Leave All This

by She's a Star

Disclaimer: Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Luhrmann

A/N: Okey dokey, this was just a spur-of-the-moment, putting-off-homework fic...I was desperately trying to avoid my science, so I wrote this :) A tons of fun (suuuure...), Pre-Christian, angsty Satine fic. Aren't you overjoyed? What, you're NOT? Oh well...be a darling and review anyway :)

~ * ~

I've never told anyone, except Marie.
About my dreams, I mean.
They'd all laugh, I'm sure. Especially Nini...I can just see her now, face contorted into that awful smirk.
'You? An actress? Yeah, right...the only reason the men enjoy your shows is because they get a chance to look at you in those skimpy costumes, sweet'eart.'
She's awful.
I really hate her.
I know it's wrong to hate people, but when I think about it, what have I ever done that's right? I sleep with men without bothering to remember their names, I lie, I don't think twice that my customers cheat on their wives...just pretend that it doesn't matter as long as they have the right amount of money in their pockets.
But sometimes...
Sometimes I can't help but daydream about flying away.
I mean, I know it isn't going to happen. I'm no idiot, and I'm hardly naive. When you get sucked into the Underworld, escaping isn't easy. Very few have succeeded in doing so...
Only one girl has left in my ten years here.
I love Marie.
Really, I do. She's like a mother to me. But...
When I look at her, I just can't help but get scared. Because that's what I'm probably going to be. A face in the background, covered in makeup and trying to convince people that I'd been beautiful once, I'd been important, I'd been the star.
Clinging on memories of the past...they'll be the only thing I have left.
I'm so scared.
I still remember, back when I was a little girl....I had my entire future planned out. Certainly, it didn't involve putting myself at risk for sexual diseases or pregnancy every other night. No, being the naive and inexperienced little thing I was, I wanted to find Prince Charming, settle down, and get married. I would have two little daughters, twins...Isabelle and Scarlett.
Pathetic, isn't it? I even had names picked out...
Never, ever had I expected this.
But I've learned in my years here that you have to catch what life throws at you.
I'm a good catcher.
A realist. I know that dwelling on dreams is stupid and pointless, and it's better not to have them. After all, what's the chances of them becoming a reality??
And still...
Still I close my eyes and see my name in lights, hear an audience applauding and cheering.
And it isn't because of my 'pretty face', either.
It's dangerous, wanting these things. I should just be content with what I have-a roof over my head, what I suppose you could call a good job, and even diamonds, designer clothes, and fine perfumes.
But sometimes...sometimes I wish...I hope that one day I'll fly away.
Leave all this to yesterday.




FIN