Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.
Warnings: This will eventually be slash. Uh. that's about it.
Author's Notes: So.many.reviews. Thanks again to the reviewers! Okay, one special note (it's NEW!). I know I'm gonna get some questions about this at the end of the fic, so I'm gonna say it now: Yes, I do think Zim would be a clotheshorse. If he were forced to wear civilian clothes, that is. He's pretty vain, and I've noticed that people with that personality type tend to care a lot about how they look.okay that's it.
SURPRISE! A new outfit for skool?
Dib fell asleep that night feeling content. It was a realistic content, he had to go back to skool eventually, after all, but content nonetheless. He had a restful sleep, and judging by the red glow the sun was casting into his closed eyes, it was going to be a beautiful day. Still though, something didn't feel quite right. Dib decided that he had better wake up.
"Nnnngh. AAARRRRGH! ZIM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!"
Indeed, Zim was in his room. Zim was not only in his room, Zim was leaning over his bed, blinking innocently.
"I am here.TO WALK YOU TO SKOOL!"
"I have a car, but I'm not going to skool today, Zim."
"You say that, but I don't think you mean it."
With that, Zim walked over to Dib's closet and started to rummage.
"How did you even get in here?"
"I climbed the wall with my leg extensions. I can grip the cracks in the wall, and your wall has many cracks. The fact that your window was open was a lucky coincidence."
During his cheery explanation, Zim was taking things off hangers, examining them and throwing them behind him into a steadily growing pile, which lead Dib to his second point.
"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing in my closet?"
"You can't go to skool in your undergarments, can you?"
Dib had completely forgotten about his lack of pants or a shirt upon waking up and finding Zim hovering over him.
"I can dress myself, thanks."
"No you can't."
"Excuse me?"
"You can't dress yourself. You've been wearing the exact same outfit every day for six years."
"No I haven't! I have other outfits! I'm just.saving them. For a special occasion."
"What's more special than a visit from the great Zim? You need to wear something new. Something that says, 'I am an Earthanoid piece of garbage, but I don't care because I look good.'"
"And you're the be-all and end-all of fashion advice, I'm sure."
In truth, Zim had acquired quite a flair for clothing over the years. Today he was wearing black vinyl pants and a red and black striped muscle shirt with a black velvet smoking jacket on top. Fingerless spiked gloves and a spiked black collar completed the outfit. Somehow, he managed to make anything look good, but Dib would never tell him that.
"Dib," Zim said, still flinging clothes about the room, "look at me. Of course I am!"
"Oh ho, ho, ho, ho. The things I could say. Anyway, none of this matters because I'M.NOT.GOING.TO.SKOOL!"
"Yes you are. I'm taking you. You'll go if I have to break your legs and drag you there by your tongue."
"Look Zim. I want to wait until things have calmed down before I go back to skool. If I go today, all that'll happen is a repeat of yesterday."
"Not so. Here, put these on." He tossed Dib a pair of loose fitting leather pants. "These are so much better than those tight ones you wear. They were okay when you were twelve, but now they just look.tacky."
"And black vinyl isn't tacky?"
"Dib, Dib, Dib. These are club pants. And they don't cling to every flap of leg meat my body. They'd be fine if you had a thin, tight shirt to wear with them. With the shirts you wear it just looks disproportionate. You have so much to learn."
"And you, of course, know it all."
"WHO do you think designed the new line of invader uniforms? I designed robes for the Tallest themselves!"
"I thought you were an invader."
"That was my second job. Do you really think the Tallest would assign an important mission to some random short person they didn't know? Fashion design gave me a chance to become an invader."
"Uh.huh. I'm still not going. Nothing will have changed."
"Ahhh, but something has changed."
"What's changed, Zim? Everyone still knows I'm gay."
"But now you have IIIIII, ZIM, as an ally. If anyone tries anything, I WILL REMOVE THEIR LIVER BONES!"
Zim, by this point, had jumped up on Dib's bed and was shaking a leather-clad fist at some unseen enemy.
"You know as well as I do that humans don't have liver bones."
Zim coughed and stepped down off the bed.
"I got excited, okay? I can't be expected to know every nook and cranny of the human body."
"The liver's a pretty important cranny."
"Quiet. And put those pants on. You'll look good. I promise."
"You're not going to leave this alone, are you?"
"No."
"Oh, fine." Dib got up and began to put on the pants.
Zim was as good as his word. When he and Dib set out for skool that morning, Dib looked great. Not un-Dib-like, but different enough to look good. After the pants fiasco, Dib gave up and put on whatever clothes Zim told him to. After two hours and 18 clothes changes, Dib was ready to go. He wore the first pair of pants Zim picked out with a dark green sleeveless turtleneck, his silver dragon pendant, his regular black boots and, of course, his trenchcoat. Dib decided he should let Zim dress him more often.
They talked nonstop the entire car ride, but none of that mattered when they got to skool. Upon Zim and Dib's entrance, the entire corridor fell silent and jock prototype #989 came lumbering up.
"So faggot, back for more? You skipped out at lunch. Went home to fuck your boyfriend?"
Zim looked a bit confused at this and leaned over and whispered to Dib, "You have a boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me?"
"He's talking about you, Zim."
Zim's face morphed into a cold, calculating look as he walked slowly towards #989, stopping when he was two inches away.
"You will leave my friend alone. If I see or hear you bothering Dib again, I will go straight for your jugular and you will cease to be alive. No more sports, no more food, no more girls. I will not hesitate to kill you if you continue to annoy me. Do you understand?"
#989 stared at Zim for a minute and replied,
"You're a faggot too, aren't you? A scary one, but still a fag."
"You just don't understand, do you?"
Zim reared back and decked #989 right in the nose, to Dib's delight.
"Come on Dib." Zim looked at the no-neck moron on the floor with disgust. "He's not worth the floor he's bleeding on."
With that, he dragged Dib off to his next class and went to his own, planning how to get back at the skool and eagerly awaiting Biology so he could tell Dib about it.
(Further) Author's notes: Told ya it would be longer in between chapters! Accursed skool.anyhoo.SilverEmpress624, I actually have no idea if shat is the past tense of shit, actually, my friends and I just sat down and decided it was one day. It is in my spellchecker, though. Pepperleen: there ye go! "Ye" is not in my spellchecker. Amethyst Soul, that was an awesome review! Curious blue, I'm sorry I broke your hand, but wasn't it worth it? Mouko, are you psychic or what? Although, I think I want Dib to help. Mirage DeDreamer: *laughs evilly* My comedic sappiness will take over the world! Haahaaaha! Okay, now I have to go call the insurance company so they can suck out my soul..
Warnings: This will eventually be slash. Uh. that's about it.
Author's Notes: So.many.reviews. Thanks again to the reviewers! Okay, one special note (it's NEW!). I know I'm gonna get some questions about this at the end of the fic, so I'm gonna say it now: Yes, I do think Zim would be a clotheshorse. If he were forced to wear civilian clothes, that is. He's pretty vain, and I've noticed that people with that personality type tend to care a lot about how they look.okay that's it.
SURPRISE! A new outfit for skool?
Dib fell asleep that night feeling content. It was a realistic content, he had to go back to skool eventually, after all, but content nonetheless. He had a restful sleep, and judging by the red glow the sun was casting into his closed eyes, it was going to be a beautiful day. Still though, something didn't feel quite right. Dib decided that he had better wake up.
"Nnnngh. AAARRRRGH! ZIM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!"
Indeed, Zim was in his room. Zim was not only in his room, Zim was leaning over his bed, blinking innocently.
"I am here.TO WALK YOU TO SKOOL!"
"I have a car, but I'm not going to skool today, Zim."
"You say that, but I don't think you mean it."
With that, Zim walked over to Dib's closet and started to rummage.
"How did you even get in here?"
"I climbed the wall with my leg extensions. I can grip the cracks in the wall, and your wall has many cracks. The fact that your window was open was a lucky coincidence."
During his cheery explanation, Zim was taking things off hangers, examining them and throwing them behind him into a steadily growing pile, which lead Dib to his second point.
"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing in my closet?"
"You can't go to skool in your undergarments, can you?"
Dib had completely forgotten about his lack of pants or a shirt upon waking up and finding Zim hovering over him.
"I can dress myself, thanks."
"No you can't."
"Excuse me?"
"You can't dress yourself. You've been wearing the exact same outfit every day for six years."
"No I haven't! I have other outfits! I'm just.saving them. For a special occasion."
"What's more special than a visit from the great Zim? You need to wear something new. Something that says, 'I am an Earthanoid piece of garbage, but I don't care because I look good.'"
"And you're the be-all and end-all of fashion advice, I'm sure."
In truth, Zim had acquired quite a flair for clothing over the years. Today he was wearing black vinyl pants and a red and black striped muscle shirt with a black velvet smoking jacket on top. Fingerless spiked gloves and a spiked black collar completed the outfit. Somehow, he managed to make anything look good, but Dib would never tell him that.
"Dib," Zim said, still flinging clothes about the room, "look at me. Of course I am!"
"Oh ho, ho, ho, ho. The things I could say. Anyway, none of this matters because I'M.NOT.GOING.TO.SKOOL!"
"Yes you are. I'm taking you. You'll go if I have to break your legs and drag you there by your tongue."
"Look Zim. I want to wait until things have calmed down before I go back to skool. If I go today, all that'll happen is a repeat of yesterday."
"Not so. Here, put these on." He tossed Dib a pair of loose fitting leather pants. "These are so much better than those tight ones you wear. They were okay when you were twelve, but now they just look.tacky."
"And black vinyl isn't tacky?"
"Dib, Dib, Dib. These are club pants. And they don't cling to every flap of leg meat my body. They'd be fine if you had a thin, tight shirt to wear with them. With the shirts you wear it just looks disproportionate. You have so much to learn."
"And you, of course, know it all."
"WHO do you think designed the new line of invader uniforms? I designed robes for the Tallest themselves!"
"I thought you were an invader."
"That was my second job. Do you really think the Tallest would assign an important mission to some random short person they didn't know? Fashion design gave me a chance to become an invader."
"Uh.huh. I'm still not going. Nothing will have changed."
"Ahhh, but something has changed."
"What's changed, Zim? Everyone still knows I'm gay."
"But now you have IIIIII, ZIM, as an ally. If anyone tries anything, I WILL REMOVE THEIR LIVER BONES!"
Zim, by this point, had jumped up on Dib's bed and was shaking a leather-clad fist at some unseen enemy.
"You know as well as I do that humans don't have liver bones."
Zim coughed and stepped down off the bed.
"I got excited, okay? I can't be expected to know every nook and cranny of the human body."
"The liver's a pretty important cranny."
"Quiet. And put those pants on. You'll look good. I promise."
"You're not going to leave this alone, are you?"
"No."
"Oh, fine." Dib got up and began to put on the pants.
Zim was as good as his word. When he and Dib set out for skool that morning, Dib looked great. Not un-Dib-like, but different enough to look good. After the pants fiasco, Dib gave up and put on whatever clothes Zim told him to. After two hours and 18 clothes changes, Dib was ready to go. He wore the first pair of pants Zim picked out with a dark green sleeveless turtleneck, his silver dragon pendant, his regular black boots and, of course, his trenchcoat. Dib decided he should let Zim dress him more often.
They talked nonstop the entire car ride, but none of that mattered when they got to skool. Upon Zim and Dib's entrance, the entire corridor fell silent and jock prototype #989 came lumbering up.
"So faggot, back for more? You skipped out at lunch. Went home to fuck your boyfriend?"
Zim looked a bit confused at this and leaned over and whispered to Dib, "You have a boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me?"
"He's talking about you, Zim."
Zim's face morphed into a cold, calculating look as he walked slowly towards #989, stopping when he was two inches away.
"You will leave my friend alone. If I see or hear you bothering Dib again, I will go straight for your jugular and you will cease to be alive. No more sports, no more food, no more girls. I will not hesitate to kill you if you continue to annoy me. Do you understand?"
#989 stared at Zim for a minute and replied,
"You're a faggot too, aren't you? A scary one, but still a fag."
"You just don't understand, do you?"
Zim reared back and decked #989 right in the nose, to Dib's delight.
"Come on Dib." Zim looked at the no-neck moron on the floor with disgust. "He's not worth the floor he's bleeding on."
With that, he dragged Dib off to his next class and went to his own, planning how to get back at the skool and eagerly awaiting Biology so he could tell Dib about it.
(Further) Author's notes: Told ya it would be longer in between chapters! Accursed skool.anyhoo.SilverEmpress624, I actually have no idea if shat is the past tense of shit, actually, my friends and I just sat down and decided it was one day. It is in my spellchecker, though. Pepperleen: there ye go! "Ye" is not in my spellchecker. Amethyst Soul, that was an awesome review! Curious blue, I'm sorry I broke your hand, but wasn't it worth it? Mouko, are you psychic or what? Although, I think I want Dib to help. Mirage DeDreamer: *laughs evilly* My comedic sappiness will take over the world! Haahaaaha! Okay, now I have to go call the insurance company so they can suck out my soul..
