Disclaimer: They're not mine, this is not for profit, please don't sue me, I just love the show.
Rating: G
Spoilers: None
Setting: Mid-late S3 (possibly AU, seeing as there is just not enough angst in it to fit in with the current trend of S3!!
Authors Notes: This is a sequel to my first two fics "Watching" and "Holding"
Huge hugs and thanks again to my beta Minh, she is wonderful, and puts up with my appalling English. Without her, this would be unreadable, thank you again Minh!!
Please review this, I have a couple more fics on the go at the moment, and I need to know whether the first two were just flukes, or whether people actually want to read more!! On to the fic!!
Loving
I am awake, unable to sleep as the woman I love lies beside me. I listen to the
gentle rise and fall of her breath and marvel at her beauty. She has changed so
much since the first time we met, from Peacekeeper to lover in Three Easy
Steps!
Or not. They have hardly been easy and number many more than three! But we got there in the end. So many times I've been so scared I would lose her, by saying the wrong thing, or pushing her too hard, or not understanding as much as I should. Still, she continues to surprise me, learning so quickly to forgive and forget. Harsh words, unfair judgements, inappropriate comments and misunderstandings all threatened us from one time to another. Along with the usual weekly bad guys on our tail, the problems and accidents, it's amazing we got this far!
I miss home so much it hurts, I miss my Dad, my sisters, and DK, I miss working on the Farscape project, oblivious to the problems of the universe, I miss the sun and the sea, I miss the clear air of the mountains and the hustle and bustle of city life. I miss my own people, understanding and being understood. I miss the familiar night sky, the constellations, the moon, the Milky Way. But most of all I miss the person I was back then. I have changed so much, done so many things I am not proud of, just to survive. I'm a different person to the one who stepped into Farscape 1, the morning of the flight. But I don't regret it; I would not go back and change the past if I could.
Everything I have lost and everything I have been through is worth it, because now I have her. She is my friend, my lover, my rock, my guide. She lifts me up when I'm down and I lean on her when I'm not strong. Without her I wouldn't be alive today, she has saved my life in so many ways, she is my everything…without her I would be lost.
~*~
I wake early as usual and lie quietly, watching the man I love sleep beside me. "The man I love"…the fact that I can admit that to myself shows just how far I have come since we first met. I have changed too much, yet so much of me is still the same. I can still fight like a Peacekeeper - defend myself and those I have to protect.
But this man who lies beside me has shown me a part of me I never knew. He's taught me how to love, with all my body, mind, soul and spirit. To feel things so deeply, to risk everything for what is right. He once asked me: if my fears and dreams existed in the same place, would I still go there? He was of course talking of my love for him. At the time I couldn't see that, but now I do. When you love someone with everything you have, you risk everything and put all your trust in them, you are no longer in control, all your barriers and walls, built up over time to protect you, are broken down. You put all your faith in the one you love, you risk everything and that is my greatest fear. But he is my greatest dream. I faced my fears and my dreams came true.
He stirs and awakes, smiling as he catches me watching him, and so I lie in his arms, loving him, loving me, loving him.
