===============
Unforgiven lies
A Final Fantasy VIII fan fiction
===============
Disclaimers: Final Fantasy is a property of Squaresoft. I suck at writing so please R/R
Squall looked at Rinoa, suddenly realizing something.
He didn't have to put up with cheerful girls. He didn't even like them. They were busybodies, they loved managing someone else's life, and they were bitchy in their cute way when they wanted to or if they want to force someone else to do what they wanted. And what's this with clapping her hands whenever she was happy and calling him "meany" whenever she didn't get what she wanted? He didn't have to put up with that. Why was he trying to spend time figuring out the female mind, anyway? He was having a hard time figuring out what guys thought, including himself.
And Seifer. Seifer who ran off right after he apologized for telling Squall he cared. What was that all about? Why did Seifer want him to forget all those words? Why did Seifer think those words were going to end their friendship? And why would it bother him so much, those words? It still echoed in his mind.
I ain't asking for your love at all, Squall, even though I love you and I feel like I'm being sent to hell every time I see you with her, but I can't do anything about it, can I?
Yes, Seifer couldn't do anything to change his mind, he thought. He had decided and he would stick with his decision. Rinoa was sweet and pretty and fun to be with. What more could he ask? But it wasn't that part of the statement that stuck so hard in his brain.
He loved me, that was what he said, Squall thought, looking at Rinoa. Did Rinoa feel that way? But why was he wondering at all? Rinoa cared a lot about him, everyone knew that. She could be a tease sometimes, but she cared. And Seifer, Seifer only had the right words to say at the right time. He shouldn't even wonder as to Rinoa's loyalties. She was there, Seifer wasn't. Wasn't that enough proof?
It was his loyalties that underwent a change.
He excused himself. He didn't want to face Rinoa or the others for a while. He went up to his room, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. The scar, the scar that crossed his face, whose twin rested on at exactly the same place on Seifer's face. It marked them, in the same inexplicable way Seifer's words had marked him. Seifer's words, which he couldn't explain why it bothered him. Seifer's words, so simple and almost brutally frank, it had revealed what he had felt.
It had drawn them closer together.
He looked away, and glanced the gunblade resting on the corner. Seifer had said he was going to train, but where? Where did he leave for? And why leave those words, that he would train for them to spar again? Was it a challenge of sorts? Was it an entreaty? A promise?
He'd never find out till he found Seifer.
------------------------
This forest was not the type of forest people would usually go to. It was inaccessible, unless one knew his way. Seifer understood the ways of the forest, when he wanted to, and he had wanted to be away for a while. Fortunately Fujin's cabin was available. He needed to be alone. His feelings were mixed up as it is. All he brought for company was some beer, a fishing pole, and a food supply that could last a siege. And his weapon. That had been his excuse, that he needed to train. And Fujin had accepted that, without as much as a word. A stupid excuse, actually, but something in his face must have given him away. And so Fujin gave him directions and the keys, and here he was, in the middle of nowhere, trying to feel nothing.
That was hard enough before, when he tried ancient mediation techniques, but now it was impossible. He couldn't focus at all at the matter at hand. All he could think about were the words he tossed off at Squall when he was drunk. And how true they were.
Because he did love Squall, and it did hurt him every time Rinoa was with him. Hurt because he could never show what he felt about Squall the way Rinoa could. And hurt because he knew Squall would never care about him the way he did. And all the words he said after those were lies. Lies about he not really being aware of what he was saying. He was drunk, yes, but drinking never did have that effect on him. It was the only chance he could tell Squall what he felt, and he seized it, and much good it did to him. Squall just teased him about it, brushing it aside so easily. Well, his feelings were not so easy to brush aside inside him. They gnawed deep inside, burying itself until he didn't know what it felt like not to feel like this. Not to feel lonely, not to feel unloved.
Even the beauty of the waterfalls failed to do anything to help him. With a sigh he picked up his gear, preparing to head off to the cabin. Nothing could clear up this feeling anymore. Nothing except for Squall telling him exactly what he felt.
As he went up the path he found himself wondering what Squall was doing right now. Squall was probably still in the resort, with Rinoa and everyone else. Having fun. While he was stuck here thinking about him. It was not a good tradeoff.
As if thoughts of Squall caused him to see things, he found a person standing in his path, dressed exactly as Squall was, carrying a gunblade like Squall's, and with that same scar. But it couldn't be Squall. Squall was back in the resort. And yet this apparition looked so like him...Seifer dropped his gear.
"Fujin told me where you were."
------------------------
But they didn't tell me you looked this way, Squall thought, noticing the faint stubble on Seifer's cheeks, the shadowed eyes, the weary demeanor. Seifer hadn't been drinking, he was sure of it, but he was close to going on a drinking spree as anyone would. And he had looked like he couldn't believe Squall was actually there, in front of him.
"Why are you here?"
Why was he here? He didn't know. It had just been an impulse, to try to find Seifer. He tried to sort out his motives, feeling that it was important to say the right thing right now. To talk to you. To sort everything out. To find out if this is real, what I feel, what I say, what I think. If this isn't just some fantastic daydream I spun up. To find out what I really feel about you.
"...to spar with you."
Lies. How easy it is to lie when everything depended on the truth. And he was afraid to face the truth now. He didn't want to, here, out in this beautiful setting, where nothing but nature could hear their words. If he was going to say these words he wanted witnesses, because he couldn't believe it if he summoned enough guts to say it.
Seifer's eyes fell, rose up, and he nodded. "It's the right time to find out."
Yes, it was the right time. To finally end all of this soul searching. To finally find out what they were meant to be. The both walk to the cabin, knowing that when they went back to town, they will be changed.
------------------------
" You'll be miles away and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
No reason to cry"
-Crucify my love, X-Japan
"Hideto-sama...sniff"
-me T_T
Unforgiven lies
A Final Fantasy VIII fan fiction
===============
Disclaimers: Final Fantasy is a property of Squaresoft. I suck at writing so please R/R
Squall looked at Rinoa, suddenly realizing something.
He didn't have to put up with cheerful girls. He didn't even like them. They were busybodies, they loved managing someone else's life, and they were bitchy in their cute way when they wanted to or if they want to force someone else to do what they wanted. And what's this with clapping her hands whenever she was happy and calling him "meany" whenever she didn't get what she wanted? He didn't have to put up with that. Why was he trying to spend time figuring out the female mind, anyway? He was having a hard time figuring out what guys thought, including himself.
And Seifer. Seifer who ran off right after he apologized for telling Squall he cared. What was that all about? Why did Seifer want him to forget all those words? Why did Seifer think those words were going to end their friendship? And why would it bother him so much, those words? It still echoed in his mind.
I ain't asking for your love at all, Squall, even though I love you and I feel like I'm being sent to hell every time I see you with her, but I can't do anything about it, can I?
Yes, Seifer couldn't do anything to change his mind, he thought. He had decided and he would stick with his decision. Rinoa was sweet and pretty and fun to be with. What more could he ask? But it wasn't that part of the statement that stuck so hard in his brain.
He loved me, that was what he said, Squall thought, looking at Rinoa. Did Rinoa feel that way? But why was he wondering at all? Rinoa cared a lot about him, everyone knew that. She could be a tease sometimes, but she cared. And Seifer, Seifer only had the right words to say at the right time. He shouldn't even wonder as to Rinoa's loyalties. She was there, Seifer wasn't. Wasn't that enough proof?
It was his loyalties that underwent a change.
He excused himself. He didn't want to face Rinoa or the others for a while. He went up to his room, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. The scar, the scar that crossed his face, whose twin rested on at exactly the same place on Seifer's face. It marked them, in the same inexplicable way Seifer's words had marked him. Seifer's words, which he couldn't explain why it bothered him. Seifer's words, so simple and almost brutally frank, it had revealed what he had felt.
It had drawn them closer together.
He looked away, and glanced the gunblade resting on the corner. Seifer had said he was going to train, but where? Where did he leave for? And why leave those words, that he would train for them to spar again? Was it a challenge of sorts? Was it an entreaty? A promise?
He'd never find out till he found Seifer.
------------------------
This forest was not the type of forest people would usually go to. It was inaccessible, unless one knew his way. Seifer understood the ways of the forest, when he wanted to, and he had wanted to be away for a while. Fortunately Fujin's cabin was available. He needed to be alone. His feelings were mixed up as it is. All he brought for company was some beer, a fishing pole, and a food supply that could last a siege. And his weapon. That had been his excuse, that he needed to train. And Fujin had accepted that, without as much as a word. A stupid excuse, actually, but something in his face must have given him away. And so Fujin gave him directions and the keys, and here he was, in the middle of nowhere, trying to feel nothing.
That was hard enough before, when he tried ancient mediation techniques, but now it was impossible. He couldn't focus at all at the matter at hand. All he could think about were the words he tossed off at Squall when he was drunk. And how true they were.
Because he did love Squall, and it did hurt him every time Rinoa was with him. Hurt because he could never show what he felt about Squall the way Rinoa could. And hurt because he knew Squall would never care about him the way he did. And all the words he said after those were lies. Lies about he not really being aware of what he was saying. He was drunk, yes, but drinking never did have that effect on him. It was the only chance he could tell Squall what he felt, and he seized it, and much good it did to him. Squall just teased him about it, brushing it aside so easily. Well, his feelings were not so easy to brush aside inside him. They gnawed deep inside, burying itself until he didn't know what it felt like not to feel like this. Not to feel lonely, not to feel unloved.
Even the beauty of the waterfalls failed to do anything to help him. With a sigh he picked up his gear, preparing to head off to the cabin. Nothing could clear up this feeling anymore. Nothing except for Squall telling him exactly what he felt.
As he went up the path he found himself wondering what Squall was doing right now. Squall was probably still in the resort, with Rinoa and everyone else. Having fun. While he was stuck here thinking about him. It was not a good tradeoff.
As if thoughts of Squall caused him to see things, he found a person standing in his path, dressed exactly as Squall was, carrying a gunblade like Squall's, and with that same scar. But it couldn't be Squall. Squall was back in the resort. And yet this apparition looked so like him...Seifer dropped his gear.
"Fujin told me where you were."
------------------------
But they didn't tell me you looked this way, Squall thought, noticing the faint stubble on Seifer's cheeks, the shadowed eyes, the weary demeanor. Seifer hadn't been drinking, he was sure of it, but he was close to going on a drinking spree as anyone would. And he had looked like he couldn't believe Squall was actually there, in front of him.
"Why are you here?"
Why was he here? He didn't know. It had just been an impulse, to try to find Seifer. He tried to sort out his motives, feeling that it was important to say the right thing right now. To talk to you. To sort everything out. To find out if this is real, what I feel, what I say, what I think. If this isn't just some fantastic daydream I spun up. To find out what I really feel about you.
"...to spar with you."
Lies. How easy it is to lie when everything depended on the truth. And he was afraid to face the truth now. He didn't want to, here, out in this beautiful setting, where nothing but nature could hear their words. If he was going to say these words he wanted witnesses, because he couldn't believe it if he summoned enough guts to say it.
Seifer's eyes fell, rose up, and he nodded. "It's the right time to find out."
Yes, it was the right time. To finally end all of this soul searching. To finally find out what they were meant to be. The both walk to the cabin, knowing that when they went back to town, they will be changed.
------------------------
" You'll be miles away and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
No reason to cry"
-Crucify my love, X-Japan
"Hideto-sama...sniff"
-me T_T
