Disclaimer: "Macho Man" was performed by the Village People and belongs to a record company. Tolkein stuff belongs to Tolkein, New Line, and BK.

Author's Note: I highly recommend that you listen to the song as you read, or it looks all offbeat and stuff. Unless, of course, you have "Macho Man" completely memorized. I sent it to my friend and she said it didn't seem right until she listened to the song. But even if you don't you can still feel the manliness- er, dwarfiness eminating from it. ::Grins:: If you're out there John Rhys-Davies, I loooove yoooouuuu! ::Wink::

Macho Dwarf
Done to the tune of "Macho Man" by the Village People

Axe-y...wanna weild that axe-y?
Treasure...such a thrill that treasure
Red beard...wanna braid that beard, yeah?
Ego...it's too much, that ego

Check it out; here's Gimli (Gimli)
Don't you doubt him, Gimli (Gimli)
Talkin' bout that Gimli (Gimli)
Check it out, yeah, Gimli

Everybody wants to be a macho macho dwarf
To have his kind of lifestyle, even elves would morph
Hacking Urik Hai now, go Dwarf go
Using his big axe and not some bow
You can best believe that he's a dwarf macho
When you need some help yeah, he really is a pro

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho Dwarf (macho Dwarf)
He's got to be, a macho Dwarf
Macho, macho Dwarf, yeah
He's got to be a macho! Ow....

Macho, macho Dwarf
He's got to be, a macho Dwarf
Macho, macho Dwarf (yeah, yeah)
He's got to be a macho!

Axe-y, its so sharp (his axe-y)
Axe-y; likes to dis-embody (embody)
Treasure; it would please him (treasure)
Treasure; don't you tease him (treasure)
Red beard; you'll adore his beard (beard)
His red beard; come explore his beard [ew]
He's Gimli, made by Tolkein (Gimli)
Gimli, he's so good, that Gimli

You can tell a macho, he has a stocky build
His mithril shirts and armor; his axe is cut to kill
He can't trust an elf now, with that ring
Grab him by the beard; he'll start swearing
You can best believe Gimli's a macho Dwarf
With his major ego he'll go hunting some orc

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho Dwarf
He's got to be, a macho Dwarf
Macho, macho Dwarf
He's got to be a macho! (alright)

Macho, macho Dwarf (yeah, yeah)
He's got to be, a macho Dwarf
Macho, macho Dwarf
He's got to be a macho! Alright!

Unh!
(Macho Gimli!)

Axe-y, axe-y, axe-y wanna weild his axe-y,
His treasure, treasure, treasure it's a thrill, his treasure,
Beard, beard, beard don'tcha cut his beard,
Gimli, Gimli, Gimli he's so hot, that Gimli

Every creature ought to be a macho macho Dwarf,
To live a life of freedom, chopping up that orc
Striding through the forest; elves not feared
Not until he finds those crossbows in his beard
Nobody can say he ever turned and ran
He's a prideful fellow in anybody's land

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho Dwarf (macho Dwarf)
He's got to be, a macho Dwarf
Macho, macho Dwarf
He's got to be a macho! (dig the hair on his chest)

Macho, macho Dwarf (see his braided mustache)
He's got to be, a macho Dwarf
Macho, macho Dwarf
He's got to be a macho! (Dig broad shoulders)

Macho, macho Dwarf (dig his muscles!)
He's got to be, a macho Dwarf
Macho, macho Dwarf
He's got to be a macho! HEY!