TITLE: Dear Diary…
By Jemmiah
*****
Dear Diary,
This is it. This is what they call 'crunch time' in the holo films.
I got up this morning as usual and tried my best not to think about the fact that this could be my last breakfast time with Evla. You know, I wanted Master Jinn and Ben to be there too but I think that it might have been unbearable, for them as well as for me. Things have been really tense this last week. Up until yesterday I was able to ignore it all but after last night when our lawyer guy came round to visit, I guess that was when it started to sink in. Evla was trying to chatter away as she tied up the dishes, you know, trying to take our minds off it but it didn't really work.
Today is the day the courts decide if I get to stay with my friends at the jedi temple on Coruscant or whether I'm do be packaged up and herded away to Corellia with my Uncle Kelik and his wife and kids. I only met him a week ago for the first time. Strangely enough he was exactly how I imagined he would be, sort of broad shouldered and larger than life. He's not tall like Qui-Gon but he's still quite impressive. He's nice enough but I still want to stay here. I want to be with Evla.
I told the court that this morning. It was the most nerve-wracking thing I ever had to do and at first I couldn't even find my voice to speak with. I chose my words carefully because as much as I want to stay at the temple I don't want to hurt my relative's feelings. The part of me that is a patriotic Corellian is secretly glad that they would like to take care of me, but most of the time I'm just plain scared because I like what I have already at the temple.
I don't need much to live on. I've never wanted much even though my uncle bought me a necklace that must have been very expensive. I think I was embarrassed to tell the truth and didn't dare to put it on incase Q-G saw it and thought I was being disloyal. I don't want to upset him either. They're just so different, my uncle's family and my jedi friends! My uncle seems to think that there isn't anything that can't be cured by throwing money at it. Master Jinn's lifestyle doesn't really allow for throwing any money at all around and I was wondering if that might not count against him in the final outcome.
See, Master Jinn being a jedi and all - he doesn't really have that many possessions. Ben seems to have acquired some clutter but I think that's because he's young, so maybe when he gets old like Master Jinn he'll not have that much stuff either. Most of these types of disputes come down to credits in the end, and that worries me because the temple only makes me a small allowance whereas my uncle is VERY well off. My aunt is very wealthy in her own right too and it seems that when I am old enough I will also be extremely rich. Right now though I'm not bothered.
I just want to stay on Coruscant with Evla and Qui-Gee.
I don't know who was more scared, me or him but he's a jedi so he hides things really well. I get the feeling he didn't want to make a big fuss before it was his turn to speak but all the same he gave me a little smile as if to say that it would all turn out for the best. I wish I could believe that. Master Jinn believes in the will of the force, that's why he is fighting my corner for me. Even so, I get the feeling he is worried that there are others who won't heed the will of the force and send me away…
I should die of misery away from Ben and my friends. They're all inside now, waiting to hear my fate, all except for Ben. He said he's stay with me because he didn't want me to be alone whilst I sat outside. Of course they asked if I wanted to go in to hear the verdict but I couldn't…I just couldn't. I'm just so scared that it won't be what I want to hear. If they decide against me I'm not sure what I'll do. One thing I won't do is cry, at least not while there are people around to see me. Either way somebody's going to get hurt: my uncle and aunt or Qui-Gon and Evla. I hope the judges take my feelings into consideration. The fact that they allowed the ruling to take place on Coruscant and not on Corellia as could easily have happened is in my favor, so Master Jinn says. He's right - if it had happened on Corellia I would stand no chance. I wouldn't even be here right now.
They've been in for five minutes now. How can it take so long? Surely it's a matter of saying 'yes' or 'no' to Master Jinn and Evla? What else can there be to say?
Ben's twiddling his thumbs about trying not to appear anxious but it's not working. He keeps playing with his rat-tail braid. I wish I could say something to him but I know the words just won't come out at all. I can tell he's upset by the way he's frowning at the floor. Now I don't just want to stay for me but I want to stay for Ben as well.
What if I lose and have to leave? How can I say goodbye? You wouldn't believe the amount of praying I've done over the past few months and I'm not even sure what if anything I believe in. I guess I have to trust the force like everyone else I know. Just because I'm not a jedi doesn't mean I can't behave like one. If I lose to day I will try and face it like a jedi would and hope not to make anyone ashamed of me…
Please be over soon. I can't stand waiting.
-Jemmiah
*******
The door opened slowly and both Obi-Wan and Jemmiah's eyes snapped instantly towards the people who were now standing in the entrance to the anti-chamber. Two official looking people, one who Jemmiah had recognized as one of the judges on the panel and somebody else she guessed had been arguing on behalf of her uncle stepped aside to let the more imposing and serious figure of jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn pass before them, followed at a discrete distance by her Uncle. Then came a strange tapping sound that seemed vaguely familiar to her from someplace…
Master Yoda???
Why was Yoda here? Had he spoken on her behalf? If he had then that indeed had been incredibly kind and Jemmiah exchanged a mystified if doubtful glance with Obi-Wan who sat beside her on the bench. Jemmiah tried to read the expressions on their faces but failed utterly to interpret a single facial twitch, for there was none to be had. Everything was so severe and clinical. No smiles. No anything.
There was no Evla either.
That caused Jemmiah's heart to sink to her boots, because she knew that if they had won Evla would have been through those doors and smothering her gratefully in a bear hug, and the crèche master was nowhere to be seen. Jedi or not, she could tell that Obi-Wan was thinking exactly the same thing. She was probably hiding some place in the nearest fresher, crying where nobody could see her. Qui-Gon hadn't even looked her way yet.
Things did not look good.
Qui-Gon gave a grave nod to their lawyer and then turned to face the equally solemn figure of Kelik Mathers, and stretched out his hand by way of congratulations.
//Master Jinn is honorable even in defeat.// Jemmiah thought desolately. //Why doesn't that surprise me?//
She couldn't hear the words that were exchanged between the two of them as the Corellian man curtly grasped Qui-Gon's hand in his own in a stiff shake, but then she wasn't meant to. Qui-Gon would make certain of that. It all looked faintly like a done deal, one that hadn't turned out favorably at all for her. Beside her, Obi-Wan stayed utterly silent, not saying anything until his master spoke first. Finally after what seemed to be a lifetime of agony the tall master walked carefully over to the two youngsters and squatted down carefully infront of Jemmiah, who regarded him with eyes that spoke of barely repressed fear.
"Have they come to a decision?" she managed to ask in a distant voice that somehow didn't seem to belong to her.
"Yes." Qui-Gon nodded slowly. "Yes they have."
"Where's Evla?" Jemmy glanced nervously towards the doorway. "Why isn't she here?"
"She will be soon." Promised Qui-Gon, observing the pinched white face before him.
Jemmiah shot a quick darting glance at her uncle, who smiled warmly at her as if to confirm her worst fears, then stared back at Qui-Gon, lips twitching slightly through nervousness.
"We lost then." She said quietly. "Didn't we?"
"What makes you think that?" Qui-Gon tilted his head slightly.
"Uncle Kelik is happy and you don't seem…very…" she trailed off miserably.
There followed a lengthy and somewhat painful silence for a few seconds afterwards.
"You should never judge by appearances." Qui-Gon broke into a large smile. "How many times have I told the pair of you that?"
"I don't understand." Jemmiah looked back to her uncle as he stood in deep conversation with his lawyer.
"Let's just say that your uncle…" he paused for a moment, before deciding that Jemmiah had been tortured enough already that day, "…and I have reached an agreement that allows you to remain on Coruscant for the majority of the year. You'll still be required to spend an as yet unspecified amount of time with him on Corellia each year but…"
"We won then?" Jemmiah looked stunned.
"In a manner of speaking," Qui-Gon agreed, "yes we did."
Jemmiah closed her eyes and let the relief wash over her.
"Evla will be here in a moment. She's just having a word with your aunt about something." Qui-Gon said, sounding somewhat distorted to Jemmiah's ears, almost as if he were speaking under water.
"Master, does that mean that Jemmy will be coming back with us to the temple?" Obi-Wan's voice asked, sounding equally muffled.
"Yes, padawan. We'll still have to speak with Mr. Mathers over the course of the next few days but there's no problem with…
Everything went suddenly very dark indeed and Jemmiah pitched forward and half-sprawled across the surprised figure of Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Master?" Obi-Wan stood up.
"It's okay Obi-Wan. She's just passed out. It's probably all been a bit too much for her. Maybe you could try and find a glass of water from somewhere…"
Obi-Wan immediately left, even though he hadn't a clue where he was going to get the water.
********
Jemmiah didn't remember much about the journey home in the cab, sandwiched victoriously between both Qui-Gon and Evla. She hadn't remembered her aunt and uncle hovering anxiously by her whilst she recovered from her blackout, nor did she recollect their saying goodbye to her - for the time being. She couldn't remember apologizing for the embarrassment of blacking out infront of everybody nor asking Qui-Gon what Master Yoda had been doing there either. Frankly, by the time she had got back to the temple she was too exhausted to care.
She'd gone straight to bed, content to listen to the muffled conversation that Evla, Qui-Gon and occasionally Obi-Wan were having in the living area of the crèche master's apartment. She didn't need to hear the words. The sound itself was reassuring to her, just the distant rumbling voices punctuated now and then by laughter. It was so good to hear that sound again after so long without it.
Evla had been determined to cook a celebratory meal but they had wisely decided to postpone it until Jemmiah was in a better frame of mind to enjoy it more, although Obi-Wan no doubt would cheerfully have gone ahead anyway! Jemmiah lay on her bed, simply listening.
It was so good to relax!
Rolling onto one side the eleven year old reached into her pocket and pulled out her ever faithful diary and for a moment just contented herself to re-read the previous entries leading up to the events of that morning. After all the trials and tribulations, promises, hidden tears and heartache it looked at long last as if somehow things were beginning to work out for her. As Qui-Gon always said, it was the struggles in life that determined a person's character. Maybe she'd celebrate by sleeping for a week or two straight!
But first there was something she had to do. Her fingers hovered momentarily over the keypad, seeking the right words.
Dear Diary,
I WON!!!!!!
-Jemmiah
