Samwise Gamgee's Day Off
Chapter One: Faking Out The Gaffer
A/N: Why Sam? Why not Frodo? Well, simply, it wouldn't work if it were "Frodo Baggins' Day Off", because you have to consider the character switches from LotR to FBDO. Frodo = Ferris, Sam = Cameron, but ? = Sloane? Frodo doesn't have a love interest in LotR, no, I will NOT make him gay; create a nice hobbit/elf/dwarf/etc. girlfriend for him or what ever nonsense you all have been conjuring up. I decided to instead have Sam as Ferris, Frodo as Cameron, Rose Cotton as Sloane, and I added some new characters for Merry and Pippin. Assuming you've all seen the movies (Ferris Bueller & LotR) and read the books and appendixes at the end of "The Return of the King", I'll end this right here. Go heat some popcorn and don't worry too much about details...
"Samwise Gamgee. Larger than life. Blessed with a magical sense of serendipity. He's a model for all those who take their masters less than seriously. A guy who knows the value of a day off with Mr. Frodo and the gang.
Samwise Gamgee's Day Off chronicles the events of in the day of a rather magical young man, Sam. One spring day, toward the end of his senior year and close to his coming of age, Sam gives into an overwhelming urge to cut school and head for downtown Shire with his girl and his best friends to see the sights, experience a day of freedom and show that with a little ingenuity, a bit of courage and a red pony, life at 32 can be a joy!"
Sam was lying around in bed. The Gaffer has left. "He bought it." He said to himself, with a combination of disbelief and happiness.
He gets up, crosses the room, opens the shades, and breathes deeply. He starts to sing about random things while he setting up his room. He was making stuff up off the top of his head, low to the ground as it was. He was pleased with himself.
Fade to shower scene. Sam is in the shower, singing into the detachable showerhead. "I recall Mirkwood in fall/How you tore your dress/What a mess/I confess it's love..."
Cut to classroom scene. A hobbit is standing on a chair, reading off names in a deadpan voice.
"Baggins?" Pause. "Baggins." Pause. "Baggins?" The teacher-hobbit looks up and over at Frodo's empty chair. "Ok, not here."
"Boffin?"
"Here!" chirped a cheerful hobbit girl in the second row.
"Bracegirdle?"
"Here."
"Brandybuck?" Pause. "Brandybuck." Pause. "Brandybuck."
"Brockhouse?"
"Here."
"Burrows?"
"Here."
"Chubb?"
"Here."
"Gamgee?" Pause. "Gamgee." Pause. "Gamgee?"
"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Sam AND Frodo pass out at the Green Dragon last night."
"Thank you, Lilac." The teacher-hobbit rolled his eyes.
"No problem whatsoever." Lilac chirped.
"Sackville-Baggins?"
"Here."
"Took?" Pause. "Took." Pause. "Took?" The hobbit-teacher glanced over at Boffin.
"Have you any information of Took's whereabouts, Lilac?"
"None, sir!"
Cut to Frodo's room in Bilbo's hobbit hole. The phone is ringing. Shot of Frodo's hand slipping under the covers to the phone, sitting on a low nightstand beside his bed. There are herbs and various flowers for medical purposes, of course, littering the nightstand.
"Frodo, master, what's happening?"
"Very little."
"How do you feel?"
"Shredded."
"Is Bilbo in the room?"
"He's in Bree. Unfortunately, he's not staying. Where are you?"
"I'm taking the day off. Get dressed and come on over." We see that Sam is in shorts, talking on a cordless phone, and sipping a drink in a lawn chair by a garden. [Modern inventions are featured in the Shire, please get used to it...]
"I can't, stupid, I'm sick."
"That's all in your head. Come on over." Sam begged.
"I feel like complete shit. I can't go anywhere." Frodo mumbled.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Now come on over here and pick me up." Sam hit a button on the phone. "Sheesh."
We now see Frodo, in bed. Feeling miserable, he says aloud, "I'm dying."
The phone rings. "You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do."
Sam faces the camera. "If any hobbit needs a day off, it would be Frodo. He has a lot of things to sort out. He's very sensitive, rather naïve, if you would. Frodo is so tight, that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in a fortnight you would have a diamond." Sam pauses and stammers. "I didn't mean it like that."
There you have it. The first chapter of "Samwise Gamgee's Day Off"... I'm doing the story by the chapters as listed with the DVD. Merry, Pippin, and Rose Cotton make an interesting set of appearances in the next chapter...
