Still, watching the spirit bird panic at his steady descent and batter its little wings until it had exhausted the energy that had been used to create it ... was amusing.
He rolled out of his dive, letting his wings take the breeze again, aligning them up to slow his speed significantly ... waiting for the little bird to catch up.
"Shikigami," he thought. They were fast as light close to their creation. But they were ineffective as far as the long term went. Since they had only a limited amount of energy to exhaust before they began to fade into the shambles that was pathetically trailing Rocky now.
He tilted his head to the side as the bird circled his hovering form. Floating almost in the middle of the sky, it was an action not much different than treading water. "Look at you, you're pathetic! I'm not even flying that fast..."
The bird made no response, it simply kept flying in mindless circles around him. Rocky sighed, "Subaru!!" he yelled at the bird. "Subaru can you hear me?? You're stupid toy's batteries are running low!!!"
Had Subaru been there, he probably would have argued that when the shikigami ran out of steam, it was time for Rocky to head home. But Subaru wasn't there, and evidentially he was also not using the shikigami to keep an eye on Rocky as he occasionally did. Rocky did not need a baby-sitter, especially a mindless collection of fluff...
He considered snatching the bird out the air and strangling it, simple because he wondered if it was even possible to strangle a Shikigami. And because it would get Subaru's attention and maybe prove a point about the usefulness of using the spirit birds to escort him.
All right, maybe not. Subaru could be obnoxious stubborn about certain things, and this was one of them.
Batting his wings down with an irritated sigh, he gave up on the little bird and soared up higher and faster than it could go.
It did not take much or very long to lose the shikigami, and soon enough Rocky was free to soar the open skies alone as he loved to. Or at least he thought he loved to, he didn't have much of a choice. Birds and bees and other creatures he shared the sky with did not make interesting flying companions.
He did not have a very refined magickal sense, but he could sense the power being used before he spotted the dark bird flying low just beyond him. Rocky blinked, his right wing twitching at the memory, he had seen that bird before.
Swallowing whatever inhibition he had, he flew higher and followed the bird to where it was headed.
Even with the height, his eyes could clearly see that it was following a person. A person racing away from something with such futility. A desperate race, a panicked rat... and although he could not make out anything more than it's human shape he was certain that it was running away from death. The bird dived down into the canyon of the city, and the wind suddenly changed direction, pushing Rocky up and away from the scene below him. His first instinct was to reach out desperately as he was carried up, hands, arms, legs, grasping for the city below him with a surprised cry as he rose.
He changed the angle of his wings and contracted them so that he could fight the breeze and hover. His eyes had lost the figure to the shadows of the city, and the dark bird was nowhere to be found.
Against his better judgment, he dove towards the street. Zigzagging to slow his descent ... and wind whipped around him violently, trying to catch his wings and carry him back up. He dodged the breeze, nudging out of it's hold until he had reached the shelter provided by the tall buildings and the air currents changed with the terrain. He stretched his wings out to their full span so that his plunged curved to a stop. Before he snapped them closed and landed on the pavement like a cat.
Steam was wafting in heavy clouds from a grate on the side walk, casting an eerie cyan glow on the shadows and highlights. He looked around, noting that-- aside from a few parked cars-- the street was unusually empty.
Then there was a flicker in the cream cyan mist. The familiar flash of a cigarette lighter, and a dark form became visible like it was burning its way through the steam. Rocky walked further, watching various levels of details unravel from the fog. The soft clapping of his sneakers against the street was noticed and the figure looked up from his cigarette curiously.
"Seishirou-san..." Rocky breathed.
Seishirou smiled, waving at him cheerfully. The warm liquid on his hand rolled down his wrist gently with the motion.
"Oh my god, you're bleeding," Rocky jumped forward-- closing the space between them and taking Seishirou's hand.
"Well, well, well ... if it isn't my little rival in love," Seishirou purred, looking down at the boy condescendingly. "A little late for fledglings to be out flying isn't it?"
Only moments after he looked at it, Rocky realized that the blood was not coming from any wound or injury ... but that it is was someone else's altogether. He pulled his touch away, his eyes snapping to the previously unseen shadow behind Seishirou.
"You ... killed him?"
The fact that the boy did not show fear, even after seeing Seishirou kill and now knowing what he was, endeared him to Seishirou. He had always found that quality quite appealing in Subaru as well.
"Yes."
His violet eyes reached out to Seishirou with confusion and hurt. The hurt amused Seishirou, since he hadn't figured the boy had trusted him in the first place. But he supposed Subaru was right after all ... brownie points for him.
"Why?"
Seishirou smirked, the boy was looking for a reason to tell himself that what he saw really wasn't as bad as he thought. Under that arrogant, irritable, bratty shell ... was a boy far too reminiscent of his beloved prey.
He shrugged, "Looked like he'd taste good."
It was a joke of course, the Tree didn't have any taste buds after all, but the humor was apparently lost of Rocky.
"You're... a monster!"
"You flatter me."
"When Subaru finds out--"
Seishirou laughed, the sound of his voice cutting off the rest of the sentence. "Subaru-kun, already knows."
"He knows?"
"He knows it well," Seishirou cocked his head to the side. "Me thinks there's a lot you don't know about you're beloved 'Subaru'."
"Shut up!" Rocky snapped. "He doesn't have explain himself to me."
Rocky twisted away in disgust as Seishirou's bloody hand stroked through his hair teasingly. "Adorable," Seishirou commented. "Simply adorable ... should the circumstances have been different I think I would have liked to play with you a bit. Of course, they're not and it really would irritate Subaru-kun if I did. So I suppose I'll have to let you go."
Rocky snorted in response, and tried to keep his eyes from wandering back to the blood trail. "Subaru ... could never love anyone like you."
"But he does," Seishirou smiled.
"I don't believe it."
"Oh? Care to put something behind that?"
A blink of his violet eyes and Rocky was staring up into the face of a bloody murderer again. "Eh? What do you mean?"
Seishirou bent down so that he was on eye level with the boy, a dark carnal smile resting on his lips. "Let's be honest, even if Subaru does love you ... he'll never permit himself to be with you the way you'd like. It's simply against his nature." He poked Rocky's chest with his finger, "you know that and I know that... However, to say that Subaru has no concern for you would also be untrue ... therefore, you are still in my way. I'm confident in what I believe Subaru is likely to do. The question is ... are you?"
His arms folded proudly across his chest, Rocky glanced to the side sadly. "You're purposing ... a bet?"
"Aa... I have a certain fondness for them. What do you say?"
"What are the terms?"
"I'll let you have my Subaru to yourself for one full day and if you can change his mind about things, you two won't ever see me again."
Rocky stared disbelievingly at the Sakurazukamori. "To myself? You mean you won't follow us around or anything?"
Seishirou rolled his eyes, "It's not that hard to believe, I have slightly better things to do than play jealous, stalking, lover ... particularly when you're my competition."
"And if I lose?" Rocky shifted his weight.
Seishirou's fingers slipped under the boy's chin, blood making the touch sticky and frightful. Rocky's eyes opened wider, his teeth skimming his lower lip as Seishirou lifted his gaze up. Their eyes met. "Then ... You acknowledge that Subaru is mine, you will get out of my way, and stay out of my way."
Rocky gulped, a momentary gesture of fear that Seishirou did not quite expect, and the assassin laughed again as his touch left the boy's chin. "I have no intention of killing you, unless of course you renege on our deal once your day is up. But when that day is up, when you have been unable to move Subaru from his decisions and you realize that he will belong to me always..." he tapped the tip of Rocky's nose, leaving a light bloody fingerprint on the skin. "You will disappear, one way or another."
He stood up, his dark coat waving around him in the wind. "There, now ... that sounds fair doesn't it? A contest to see who knows Subaru better, the loser will leave and never return."
"A contest," Rocky thought. It didn't sound so bad when it was put that way. It sounded almost harmless. A contest...
"You're on."
-----------
My firm knock was answered by Subaru, who let me in with a polite nod of acknowledgment. He looked worn, but I had thought he would not be working tonight. Yet the strain of some physical exertion, not fresh ... perhaps only an hour or two ago, was obvious.
"I'm sorry, is it too late to do this? I can come back tomorrow when--"
"No," Subaru sighed gently. "It's all right."
His apartment seemed fragile tonight, as if the air was filled with breakable thoughts and memories too heavy to carry. Unusually quiet. Looking around briefly I discovered why, "where's the little gargoyle tonight?"
"Asleep," Subaru explained, pointing to his bedroom, not Rocky's.
Subaru had sent Rocky on an errand, from which he had returned only a few minutes ago. I didn't ask what it was, I got the impression from the way he referred to it that I was not meant to inquire further about it.
"Well then," I sighed, "what shall we talk about tonight?"
It was a funny thing to say, since it implied that the conversation would be one we both participated in ... rather than Subaru talking and I listening.
"Okinwa," he breathed.
"I thought we talked about that already ... that's where you met Rocky right?" I was rather happy the little brat wasn't about. He was always making side comments and trying to derail the conversation away from the past.
"Aa ... but something else happened there too."
I sat back after pressing play on my tape recorded and listened to Subaru weave close the gaps on his story. About how the irritable gargoyle came to live and travel with him. I think we both lost track of time, not having the boy to interrupt every few minutes after all, because when I look at the clock a few minutes turned out to be well over two hours.
Subaru's story was broken off by the sound of his bedroom door opening.
Rocky trotted out of Subaru's room, his wings twitching cutely and happily as his bare feet padded down the hall towards the living room with little smacking sounds. He wore soft cotton pajama bottoms and nothing else ... save for a sleepy expression and ruffled hair. As he entered he yawned and stretched his arms out lazily, announcing his presence with a graceful display of his lithe body. We watched him idly as he looked to Subaru, then abruptly stopped to glare in my direction.
"Sleep well?" Subaru asked, totally ignoring the building hostility.
The boy blinked and scratched his head with a nervous laugh, color flooding his cheeks. "Yeah thanks."
Subaru shrugged, obviously not seeing why he should be thanked for anything. His head turned to follow the boy as he wandered into the kitchen to pour himself some tea or perhaps get a snack. "Will you be staying in for the rest of the night?"
There was a subtleness in his continence that gave an obvious depth to the question. A gentle lift of one eyebrow. A slightly suspicious quirk in his lips, not quite a frown.
"Uh-huh," the boy hummed as he dug through the refrigerator. His face, framed by tousled wavy gray locks of hair, popped up over the kitchen counter to meet Subaru's expectant look. "Oh," he mumbled, turning to glance back at the impressive shadows leaning over his shoulders. The wings which were making the dishes quake with fear. "Right I forgot about them, I'll put them away in a sec..."
Then he dove back down to continue his scavenging. Subaru rolled his eyes with an irritated sigh and turned back to me, "where were we?"
"You were talking about your encounter in Okinwa."
"Right," Subaru nodded. "That was one of the few times Seishirou-san had sneaked up on me. Usually I could feel him when he got close and if a conflict was inevitable, find a place to minimize--"
There was a sudden crash from the kitchen, the sound of ceramic hitting the floor and shattering. Subaru's eyes closed and he mumbled, "the damage." And something about plastic dishware in a low mutter as Rocky's head popped into view again.
"Oops ... sorry."
-----------
There were two things that registered in Seishirou mind as sleep slowly drifted away from him. One was that he had a horrible taste in his mouth, a dry somewhat sticky feeling on his tongue. The other was that he happen to be sleeping in a very uncomfortable position, half on his side, legs twisted under something.
That something, Seishirou released, could only be one of Subaru Sumeragi various body parts. As, almost sensing his discomfort, what ever he was tangled up in started to move.
Subaru, he was discovering, was a disgusting morning person. A quick glance at the clock by the bed revealed that it was in fact 7:30 ... an unthinkable time for any self-respecting night owl like Seishirou to be awake. Yet the Sumeragi's mind was slowly soothing him out of slumber as it usually did.
"Good morning," the onmyouji yawned, kissing Seishirou gently on the cheek.
Seishirou's eyes opened slowly, against his better judgment. "You would be a morning person ... it so figures," he grumbled before rolling over to shutout the beginnings of sunlight entering the room.
Subaru was smiling, somehow he could tell that without even looking at him, as he picked up a picture resting just on the nightstand and laid back against the pillows. Seishirou's good eye peaked open to watch the Sumeragi stare at the framed memory wistfully.
"Do you miss them?"
Subaru was momentarily startled by Seishirou voice. It was lower than usual and sounded somewhat ... depressed.
"I miss ... the idea more than anything else. It was as close to a normal life I ever had. But, I worry about them too."
"I would think the Sumeragi clan took care of it's own better."
A confused blink and his finger skimmed over the glass. "Oh no I didn't mean that ... it's just ... Okaru's Birthday is coming up."
"Oh?"
Subaru nodded, "it not fair to her."
"Send her a card."
The onmyouji was sincerely shocked by the suggestion, "I can't do that."
Seishirou gave up on trying to crawl back into sleep's warm, silent embrace, and rolled over onto his side. "Why the hell not?"
"I want her to forget, that's why."
"Feh," Seishirou snorted. "The child's not stupid, she'll realize one of these days that people have both a father and a mother and then she'll wonder what happened to hers."
"Did you?"
"Did I what?" he rubbed the bridge of his nose slowly. Why was the sun so damn bright this early in the morning?
"Ever wonder about what happened to your father?"
Seishirou blinked, it could just be morning grogginess, but he couldn't remember telling Subaru about his childhood. He frowned, staring at Subaru suspiciously, "what makes you think I didn't know him?"
Subaru shrugged, "Instinct ... that and you're obviously a mama's boy."
The Sakurazukamori choked, an unusual mix of confusion and embarrassment flooding his face. He tried to decide between punching Subaru in the ribs and kicking him off the bed. But before he could do either Subaru's mind had already moved onto other thoughts, and it wasn't any good if all he got was a puzzled tilt of Subaru's head in response.
"I never knew either of my parents, she'll think I'm dead-- which will probably be the truth anyway-- and move on."
Silence met his conclusion as Seishirou had rolled over again to make another attempt at sleep. For a moment Subaru stared at the picture in his hands, his wife, his child standing in the middle of one of the Sumeragi's impressive gardens. The young child was held close to the woman's chest, wing blowing around them both and carrying brightly painted fall leaves as the camera captured their image.
"No ... I never knew my father," Seishirou said finally, his deep voice breaking Subaru's thoughts. Why did the Sakurazukamori sound so lonesome lately? Where had this intense longing, so thick even Subaru could feel it, come from? He wondered if their game had opened up all of that, or whether some of it had always been there.
"Is there anything you miss Seishirou-san?"
"Yes."
"What is it?"
"When my mother was alive, things seemed so much more simple then."
Subaru sat down the photograph and draped one arm over Seishirou's shoulder. "Do you regret this?"
For a while there was no answer, Seishirou appeared to be thinking about the question very carefully. And they lied in bed in silence as Subaru waited, his attention never wavering from his lover ... waiting patiently for an answer.
"No I suppose not. Although..."
"Hm?"
"Something bothers me ... this must take an incredible amount of devotion from you. How is it you're able to ignore the murder of your sister so easily?"
Subaru's face was buried in between Seishirou's shoulder blades so that Seishirou could feel his voice more than hear it when he said, "because she died happy ... I could feel that when you-- when she died. I could feel her smile. And it took me a long time to realize what that meant."
"That doesn't make any sense..."
"To a person who until recently had no real experience with strong emotions maybe. I was born with all the magickal power of the family, but Hokuto was born with all the insight. For many years after she died I intended to kill you. It was easy really, to want to kill you when I had convinced myself that the Seishirou-san I loved did not exist. That he was a lie and that it was not him but the Sakurazukamori I wanted dead. But then I saw you again, and I knew that was not true ... I really had fallen in love with you, the Sakurazukamori. And I finally understood why she was happy when she died."
"I never understood it," Seishirou grumbled. "Hokuto was strange, I accept the foolishness of her opinion. But I do not understand what she did."
"She died ... because she believed in you."
Words made Seishirou's blood cold. Although he knew that was probably the case, it was unnerving to hear it spoken outloud, rather than just something understood between them. Something akin to sadness crept into him and he wondered at that. He had never regretted killing Hokuto-chan before. He had never felt sad that she had died, yet somehow ... hearing Subaru say that it was for his sake made something cringe inside.
"Because she knew me better than I knew myself. Because she understood the Sumeragi power. Because ... she saw right through you and saw a great possibility." His voice trailed off slightly, hugging the older man gently as he took a deep breath. "It's hard isn't it?"
"What is?"
"To know that someone would have such faith in you they'd give up their life for it? And to have to live with those expectations." His fingers slipped down Seishirou's chest to drape over his stomach. "I came back here with you because I wanted to die. I couldn't live with that responsibility, thinking about it made me sick."
"Do you still wish for death?"
"I don't know, I stopped wishing for anything really. It's better to just take things as they come.
"I'm sorry," Subaru said suddenly.
"For what?"
"For making you suffer."
Seishirou smiled lightly, "you're not sorry at all, you're taking some sick sadistic pleasure from it. It is after all, your revenge."
Silence invaded their moment together again, but this time it was not an uncomfortable silence but rather a peaceful one. It was not within their rights to have happiness just yet, but they could have moments like these: of quiet contention.
"Spiteful power hungry brat."
"Mama's boy," Subaru muttered, before exploding into giggles as a pillow hit him in the face.
-----------
"Wow," Rocky gapped as they crossed the threshold. "You mean you own this place?"
Subaru watched the boy's enchanted eyes dance around the walls and corners of his Tokyo apartment, the one Seishirou had arranged for him. "I suppose you could say that."
Rocky wandered, exploring every inch of the home. It was much bigger than his house in Okinwa, much bigger than any room they had boarded in before this. "Wow," he murmured again. "Neh Subaru we should have come to Tokyo sooner!! This is awesome!"
Subaru smiled as he walked back to his old bedroom, the chill of old memories rushing through his veins. Due to the nature of his travels he made sure to pack light. Due to the situation that forced him to leave this place, most of his stuff was waiting for him. He threw his bag down into the darkness and turned back to his charge, who had wandered his way into the kitchen.
"I wouldn't touch anything in the refrigerator, it's been in there so long it likely has a wife and kids by now."
Rocky grinned as he peaked his head in said refrigerator. "Ewww... you're milk is brown Subaru."
"I told you I haven't been here in about a year."
The boy threw out the spoiled milk, "yeah but...still, ewww..."
"There should be some cereal in the cabinet if you're hungry."
He put the tea kettle on the stove as the boy scurried around the kitchen, separating edible food from that which had mutated into something unrecognizable. Subaru looked around the apartment, which desperately needed to be cleaned he thought with disgust. Of course what did he expect? the damn place had been locked up for a good year.
"There's guest room I never put to use down the hall ... that can be your room if you like. We'll need to clean it tomorrow."
"And go shopping," Rocky murmured as he dumped another load of Tupperware into the garbage. "We need food."
Subaru made a noncommittal response and shrugged, taking the whistling kettle off the stove and pouring the steaming liquid into a waiting cup. He gestured to Rocky, who shook his head politely and continued digging through the various cabinets.
He had dropped his jacket over a chair in the livingroom, his shoes kicked off sloppily by the door, leaving Subaru to straighten them up as he poked through the apartment. Subaru sighed, ignoring this and hoping he didn't trip over the boy's sneakers later.
He remembered buying Rocky that jacket. Shortly after the boy's unfortunate injury had clumsily fated them together, the creature became quite insistent in wearing clothes that did not hinder flight. When Seishirou might attack them at any moment, it was a wise idea for the boy to be able to call upon his black arms quickly. However, clothing that offered limited restrictions to his wings also left the boy half naked, and as the seasons were slowly turning ... Subaru was afraid the boy would freeze to death.
The jacket, a dull tan leather, roughed almost to a suede texture and soft to the touch, was lined with thick, heavy, sheep skin. It satisfied both of them in that it would keep Rocky quite warm but could be easily tossed off at any moment if need be. Although Rocky was not convinced of its necessity until well into February when the snow first started to fall.
The style of it, looked amazing on the young teenager's relatively small frame. It made him seem somewhat broader in his shoulder, hearkening a more mature and slightly rebellious image.
An image that was abruptly shattered when the boy slide on a pair of dark sunglasses, snatched an unlit cigarette almost out of Subaru's mouth and strutted up to the mirror in the dressing room, cigarette between his lips, glasses masking his child's eyes, grinning like a total idiot.
The jacket was bought, the glasses were not, and Subaru started keeping his cigarettes in his inside pocket.
From his seat at the kitchen's small bar, he could admire the boy's smooth bare back and the elaborate patterns burnt into the flesh. Rocky was really quite small for his age, a little over five feet, probably under 120 pounds too and Subaru could almost count each vertebrae in his spine.
It was not an unhealthy thinness, just an unsettling one.
"Ah-ha!" the boy started Subaru out of his thoughts as he collected a variety of cans from the pantry. He dumped them on the bar next to Subaru and beamed as he went to go dig up a pot.
Subaru eyed the stuff before him, "what's this for?"
"I'm making dinner," Rocky announced.
Uncooked rice, 3 cans of assorted canned fruits, a cup of tomato soup, vegetable oil and cloves?
"Ummm ... no thanks."
The boy tilted his head to the side and looked hurt, "Not hungry?"
"It's late, I'm just going to go to bed..."
"You have to eat ... you must be starving ."
"I'll be fine," the onmyouji waved him off, taking another sip of his tea. The warm liquid seemed to remind his stomach of it's emptiness-- since he didn't eat much normally and hadn't touched food since they left for the train that morning-- and it betrayed him with the harsh rumble.
Subaru glanced down then back up at the boy-- who stood holding a wooden spoon looking utterly pathetically upset. He sighed, glance back over to the ingredients Rocky had managed the salvaged from the decaying kitchen, and finally gave in. "All right, all right, go ahead."
He wondered if he had any antacid in the bathroom. From the looks of things, this was going to be one hell of a meal.
"Do you need any help?" he called after Rocky.
"Nope! You just enjoy your tea and relax ... dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."
Fifteen minutes later the plate of steaming red mush was placed before him with a fork. "It's a little loose ... easier to eat with this than with chopsticks," Rocky explained, sitting down next to Subaru and examining the finished product carefully. "It's better with eggs and salt ... but I couldn't find any salt and eggs had stuff growing out of them."
"Well I don't use a lot of salt," he responded, poking his meal with his fork timidly ... half expecting it to strike back. It looked like ... well he didn't even want to think about what it looked like, but it was not something he wanted on his plate.
"It's good," Rocky assured him through mouthfuls. "I'm not very good with that garnish and presentation stuff, but you'll like it."
Well he had survived most of Hokuto's cooking, he thought, slowly lifting a forkful of the mush of his lips.
He blinked, it was good. It wasn't great, every now and then he hit and overcooked rice grain and the mess tended to make odd sounds when you chewed it ... but it tasted good. Slightly sweet and spicy at the same time, perhaps ... just a little bland.
He supposed that's where the salt came in.
But his stomach didn't seem to mind it as it happily digested the red mush. Churning with pleasure and making tiny little purring sounds.
Glee filled the boy's eyes as Subaru took another forkful and commented, "it's good. I didn't know you could cook."
"Well I'm not much of one ... but I can get by. I'd like to learn how to really cook though."
The boy was glowing, Subaru noted with amusement. Did it really make him so happy to know that he had pleased Subaru? Subaru didn't understand it. Well ... perhaps that was not entirely true. He did understand it, he just did not understand what he had done to warrant such devotion.
--------------
Subaru was out.
He didn't know why, he didn't know where, but it was very glad because of it. It was the first time since the Sakurazukamori had died that Subaru had left his room, let alone the house, but that was not why he was glad. Subaru said that it was time they moved on with their life, but that was not why he was glad either.
He was glad because he could not bear the thought of Subaru hearing him cry.
At any other time Subaru's comfort would have been welcome if not desired, but not now. Subaru had an uncanny ability to know exactly what was wrong and he feared that this time would be no different. He was afraid. Afraid of Subaru knowing what he had done.
The fear that Subaru would hate him was not so much as the fear of ripping open old wounds in the Sumeragi. Seishirou-san had told him about Subaru's sister, about the pain of one loved one killing another. He did not want Subaru to suffer an old pain double over.
He did not want Subaru to suffer at all, which was why he had decided to leave. Only...
"You should be happy..." a sweet but all too foreign voice scowled him.
"Shutup! You tricked me, you used me ... I didn't want this to happen..."
He hugged his legs to his chest tighter, buried in the darkest corner of his room. He was shaking, but he was not aware of that. Tears rolled heavily down his cheeks but he had long forgotten whether he was crying for Seishirou-san, Subaru, or himself.
"I didn't want this," he repeated. "I told you before, but you just used me as your unwilling accomplice anyway. Are you happy now?"
"Yes..."
Rocky didn't understand, with Seishirou-san dead the Tree would no longer receive blood sacrifices. How could it be happy? With what was most precious to it dead, how could it have arranged this outcome and be satisfied with the results?
"Subaru thinks it's his fault," he mumbled. "But it's not ... it's mine..."
"But you won't tell him that..." the Tree hummed wisely.
Rocky looked up with angry eyes. Eyes stained red with tears. "How can I?" he breathed. "How can I leave him so alone by telling him the truth?"
"So you'll stay then."
Rocky rested his chin on his knees, how could he leave Subaru? He didn't feel he had the right to stay. He didn't want to stay, seeing Subaru suffer as the result of his foolishness hurt too much. But the thought of abandoning the Sumeragi, running away and leaving him to his own devices was unthinkable.
Subaru was alone now, Hokuto long dead, Seishirou-san now joining her, he had no one left. He could not bring himself to even consider telling the onmyouji what had happened and leaving him. He was afraid of what Subaru would do when there was no one to look after him.
Funny...
One would think it would be Subaru who would look after Rocky.
He didn't know how to think now. He had not liked Seishirou at first, both wary of human contact and jealous of the man's closeness to Subaru. And perhaps hurt that Subaru had never told him about Seishirou before they met. The man brought challenge to his world, pointing out so many questions he had ignored, so many holes in his Subaru. Over time though, he became accustomed to Seishirou's presence and resigned himself to his loss. Why shouldn't Subaru have other people he was close with, perhaps even closer to? Even if Rocky did not.
And it seemed that just when the man's smooth, teasingly and deceptively kind nature had began to win him over he discovered something horrible about it all. Then he didn't know what to think but he felt only pain ... and envy. A harsh, bitter, envy because the knowledge of who Seishirou was made it all the more obvious that he could never hope to share a similar bond with Subaru.
He hated him at first, until he realized why he had died. Then he didn't know what to think, nor how to feel about the man. His memory caused him pain, which rekindled the half hearted hate somewhat, but dulling it to mere resentment
"Subaru... Seishirou-san... please forgive me."
