The Talkshow Show
Genre Humor/Talk show
Rating
PG-13
Summary Bambi (that's me) interviews Lily, James,
Sirius, Remus, Snape, Lucius, etc. about some, er- rather personal
questions.
Disclaimer This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. All other aspects of the story, minus the songs which belong to their respective artists, belong to moi.
A/N: Written back in '01 during my carefree and innocent days smirks Okay, maybe not...
Chapter Four: The Wedding Episode: OVERTIME!
Bambi: Alright, let's continue the special -
Audience [roars]: WEDDING EPISODE! OVERTIME!
::Clapping and cheering is heard throughout the room::
Bambi: Now, where were we?
Someone in the Audience: You were about to tell Trelawney that she should consult her orb again!
Bambi: Yes, Sybil, dear, the name will not be Will Potter, I assure you. Hasn't your orb told you I come from the future?
Trelawney: But the orb clearly told me it would be Will!
Audience [roars]: SHUT UP!
Peter [looks up at Bambi with a puppy-dog face: Um, Bambi, can I please go pee-pee?
Bambi [rolls eyes]: Yeah, up the hall, third door on the left, then go to the door that says 'Men's'.
::Suddenly, Voldemort Apparates into the room::
Voldemort: I have come to kill you all!
Bambi [snorts]: You and what army?
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Bambi: You stupid idiot, you were supposed to point your wand at me. Here I'll show you.
::Bambi grabs Voldemort's wand::
Bambi [points wand at Voldemort]: Avada Kedavra!
::Nothing happens, then ...::
Voldemort: Ow! What did you do that for? It hurt!
Bambi: You're supposed to die!
Voldemort [cackles evilly]: No one can kill me, for I am Lord Voldemort!
Bambi: Look, Voldie, you're being up yourself. That won't win you any friends.
Voldemort [furious]: What did you say?
Bambi [repeats]: I said, you're being up yourself. That won't win you any friends.
Voldemort: AVADA KEDAVRA!
Audience [laughs when nothing happens]: She's still got your wand!
::Voldemort disapparates::
Bambi: Did he actually manage to hurt anyone?
Sirius: Look, he stepped on that ant over there ... but wait, would you believe it, its still alive!
::Audience roars with laughter::
::Suddenly, the room plunges into total darkness::
Bambi: Manny?
Manny: I didn't do it. You're always accusing me!
Bambi: ROOMOS LUMOS!
::The lights go on again. Somehow, everyone is on the other side of the room and Allie McBain and Minnie House are lying on the floor, dead::
Everyone [screams]: Aah! It was Voldemort! Aah!
Bambi [trying to distract everyone]: Um, how about an after party?
Everyone: YEAH!
Bambi: Now, lets put on the music and get down!
::Bambi puts on the radio again::
Radio: Dun, dun, dun, dun ...
Bambi [twiddles with the tuner]: Sorry about that ...
Radio [playing Britney Spears]: You tell me you're in love with me, like you can't take you pretty eyes away from me. It's not that I don't wanna stay, but every time you come too close I move away. I wanna believe in everything that you say, coz it sounds so good, but if you really want me, move slow. There's things about me you just have to know. Sometimes I run ...
Audience: BOO! BOO!
::Bambi twiddles with the radio tuner again::
Radio [playing Britney again]: ... Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that somethin' wasn't right? Oh, baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go and now you're right outside, yeah. Show me, how you want it to be, tell me baby, coz I need to know how. My loneliness is killin' me. [And I] I must confess, I still believe [still believe]. When I'm not with you I lose my mind. Gimme a sign, hit me baby one more time!
Audience: BOO! BOO!
Bambi [plays with the radio's tuner again]: Alright, alright, here we go, some real music!
Radio [Vitamin C]: As we go on, we remember, all the times we had together. And as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be, friends forever ...
Everyone [groans]: Bambi!
Bambi [puts on a CD instead]: Alright, here we go!
CD
Player [J.Lo and Ja Rule]: I met so many men and it's like
their all the same, my appetite for lovin', is now my hunger
pain.
And when I'm feelin' sexy, who's gonna come for me? My
only problem is, their insecurity.
Lil
[grins]: Finally, a good song!
Bambi [jokes]: Yeah, but then again, anything's better than Britney Spears! Or Vitamin C ...
Audience: BOO VITAMIN C AND BRITNEY SPEARS! BOO! BOO!
James [smiles at Lil]: Wanna dance?
Lil [smiles back]: Definitely.
Everyone [to Someone Else]: Wanna dance?
Someone Else [to Everyone]: Definitely.
::Everyone is dancing happily with Someone Else::
Sirius: Hey, Bambi, wanna dance with me?
Bambi: Okay, sure ... why not?
Remus: Can I dance with you next?
Bambi: Of course.
::Bambi dances with Sirius then with Remus::
Peter: Would you like to dance with me, Bambi?
Bambi: No, I wouldn't!
[A while later] Bambi: Well, its time for the end of the Overtime, but we'll see you next week ... in The Talkshow Show!
Audience: Woohoo! Next week!
Bambi: But now we'll have one last song, sung by none other than ... ME!
Everyone [covers ears]: Uh-oh!
Bambi [starts singing]: Lily and James, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes the love, then comes the marriage, then comes baby Harry in a little blue carriage! GO LILY AND JAMES!
Audience: KISS! KISS! KISS!
::Lily and James kiss one more time::
Bambi: I am your host, Bambi. Goo--
::Peter crashes into the set, knocking everything over::
Bambi: PETER! I'LL KILL YOU! THAT WAS MY ONLY SET! I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR censored AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR censored YOU censored mother censored COME BACK HERE!
-fin-
A/N: That's all for now, but maybe if I get some more reviews I might considering continuing this...
