Light of Freedom
Part three of "Life"
I wonder what I did to piss You off, God. I wonder... did you just draw lots earlier on, from a bucket the fates threw at you? Was I just lucky? Or is there something else behind this. Did I get born on the day when you and Lucifer duked it out and he got the best of you for once? Is that it? Or did I say something unforgivable in my childhood that I don't remember, something like, "What the fuck, He doesn't know All."
Did I speak the truth, God? Is that how I pissed you off? Everyone else in this world hates the truth, why shouldn't you?
I want out, god damn it. Find someone else to fuck with. I want out of this place! I want to leave. I want to see color again, I want to feel. Is that so much? Can't your fucktoy make a request and gasp, have it granted?
No. You're too much of a bastard to give me a good day.
You can't break me, you know. Maybe when I was younger, before the umpteen years in Azkaban, maybe you could have. Maybe I would have cried and begged and threw myself. But not now, not anymore. I'll sit here cursing you mentally for the rest of this wretched existance if I have to, but I WILL NOT CRY FOR YOU ANYMORE! DO you hear me, God? Give it up.
You're taking some sick pleasure in all of this, I know you are.
I'm alone! That's not much of a new thing, is it? Dear me, was that *humor*? I must be getting my funny bone back, God. Ha! You really haven't broke me. Time to get some new flunkies, God. The ones you've got right now aren't even close to top-notch. Do you even exist, God? Can you fucking hear me? If you can, you're one cold hearted bastard. You do not exist. At least, not how that world of ignorants think you do. There's no such thing and good and bad. You're the same as Satan, as Tartarus, as every vile, evil thing that ever existed.
You know all, eh? Explain the bible, you foolish old man. If you know A L L, then why the FUCK did you create man? If you knew how "evil" we'd turn out. Don't give me shit about hoping for us to be better. YOU KNEW. So why'd you do it? Do you LIKE seeing us kill one another? Oh, yes, the good one in every bad batch, blah blah. Up your's. This is stupid and sick and if I ever get out of here and if I ever meet you and get my hands around your oh-so-spiritual neck, I'll squeeze and squeeze until I FIND a way to kill you.
Let me out of here. Just let me out. Let me out so I can tell Lupin I love him. If he's still alive. I know YOU don't approve, but your opinion doesn't matter anymore. I'll send my afterlife in whatever hell you've got if only to kiss him goodbye.
Does that piss you off? I hope so.
I want to know why you made Voldemort. And Hitler and Peter and all those other twisted fucks. Did you do it just to torture Harry? He's a good kid, honest one. You don't see his kind much. He's GOOD. But you've done everything you could to make him miserable! You are one sad person, God.
Maybe this is a dream. If I close my eyes, I'll end up in OZ, and Lupin will be there, and I'll meet Dorothy and say howdy to the Cowardly Lion and live happily ever after with Remus and make up and find myself wondering if I've got enough coffee to wake up. You think?
I don't.
I'm starting to think kindly again. Everytime I work up enough anger to tell you to fuck off, it always dies away too soon. It dies away as soon as I think of Remus. Of Moony. Of Lupin. You fucked him up too. Of course, if you hadn't, he'd probably be some spoiled prat. So thanks. I kind of like the whole werewolf thing...
Why can't you just let me leave?
It's not like I'm asking a lot.
Hey. Wait.
Everything just went... ARG!!!
"Blue! It's blue! Color, my! It's... alive... free... oh, oh.. thank you."
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I'm not sure what I just did...
