Title: What's In A Name
Author: liz_Z
E-mail: liz_Z@secret-agent.com
Category: Angst
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: I don't own the Pretender, or anything associated with it. I'm not making any money off of this, and don't even bother trying to sue me. All you'll get is a pile of science fiction novels and maybe a few stray pennies.
Author's notes: Okay, this is probably a tiny bit of an AU kind of thing, although I'm not sure. I haven't managed to catch up on the whole series yet, so I can't fit it in any particular time or place in the storyline. Please don't kill me for writing this; any plot bunny that comes to me after midnight is bound to be chock-full of angst. Also, this fic has a bit of an unusual formatting, but I just wrote it the way it came out. Anyway, I'd better shut up before my author's notes become longer than the fic. Read on...

Jarod.
My name is Jarod.
That's the only thing I have to hold on to now.

The Centre finally caught up with me.
It was surprising at first, to say the least.
But I figured it out eventually.

They had another Pretender.

Her name is Leslie.
I've seen her once.
She's young; no older than twelve.
But she knows me.
I could tell.
She knows the way I think.
I can only hope she's learned something from me.

My name is Jarod.
I have to remember that.
If I forget my name, I forget everything.
I have to remember my name.
I have to remember who I am.

The Centre's been working on me for a while now.
They want me to start up where I left off, to Pretend, to do their bidding again.
But I won't, and they know it.
So they've been doing `rehabilitation' techniques on me.
At least, that's what they call it.
But I know the truth, how could I not?

They're trying to brainwash me.

My name is Jarod.
As long as I remember that, I won't forget who I am.
But the people at the Centre are doing everything they can to make me forget.

Sydney isn't a part of my `rehabilitation'.
I don't think he even knows I'm here.
Lyle is the one overseeing everything.
For all I know, Sydney, Miss Parker, and Broots could still be searching for me, following false leads set up by Lyle.
I don't think they'd condone what is going on here if they knew.
Sydney wouldn't, anyway.

My name is Jarod.
As long as I remember that, I still have time.
It's when I forget that my time is running out.

I'm scared.
Not of what's going to happen to me, but of what's going to happen to all those innocent people if Lyle succeeds.
He's been working on me for a long time now.
I don't know how long, I lost track of time long ago.
But it's been a while.

The sleep deprivation is starting to get to me.
I've been awake far longer than most men can stand.
All I want to do is sleep…
But I can't.
Because they keep me awake.
I don't know who they are; they all wear masks.
All except Lyle; he isn't afraid to show me who he is.
Still, I know Sydney isn't one of the people behind the masks.
He wouldn't hide from me.

My name… is Jarod.
Jarod.
Jarod.
I am Jarod...

I wonder about Leslie... about whether she knows... about the Centre.
I don't see how she could... have Pretended to be me and not... figured everything out.
What... does she think about it all?
Is she going to try and escape?
Will... will the tables be turned?
If Lyle... succeeds with me and Leslie... escapes... it's entirely possible I could end... up looking... for her.

My.
Name.
Is.
Jarod.
I.
Am.
Jarod.
Can't.
Forget.

Tired.
So... tired.

Can't... think...

Forgot something.
What?
Forgot...
Name.
Name.
What's my name?

The End (or maybe not...)