Part 9
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital
December 24, 2001
11:00pm
For the last couple hours, Buffy has said nothing to Xander. Since she was brought back, she just sat by his bed, holding his hand. As she is about to say something a nurse comes into the room.
"You're not supposed to be here," the nurse said. "No visitors are allowed in here. Visiting hours are over."
"Please," Buffy said. "I…I just need to be here. He's my best friend. I want to be here just in case he wakes up."
The nurse sighs.
"Okay. It's Christmas, so I'll let you stay. But the doctors don't have too much hope he'll wake up."
The nurse leaves and closes the door behind her. She walks down the hall to Dr. Pepper's office.
"Doctor," the nurse said.
"Yes," he answered looking up from his papers.
"A friend of Mr. Harris is sitting with him, that's okay right?"
"Yeah. Let her have a night with him. Won't matter soon anyway."
"What do you mean," the nurse asked.
"I was going over Mr. Harris X-rays again. I found some internal bleeding. Along with the coma, its doubtful he'll wake up anytime soon. And by the end of the night…it's possible he might die."
Buffy was outside of the office getting a drink of water when he said those words.
Buffy asked herself.
She sprinted down the hall and ran into Xander's room.
"Xander," Buffy said softly. "I have to talk to you."
Xander's Mind…
After disappearing from the AU, Xander appeared in weird place. It looked white with a slight fog.
"Hello," Xander called out. "Somebody! Anybody."
Xander checked out his surroundings and saw a figure walking towards him. It looked familiar from the distance; he just couldn't put his finger on it. The figure stopped right in front of him. If Xander was a cartoon, his eyes would have bugged out and his jaw would have dropped to the floor. He tried to find his voice, but he couldn't.
"Hello Xander," the figure said. "Been a long time since I've seen you."
"J-j-Jenny?"
"Yes Xander, it's me. Jenny Calendar. In the…somewhat flesh."
"How?"
"Well, shortly after I died, I was asked to be your guardian angel. I was only to happy to comply. Out of all the Scoobies, you were my favorite," Jenny said.
"Really?"
"Well, not as much as Giles, but out of you kids yes."
"Now that we got that handled, why am I here, and not in my body?"
"Tonight is a turning point in your life. Right now, you are upset with Buffy, with good reason. But I think you know why you were so upset."
"Because it was with Spike," Xander said bitterly.
"I think you know it's more than that."
She looks at Xander, hoping he would tell the truth, but he turns away.
"Xander," Jenny said. "Don't make me do this the hard way."
"I told you," he said. "It's because it is another vampire."
"Okay, the hard way it is."
Jenny snaps her fingers and they appear on the front steps of Sunnydale High.
"Where are we," Xander asked.
"Actually, its when are we. Look," Jenny said nodding towards a car at the end of the steps.
"No, I don't want to see this."
"Too bad," Jenny said.
She points her finger at Xander, and he is unable to turn away. He watches as Buffy gets out of the car. He looks to the side and sees himself riding his skateboard.
"Here it comes," Xander said.
"What," Jenny said.
They watch as Xander sees Buffy and slams into the steel railing. Xander winces.
"That must have hurt," Jenny said.
"Didn't feel a thing, I was too in love."
The scene changes to the hallway. They appear in front of the wall next to the principal's office. Xander looks around and knows what's going to happen next.
"I take it you know what's next," Jenny asked.
"Yes," Xander softly.
The watch the two people knock Buffy's purse down and Xander bend down to help her.
"Oh God," Xander said.
He turns and covers his ears.
"Can I have you," he heard himself say.
Jenny starts to laugh.
"I can't believe that was your opener."
The scene changes to the quad. Xander and Jenny are standing by a tree behind a bench. On the bench is Xander and Buffy.
"I don't want to see this," Xander said.
"Sorry," Jenny said. "Until you deal with your feelings. This won't stop. I'm just the guide along this journey."
They watch as Xander asks, and as Buffy rejects him. In another flash, they appear in Angel's apartment and watch him force Angel to take him to the Masters lair. Then they appear in the Masters Lair as Xander is giving her CPR.
"You know," Jenny said. "For this act alone, she should have chosen you over Angel. You're human and risked getting killed by a very powerful vampire just to make sure she didn't die. What you did for her was beyond brave. As was this…"
She snaps her finger and they appear in the hospital as Angelus walks into the door.
"Jenny. I really don't want to re-live this moment. Please. Just make it stop."
"Buffy's White Knight," he heard Angel say.
Xander shivered at hearing that statement again.
"She never found out about this…did she," Jenny asked.
Xander shakes his head.
"Angel never told her?"
"Not that I know of," Xander said.
"You never told her about this?"
"No."
"What about this…"
She snaps her fingers again. They appear in the boiler room of Sunnydale High.
"I like the quiet," they heard Xander say as they appeared.
They watch in silence as Xander looks toward Jack, but before Jack moves, Jenny stops it.
"What are you thinking," she asked.
"I'm thinking I want to get out of here, wake up and go back to my fiancé Anya."
Xander runs up the stairs.
"You can't run away from this Xander," Jenny called out.
Xander runs out the door and sees Buffy talking to Xander in the training room.
"See," Jenny said from behind him.
"Or you can just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart and fall in love with you," Xander said along with his other self.
Jenny watches as Buffy hugs Xander.
"Where do you come up with that stuff," Jenny said. "You are quite the charmer."
"Thanks," Xander said quietly.
"You meant you didn't you," she said.
"That was then," Xander said. "I don't feel that way anymore."
"Really," Jenny questioned. "Why don't I buy that?"
Xander doesn't say anything.
"I think it could be because of this…"
They appear in an alleyway. They see Xander walking up to a frightened Buffy.
"Buffy," the other Xander said. "It's me Xander."
"You were happy weren't you?"
"That Buffy was back? Yeah…but…"
"No buts Xander. You know you still love Buffy. That's why you're scared to marry Anya. You still have all these unresolved feelings for her."
Xander turns away.
"She hates me," Xander said. "We pulled her out of heaven. Because of that, she trusts Spike more than us. That's why she slept with him. I need to be there for her. But she keeps pushing me away."
"She'll get over it," Jenny said. "But if you don't get through this, you will never be able to tell her how you feel."
"Why?"
"I can't say," Jenny said. "Just trust me."
Xander looks back and sees Buffy still hugging the other Xander.
"Do you still love her," Jenny asked.
A tear falls down Xander's face.
"Yes. I love her more now than I did the day I met her."
"Then tell her that."
After Jenny said that, everything turned to black.
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital…
"Xander," Buffy started. " I have to talk to you."
She takes Xander's hand.
"I want to apologize for everything I've done these last few months. I was in a bad place. I still am, but I now realize how much I need my friends. You are so important to me Xander. I never meant to hurt you. I want to say how sorry I am for saying the things I said last night. I didn't mean them. I need you Xander. I need you to wake up. You have been such a big influence on my life. Whenever I needed you, you were there for me. You made me smile when I was down. You held me when I needed to cry. You've been the only person to truly understand the slayer part, and the human part of me. Xand I just need you to wake up and help me feel again. I know I pushed you away. I'm sorry. I'm glad you were born. I'm glad I met you. You've saved my life, Giles', Willow's, everyone's life. You are stronger and braver than I ever gave you credit for."
Buffy is in tears. She lets go of Xander's hand and hugs him tightly.
"I need you to be here with me…I love you Xander."
Buffy feels some movement from under her. She gets up and sees Xander's eyes begin to flutter.
"Xander," Buffy said hopefully.
Xander's eyes open and he sees Buffy standing over him.
"Buffy?"
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital
December 25, 2001
12:00am
The doctors kicked Buffy out of the room while they checked Xander. When they were done, they let Buffy back in to visit him.
"Remember what I told you Mr. Harris," Dr. Pepper said as he left.
"Yes sir," Xander replied.
"Remember what," Buffy asked as she sat down in the chair next to him.
"It's nothing," Xander said softly.
"Xander…I need to tell you something."
"I need to tell you something too," Xander said. "You first."
"Xander, I just want to say how sorry I am. About everything. Yelling at you when you caught Spike and me wishing you hadn't been born, everything. I regret everything I said. I need you Xander. You are one of the most important people in my life. You haven't once left my side. After everything I've done to you, you're still here for me. You've saved my life time and time again. I just want to thank you for that."
"You don't need to. We've always had this unspoken thank you thing going for us."
"I know," Buffy said. "But lets just say I got time to see what life in Sunnydale would have been out with you. One half decent version that was bleak and another I don't even want to imagine again."
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. It's not important. What were you going to say? You said you had to tell me something."
Buffy thought.
"Buffy," Xander said. "There's some stuff I've been meaning to tell you for a long time now. I guess now is the best time."
Xander takes a deep breath.
"Buffy, firstly, I want to apologize for getting so upset. I don't regret getting angry. I just regret the way I acted. I should have handled it better. It's just when I saw you with Spike, I got freaked because…"
"Because why Xand," Buffy asked.
"Because I think I still have feelings for you. Strong feelings. I've kept them bottled up most of last year, and even more so when you came back from the dead. When you were gone…I felt like a part of me was missing. When I saw you in that alley; I felt a part of me come back. These last few months, you've pushed all of us away. More than you did when you died the first time."
"I know. I'm sorry for pushing you all away. But it was complicated. I was in Heaven Xander. Heaven. The most perfect place to be, and you guys pulled me out. I felt betrayed. Empty. I gave up on living because I felt dead inside. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel anything. Emotions…nothing. I still can't."
"Buffy, I know we can never make up for what we did to you. If we had known you were there, we never would have done it. The only thought that was running through my head was there was a possibility you were being tortured in a hellish demon dimension. You know the last thing I would want you to do is be in pain. But a part of me knew you had to be in a good place after all you've done. I regret bringing you back and putting you through so much more pain."
"That's okay Xander. It'll take time…a lot of time...to get over something this big. But from here on out, I won't push you are the guys away."
Xander looks away.
"What," Buffy said.
"Buffy, there's something else I have to tell you," Xander answered.
Xander's Apartment
12:00am
Anya decided to go home after visiting hours were over. She knew there was little chance he would wake up. During the night she managed to fall asleep. The phone ringing woke her up.
"Hello," she said groggily. "Yes, this is Mr. Harris' fiancé…He's awake?! That's great!"
The doctor on the other end says something that makes Anya turn whiter than a ghost.
"What?"
The doctor repeats himself and Anya drops the phone and runs out of the apartment.
Buffy's House…
Anya drives up to the house, gets out of the car and bangs on the front door. Giles answers the door a few minutes later in a robe.
"Anya," Giles said. "What are you doing here?"
"The doctor called me…Xander's awake."
"That's superb news."
"But there's something else," Anya said as she entered the house and close the door behind her.
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital…
"Xander," Buffy said. "What is it?"
"The doctors," Xander said quietly. "They say…they think…well, they know…I'm dying Buff."
The news hit Buffy like punch in stomach. It took her by surprise. She felt like she couldn't breathe.
"No," Buffy said shaking her head. "You can't die. You can't. I need you to stay alive. I can't take anymore dying. You can't die."
"Buffy, there's nothing you can do. They said something about internal bleeding. They can't stop it."
Tears start to flow from Buffy's face. Xander sits up slightly and wipes them away.
"I don't know how much longer I have, so I want to get this all out. I want to thank you. Not for saving my life countless times, and not for just being my friend, but for making me the man that I am today. You let me stay in the Scooby club even though I have no special gifts or powers. It's your bravery that makes me go out and fight the good fight. Secondly, I want to try to help you become the Buffy you once were before I go."
"How are you going to do that?"
"By starting do get through to you…whether it works now or later…as long as you become the loving slayer you once were I'll be happy."
Buffy nods.
"Okay Xand. Yell at me."
"I'm not yelling at you," Xander said. "I just want you to promise me you'll do something a listen to one thing I have to tell you."
"What's that?"
"First off, the promise. I want you to watch a sunrise when you patrol late. I know you've seen it a hundred times, but it's after all the darkness. Really watch it, like I do sometimes. The light red color that flows over the horizon, the faint glow of the sun. You'll see how much the world can be like heaven."
"I'll try Xander. What's the other thing?"
"You are lucky to be back Buffy. Even after where you were."
"But I feel dead inside Xander. I try to feel. I even went to Spike to get him to help me feel, but I only end up feeling worse," Buffy said. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Think about this Buffy: You've been to somewhere where few people have been and came back to tell about it. You were in Heaven. You know there's something to look forward to now."
Buffy starts to think about what he just said.
"Before, you had no idea what was going to you when you died. You had the chance of going to a hell dimension. But you didn't. All your good deeds here were rewarded. If you act the way you did before you died; helping Dawn, saving the world, being the person I fell in love with."
Buffy is wiping away her tears.
"I never really thought of it that way Xander."
Buffy stands up and hugs Xander.
"I love you Xander. It may not be a romantic love, but I love you so much Xander."
"I love you too Buff."
They pull apart.
"I'm gonna take a nap," Xander said.
"Okay," Buffy said. "Do you want me to go?"
"No, Xander said. "Stay."
Buffy turns out the lights. The only light is the one on Xander's bed.
After an hour, Buffy decided to go to the machine and get some coffee.
The Waiting Room…
When Buffy passed it, she saw the other Scoobies.
"Buffy," Giles said when he saw her. "Where have you been?"
"Long story," Buffy said. "I promise I'll explain everything tomorrow."
"Have you seen Xander," Anya asked.
"Yeah. I talked to him. Everything's fine," Buffy said.
"Really," Willow said.
"Well, between us anyway," Buffy said softly.
"What do you mean," Dawn asked.
Dawn looks up and sees the doctor. Everyone turns towards the doctor.
"I have some bad news," The doctor said. "I hate to say this, in light of the holiday season, but your friend Alexander has just passed."
Everyone is floored by the news. Anya is so upset; she attacks Buffy.
"You told me he was fine," Anya said as she punched Buffy.
Giles and Willow manage to get Anya off of Buffy. Buffy runs down the hall to Xander's room.
"No," Buffy yelled. "You're not leaving me."
Buffy runs to Xander and begins to give him CPR.
"Buffy," Giles said. "Stop that."
"I can't," Buffy said.
Giles stand behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder.
"Buffy," Giles said softly.
Buffy stops what she is doing and begins to cry on Xander's shoulder.
"He can't die. I need him."
Buffy gets up Giles pulls her into a hug. Giles leads her out of the room. She turns back to see her best friend in the world. And the machine flat lined.
End Part 9
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital
December 24, 2001
11:00pm
For the last couple hours, Buffy has said nothing to Xander. Since she was brought back, she just sat by his bed, holding his hand. As she is about to say something a nurse comes into the room.
"You're not supposed to be here," the nurse said. "No visitors are allowed in here. Visiting hours are over."
"Please," Buffy said. "I…I just need to be here. He's my best friend. I want to be here just in case he wakes up."
The nurse sighs.
"Okay. It's Christmas, so I'll let you stay. But the doctors don't have too much hope he'll wake up."
The nurse leaves and closes the door behind her. She walks down the hall to Dr. Pepper's office.
"Doctor," the nurse said.
"Yes," he answered looking up from his papers.
"A friend of Mr. Harris is sitting with him, that's okay right?"
"Yeah. Let her have a night with him. Won't matter soon anyway."
"What do you mean," the nurse asked.
"I was going over Mr. Harris X-rays again. I found some internal bleeding. Along with the coma, its doubtful he'll wake up anytime soon. And by the end of the night…it's possible he might die."
Buffy was outside of the office getting a drink of water when he said those words.
Buffy asked herself.
She sprinted down the hall and ran into Xander's room.
"Xander," Buffy said softly. "I have to talk to you."
Xander's Mind…
After disappearing from the AU, Xander appeared in weird place. It looked white with a slight fog.
"Hello," Xander called out. "Somebody! Anybody."
Xander checked out his surroundings and saw a figure walking towards him. It looked familiar from the distance; he just couldn't put his finger on it. The figure stopped right in front of him. If Xander was a cartoon, his eyes would have bugged out and his jaw would have dropped to the floor. He tried to find his voice, but he couldn't.
"Hello Xander," the figure said. "Been a long time since I've seen you."
"J-j-Jenny?"
"Yes Xander, it's me. Jenny Calendar. In the…somewhat flesh."
"How?"
"Well, shortly after I died, I was asked to be your guardian angel. I was only to happy to comply. Out of all the Scoobies, you were my favorite," Jenny said.
"Really?"
"Well, not as much as Giles, but out of you kids yes."
"Now that we got that handled, why am I here, and not in my body?"
"Tonight is a turning point in your life. Right now, you are upset with Buffy, with good reason. But I think you know why you were so upset."
"Because it was with Spike," Xander said bitterly.
"I think you know it's more than that."
She looks at Xander, hoping he would tell the truth, but he turns away.
"Xander," Jenny said. "Don't make me do this the hard way."
"I told you," he said. "It's because it is another vampire."
"Okay, the hard way it is."
Jenny snaps her fingers and they appear on the front steps of Sunnydale High.
"Where are we," Xander asked.
"Actually, its when are we. Look," Jenny said nodding towards a car at the end of the steps.
"No, I don't want to see this."
"Too bad," Jenny said.
She points her finger at Xander, and he is unable to turn away. He watches as Buffy gets out of the car. He looks to the side and sees himself riding his skateboard.
"Here it comes," Xander said.
"What," Jenny said.
They watch as Xander sees Buffy and slams into the steel railing. Xander winces.
"That must have hurt," Jenny said.
"Didn't feel a thing, I was too in love."
The scene changes to the hallway. They appear in front of the wall next to the principal's office. Xander looks around and knows what's going to happen next.
"I take it you know what's next," Jenny asked.
"Yes," Xander softly.
The watch the two people knock Buffy's purse down and Xander bend down to help her.
"Oh God," Xander said.
He turns and covers his ears.
"Can I have you," he heard himself say.
Jenny starts to laugh.
"I can't believe that was your opener."
The scene changes to the quad. Xander and Jenny are standing by a tree behind a bench. On the bench is Xander and Buffy.
"I don't want to see this," Xander said.
"Sorry," Jenny said. "Until you deal with your feelings. This won't stop. I'm just the guide along this journey."
They watch as Xander asks, and as Buffy rejects him. In another flash, they appear in Angel's apartment and watch him force Angel to take him to the Masters lair. Then they appear in the Masters Lair as Xander is giving her CPR.
"You know," Jenny said. "For this act alone, she should have chosen you over Angel. You're human and risked getting killed by a very powerful vampire just to make sure she didn't die. What you did for her was beyond brave. As was this…"
She snaps her finger and they appear in the hospital as Angelus walks into the door.
"Jenny. I really don't want to re-live this moment. Please. Just make it stop."
"Buffy's White Knight," he heard Angel say.
Xander shivered at hearing that statement again.
"She never found out about this…did she," Jenny asked.
Xander shakes his head.
"Angel never told her?"
"Not that I know of," Xander said.
"You never told her about this?"
"No."
"What about this…"
She snaps her fingers again. They appear in the boiler room of Sunnydale High.
"I like the quiet," they heard Xander say as they appeared.
They watch in silence as Xander looks toward Jack, but before Jack moves, Jenny stops it.
"What are you thinking," she asked.
"I'm thinking I want to get out of here, wake up and go back to my fiancé Anya."
Xander runs up the stairs.
"You can't run away from this Xander," Jenny called out.
Xander runs out the door and sees Buffy talking to Xander in the training room.
"See," Jenny said from behind him.
"Or you can just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart and fall in love with you," Xander said along with his other self.
Jenny watches as Buffy hugs Xander.
"Where do you come up with that stuff," Jenny said. "You are quite the charmer."
"Thanks," Xander said quietly.
"You meant you didn't you," she said.
"That was then," Xander said. "I don't feel that way anymore."
"Really," Jenny questioned. "Why don't I buy that?"
Xander doesn't say anything.
"I think it could be because of this…"
They appear in an alleyway. They see Xander walking up to a frightened Buffy.
"Buffy," the other Xander said. "It's me Xander."
"You were happy weren't you?"
"That Buffy was back? Yeah…but…"
"No buts Xander. You know you still love Buffy. That's why you're scared to marry Anya. You still have all these unresolved feelings for her."
Xander turns away.
"She hates me," Xander said. "We pulled her out of heaven. Because of that, she trusts Spike more than us. That's why she slept with him. I need to be there for her. But she keeps pushing me away."
"She'll get over it," Jenny said. "But if you don't get through this, you will never be able to tell her how you feel."
"Why?"
"I can't say," Jenny said. "Just trust me."
Xander looks back and sees Buffy still hugging the other Xander.
"Do you still love her," Jenny asked.
A tear falls down Xander's face.
"Yes. I love her more now than I did the day I met her."
"Then tell her that."
After Jenny said that, everything turned to black.
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital…
"Xander," Buffy started. " I have to talk to you."
She takes Xander's hand.
"I want to apologize for everything I've done these last few months. I was in a bad place. I still am, but I now realize how much I need my friends. You are so important to me Xander. I never meant to hurt you. I want to say how sorry I am for saying the things I said last night. I didn't mean them. I need you Xander. I need you to wake up. You have been such a big influence on my life. Whenever I needed you, you were there for me. You made me smile when I was down. You held me when I needed to cry. You've been the only person to truly understand the slayer part, and the human part of me. Xand I just need you to wake up and help me feel again. I know I pushed you away. I'm sorry. I'm glad you were born. I'm glad I met you. You've saved my life, Giles', Willow's, everyone's life. You are stronger and braver than I ever gave you credit for."
Buffy is in tears. She lets go of Xander's hand and hugs him tightly.
"I need you to be here with me…I love you Xander."
Buffy feels some movement from under her. She gets up and sees Xander's eyes begin to flutter.
"Xander," Buffy said hopefully.
Xander's eyes open and he sees Buffy standing over him.
"Buffy?"
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital
December 25, 2001
12:00am
The doctors kicked Buffy out of the room while they checked Xander. When they were done, they let Buffy back in to visit him.
"Remember what I told you Mr. Harris," Dr. Pepper said as he left.
"Yes sir," Xander replied.
"Remember what," Buffy asked as she sat down in the chair next to him.
"It's nothing," Xander said softly.
"Xander…I need to tell you something."
"I need to tell you something too," Xander said. "You first."
"Xander, I just want to say how sorry I am. About everything. Yelling at you when you caught Spike and me wishing you hadn't been born, everything. I regret everything I said. I need you Xander. You are one of the most important people in my life. You haven't once left my side. After everything I've done to you, you're still here for me. You've saved my life time and time again. I just want to thank you for that."
"You don't need to. We've always had this unspoken thank you thing going for us."
"I know," Buffy said. "But lets just say I got time to see what life in Sunnydale would have been out with you. One half decent version that was bleak and another I don't even want to imagine again."
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. It's not important. What were you going to say? You said you had to tell me something."
Buffy thought.
"Buffy," Xander said. "There's some stuff I've been meaning to tell you for a long time now. I guess now is the best time."
Xander takes a deep breath.
"Buffy, firstly, I want to apologize for getting so upset. I don't regret getting angry. I just regret the way I acted. I should have handled it better. It's just when I saw you with Spike, I got freaked because…"
"Because why Xand," Buffy asked.
"Because I think I still have feelings for you. Strong feelings. I've kept them bottled up most of last year, and even more so when you came back from the dead. When you were gone…I felt like a part of me was missing. When I saw you in that alley; I felt a part of me come back. These last few months, you've pushed all of us away. More than you did when you died the first time."
"I know. I'm sorry for pushing you all away. But it was complicated. I was in Heaven Xander. Heaven. The most perfect place to be, and you guys pulled me out. I felt betrayed. Empty. I gave up on living because I felt dead inside. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel anything. Emotions…nothing. I still can't."
"Buffy, I know we can never make up for what we did to you. If we had known you were there, we never would have done it. The only thought that was running through my head was there was a possibility you were being tortured in a hellish demon dimension. You know the last thing I would want you to do is be in pain. But a part of me knew you had to be in a good place after all you've done. I regret bringing you back and putting you through so much more pain."
"That's okay Xander. It'll take time…a lot of time...to get over something this big. But from here on out, I won't push you are the guys away."
Xander looks away.
"What," Buffy said.
"Buffy, there's something else I have to tell you," Xander answered.
Xander's Apartment
12:00am
Anya decided to go home after visiting hours were over. She knew there was little chance he would wake up. During the night she managed to fall asleep. The phone ringing woke her up.
"Hello," she said groggily. "Yes, this is Mr. Harris' fiancé…He's awake?! That's great!"
The doctor on the other end says something that makes Anya turn whiter than a ghost.
"What?"
The doctor repeats himself and Anya drops the phone and runs out of the apartment.
Buffy's House…
Anya drives up to the house, gets out of the car and bangs on the front door. Giles answers the door a few minutes later in a robe.
"Anya," Giles said. "What are you doing here?"
"The doctor called me…Xander's awake."
"That's superb news."
"But there's something else," Anya said as she entered the house and close the door behind her.
Sunnydale Memorial Hospital…
"Xander," Buffy said. "What is it?"
"The doctors," Xander said quietly. "They say…they think…well, they know…I'm dying Buff."
The news hit Buffy like punch in stomach. It took her by surprise. She felt like she couldn't breathe.
"No," Buffy said shaking her head. "You can't die. You can't. I need you to stay alive. I can't take anymore dying. You can't die."
"Buffy, there's nothing you can do. They said something about internal bleeding. They can't stop it."
Tears start to flow from Buffy's face. Xander sits up slightly and wipes them away.
"I don't know how much longer I have, so I want to get this all out. I want to thank you. Not for saving my life countless times, and not for just being my friend, but for making me the man that I am today. You let me stay in the Scooby club even though I have no special gifts or powers. It's your bravery that makes me go out and fight the good fight. Secondly, I want to try to help you become the Buffy you once were before I go."
"How are you going to do that?"
"By starting do get through to you…whether it works now or later…as long as you become the loving slayer you once were I'll be happy."
Buffy nods.
"Okay Xand. Yell at me."
"I'm not yelling at you," Xander said. "I just want you to promise me you'll do something a listen to one thing I have to tell you."
"What's that?"
"First off, the promise. I want you to watch a sunrise when you patrol late. I know you've seen it a hundred times, but it's after all the darkness. Really watch it, like I do sometimes. The light red color that flows over the horizon, the faint glow of the sun. You'll see how much the world can be like heaven."
"I'll try Xander. What's the other thing?"
"You are lucky to be back Buffy. Even after where you were."
"But I feel dead inside Xander. I try to feel. I even went to Spike to get him to help me feel, but I only end up feeling worse," Buffy said. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Think about this Buffy: You've been to somewhere where few people have been and came back to tell about it. You were in Heaven. You know there's something to look forward to now."
Buffy starts to think about what he just said.
"Before, you had no idea what was going to you when you died. You had the chance of going to a hell dimension. But you didn't. All your good deeds here were rewarded. If you act the way you did before you died; helping Dawn, saving the world, being the person I fell in love with."
Buffy is wiping away her tears.
"I never really thought of it that way Xander."
Buffy stands up and hugs Xander.
"I love you Xander. It may not be a romantic love, but I love you so much Xander."
"I love you too Buff."
They pull apart.
"I'm gonna take a nap," Xander said.
"Okay," Buffy said. "Do you want me to go?"
"No, Xander said. "Stay."
Buffy turns out the lights. The only light is the one on Xander's bed.
After an hour, Buffy decided to go to the machine and get some coffee.
The Waiting Room…
When Buffy passed it, she saw the other Scoobies.
"Buffy," Giles said when he saw her. "Where have you been?"
"Long story," Buffy said. "I promise I'll explain everything tomorrow."
"Have you seen Xander," Anya asked.
"Yeah. I talked to him. Everything's fine," Buffy said.
"Really," Willow said.
"Well, between us anyway," Buffy said softly.
"What do you mean," Dawn asked.
Dawn looks up and sees the doctor. Everyone turns towards the doctor.
"I have some bad news," The doctor said. "I hate to say this, in light of the holiday season, but your friend Alexander has just passed."
Everyone is floored by the news. Anya is so upset; she attacks Buffy.
"You told me he was fine," Anya said as she punched Buffy.
Giles and Willow manage to get Anya off of Buffy. Buffy runs down the hall to Xander's room.
"No," Buffy yelled. "You're not leaving me."
Buffy runs to Xander and begins to give him CPR.
"Buffy," Giles said. "Stop that."
"I can't," Buffy said.
Giles stand behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder.
"Buffy," Giles said softly.
Buffy stops what she is doing and begins to cry on Xander's shoulder.
"He can't die. I need him."
Buffy gets up Giles pulls her into a hug. Giles leads her out of the room. She turns back to see her best friend in the world. And the machine flat lined.
End Part 9
