Dawn sat down on the couch as Jordan entered the room. "Dawn, I hate to do this,
but I'm gonna say my goodnights. I have to be at work early in the morning."
"I understand, sweetie. Buffy had to leave and Spike and I are just gonna play
some more catch up." Dawn smiled at her husband.
Jordan kissed her forehead, "You can fill me in later." He whispered before
he extended his hand to Spike, "Nice seeing you again, Spike. Goodnight."
"Same to you, Jordan. You're doing a good job of taking care of Niblet and the
little niblet too." Spike shook Jordans hand. "He's a good man, Dawn."
"Yes, he really is. Much more understanding then I deserve sometimes." She
replied with a smile. "Now I believe you have a story to tell me."
Spike took a deep breath and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Okay, you know
enough about Buffy and I to know I've loved her for a long time now."
"Yes, I knew that. So you still love her then?"
"Well of course, I'm always gonna love her." Spike answered as if it had been the
stupidest question ever asked of him.
Dawn giggled slightly, reminding him of Buffy's giggle, "I just wanted to make sure
the two of you didn't argue because you had a new Vampire woman hidden
away."
He glared at her with mock irritation as he continued, "No, I mean I tried to find
someone else but it never worked. Anyway after Buffy came back........you know
she was different, confused and very unsure of who or what she was exactly."
"I remember, it was hard on all of us, but especially Buffy. She kind of pulled
away from us. I know this is stupid but I remember being glad that she seemed
to connect with you but also jealous that she didn't feel she could confide in me."
Dawn explained with a sigh. "I knew you two were getting closer. Since I was
a romantic teenager, I even imagined that the two of you were involved in a secret
torrid affair. But when you left so suddenly I knew that couldn't be true."
Spike looked at her with sad eyes, "Why did you think that couldn't be true?"
"Well I think I know you and if you and Buffy were involved you would have never
left her. All the other guys in her life left her, but I just know you wouldn't have. So
I have to imagine it was something terribly tragic that made you leave. And since
Buffy was never talkative about it - I'm asking you. Why did you really leave?"
Her words hit home hard, he had left her, left her just like the others. In his own
way he had been as selfish as Angel - he just couldn't bear to be around her
anymore. "Dawn, it was just that I realized I didn't have a chance with her and
decided I should leave."
Dawn shook her head and rolled her eyes, "I'm not buying that Spike. You always
felt you didn't have a chance - you told me that yourself on more then one occasion.
There had to be a catalyst - something that made you just have to go. What
happened? I'm old enough to know the truth."
"I guess you are Niblet, but you probably won't like it." Spike leaned his head against
the back of the couch. He cut his eyes towards Dawn next to him, "We did have
that torrid affair, Dawn."
Dawn sat straight up now, "What?" She exclaimed loudly, then quickly put her
hand over her mouth afraid she had woke Will. She listened for a moment but no
sound came and she realized she was safe, lowering her voice she leaned
towards the vampire, "You and Buffy.....you ....you had sex?"
"Yes, we did many times over several months." Spike answered with nod of his
head. "Everytime I turned around , in my crypt, in the alleys,
in the walk in refrigerator of that stupid fast food place she worked at, in the
bathroom at the Bronze. The training room at the Magic shop, oh and the new
couch she bought after your Mom died and also the kitchen island and the
basement too. The Jeep and the Desoto. You name it, Buffy and Spike christened
it." He finished with a smile and a sigh at some of those memories.
****
"Here? You want to here?" He asked with surprised look on his face.
"Yeah, what the big bad vampire scared?" She chided him in a breathy voice.
"But the others are out there in the shop. Xander could walk in." He argued even
as she began to strip his tee shirt off and threw him on the mat unzipping the
fly of his levi's as she descended on him. Her hands were everywhere as she
kissed him and touched him in all the right places, stopping for a breath, she
pulled off her own shirt and led his hand to her breast. Smiling and moaning as
he massaged them. "So I do get to play then?" He asked with a grin.
"Of course. We are each other's great big teddy bears." She whispered into his
ear as she descended upon him again.
He tried to laugh at her joke but instead he found himself trying not to think about
the truth of her words. He *was* just a big teddy bear to her, the one she held on
when she needed comfort, the one she whispered her dark secrets to in the night.
"Hey why so serious?" Buffy asked as she moved against him.
"Nothing, baby. Nothing." He closed his eyes and met her movements with his own.
After they lay together on the mat covered with only with thier discarded clothes.
Buffy grinned at him and kissed his cheek, "Xander didn't walk in." She teased
him.
"No, not yet. But I better go." Spike had kissed her forehead and stood gathering
his clothes. He couldn't do this right now, the sweet banter in the afterglow seemed
be sour when you knew the other person wouldn't let themself feel the same
about you.
She frowned and stood next to him pulling on her clothes also, "You okay?"
"Oh yeah, peachy.But I need to go..now." He gave her a small salute and
walked towards the door.
"Spike?" She asked as she lay a hand on his shoulder turning him to face her.
"What is it?'
He shook his head, "I love you."
She had that trapped look in her eyes as she chewed furiously on her bottom lip, "I ........I don't know what you want me
to say."
"Sure you do, you just won't allow yourself to say it. I'll see you later - for patrol."
He had touched her cheek and then left.
*******
&&&&&&
Dawn's eyes got bigger as she listened to Spike, "Okay, enough with the details,
Spike. "
Her words shook off the memory and Spike turned to face her, "Sorry little bit,
those are some of worst and best memories."
"Okay so you and my sister had a intimate relationship. So why did you leave?"
She demanded.
"Well, we kept having these secret little encounters and they got too hard for me.
I loved her and I *know* she had feelings for me. But she would not admit it,
she always had an excuse and I couldn't make love to her anymore without some
affirmation from her." Spike tried his best to explain.
"So why didn't you stick around and just tell her 'no more' till
you admit how you feel?"
"Because if I had stayed I would have never been able to deny her, "willing slave"
and all that rot. I couldn't say no to her. Obviously I still can't." He closed his
eyes and banged his head against the couch again.
"What exactly does that mean?" Dawn asked suspiciously, "Buffy didn't just
see you and pick you up tonight did she?"
"No, I went to see her last night. I knew it was a bad idea, started out nice
and friendly.........ended even friendlier." Spike sighed.
"Last night? You two?" Dawn shook her head and closed her eyes. After a minute
she reopened them, "I don't need any more imagery Spike. What are you going
to do about this?"
"I'm gonna kiss your forehead, say goodbye and visit again in a couple of years."
He stood up and leaned to kiss her forehead.
Dawn raised her hand to stop him, "You are not leaving this time until you make her
see."
"Dawn, I've tried."
"Well you are gonna keep on trying, unless of course you just aren't that serious
about her anymore." Dawn egged him on.
"Not care? Hell this is how serious I was then -" He picked up his duster from the
back of a chair and rummaged throught the pockets. pulling out a small velvet box
he thrust it at Dawn, "if I wasn't still serious would I still be carrying this around?"
Dawn took the box from his hand and opened it revealing an old fashioned
diamond engagement ring, a large diamond sat in the intricate lacy setting.
"This is beautiful, Spike. You wanted to marry - you still want to marry Buffy?"
He wiped at his eyes and regained his composure. "I love her Dawn. I aways will,
that" he nodded at the ring, "was a stupid foolish dream."
Dawn closed the box and handed the ring back to Spike, "I don't think it was
stupid or foolish. I think my sister and you have been a little of both through the
years. But I think there is a chance."
"I don't know about that." He answered solemnly.
"Would you stay in town a couple more days? Xander and Anya are coming
into town day after tomorrow for a surprise visit, they are staying here, but Buffy
doesn't know. Why don't you at least stick around and say hello."
"Dawn it's not like I was that close to them." Spike tried to reason with her.
"Please, for me?" She asked softly and gave him her impression of Buffy's pout.
"Oh bloody hell, I'll stay." He conceded wondering why those Summers women
all had the ability to turn his resolve to mush.
Buffy angrily stomped her way through three cemetaries and found nothing to slay.
How dare he? He comes back after ten years and thinks that he can just...just..
make her heart do flip flops, make her want him even more. He had been so
sweet last night, so eager to please her while they made love. His whispered endearments still
rang in her ears, "I missed you so much, I love you" over and over again. She
closed her eyes and leaned against the door of her apartment, she could still
feel his strong but gentle hands all over her body.
"You okay, Ms. Summers?" Barney the security guard interupted her thoughts.
"Oh, I'm fine. Just tired. Goodnight." Buffy unlocked the door to her apartment and
waved at him. She found her way to her comfy chair and plopped down in it.
How had she let the perfection of last night turn into the nightmare of tonight?
She loved him - she really did! And she wanted to be with him - why did she let
what everyone else thought get in her way?
She had lost her chance she was sure of it, he would never come back now. And
who could blame him - he must feel so used. This time - this time she had to
fight for him. Maybe he hadn't left? Maybe Dawn knew where he was? She picked
up her phone and dialed her sister's number.
&&&
"Spike, make sure you call me from the hotel so I know how to reach you and
try not to worry." Dawn told him as she closed the front door.
"Okay, Niblet. I'll let you know where I'm staying." He sighed as he turned down
the walk. "I can guarantee it won't be as nice as the place I stayed last night." He
grumbled out loud as he walked back to Buffy's to get his car.
Dawn caught the phone as she started to bed. "Hello?"
"Dawn it's me. Umm....I'm sorry I had to leave earlier. You don't know where
Spike is do you?" Buffy tried to sound nonchalant.
"Buffy, he just left and I'm not sure where he is staying." Dawn thought maybe
her sister should stew a bit.
"Oh. Well I just wondered." Buffy said trying to sound chipper.
Dawn decided to take pity on her, "Buffy, he's supposed to let me know where
he is staying. I'll let you know tomorrow okay?"
Buffy brightened a bit at the news that he was still in town, "Thanks, Dawn. I
appreciate. Goodnight." She hung up the phone and went to get ready for
bed. This time, this time I'm going to make it right was her last thought as she
drifted to sleep her nose buried in the pillow Spike had used the night before.
TBC
"
but I'm gonna say my goodnights. I have to be at work early in the morning."
"I understand, sweetie. Buffy had to leave and Spike and I are just gonna play
some more catch up." Dawn smiled at her husband.
Jordan kissed her forehead, "You can fill me in later." He whispered before
he extended his hand to Spike, "Nice seeing you again, Spike. Goodnight."
"Same to you, Jordan. You're doing a good job of taking care of Niblet and the
little niblet too." Spike shook Jordans hand. "He's a good man, Dawn."
"Yes, he really is. Much more understanding then I deserve sometimes." She
replied with a smile. "Now I believe you have a story to tell me."
Spike took a deep breath and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Okay, you know
enough about Buffy and I to know I've loved her for a long time now."
"Yes, I knew that. So you still love her then?"
"Well of course, I'm always gonna love her." Spike answered as if it had been the
stupidest question ever asked of him.
Dawn giggled slightly, reminding him of Buffy's giggle, "I just wanted to make sure
the two of you didn't argue because you had a new Vampire woman hidden
away."
He glared at her with mock irritation as he continued, "No, I mean I tried to find
someone else but it never worked. Anyway after Buffy came back........you know
she was different, confused and very unsure of who or what she was exactly."
"I remember, it was hard on all of us, but especially Buffy. She kind of pulled
away from us. I know this is stupid but I remember being glad that she seemed
to connect with you but also jealous that she didn't feel she could confide in me."
Dawn explained with a sigh. "I knew you two were getting closer. Since I was
a romantic teenager, I even imagined that the two of you were involved in a secret
torrid affair. But when you left so suddenly I knew that couldn't be true."
Spike looked at her with sad eyes, "Why did you think that couldn't be true?"
"Well I think I know you and if you and Buffy were involved you would have never
left her. All the other guys in her life left her, but I just know you wouldn't have. So
I have to imagine it was something terribly tragic that made you leave. And since
Buffy was never talkative about it - I'm asking you. Why did you really leave?"
Her words hit home hard, he had left her, left her just like the others. In his own
way he had been as selfish as Angel - he just couldn't bear to be around her
anymore. "Dawn, it was just that I realized I didn't have a chance with her and
decided I should leave."
Dawn shook her head and rolled her eyes, "I'm not buying that Spike. You always
felt you didn't have a chance - you told me that yourself on more then one occasion.
There had to be a catalyst - something that made you just have to go. What
happened? I'm old enough to know the truth."
"I guess you are Niblet, but you probably won't like it." Spike leaned his head against
the back of the couch. He cut his eyes towards Dawn next to him, "We did have
that torrid affair, Dawn."
Dawn sat straight up now, "What?" She exclaimed loudly, then quickly put her
hand over her mouth afraid she had woke Will. She listened for a moment but no
sound came and she realized she was safe, lowering her voice she leaned
towards the vampire, "You and Buffy.....you ....you had sex?"
"Yes, we did many times over several months." Spike answered with nod of his
head. "Everytime I turned around , in my crypt, in the alleys,
in the walk in refrigerator of that stupid fast food place she worked at, in the
bathroom at the Bronze. The training room at the Magic shop, oh and the new
couch she bought after your Mom died and also the kitchen island and the
basement too. The Jeep and the Desoto. You name it, Buffy and Spike christened
it." He finished with a smile and a sigh at some of those memories.
****
"Here? You want to here?" He asked with surprised look on his face.
"Yeah, what the big bad vampire scared?" She chided him in a breathy voice.
"But the others are out there in the shop. Xander could walk in." He argued even
as she began to strip his tee shirt off and threw him on the mat unzipping the
fly of his levi's as she descended on him. Her hands were everywhere as she
kissed him and touched him in all the right places, stopping for a breath, she
pulled off her own shirt and led his hand to her breast. Smiling and moaning as
he massaged them. "So I do get to play then?" He asked with a grin.
"Of course. We are each other's great big teddy bears." She whispered into his
ear as she descended upon him again.
He tried to laugh at her joke but instead he found himself trying not to think about
the truth of her words. He *was* just a big teddy bear to her, the one she held on
when she needed comfort, the one she whispered her dark secrets to in the night.
"Hey why so serious?" Buffy asked as she moved against him.
"Nothing, baby. Nothing." He closed his eyes and met her movements with his own.
After they lay together on the mat covered with only with thier discarded clothes.
Buffy grinned at him and kissed his cheek, "Xander didn't walk in." She teased
him.
"No, not yet. But I better go." Spike had kissed her forehead and stood gathering
his clothes. He couldn't do this right now, the sweet banter in the afterglow seemed
be sour when you knew the other person wouldn't let themself feel the same
about you.
She frowned and stood next to him pulling on her clothes also, "You okay?"
"Oh yeah, peachy.But I need to go..now." He gave her a small salute and
walked towards the door.
"Spike?" She asked as she lay a hand on his shoulder turning him to face her.
"What is it?'
He shook his head, "I love you."
She had that trapped look in her eyes as she chewed furiously on her bottom lip, "I ........I don't know what you want me
to say."
"Sure you do, you just won't allow yourself to say it. I'll see you later - for patrol."
He had touched her cheek and then left.
*******
&&&&&&
Dawn's eyes got bigger as she listened to Spike, "Okay, enough with the details,
Spike. "
Her words shook off the memory and Spike turned to face her, "Sorry little bit,
those are some of worst and best memories."
"Okay so you and my sister had a intimate relationship. So why did you leave?"
She demanded.
"Well, we kept having these secret little encounters and they got too hard for me.
I loved her and I *know* she had feelings for me. But she would not admit it,
she always had an excuse and I couldn't make love to her anymore without some
affirmation from her." Spike tried his best to explain.
"So why didn't you stick around and just tell her 'no more' till
you admit how you feel?"
"Because if I had stayed I would have never been able to deny her, "willing slave"
and all that rot. I couldn't say no to her. Obviously I still can't." He closed his
eyes and banged his head against the couch again.
"What exactly does that mean?" Dawn asked suspiciously, "Buffy didn't just
see you and pick you up tonight did she?"
"No, I went to see her last night. I knew it was a bad idea, started out nice
and friendly.........ended even friendlier." Spike sighed.
"Last night? You two?" Dawn shook her head and closed her eyes. After a minute
she reopened them, "I don't need any more imagery Spike. What are you going
to do about this?"
"I'm gonna kiss your forehead, say goodbye and visit again in a couple of years."
He stood up and leaned to kiss her forehead.
Dawn raised her hand to stop him, "You are not leaving this time until you make her
see."
"Dawn, I've tried."
"Well you are gonna keep on trying, unless of course you just aren't that serious
about her anymore." Dawn egged him on.
"Not care? Hell this is how serious I was then -" He picked up his duster from the
back of a chair and rummaged throught the pockets. pulling out a small velvet box
he thrust it at Dawn, "if I wasn't still serious would I still be carrying this around?"
Dawn took the box from his hand and opened it revealing an old fashioned
diamond engagement ring, a large diamond sat in the intricate lacy setting.
"This is beautiful, Spike. You wanted to marry - you still want to marry Buffy?"
He wiped at his eyes and regained his composure. "I love her Dawn. I aways will,
that" he nodded at the ring, "was a stupid foolish dream."
Dawn closed the box and handed the ring back to Spike, "I don't think it was
stupid or foolish. I think my sister and you have been a little of both through the
years. But I think there is a chance."
"I don't know about that." He answered solemnly.
"Would you stay in town a couple more days? Xander and Anya are coming
into town day after tomorrow for a surprise visit, they are staying here, but Buffy
doesn't know. Why don't you at least stick around and say hello."
"Dawn it's not like I was that close to them." Spike tried to reason with her.
"Please, for me?" She asked softly and gave him her impression of Buffy's pout.
"Oh bloody hell, I'll stay." He conceded wondering why those Summers women
all had the ability to turn his resolve to mush.
Buffy angrily stomped her way through three cemetaries and found nothing to slay.
How dare he? He comes back after ten years and thinks that he can just...just..
make her heart do flip flops, make her want him even more. He had been so
sweet last night, so eager to please her while they made love. His whispered endearments still
rang in her ears, "I missed you so much, I love you" over and over again. She
closed her eyes and leaned against the door of her apartment, she could still
feel his strong but gentle hands all over her body.
"You okay, Ms. Summers?" Barney the security guard interupted her thoughts.
"Oh, I'm fine. Just tired. Goodnight." Buffy unlocked the door to her apartment and
waved at him. She found her way to her comfy chair and plopped down in it.
How had she let the perfection of last night turn into the nightmare of tonight?
She loved him - she really did! And she wanted to be with him - why did she let
what everyone else thought get in her way?
She had lost her chance she was sure of it, he would never come back now. And
who could blame him - he must feel so used. This time - this time she had to
fight for him. Maybe he hadn't left? Maybe Dawn knew where he was? She picked
up her phone and dialed her sister's number.
&&&
"Spike, make sure you call me from the hotel so I know how to reach you and
try not to worry." Dawn told him as she closed the front door.
"Okay, Niblet. I'll let you know where I'm staying." He sighed as he turned down
the walk. "I can guarantee it won't be as nice as the place I stayed last night." He
grumbled out loud as he walked back to Buffy's to get his car.
Dawn caught the phone as she started to bed. "Hello?"
"Dawn it's me. Umm....I'm sorry I had to leave earlier. You don't know where
Spike is do you?" Buffy tried to sound nonchalant.
"Buffy, he just left and I'm not sure where he is staying." Dawn thought maybe
her sister should stew a bit.
"Oh. Well I just wondered." Buffy said trying to sound chipper.
Dawn decided to take pity on her, "Buffy, he's supposed to let me know where
he is staying. I'll let you know tomorrow okay?"
Buffy brightened a bit at the news that he was still in town, "Thanks, Dawn. I
appreciate. Goodnight." She hung up the phone and went to get ready for
bed. This time, this time I'm going to make it right was her last thought as she
drifted to sleep her nose buried in the pillow Spike had used the night before.
TBC
"
