The Talkshow Show

Genre Humor/Talk show

Rating PG-13
Summary Bambi (that's me) interviews Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, Snape, Lucius, etc. about some, er- rather personal questions.

Disclaimer This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. All other aspects of the story, unless otherwise claimed, belong to moi.

A/N: Written back in '01 during my carefree and innocent days smirks Okay, maybe not...

Chapter Two: Kiss me, Kiss me

Bambi [screaming]: Welcome to the 102nd show of THE TALKSHOW SHOW!

::Clapping and cheering echoes through the room::

Bambi: I am your host, Bambi.

::Even louder clapping and cheering echoes through the room::

Bambi: Tonight's topic is ...

Audience [roars]: WHICH KISS!

Bambi: Yes, that's right; tonight's topic is wh-

Audience [roars again]: WHICH KISS!

Bambi [getting annoyed]: WE KNOW THAT'S THE TOPIC! Now, for tonight's GUESTS!

::Clapping and cheering is heard throughout the room::

Bambi: Remus Lupin! Peter Pettigrew! Lily Evans! Sirius Black! Severus Snape! Lucius Malfoy, Aaand ... JAMES POTTER!

Audience: WHOOOHOOO!

Bambi: Okay, Remie, what's your favorite kiss?

Remus [blushing]: Please don't call me Remie...

Bambi: Okay, Remi – err, Remus! What's your favorite kiss?

Remus [whispers]: I think that the Eskimo Kiss is pretty cute!

Audience: SAY WHAT?

Bambi: He said: 'I think that the Eskimo Kiss is pretty cute!'

Audience: OH! Riiight...

Bambi: Okay, next person ... Lily Evans!

Audience: Lily Evans?

Bambi: We have traveled in time, so she is the FUTURE Lily Potter!

Lily: HA! Yeah right!

Bambi: Lily, which kiss?

Lily: You can call me 'Lil!' Uh, my fave kiss would have to be ...

::Audience is quiet for once::

Lil: The French kiss!

Bambi: Hehe, me too! Why'd you choose it, though?

Lil: Oh, I don't know, I guess it's romantic.

Audience: Awww.

Bambi [smiling]: Sirius?

Sirius: I would definitely have to say – TONSIL HOCKEY! Yeah, baby!

Audience [roars]: SIRIUS! SIRIUS! SIRIUS! ...

Bambi: That's enough!

Audience:

Bambi: So, you mean like a French kiss?

Sirius: Uh, yeah, but more tongue than that!

Bambi [confused]: More tongue?

Sirius: YEAH! Way more tongue.

Bambi: Well, why do you like it so much?

Sirius [pauses and thinks]: Uh, I don't know, its just fun! Very fun, if ya get me.

::Sirius winks roguishly at the audience::

Bambi: Okay, Jamsie?

James: James.

Bambi: Oh, sorry ... James. Which kiss?

James: MAKING OUT!

Audience [screams]: JAMES! JAMES! JAMES! ...

Bambi: Hehe, well, James, why did you choose that answer?

James: Its REALLY fun! It can involve ALL kisses ... and that's good, coz there are lots!

Bambi: Good point.

Audience: JAMES! JAMES! JAMES! JAMES! ...

Bambi: I said ... ENOUGH! Well, since that was a pretty short episode, we'll add another question ... 'Who would you want to kiss, using that kiss that you said?'

Audience: JAMES! JAMES! JAMES! ...

Bambi: Honestly! I said STOP!

Everyone:

Bambi: That's better. Okay, Remus, who would you want to give a, erm - an Eskimo Kiss to?

Remus:

Bambi: Remuuus? Wakey wakey!

Remus [blushing]:

Bambi: Earth to Remus – Can you hear me?

Remus: ?em reah ouy naC – sumeR ot htraE

Bambi: WHAT?

Sirius: He talks backwards when he's embarrassed.

Bambi: Oh, then I'll ask later. Lily?

Lily: I said to call me 'Lil!'

Bambi: Okay, Lil.

Lil [whispers]: Uh, James.

Bambi [the only one that heard]: Yeah, don't we all? Next, Sirius?

Sirius: YOU!

Bambi: Me?

Sirius: Yeah! Coz you are so sexy!

Bambi: Me!? Hey, I'm not one to complain, though. James?

James: LILY EVANS!

Lil [surprised is an understatement]: ME?!

Bambi: I know, guys are weird ... suddenly they seem like you!

::Bambi looks over at Sirius::

Lil [repeats]: ME? You wanna MAKE OUT with ME?

James [shrugs]: Yeah, I've always liked you! So why not?

Lil: Okay.

Bambi: Now, this is what the show is about, people getting together!

Sirius [looks at me saucily]: It is?

Bambi [winks]: No, but it is now ...

::Everyone looks at Lily and James who are making out on the floor::

Bambi: Remus, have you decided yet?

Remus: Yes.

Bambi [getting impatient]: WHO?

Remus: You.

Bambi [once again the only one that heard]: ME?

Sirius: SHE'S MINE!

Remus: NO! MINE!

Bambi [sounding amused]: Boys! Boys!

::Sirius leaps over and kisses Bambi::

Bambi [smiling]: Now that was some SERIOUS TONSIL HOCKEY!

Audience: WHOOOHOO!

Remus: Grrrr ....

::Remus pull Sirius off Bambi and gives her an Eskimo Kiss::

Bambi: Um, that Eskimo Kiss was very ... err... sweet?!

Remus [missing the sarcasm]: Thanks!

Bambi: No prob, baby.

::Bambi looks down onto the watch on her hand::

Bambi: Oh! Already ten o'clock? Well, it's the end of the show. Good Night!

Audience: Aww!

Lil: Oh!

James: Lily, will you marry me?

Lil: It's Lil. And, yes!

Sirius: That was quick!

Remus: Yeah!

Bambi: Very quick!

Lil: Well, what's the point of waiting?

James: Exactly!

Bambi [asks the audience]: Do you think next week we should have a special WEDDING show? Maybe Lil and James could get married here? Live!

Audience: YAY!

Lil and James: OKAY!

Sirius [seconds before Remus]: I'm the best man.

Remus: I'm the – Oh ...

Sirius: Ha!

Remus [scowling at Sirius]: Well, I didn't want to be best man anyway!

Sirius: Yeah, right!

Remus:

Sirius: Hey, where's Peter?

Peter: Right here.

Sirius: How'd you get here so quick?

Peter: I was here all along!

Everyone [except for Peter]: You were?!

Peter: Yes! And my favorite kiss is a French kiss, too, although I've never actually done it ...

Bambi: Who would you want to kiss?

::Peter smiles sweetly at Bambi::

Bambi: Me?

Peter [whispers]: YES! I've always dreamt of this moment.

::Peter puckers up his lips, closes his eyes and stumbles towards Bambi::

Bambi [while running for her life]: WELL, AS I SAID BEFORE, IT'S THE END OF THE SHOW, AND I HAVE TO UH, GO SOMEWHERE ... I THINK ... BYE!

A/N: C'mon R&R, or I'll set Peter on you!