Heaven Only Knows
By: Raiha-chan
Italicized words indicate thoughts.
//Blah// indicates flashback speeches/sequences.
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[Chapter Eight: True to your Heart]
"Do you love Yuki?"
Sakuya blinked at the blonde several times before opening his mouth to growl out an answer. "That's really none of your business."
"Unfortunately, it became my business when he got hurt," Towa replied calmly.
"What?" Sakuya's eyes widened slightly then narrowed again, in suspicion. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it's supposed to mean. I don't like to see any of my friends hurt, especially over something as stupid as…"
"As stupid as what?" Sakuya demanded.
"Before I answer any of your questions, why don't you answer mine first? A simple 'yes' or 'no' will do. Do you love Yuki?"
There was a long pause on Sakuya's part. Even though he knew the other man probably wouldn't reply, Towa had to know now and not later. It was better he get this over with here and now.
The blonde was about to repeat his question again when Sakuya turned his blue eyes up towards him. His lips fell open as he finally breathed his answer.
"Yes."
+++++
When it comes to describing Yuki's current mood, dead is an understatement. Ever since Towa told him that he would tell Sakuya, the guitarist fell into a depression.
//It doesn't matter anymore now, does it?//
At first, Yuki had tried to tell himself that Towa was right. It didn't matter anymore that he once liked Sakuya. But the more he tried to convince himself of that, the more he refused to believe it. Maybe he never fully gave up after all…
All thoughts were cut short when Yuki bumped into someone. Scrambling to his feet after the fall, the guitarist prepared to help the other person up when he recognized the face.
"Hiroshi?" Black colored eyes peered down at the figure rubbing his head.
"Itai…" was all the other said, before he too, looked up. "Yuki!" Hiroshi jumped up and immediately glomped the guitarist. "Wow! It's been a while!"
"Not really…" Yuki was having some problems breathing after that tight hug from the younger boy. "What are you doing here?"
"Just hanging out with a couple of friends," Hiroshi jerked a thumb to a group of 5 or 6 people behind him. "You?"
"Ah…nothing. Just taking a walk," Yuki shrugged.
Hiroshi blinked then turned to his friends. "Guys, I'm leaving with my friend, alright?" After getting several nods from his friends, Hiroshi turned to the confused guitarist. "You wouldn't mind having me walking with you, would you?"
"O-of course not," Yuki shook his head as the pair started their walk. The two enjoyed the comfortable silence as they passed several blocks.
"So…" Hiroshi finally spoke. "You looked kind of out of it when I bumped into you earlier. Is something the matter?"
"No," the guitarist said, so softly that the younger boy could barely hear.
"You…liked Sakuya, didn't you?" Yuki's head snapped up at the question. "Don't worry about it. No one told me. I just sort of figured it out on my own after a while of watching you. Have you two had an argument?"
"I wish we did…"
"Eh?" Hiroshi blinked. "What really happened, Yuki? It's okay to tell me. I'm sure I can be as helpful as Miki or Rui-niichan."
Yuki looked at the young boy and regarded him with silent, unreadable eyes. Finally, he looked away and let out a deep sigh.
Ah…so many already know. What's one more?
+++++
Towa smiled inwardly, satisfied at the answer.
This would certainly makes things much easier…
"So you want to know everything?" Towa asked. "From beginning to end?"
"Nothing more and nothing less," was Sakuya's reply.
"Very well," the blonde nodded then took a sip of his coffee. "Yuki loves you." He noticed the vocalist's eyes widened slightly before he recomposed himself.
Always acting so calm and collected…
Towa let out a mental sigh before continuing. "I don't know when his feeling for you become more than what should be expected of a friend. But I do know that he loves you. He loves Aine as well, but in a brotherly way. No one missed the change in you shortly after Aine's arrival. Of course, we assumed that you liked her, romantically.
"This poses somewhat of a threat to Yuki. But he never let it bothered him. After all, everyone -- not just him -- figured you were straight anyway. And he knew he wouldn't have a chance with you no matter what.
"But, ever since the story Miki told, something changed. Yuki began getting dreams. Or rather, should we call it nightmares? They were anything but happy. In each and every one of them, Yuki experienced the pain in losing someone dear to him. Specifically, you and Aine. Although the pain intensified when it involved you."
//Have you ever cared for someone so deeply that you're afraid if you touch them, they'll just shatter like glass and disappear from your life forever?//
"Miki and I have both told him, repeatedly, that they were nothing but dreams. He shouldn't let them bother him at all. But Yuki is more fragile than what meets the eye. He doesn't want to lose both your friendships.
"Should you decide to be with him, Aine will surely be crushed. Yuki doesn't want that. He thinks that you're better off with Aine than with him. He's willing to be the one who gets hurt, rather than have the pain be with Aine.
"Yesterday, Miki and I met online to chat about normal everyday stuff. Yuki came on later and told us something we did not expect at all. 'I give up', was all he said before signing off. He has decided to be the one who gets hurt and has probably given you both his blessing as well, in those 3 words."
Towa paused and drank from his now cold cup of coffee. Sakuya was silent the entire time and he made no move to comment. The blonde set his cup down in its saucer then continued.
"To get rid of the pain in him now, there's only one thing left to do. Tell him how you feel. It doesn't matter even if you decided not to be with him. As long as he knows you return the affection, it's okay. His heart will feel somewhat lighter. He only wants you to be happy after all, and if you can be happy with Aine, then…"
"Yes…yes, it does," the vocalist whispered finally. Towa raised an eyebrow in silent question. "It matters…because I don't love Aine. Nor do I think I will be happy if I end up with her."
"I see…" Towa smiled slightly, then watched Sakuya stood. The singer looked at him, a small emotion seeping into his eyes before disappearing again. The half-American nodded slightly then showed himself out of Towa's apartment.
"The hero doesn't necessarily have to fall in love with the heroine, after all…"
+++++
"Coming! Christ, stop knocking will you?! I SAID I was coming!" Hiroshi grumbled, as he made his way through the dark hallway towards the door. He pulled on his infamous Evil Eye look before throwing open the door, only to falter upon seeing who was on the other side.
"S-Sakuya?" Hiroshi managed a weak smile, as those ice blue eyes were fixated on him. "Uh…what are you doing here?"
"I should ask you the same thing," was all the other man said.
Ah, crap. I don't really want to know what he's thinking right now…
"Er…come in," Hiroshi moved aside to allow Sakuya stepping room. Closing the door behind him, the teenager cleared his throat. "Did you wanted to see Yuki? If so, he's in his room sleeping… Ah, wait!"
The moment Hiroshi told of Yuki's location, Sakuya made a step towards it only to be stopped by a verbal call and Hiroshi's hand on his arm. The vocalist turned and glared daggers at the young boy.
"Look, you have no idea how hard it was for me to put him to sleep without tossing and turning every five minutes OR without screaming awake every ten minutes," Hiroshi growled, impatient. "So do me a favor and leave him alone."
Sakuya watched Hiroshi for a moment, making the younger boy even more nervous. He then turned to regard the closed door for another moment, becoming more troubled than before. One part of him wanted to just go in there and tell the older man everything. Another part wanted to listen to Hiroshi and leave Yuki alone for the time being.
As the vocalist stood there, mentally debating his two options, Hiroshi did not fail to notice the sudden change in Sakuya, from his posture all the way to his facial expression.
"Um…" Hiroshi's voice broke Sakuya out of his reverie. "I can leave, if you want. I told Yuki that I'd be there to wake him up if he gets those dreams again. I guess it doesn't really matter who's there but I think you make a far better candidate than me…"
The singer nodded slowly, then turned and made his way towards Yuki's bedroom. Hiroshi let out a small sigh once Sakuya was out of hearing range and proceeded to leave the apartment.
Inside the unlit bedroom, Sakuya sat down slowly on the bed, his eyes never leaving the face of the sleeping figure. As he brushed aside several dark strands of hair, Yuki let out a small pained noise. Seeing that it wasn't anything bad, Sakuya changed his position on the bed so that he now sits against the headboard, with one leg dangling off the bed and the other fully resting on the bed.
The vocalist fell asleep in that position, while watching the peaceful expression temporarily etched on the guitarist's face.
+++++
He awoke to the high-pitched sounds of a kettle. Groaning tiredly, Yuki pulled himself up to rest on his left elbow while his right hand rose to rub the sleep away from his eyes. Mentally wondering about the noise, the guitarist suddenly remembered that Hiroshi was at the apartment earlier.
Getting up and pulling on the nearest shirt he could find, Yuki went out to the kitchen. His lips fell open to form the first syllable to the teenager's name when he realized that the sight in front of him was not Hiroshi.
Sakuya stared back at him, a cup of steaming hot coffee in one hand and a kettle in the other hand. The two held a staring contest for a long time as neither was thinking of speaking. Finally, Sakuya held out the coffee.
Numb with shock, Yuki took the cup in one hand without taking into consideration how hot the cup really was. Due to his carelessness, the cup fell to the floor and shattered, while his hand ached painfully from the hotness.
"Here," Sakuya guided his hand, quickly but carefully, under the now-opened faucet. The ice cold water was a great contrast to the hot glass of before. "Are you alright?"
"Y-yeah…" Yuki nodded. Taking his hand out and away from the water, he grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser nearby and dried his hand. "What are you doing here? I thought Hiroshi…"
"He left," Sakuya replied. "He left shortly after my arrival. I've been here since."
"How long ago was that?" the guitarist asked softly, one hand cradling the other, injured one.
"A couple of hours ago," Sakuya shrugged. "Are you sure you're really alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Did you want something? When you came over, that is."
"We need to talk."
+++++
Aine stared at the young man standing on her doorstep. "Hiroshi-kun?"
"Yo," Hiroshi greeted. "You don't have to invite me in. I just wanted to tell you something and it won't take up more than one minute of your time."
"Alright," Aine nodded, before stepping outside and closing the door behind her. "What did you wanted to tell me?"
"This might sound… I don't know, commanding? But whatever. I just wanted to tell you to give up on Sakuya."
"What? Why?"
"The guy doesn't love you and probably never will. I'm doing this out of pity only. I don't want to see any girl, not just you, to be head over heels in love with a man that doesn't love her back. It gets rather pathetic after a while. And while you two are still not in any relationship, it's best to turn away now."
"You sound like you've actually…experienced something like this…"
"To be honest, yes, I did. That's why I know it wouldn't be easy on you. I guess… that's all I really have to say. So, I'll be leaving now. Ja."
"Wait!" Aine called. Hiroshi paused and turned to look at the girl. The lyricist played with the hem of her shirt nervously. "Um… does Sakuya-san…like… Yuki-san?"
Hiroshi's face betrayed nothing. "Why would you think that?"
"Because I once overheard Miki-san and Rui-san talking with one another when we were still at the hotel…"
Those idiots…
"Does it really matter?" Hiroshi asked, as he made a mental note to kill two certain relatives of his later. "That Sakuya likes Yuki?"
"I guess…not. If it would make Sakuya-san happy, then I'd be happy for them both!"
"You're a nice girl," Hiroshi smiled. "Go find yourself a better man than that walking and talking icicle." Aine only nodded in response.
+++++
//We need to talk//
"What did you wanted to talk about?" Yuki asked, uncertainly. His eyes were looking at everything around the room, and never the younger man sitting opposite him.
"Towa told me…"
Yuki sighed, then finally looked at the vocalist. "I know…"
"Why did you never told me?" Sakuya asked, truly curious.
"Did it matter? Whether I tell you or not, the result will still be the same."
"Don't be so sure and jump to conclusions. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that I might actually feel the same?"
"I did. But the idea struck me as being incredibly ridiculous every time. I just couldn't imagine you like that… liking other men, that is."
"What do you know about me that made you so sure about what my preferences are?" Sakuya asked, as the other man's gaze left his once again.
"…You're right. I don't know anything about you," Yuki murmured. "So tell me, Sakuya-san, are you gay?"
"I noticed three problems that showed up in our conversation. The first problem is my sexual orientation…" Sakuya began. "No, I'm not gay. Rather, I'm bisexual, thank you. Now, as for the second problem…" The vocalist leaned forward using the coffee table as his foundation, until his face was merely inches before Yuki's.
"It pretty much ties with the third problem. I'd be very willing to tell you more about myself had you been more open with your feelings. You never once asked me how I feel, always assuming this and that. Had you asked, you will realized that I actually do feel the same as you. Yes, you heard right.
"I, Ookouchi Sakuya, like you, Toudou Yukifumi."
[End Chapter Eight]
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A/N: Whoo! Finally finished with this (short and crappy) chapter. . Feedback?
