plane. A floating figure approaches Mulder and Scully. It pauses, and then---)
AN: This is a continuation (kinda) to "Evil Words". Go read that first, if you want to.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. FWEE! Sue me and you'll get some lovely Icelandic souveniers, but not much else.
FBI BUILDING
Mulder and Scully's office
8:45 AMAMAMAM.. OOPS.
(Scully enters the office with a cup of Starbucks coffee in her hand)
Scully: Good morning Mulder. How many people have seen the face of Satan over the US capital over the night?
Mulder: (looks up) How did you know?
Scully: (rolls her eyes) Because you're holding that tabloid newspaper in front of you like a shield. You do know those things aren't true, right?
(Mulder turns towards Scully and gives her a completely shocked look)
Mulder: (screams) THEY'RE NOT??? OH MY GOD!!! I'VE BELIEVED THEM ALL THESE YEARS!! NOOOOO!!!! HOW WILL I LI-
Hey wait, you're making that up.
Scully: (stares at Mulder blankly) No, I'm not. It said so on NBC.
Mulder: Did not.
Scully: Did too.
Mulder: Fine then. Anyway, I stumbled across a new case.
Scully: You do know that Tupac is dead, right?
Mulder: He is? Hmm. Well. No, this doesn't have anything to do with Tupac. But it could (grins evilly)
Scully: Riight...
Mulder: This takes place in Memphis, Tennessee. A large amount of people are claiming to be haunted by the ghost of Elvis.
Scully: The skinny one? Or the fat, middle-aged leisure-suit wearing one?
Mulder: The skinny one. Apparently, the people who were haunted by the fat middle-aged leisure-suit wearing one died of shock. Or disgust. One of those.
Scully: (gives an impatient sigh) Well where do we start? We have nothing better to do today.
Mulder: Bermuda.
Scully: (raises eyebrow) I thought you said Memphis.
(Mulder's eyes grow huge and he sinks to his knees.)
Mulder: (screaming) YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT!! THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED! I DIDN'T-
(Mulder casts a glance at Scully. She's giving him the "Scully look". Hee hee. I wish I could do that. Mulder stops screaming and stands up)
Mulder: Sorry. It's automatic.
Scully: That's understandable. Now, let's go catch a plane to Bermuda before Skinner forces us to go after a three-legged psycho.
Mulder: Oo. Fun.
(Scully and Mulder dash out of their office, ignoring Spender who had his ear to the door for about an hour)
UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT SOMETHINGSOMETHINGSOMETHING
SOME TIME ABOUT TWO HOURS LATER
(Mulder and Scully are sitting next to each other on one of those neato plane things. Scully has the window, and Mulder has the middle)
Mulder: (whines) Why do I get the window?? This other weirdo next to me is taking up my armrest!!! WHY DON'T I GET TO REST MY ARMS???
(Mulder stops when he realizes that people are staring at him)
Mulder: Uh, hi everyone. Are we all okay? Yes, yes, that's what I thought.. (whines) Scu-leeee... I'm bored...
(Scully turns to him and raises an eyebrow)
Scully: Ask the flight attendant for a deck of cards.
(Mulder reaches up and presses the button that signals the flight attendants. An extremely annoyed one walks up to Mulder.)
Attendant: WHAT do you WANT?? Is it a CUP of COFFEE?? Is THAT IT?? Well let ME TELL you SOMETHING, BUDDY, I've had SO MANY people ASK for a CUP of COFFEE and then NOT want IT!!! Do you KNOW what I have to DO WITH THE COFFEE then?? DO YOU??
Mulder: Uh.. no... I just want some cards....
Attendant: Oh, so THAT'S it, IS IT?? That's FUNNY, you don't LOOK like a THREE YEAR OLD who has an ATTENTION SPAN OF A GNAT!!!
Mulder: All I want is some stupid cards!!!
Attendant: FINE THEN. Be that WAY.
(The attendant sulks off to go get some cards, muttering death threats along the way)
Mulder: Wow. I wonder what she's on.
Scully: Her yelling is scaring me.
(The captain's voice blares through the cabin speakers)
Captain: HI everyone!! WE'RE just about to LAND here!! In case SOMETHING goes WRONG, use the AIRPLANE FOOD as SHARK REPELLENT!!!! AND, IN CASE of EVIL FLIGHT ATTENDANTS, use the MAGICAL CALL button!!!
Scully: What's this guy on?? It seems like he's flying high....
Mulder: Yeah.. hee hee. We're about 2,000 feet off the ground you know...
Scully: Uh, no Mulder. That's not what I meant.
Mulder: Oh. Hey, look!
(Mulder takes a folded piece of paper out of his pocket)
Mulder: How did this get here? (hands it to Scully) Hey.. it could be A BOMB!!
(the plane suddenly gets silent)
Mulder: Um.. no.. it isn't a bomb.. really... it isn't... he hee... (whispers to Scully)
Let's get off this plane as soon as possible.
Scully: Yes, let's.
Captain: OKAY!! GET READY FOR LANDING!! HEHEHE- OWW!! STOP HITTING ME!! I'm trying to FLY A PLANE here!!
Scully: Riight.....
(The plane makes it safely to the ground, despite the feverent wishes of the evil Flight Attendant)
Scully: Well.. I'm preparing myself for flying hamburgers and people acting like statues.
I just hope they don't start moving.....
(All of a sudden, a bright light fills the plane. A floating figure approaches Mulder and Scully. It pauses, and then---)
