This story takes place just over a year after "I Promise You."
TITLE: To Dance in Sunlight
Even though she was not a Jedi, even though she had not the slightest force ability she could tell he was nearby.
Muffled voices came from next door, wordless half-whispers that she couldn't make out. It didn't matter what was being said. She knew they were talking about her.
Everyone talked about her, it seemed. Behind her back. Discussing what was best and planning her life. Making decisions…
She could hear the deeper of the two voices drawing nearer and realized that he was heading for her room.
That was something she could well do without right now.
The footsteps halted, the hand on the other side of the door hesitating for a moment before knocking gently a couple of times.
Her only answer was to throw herself face down on her bed and pull the blankets over her face.
* If that didn't let him know how she felt then he was the most useless Jedi in the entire temple *, she thought miserably.
For a further half minute there was no answer and she thought he might give up and go away but that turned out to be a false hope. Underneath the covers she could hear her door slide open.
"Jemmiah." The voice said softly.
She didn't reply.
"Jemmiah, please speak to me." Qui-Gon spoke again.
* Not a chance. * Jemmy just pulled the blankets further over her, almost smothering herself in the fabric. She didn't particularly care if she did suffocate.
Qui-Gon moved closer to the swaddled figure on the bed. He knew this was not going to be easy.
"Please come out from under there."
"Go away."
She felt the hand rest on her shoulder through the covers but couldn't bring herself to shrug it away. She was angry with him, angry with everyone, but most of all she was angry with herself for daring to hope that everything would work out OK. She should have known.
Nothing ever worked out for her.
"It's very difficult having a conversation with a shapeless lump on top of a mattress." He said finally, taking in the many mixed and unshielded emotions that seemed to exude from her. "And you're too old to hide under the bedclothes."
Jemmiah threw the bedcovers back and glared at him.
"I'm not hiding."
"That's better." He said softly.
He remained silent for a while, trying to think of what to say next, wondering if he would find the words. Then she saved him the bother.
"I don't understand." She whispered. "What have I done?"
"Done?"
"Why am I being sent away? I must have done something!"
"You haven't done anything…" Qui-Gon began.
"If you tell me what it was then I'll try and put it right. Have I misbehaved? I can be good if I put my mind to it. I can!"
"You don't understand." He shook his head.
"Have I upset someone?"
"No."
"Did I break something?"
"No, no…"
"Then what? How can I make it better if you won't tell me?" She began to wail.
Qui-Gon felt his calm begin to melt.
"None of this is your fault and you haven't done anything wrong. Please believe that."
"Then what?"
*He looks upset* Jemmiah thought. *I've upset the one person who can keep me here at the temple. *
"What can I do that will let me stay? I don't want to go!"
"Believe me Tangles, I don't want you to go either." Jinn averted his eyes to the pattern on the bedcovers.
"But you're the one who's making me go!"
"That's not true. The council have forced my hand on this."
"You don't have to do what they say!"
"I can't go against them this time."
"Why not?" She shouted. "You don't even like me, do you? Evla's changed her mind and she doesn't want me and now you're sending me away!"
Qui-Gon knew this was going badly but every time he opened his mouth he just seemed to make matters worse.
"You're mother's brother has been located. He and his wife are filing for your legal custody." He said with his eyes closed.
He could sense the shock from inside her.
"I'm sorry." He hung his head slightly. "You didn't give Evla the chance to explain."
Jemmiah sat in utter bewilderment.
"I don't have any relatives left."
"Apparently you do." He said in a hushed voice.
"I don't remember them."
"They remember you, and they want you with them."
He watched her struggle to take it all in.
"But they can't do that! If they wanted me then why didn't they come forward before? Why has it taken a year?"
The very question that Qui-Gon had found himself bitterly asking time and time again. A whole year in which she had grown used to her surroundings; A year in which Evla, himself and his padawan had grown attached and close. He could see that the idea of leaving it all behind was breaking her heart.
He didn't feel much better.
"You can't make me go." She said in a determined voice. "I won't! I'll run away if I have to."
"No you won't." Qui-Gon pulled her round to face him. "That is one thing you won't do. Evla's upset enough already without you adding to it."
"What about me? Don't I get to be upset?" She became more and more angry. "I can't believe your letting this happen! You're a Jedi. You can do anything!"
"That isn't true." Qui-Gon replied.
"Then what's the point of being a Jedi in the first place?"
He was beginning to ask himself the same thing.
"We don't do things for own personal gain or benefit." He stated, trying to make the words sound less hollow than they did in his head.
"You don't want me here anymore."
"Please do not make this any more difficult then it already is." Qui-Gon was now visibly upset.
She stared at the walls, at the floor…at her fingernails. Anywhere but at his face.
"So, that's it then. You've all decided. I'm being farmed out to an uncle I have no memory of at all. Why does nobody ask ME what I want?" She began to get red in the face. "I'll bet you've all known for months and months whilst you talked between yourselves."
"That is not true and you know it." Qui-Gon snapped back.
"I don't know anything! I don't know anything because nobody tells me!" She shrilled.
"Calm down, Jemmiah." Qui-Gon commanded.
She took a big breath.
"OK. I'm calm now. Has it done me any good?" She pretended to scan the room. "Nope, I seem to be in the same mess I was in ten seconds ago."
Jemmiah could tell he was unhappy. She didn't want him to be unhappy, but she reckoned that if she had to be miserable then somebody else might as well share in the feeling. He was the one who had intruded on her solitude. He was the one who was sending her away…
"Corellia, huh? Is that where I'm being crated off to?" She asked in a hurt tone.
Qui-Gon nodded.
"They say it's nice there. I don't really remember it that well."
"I'm sure you'll be well looked after." He said.
"No doubt. Well off, is he, this Uncle of mine?"
Jinn nodded again.
"Figures." She muttered.
"Most children would love to have enough wealth to spend on what they wanted, when they wanted."
"I like it here."
She stared at him.
"I like the people. Well, most of the people. I like being able to sit in the gardens and think. I like feeling safe." She sighed softly. "Please don't take that from me. I don't know these people."
Qui-Gon tried to tell her that she would get used to them in time, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Because he knew he didn't want her to get used to them in time. He didn't want her to get used to them at all. He felt her arms reach for him in an entreating hug. "Don't make me go." She said.
"I can't promise you," he said as he stroked her long hair, "I can't give you a promise that I might not be able to keep. That would be unfair on both of us." He took her chin in one of his hands. "I do promise you this. I will do everything that I can to keep you here with us. I just hope that it's enough."
"That's all I can ask, I s'pose." She smiled weakly at him.
The Jedi smiled back at her. "There's always hope. Let's both try and remember that. I'm going to speak to Mater Yoda. He might be able to offer some advice."
Qui-Gon stood up.
"I forgot. With all this happening it slipped my mind." He slid his hand into the pockets in his robe, locating the little wrapped package. "This is for you."
Jemmiah frowned as he placed the parcel in her hand. It was small, whatever it was, and not particularly heavy to hold. Carefully she untied the ribbon on the front, unwrapping the covering corner by corner until something glittery caught her eye.
"Do you like it?" He asked.
"This is for me?" She said in astonishment.
"Not unless you think my padawan would suit it better." He laughed inwardly at the image.
Jemmiah held the hair clasp in every direction so that the iridescent stones imbedded in the butterfly shaped body caught the light.
"It's lovely." She admitted. "Thank you."
He watched as she tied back a portion of her chestnut hair with the clasp, thinking how apt it was.
A butterfly.
A beautiful creature that danced in the sunlight for a short time, and then just as quickly fluttered out of sight.
He hoped she had many years left in the sun.
