Samwise Gamgee's Day Off
Chapter Two: Faking Out Hobbit High
A/N: Why Sam? Why not Frodo? Well, simply, it wouldn't work if it were "Frodo Baggins' Day Off", because you have to consider the character switches from LotR to FBDO. Frodo = Ferris, Sam = Cameron, but ? = Sloane? Frodo doesn't have a love interest in LotR, no, I will NOT make him gay; create a nice hobbit/elf/dwarf/etc. girlfriend for him or what ever nonsense you all have been conjuring up. I decided to instead have Sam as Ferris, Frodo as Cameron, Rosie Cotton as Sloane, and I added Merry and Pippin. Assuming you've all seen the movies (Ferris Bueller & LotR) and read the books and appendixes at the end of "The Return of the King", I'll end this right here. Go heat some popcorn and don't worry too much about details... please don't…
It was the middle of first hour, and silence was in the halls. So were our favorite urchins, Merry and Pippin. We scan over to the set of payphones, where Merry is leaning against a phone talking with Pip, who is at his feet.
Pip said accusatory, "We were going downtown today! That's what Sam told me! Is that ninny even here today? No!"
Merry nodded in reply. "No-Show Gamgee. Can't even swing by to let us know of any plans. Either we leave now or get late passes."
Pip got excited. "Let's call him up now… If he ain't there, then his Gaffer will hear of it!"
Merry's eyes lit up, and they glowed hobbit orb-style. "He promised me mushrooms."
Pip stood up, "Me too."
The hobbits scraped up change and dialed Sam's hole. Confusion broke out as the dial tone turned into a ring…
"You talk!" Merry threw the receiver at Pip.
"No, you talk!" Pip threw it back.
"It was your idea!" Merry threw it back at Pip.
"You agreed!" Pip caught the receiver and hit Merry on the top of his head with it. Hard.
"Hello?"
The phone!
"Is, uh, Sam there?" Merry was cautious. Pippin had his ear next to Merry's, with the receiver between them. They didn't really want to risk talking to Sam's father right now…
"This is. Who's this?"
"Merry. An' Pippin."
"Oh. Ok. I didn't really come up with any detailed plans, so-"
"Yeah, we could tell. Get us out of here!"
Cut to Sam's house. Interior. Sam winks at the camera. "But do you know how much trouble you'd be in if you were to tell anybody else about what we're doing?" He covers the receiver. "Freshmen. Merry. Pip. Scare tactic. So we don't find ourselves stumbling on words if someone in high places hear of it." He uncovers the receiver. "Why don't you want to be in class?"
Back at school…
"Why aren't we in class?" Merry asked Pip, covering the receiver.
"'Cause it's unexciting. An' old languages an' maps."
"Well, it's all Elvish to me," Merry replied into the receiver.
"An' maps-" Pippin screeched.
"Shut up!" Merry hissed with his mouth away from the receiver.
"Isn't it about time for the bell ring? I know Rose walks down that hallway. Can you-"
Ring"-Get her on the phone?"
"Ok. Hold on, Sam."
"Get Rose, Pip!" Merry pointed.
"Where?" Pip surveyed the flood of students.
"There!" Merry pointed.
"That's Daisy!" Pip scoffed.
"No it ain't! Next to her!"
"Oh… Rose!" Pip yelled.
"It's Sam. He wants to talk to you." Merry handed the phone to Rose.
"Hi Sam." Rose said cheerfully.
"Hey. Listen- get ready to leave during second hour. We're all going downtown Shire, like I was talking about."
Rose laughed. "How are you going to do that? Call and say my grandmother died?"
"No… I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but…" Sam trailed off.
"Yeah?" Rose strained her ears.
"Um…"
"Just say it." Rose was impatient.
"If I called as your father, would they let you leave for a yeast infection?"
Rose almost died as she tried not to laugh. She coughed instead. "Uh, I don't think so. I would not know. And please don't bother. Just say a cousin's cousin from out-of-Shire passed away."
"Oh, ok. But you have to act sad when they get you, or else it won't work." Sam mused over the idea.
"Alright. I will. Got to go."
"Bye."
Merry regained possession of the phone. "What was that about?"
"Here's the plan. You leave out the back door when you see Rose leave her second hour. It's at the end of the hall. Hide somewhere and sneak out and we'll get you after we get Rose."
"Yeah, you could say she has bad cramps or her ovaries fell out or something serious." Pip suggested into the receiver.
"They don't fall out! They'd probably grow back, too, it's probably not that serious!" Merry pushed him back.
"No, I'm saying her distant cousin died." Sam said.
RingThey said their farewells and hung up the phone.
"Where are we going to hide?" Merry scanned the hallway.
"'Janitor's Closet'," Pippin was already opening the door.
"How would we be able to see anything? It's too dark!"
"We'll leave it open a bit…"
"Not too much, though."
"I know!" Pip muttered. "I'm not stupid!"
"Ok, then! Hurry up. It could be any minute now!" Merry shooed Pippin into the closet.
"Hey! It's musty in here!" Pip complained.
"Then it's probably you!" Merry pushed him and wound up landing on him and closed the door shut, slightly ajar.
Pip sniffed his pits…"'Strong enough for an orc, but made for a hobbit,' Yeah, right!"
What will happens next? Anything is possible…
