Author's Note: I probably will update this soon in between studying for finals. Bleech. More than likely, I will update this on my website first then here.
Hermione: [dressed as Misty, her hair in a pony tail, with a wet tank top and jean shorts.] Let's hope not.
Hagrid: [hair spiked like Brock's and wearing a green shirt and black dress pants.] There a reason why I had to be involved in this?
[The bushes behind them rustle and out pops Draco and Snape in Team Rocket costumes.]
Snape: [brushes himself off obviously irritated by his form of entrance and costume.]
Draco: [smirks]Prepare for trouble!
Snape: [glances up at a strategically placed teleprompter. raises an eyebrow.] And make it double?
Draco: [with great enthusiasm] To protect the world from devastation!
Snape: [glares balefully at the others.] You really don't expect me to say anymore of
this, do you?
Harry: Well, just move on to attacking us then.
Snape: [smiles] Right.
Harry: [sighs and sweat-drops]
Hermione: [stares at the sweat-drop in terror.] Gaaahhh! What was that?
Hagrid: Dunno, don' care.
Snape: Very well. [pulls out a snitch] Errr...Meeple? I chose you?
[Snitch glows and pops open and out comes what looks like a blue fuzzy ferret with silver wings
and a fluffy tail.]
Meeple: Meeple!!!
Draco: How very droll. It can say it's name. Now attack them, Meeple.
Meeple: [looks confused] Mee?
Snape: Attack them. [points solely at Harry.]
Meeple: Ple?
Draco: Errr...I think it's too stupid.
Meeple: [looks angry] Meeple ple me ple!!!
Hermione: [turns up her nose in disgust.] How very stupid.
Harry: [pulls out a Snitch] Here let me try. Errr...Wigamon? I chose you??? What's a Wigamon?
[The snitch glows and out comes a white owl that looks like a very cute stuffed animal version of Hedwig.]
Hagrid: Dear me. [chuckles.]
Snape: [yelling at Meeple] Come on! It's very simple, you attack them!
Harry: Don't think Wigamon will be very useful either. [sighs miserably.]
Draco: Hurt them!
Meeple: [sniffling] Ple ple.
Draco: Maybe it's broken.
Hermione: Malfoy, how can it be broken? It's just a little blue ferret with wings and a fluffy tail. Honestly.
Hagrid: Appears to be fond of saying bits of it's name though, don' he?
Snape: Meeple, this simply will not do.
Meeple: [hangs head in shame and sings mournfully] Me me ple ple meeple. Ple ple me me meeple.
Snape: [puts hands over his ears.] This is just horrible.
Writer: Yeah. I'm surprised you all lasted this long.
Harry: Can't..you just do a story about us at Hogwarts?
Writer: [sigh] That's so limiting.
Draco: What do you call this rubbish then?
Writer: Creative License?
Draco: Ah.
Writer: Ok. We'll do something else.
[Groans from everyone else are the answer as the scene changes to that of Sunnydale and the Buffy Theme music begins to play. The opening title reads: Huffy the Vampire Slayer.]
Harry: Huffy? Huffy? What kind of name is Huffy?
[Vampire comes up behind him and quick as a flash, he stakes it.]
Harry: [coughs as the air fills with ash.] I don't like this at all.
Writer: That was quick.
[Scene changes again to a snow-covered Suessian landscape.]
Narrator: [sounds like Boris Karloff]
Every child down at Hogwarts, liked Christmas alot...... But the Snape, Who lived there just north of Hogwarts, Did NOT! The Snape hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think the most likely reason of all, may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Snape: [comes out in hideous brilliant green robes] Now, look. I like this idea, but my heart? Nothing wrong with hating Christmas. [getting eerily in character, lips curling into a sardonic grin.] And they're hanging their stockings
Narrator: he snarled with a sneer.
Snape: [with loathing] Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Narrator: Then he growled, with his Snape fingers nervously drumming.
Snape: [eerily Grinch-like.]I MUST find some way to keep Christmas from coming!
Lupin: [runs out onto the stage.] I have to protest this. It's going to be a disaster. He's going to ruin Christmas!!!
Sirius: [patting Lupin's shoulder] Look, he'll loose at the end. His heart grows three sizes and we all get to be happy.
Lupin: [sniffles] Really? So he won't ruin Christmas?
Sirius: Of course not.
Snape: What do you mean I won't ruin Christmas? I'm the Snape!!!!
Narrator: [coughs] If you're finished.
Lupin: No! You can't ruin Christmas.
Snape: [snorts derisively] I suppose you're going to try and stop me?
Lupin: [nods]
Sirius: Err...Remus.....ummm...Severus...let's not...fight shall we? [mutters] Don't recall this being in the script.
Lupin: [whines] But...but Christmas...and...children and Hogwarts......[sniffles some more]
Siruis: Look what you've done. Gone and made him upset. [growls]
Snape: [sighs] Fine, fine. I won't ruin Christmas.
Narrator: Err...I'll just take a coffee break then.
Writer: [wnaders out confused] What? What? We still have more than half the story to go. He can't change his mind already.
Hermione: [comes out dressed as Cindy-Lou Who.] And they ruined my part again. [Fixes Sirius with an angry glare.]
Snape: Besides being bitter I'm indifferent to the idea. [points to a sniffling Lupin] Besides, he's going to keep doing the leaking thing until I stop.
Writer: [gasp.] You made him cry?
Snape: Well, not in so many words.
Writer: You're horrible. For shame.
Snape: [raises an eyebrow] Look, I merely was acting---
Writer: You go apologize!!!!
Snape: For what? It's called "How the Snape Stole Christmas." Why do I have to apologize for being the Snape???
Lupin: [sniffles louder]
Sirius: [hides a bemused expression]
Snape: [sighs] Can we just move on to something else? And...err...
Writer: Apologize or else.
Snape: [raises eyebrow] Or else what?
Writer: Wouldn't you like to know. [evil grin.]
Snape: Sure. Let's see. Dish out your worst and then I'll think about apologizing to him.
Lupin: [blinks] That's really not necessary.
Snape: Oh, but I think it is.
Writer: [cackles with glee.]
Lupin: But....but....I'm okay now.
Snape: Oh well. Your fault for leaking.
Lupin: Wha? [scratches head] He's insane.
Siruis: [chuckles]
Writer: Shall we proceed then?
Lupin: I'll go wait off on the edge of the fan fiction for my apology.
Snape: [grabs him by the collar] You will do no such thing. If you want me to apologize so badly, you get to stick around.
Lupin: [meeps] But....[looks at Sirius for some help but Sirius is too busy laughing]
Writer: Okay moving on.
Harry: Don't suppose I get to have any in---
Snape and Writer in unison: No!!!
Harry: [sighs] Thought not.
[Scene shifts to a sunny hilltop where the birds sing sweetly overhead and Mister Sun smiles a magnanimous grin. Fawns romp over the grassy meadow-y expanse. The sapy music in the background swells.]
Lupin: [comes out in a frilly dress] Ummm....the hills are really nice and all...but...ummm.....I can't sing......
[Music dies horrible, agonizing death and Mister Sun fixes Lupin with a menacing glare.]
Lupin: [gulp] See, I'm a minor character....and....I can't sing at all. And.....I'm wearing a dress....
Snape: [Comes out dressed in a nice suit and sighs] Good grief. And you want me to apologize to him?
Writer: Noooo! I want you to continue the scene so we can get to the part where you two kiss.
Lupin: Gaaahhh!!!! Wha?
To Be Continued
So...will they kiss? Will Snape apologize? Will Hermione get to have a decent part in this fan fiction? All that and more in the next part. :]
