The next morning, auditions for Team America were conducted aboard the WWF tour bus. The Hardy Boyz had to organize business by themselves after the APA had refused to help them. Something about not being able to stand former Tag Team Champions who couldn't hold their liquor.

"Name."

"C'mon dude."

"Name."

"You know my name."

"NAME."

"Matt, we all know his name already."

"NAME!"

"ROB. VAN. DAM." Everyone aboard the bus said in unison, mechanically pointing to their heads 3 times.

"Oh. Right."

"Are you sure you're not hung over?" Lita asked Matt.

"In order to be hung over I'd have to stop drinking," he reminded her, nursing a Corona as he took down RVD's name on his clipboard.

"Hometown," Jeff asked.

"Battle Creek."

"That in Canadia?"

"'Scuse me?"

"NEXT!"

"Whatever man."

"Name."

"Big Boss Man."

"Hometown."

"Cobb County."

"That in--"

"Georgia."

"See Jeff? This isn't so hard," Matt said, elbowing his younger brother before addressing the Boss Man. "Prior experience?"

"Jailhouse Match against the Mountie."

"Huh?"

"Who?"

"Summerslam '91. Why back in those days, a Jailhouse Match was as big as those damn BLT matches, or whatever the hell you young bucks jump around and break your backs in..."

"Oh yeah, I remember that show! That was the night I scored with that blonde girl who sat behind me in homeroom."

"Hey...I remember that night too! I scored with that blonde girl who sat...two seats behind me in homeroom!"

"Dude, that was you?"

"Dude." The Hardy brothers toasted each other with their respective beverages as Lita turned absolutely green.

"AHEM." The Boss Man cleared his throat impatiently.

"What? Oh, uh, congratulations, you made the team. NEXT!" Matt got up to go to the bathroom, and Jeff took his place as chief interrogator.

"Name."

"Buh Buh Ray Dudley."

"Hometown."

"Dudleyville."

"That in Canadia?"

"Uh. Well, um... You know, er... D-VON! WHERE IS DUDLEYVILLE, ANYWAY?"

"Testify."

"Oh good answer."

"Testify."

"Come on, this is serious business! I need to know!"

"Testify."

At this point, Buh Buh pinpointed the origin of the voice as a boom box in the back of the bus.

"Where the hell is D-Von?!" The Night-Mayor of Dudleyville cried, looking around. "And where the hell is Stacy?!"

Jeff stifled a laugh.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" Buh Buh exclaimed as realization dawned on him and he stalked off in search of his half-brother and former mistress.

"Name," Jeff continued, undaunted.

"Kurt Angle."

"Hometown."

"Pittsburgh, PA, U.S.A., baby! WOO!"

Jeff cocked his head to one side. "Riiiiight. Prior experience?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Former Olympic Gold Medalist, former Euro-Continental Champion, former 2-time WWF Champion, former Employee of the Month at Taco Bell, former poster boy for Visine Brand Artificial Tears..."

By the time Kurt was done rambling on, Jeff had fallen fast asleep, his head resting in Lita's lap.

"Uh, sorry Kurt, but you know..."

"Excuse me? I didn't make the team? Who died and made you boss anyway, Lita?"

"Well don't get me wrong, Kurt, you're a great athlete, but um...you know how you are...and well, we don't really want to represent the American Superstars like that..."

"Know how I am? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"We all know you didn't like kissing Steph that time," Lita finally blurted out. A chuckle or two could be heard around the bus.

"WHAT! I AM NOT GAY! JUST BECAUSE I GET HOT SWEATY MEN ON THE GROUND AND MAKE THEM TAP OUT DOESN'T MEAN I--Oh God. Oh God."

"Next!"

"What?"

"Name."

"Stone Cold Steve Austin."

"Hometown."

"Victoria, Texas."

"That in--"

"What?"

"Sorry, it says here I'm required to ask. Prior experience?"

"1990 through 1993, opened up a can of whoopass on some Canadians. 1993 through 1997, opened up another can of whoopass on some more Canadians. 1997 to present, full-time Canadian ass kicker. WHAT?!"

"You're in."