I looked up from my letters and notes, work for the newest history to be fashioned. "Oh? Have you? I was under the impression that you didn't approve of my work."
"I didn't ... but ... there are things that I do not wish to hold onto anymore. So I'm giving them to you, because you want them and I know you will take good care of them."
I frowned, not following him. "What do you mean? Give me what?"
"My memories."
I raised an eyebrow half in shock, half in suspicion. "What do you mean?"
The boy ... no he was no longer a boy I suppose, flopped down into the big cushy chair in front of my desk. He grinned mischievously, fingers drumming on the arm rest as he looked around my office curiously. "I must admit that ... when I first met you, I hated the idea of you. I didn't want Subaru to remember because ... I was afraid that in looking back he might discover that it was all my fault after all. I was afraid of so many things, mostly because I could not believe that after such a painful past Subaru still let me stay.
"But after he was done telling you the story about the last Sakurazukamori ... I realized things that I hadn't even considered before. And now I'm here to finish the job."
"Oh are you?" I pulled out a small leather volume among my books. "So you're saying this story isn't complete?" I tapped once on the book's face.
Rocky picked up the book and idly flipped through the pages, "what do you do with these things anyway? Publish them?"
I laughed, "maybe when I'm dead. No ... no ... a lot of these stories are very much like yours, too intimate to be shared just yet. One day though..."
My unexpected guest sat the book in his lap and leaned back, folding his arms underneath his head. "Well ... you're going to have to add a lot more pages when we're done."
"Oh? Have I missed that much?"
He nodded, "there was a lot that Subaru didn't tell you. Because ... because he was protecting me. This..." he studied some of the pages carefully, although I suspected he probably could not read very much of it. "Is not the truth."
"It's not?"
"Well it is, fact wise. But there's a lot more to the truth than facts. You will probably have to rewrite much of this I imagine."
I smiled, amused at this creature's smugness. Arrogant as always. "And you've come to fill me in on what I've missed? For what reason?"
Rocky slide down in his seat a bit, his arms continuing to cushion his head, but his eyes appearing more honest. A dull sort of sadness glazing the purple surface. "It's not because I like you ... It's just not important to keep these things to myself anymore. I guess I just want to move on."
"All right then ... fill in the blanks for me," I offered with a gentle tap of the record button on my tape player.
The creature sighed slightly, "well ... to start ... my name's not Rocky."
"I figured as much."
He blinked, a little surprised by my admittance. "You did huh?"
"Yes ... you never gave me a family name. When someone just introduces themselves with one name, it's a safe bet it's not their real one. But I figured you had your reasons. Everyone does..."
"Aa ... well I didn't have a family then. So even my real family name was pretty meaningless. I suppose a fake one never occurred to me. Anyway, my real name is Kamui Shirou."
He paused, holding the leather bound book up to his stare for a few moments before continuing. "Secondly, the title of this record ... 'The Last Sakurazukamori' is not true. Seishirou-san was not the last."
"Oh?"
Roc--Kamui nodded solemnly, and for the first time I realized the shirt he was wearing was very similar to the ones I had seen Subaru wear. This might not have been unusual if it wasn't for the sleeves that came all the way down to wrists and the full back. A normal shirt, like a normal boy his age would. I must have seen this detail before but simply not recognized the significance to it.
"Hey ... what happened to your wings?"
He closed his eyes softly, "... yes ... and then there's that."
------------
Soaring only feet above their heads, light and more graceful than any bird that takes to air. It was as if the sky was natural to him, as comforting as the womb, as secure as the ground. Seishirou was not surprised, it had been Subaru who had given those wings and the boy trusted Subaru blindly.
The young Sumeragi in question kept his leisurely pace well. His eyes cast down at the pavement with a soft, melancholy, reflective happiness as if there was no place better than this moment. Walking to no where in particular with his new ironic type family. It was very strange, Seishirou thought. Very strange indeed, although not entirely displeasing.
A white shikigami hit the pavement with a sharp splat only steps before them.
Seishirou looked up with a disapproving frown, "well aren't we the little toddler today?"
"I hate those things ... it was annoying me," Rocky snorted coldly, stretching the black wing turned shikigami-swatter a little.
"Scamp."
"Loser."
"Brat."
"Pedophile."
"CHIIILD," Seishirou grinned, watching dangerous cold eyes glare down at him.
"He has a headache he can't shake," Subaru said by way of explanation.
"You spoil the boy," Seishirou muttered. Then he pretended to be hurt, "why are you taking his side Subaru-kun?"
"Cause he loves me more," Rocky hummed just above Seishirou's ear. "I'm cuter."
Subaru rolled his eyes. "I'm not taking his side ... I think you're both quite impossible."
Rocky pretended not to hear and stuck his tongue out at Seishirou, who followed suite.
"I don't see how a flying rodent could be considered cuter than me."
The boy batted a long black wing in Seishirou's direction, sending a hard wind that nearly knocked the older man over. The air lifted him up into the sky with a cool laugh before Seishirou's hand could snag him.
Of course if he had any interest in doing so he could have easily plucked the creature right out of the sky. But it was more fun to stomp and shake his first at him. "Pest!" he cursed.
Subaru had long given up on either of them showing a shred of maturity and was walking meters ahead, pretending he didn't know them.
"Absolutely no sense of humor," Seishirou hummed disapprovingly. "And frigid too ... well at least we have each other, neh Rocky-chan?"
When no high-pitched flustered snap met his wit, Seishirou looked to the evening's sky curiously. It was not like the creature to ignore Seishirou's teasing. Very unlike him to show any self restraint in that regard.
His eyes examined the sight before him carefully, least it be some fight against the wind that was deceiving him. The boy hovered above clumsily, disorientated, with wings having abandoned their smooth grace for jerks and wavers.
"Oi," he called out to the boy. "You all right?"
Rocky blinked and looked down at Seishirou with a stare of utter bewilderment. He blinked again before shaking the confusion from himself like water from a dog's heavy coat. "Yeah ... I'm fine."
"You don't look to good," Seishirou commented.
"I'm fine!" the words were delivered with so much venom and hostility that his eyes burned with an unnatural fury.
Much to his personal distaste, that startled Seishirou. He came to a stop and watched the boy struggle a little, before gliding steadily again.
Shrugging he continued walking casually down the street.
Subaru, however, kept his eyes firmly on the boy in the air as he stood silently, frozen on the cement. It took only a few steps before Seishirou was at the Sumeragi's side again.
"Stubborn brat ... rather cranky isn't he?"
"He's not feeling well..." Subaru mumbled. The words seemed to have a deeper significance that Seishirou was not privy to.
Seishirou rolled his eyes, "obnoxiously maternal. Come now Subaru-kun the little baby bird has to leave the nest some time."
Subaru allowed only a glance in reply before he continued his worried frowning.
"Maybe we should head home ... it's getting late and this relaxing stroll is becoming increasingly less relaxing..."
"Aa..." Subaru nodded. "That's a good idea ... thank you."
"Neh Rocky-chan!! We're going home, come on."
The boy did not respond, his body hanging limply from his wings, his spine barely holding himself up enough to remain airborne.
Subaru's breath caught in his throat, a sudden realizing fear gripping his face-- alerted by a sense Seishirou wasn't using. Had he cared to reach out with his onmyoujitsu he would have noticed like Subaru that those black wings were trembling. That they been overtaken by a violent unnatural shiver through their very essence.
Subaru would have called out except he doubted the boy could hear him. He might have still if the winged creature has not tilted oddly and plugged out of the sky before his eyes.
"KAMUI!!!"
At the sound of his name, or perhaps the sensation of falling, the boy's body lashed out ... like the wind was something tangible he could grab with his hands and feet. But the air fell right through his shadows, like water in a sieve.
The boy's purple eyes reflected shock and he panicked, flapping futility, trying to force himself up into the arms of the sky. His fall did not stop. The wind raked up against his skin with a violent hiss, howled in his ears, and did not answer him when he called out to it with his wings. He was broken, damaged and he realized that he would die because the sky had rejected him.
And that caused him to do something desperate. He stretched out his body as far as it would go, feeling the wind stumble over his wings and slow him a little more. And he flipped, using what little command his broken black arms still had over the air to carry him up into a long leisurely loop.
It had the desired effect, it slowed his fall a little more and changed the angle at which he was to crash land. Swallowing his fear he swung his legs down as the ground speeded toward him and waited for the landing to break all the bones in his body.
"Un."
He heard something over Subaru's screams and a flash of bright red, like the sky had been slashed and the cuts were bleeding red starlight. Something scooped under his torn wings and held them up. He saw the ground and on it the reflection of a mark that was instantly recognized. But he could not, at that time, grasp the significance of the symbol. His feet touched the surface, but he was still going to fast and he stumbled and skidded across the ground. The flesh of his shoulder grinding against the cold unforgiving stone, the feeling of blood soothing the scrapes...
The red light withdrew slowly and his wings burned where their touch had been. But he could not scream in pain, he could not breath. His eyes grew wide and his pupils small as he felt like an egg that had been cracked. His insides spreading out like liquid and soaking into the ground.
He was not bleeding that bad ... he was not injured that badly. So why did he feel like he was melting?
"Kamui!" Subaru fell to the boy's side, Seishirou looking curiously over his shoulder.
"What the hell is wrong with him?" the Sakurazukamori asked calmly.
"The seal's breaking," Subaru breathed. "We have to get him home, fast."
------------
Subaru shook his head, his hands hovering above the boy's back. "I don't understand it ... the seal's been disturbed."
"The seal?" Seishirou asked. It was the second time Subaru had use that explanation and it still didn't make any sense to the Sakurazukamori. "Seal on what?"
Standing quietly at the front door, trying to stay out of Subaru's way as best he could in the close quarters of the apartment's livingroom. He looked as impassive as ever, save for a few odd features in his face. The thin frown that stood in for the ever present smiles, a slight barely noticeable crinkle in the brows, even a dark look in his shade shielded eyes. It was impossible to tell whether he was sincerely worried or whether the act had become so natural to him he did not even notice it anymore.
"Aa, he's so strong ... the seal I used to forge his wings is very sensitive to onmyoujitsu ... it's degrading quickly."
"Can you fix it?"
The Sumeragi looked down, a soft sigh shaking his form. "I have no choice but to try ... he's dying Seishirou, the power will rip him apart..."
The boy moaned almost in response, not a pleasant moan by any stretch of the imagination ... but a great inhuman shriek of pain. His hands were wrung so tight they looked almost like an eagle's claws posed to snap up a meal. His eyes were open but completely unseeing, deep purple retreating to even deeper shades. Above all his body was quivered and more violent spasms sometimes caused the skin to awaken with jolts like flinches.
"What do you need?"
Subaru hadn't heard him, "I didn't think using onmyoujitsu in his presence would ... I figured it would have to be used on him directly ... but maybe--"
If realizing it disturbed Seishirou any, he did not show it. If he felt any ounce of regret, guilt or sorrow over the fate that had befallen the small creature there was no one who would have noticed it. "Subaru-kun," He said firmly. "You have a teenage boy dying on your couch, do you think it's wise to go into this now?"
Subaru's seemed younger than Seishirou had ever seen him. He looked up with a mixture of pain, intense guilt, and fear polluting his dark green eyes. The Sumeragi was not hopeless, be he appeared to believe that. Like he was somehow being punished through the torment of that boy. When he realized the wisdom of Seishirou's words he blinked it away, replacing them with the cold shields Seishirou had come to know from the man. There was no time to mourn over mistakes made. "You're right ... stay close I may need your help."
Rocky twisted with a cragging sound in the back of his throat. His nails dug into his own flesh as if trying to rip it away and release the pressure stirring inside him. Seishirou did not blame Subaru for his reluctance, it was a horrifying sight ... even for his eyes.
The Sumeragi, however, was unusually calm. Gently he placed his hand on the creature's arm and smoothly moved it away so that the hand could not claw at the skin anymore. He breath carried soft words that were not of any spell but soothed the boy all the same.
Seishirou was not sure how he did it, but Subaru managed to calm the child until he was lying still upon the couch, only his gentle breaths disturbing his silence. The Sumeragi began preparing the proper wards, the soft rhythm of his voice never once faltering from its secular chant.
"It's okay Kamui, we're here, we're here..."
------------
"Back so soon?" Seishirou hummed, glancing at his watch. "You have a good eight hours left."
"Aa," Subaru said coldly. "He's gone, you've won."
"Of course I did." Seishirou had a smug look about him, unfazed by his partner's clear resentment about the way things had been carried out. He stood tall, long black coat playing in the breeze, dark sunglasses covering up the excited twinkled in his eyes, feather fine black hair dancing, and for once-- although it certainly fit the image-- he was not smoking. "Well aren't you going to ask?"
The onmyouji was sincerely confused, "ask? ask what?"
"Why I hurt him," Seishirou offered smoothly.
"You...?"
Seishirou smiled, eternally amused. "He didn't tell you?"
"No..." Subaru frowned. "Tell me what?"
"I have a present for you," Seishirou shifted gracefully, his smile not faltering for even a second. He had the air of ecstatic pleasure about him, the kind so drugging not even reality can dissolve it. A wash of relief and anticipation from finally being granted one most important wish. His hand disappeared into his coat pocket, pulling out a small object he had wrapped in a handkerchief. He coaxed open the white blossom with his fingers, drawing a long black cord from it and slipped that around Subaru's neck.
Subaru's hand touched the warm plastic. He had eyes that swelled with the past as his fingers moved lightly over the brown stains on the familiar token. "This is.."
"She was wearing it the day I kill her."
"You kept it ... all this time?" Subaru looked up with his incredulous eyes, understanding the significance of it as only Subaru could.
Seishirou shrugged, "Aa ... I was ... concerned that you'd learn of it before this day came. So I had to make sure he didn't remember."
The green eyes flinched at the words, and they left the gift Seishirou had given to meet the patient gold and ivory colors of the Sakurazukamori's. "You..." Subaru breathed. "You would have killed him."
Seishirou looked unconcerned by this obvious detail. "Well how was I suppose to know not to use onmyoujitsu on him?"
"But ... you would have done it anyway. Even if you knew."
"Perhaps, I'm surprised he didn't tell you." Then he laughed without a care in the world, and cheerfully added, "I should have given Rocky-chan more credit."
"Seishirou-san ... you lied to me. You've never really lied to me before."
It was true. Mislead, yes. Dodge questions, yes. Betrayed his trust, most certainly. But lied? Never. He had spun a web of jokes that admitted the truth and teasing that could not be weighted as honest, and deceived without ever saying anything that was not true. He had never lied, nor broken a promise to Subaru.
"It doesn't change anything does it?" Seishirou remarked. "I'm sorry I broke my promise ... but even that doesn't change anything. It may hurt to know it, and your dear little flying rat may cry because of it. But whether or not it happened, and whether or not I'm sorry it happened, and even whether or not it was inevitable ... none of this makes any difference in the end. Does it? Subaru-kun?"
The onmyouji looked away, his hand clutching at his sister's cross-- now his. "No," he sighed. "We'd still be here, you would still try to kill me and I would still try to stop you."
Seishirou's hand touched his own, asking permission to touch him. Permission which Subaru granted without a single thought or hesitation, sliding his hand into Seishirou's hold and watching curiously as Seishirou raised it to his lips and softly kissed the scars he had put there years ago. Seishirou's eyes looked up at Subaru's, a carnal excitement flowing through even the dead white one. His lips ran over the knuckles gently before allowing the hand to slip away.
"Well ... shall we get to it then?"
------------
Subaru came home with blood on his hands.
And washed it off in the kitchen sink before going to bed.
It was of a considerably late hour, he had not expected Rocky to be awake.
In his room ... well yes he had kind of expected that. It had been happening more and more lately.
They were alone again, with the whole story finally told. They were alone again.
This story started out with two people alone, now it is here again with two people...
Alone.
Rocky had been waiting up for him, he cheeks were streaked with faint red trails ... evidence that he had been crying. Subaru's hands were also tainted with red trails ... evidence that someone had bled tonight. Blood and tears, perhaps even tears of blood. Did the two things lie so close together that they left the same burns on the skin? A faint trace of red.
His voice was so flat and cold, one could skate across the surface. "What are you doing up?" Subaru asked curiously.
"Waiting for you." His voice was quiet and soft and ... dying. Like someone who was handing himself over to his own execution.
"It's almost dawn," Subaru yawned. "Couldn't it wait until morning?"
"I'd prefer it this way," the boy mumbled.
"Well ... what is it?" He tossed off his jacket and moved towards the closet.
"I--..."
The Sumeragi rested his coat on a hanger and looked back over his shoulder. The creature had reclined onto his arms and kept his eyes away-- finding fascination in the corners and edges of Subaru's room. His feet were tapping the air nervously, only a small distance between them. They froze at the onmyouji's stare and one leg slide softly across the bed away from the other. Rocky looked up briefly, licking his lips in an attempt to be deceptive. But his eyes could not conspire, they betrayed him and were terrified.
"Oh," Subaru thought. "Interesting..." He replaced the hanger and closed the closet door.
"You can ... if you want to."
Subaru's hand remained pressed to the sliding wood panel door. He did not turn around. "What makes you think I want to?"
"I thought that..."
The boy looked down again, eyes filled with a harsh bitter shame that even the blood tears could not ease. He was offering Subaru not just the shelter of his body but of his very soul. He had settled, if Subaru would share nothing else with him ... he might share the pain, the guilt, and the suffering. Bringing two to bear the burden, if Rocky could have nothing else. He was offering Subaru the only thing he could if his love could not heal the scars life had inflicted, that Subaru could use his skin to bury his secrets in.
Subaru climbed up on the bed.
Those terrified eyes grew even more afraid and the boy scooted back to make room for the Sumeragi. Subaru looked down at him with a cold, contemptful stare and stalked towards him until he had pushed the boy to the head board. Rocky's back leaning up against it and practically sitting on Subaru's knees.
He was trembling as Subaru touched him, side of the hand lightly curving over the cherub like face. Bright violet eyes drifted shut and the face turned away-- wishing it to be over as soon as possible.
"What makes you deserve this punishment?"
Rocky looked up and smiled tenderly at the onmyouji. His eyes were no longer scared, simply sad. "I did the most horrible thing Subaru, I destroyed that which I love the most. Not directly, but I watched it die and could do nothing to save it. I deserve the worst of your treatment..."
"That's disgusting," Subaru sneered. "You couldn't help because I didn't allow you to."
"Maybe," the boy looked off to the side weakly. "But this is all I have left. I keep thinking that maybe ... if you gave me some of the pain and I could satisfy you somehow then--"
"Then what?" Subaru demanded angrily. "You think I'm just going to wake up tomorrow knowing that I hurt something innocent and just be okay with that?"
For a brief moment Subaru wondered if the child really understood the meaning of those words. He wondered if Rocky had noticed the blood stains on his hands, and then really understood the difference between this and that.
"I'm not innocent Subaru. I hurt you ... I thought that-- I hurt someone who showed me nothing but kindness. Someone who suffered to make me happy. I was stupid Subaru, I knew that staying with you would only hurt you ... but I didn't care. I kept harboring a hope that maybe, maybe if I tried hard enough I could help ... just a little. I tried to leave, I really did ... I thought that since I hurt you, since you had to suffer for me-- if you hurt me, if I suffered for you ... maybe things wouldn't be okay ... but at least you'd be avenged."
"Avenged?" Subaru repeated, his hand ran up the boy's thigh-- lifting the leg to his shoulder. The boy shuddered at the touch. "Is this the proper vengeance? What makes you think I deserve vengeance Kamui? I too am not innocent, I have hurt you-- but if you will not accept the truth in that, I have also betrayed my sister."
"Betrayed?"
"My sister died so that I could live and achieve the perfect happiness so few people can. But even failing that she just wanted me to be happy, which I am not. I make myself suffer. I have betrayed her and the sacrifice she made for me. What is there to avenge Kamui? What is there here that deserves vengeance?"
There was a long silence in which Subaru's hand stroked the boy's knee softly, his lips kissing the ankle and moving up the demin clad leg. He was not rejecting the proposal yet, simply asking Rocky to give him a reason to do it. Stroking his knee, cheek pressed against the young tender calf ... thinking, watching, considering things.
"Subaru, I can't bear to watch it anymore and yet ... I can't look a way either. Please... Please ... do whatever you want with me."
Rocky slide up into Subaru's lap and his hand nervously began unbuttoning the Sumeragi's pants.
His fingers were cold as they slipped around Rocky's thin wrists-- gripping them tightly to stop their movement. His face Rocky could not see, but his cheek brushed against the boy's ear as he spoke. "No ... I love you too much for this ... Go to sleep."
A startled gasp erupted from Rocky's throat and he pulled back with disbelieving eyes. "But ... you?"
"Shhh..." Subaru placed his finger to the boy's lips. "Go to sleep," he repeated.
"Subaru ... I--"
The Sumeragi smiled, "whatever I want remember? Now got to sleep."
Rocky could only stare at Subaru as he rose from the bed to change out of the clothes that had been soaked with death. His eyes drifted away from the shadowy figure undressing before him. "Should I go?" he asked weakly.
"Whatever you prefer," the onmyouji grunted.
"Because it doesn't matter to you?"
"No," Subaru nearly whispered. "Because I like having you here, but I would never ask you to be here."
-------------
"Neh Subaru?" Rocky yawned, shifting in the onmyouji's arms and poking his shoulder.
"Hmmm?" Subaru crackled one sleepy eye open. "What's the matter?"
"It's almost two!" the boy chirped, positively scandalized that the Sumeragi still wanted to sleep.
"So? I didn't get home until well after four last night."
"Neh, neh..." the younger boy poked him in the ribs. "Get up and I'll make you breakfast."
Subaru smiled, "Is that a threat? You're going to ravage my digestive track with your cooking?"
Rocky stuck his tongue out in response. "Come on, we can't sleep all day Subaru-chan."
One eyebrow lifted a green eye open. "What did you just call me?"
"Su-baru-chaaaan!" Rocky giggled and snuggled closer to the Sumeragi.
An irritated sigh, "I shouldn't have told you."
"Eh? Why not? You meant it right?" large hurt violet eyes waited on his reaction.
"Yes but now you're going to be obnoxiously cute about it and ruin the depressive funk I've been enjoying for ten years."
Rocky grinned and kissed Subaru on the cheek. "That's right, now ... what do you want for breakfast?"
"Misery," the Sumeragi smirked.
"Nope, sorry ... don't serve that here." Rocky hummed as he hopped out of bed and trotted off to the kitchen.
-------------
Subaru had no intention of giving the Tree what it wanted.
In fact, he was so annoyed that it even asked for it, he had a significant amount of trouble feeding her. Every life he took, reminded him of that request that the Sakura still insisted upon.
"I don't want this," the Tree complained over what was her last meal.
And that was the last straw for Subaru. He had taken a life ... a life that was now being wasted.
He didn't come back to Ueno Park. He ignored her when she called.
Even when she begged.
Even when her voice sounded like a great moan of human suffering and she apologized and asked for blood-- anyone's blood would do-- he did not answer her. It was not because she had asked, he had to be stupid not to know she would, it was because she had wasted something. And he had never know the Tree to be wasteful. It was the one thing that made surrendering to it tolerable. That it was the way of things-- something died so that something else could live. That each life he took was never in vain but to preserve something of beauty. Some times he wondered if he was preserving the Tree because it was Seishirou's ... because it was, in a sense, Seishirou himself.
It seemed silly to say that he was mad at her for not respecting him. But it was the truth. He sacrificed for that Tree, he killed for her. And with every death he gave up a little more of the beauty that Seishirou had loved, perhaps even Seishirou's love itself.
And when she stirred with an ungrateful demand to meet what he had brought her ... it was an unforgivable offense.
Weeks passed ... then months and the voice grew loud, angry, filled with fury and a promise of the full force of her wrath at a later time. But this did not even scratch upon his resolve, something the Sakura failed to realize. Everyone he loved, save for one, was in that tree ... there was nothing, no torment, nor death, nor punish she could put upon him.
And finally the voice realized and became scared. Until it was a meek 'Subaru?' across his senses.
It was a soft, timid voice ... of one who needed his protection.
It was Kamui's voice he heard.
And every time he closed his eyes at night he saw those wide purple eyes sparkling with unshed tears, hands clutching at the Sumeragi ... begging. In pain indescribable in human language. Every part of that image begged at his heart to end his absence from the hunt.
Please, please you swore you'd take care of me, you swore you'd protect me always.
He thought that he could make the one person he still cared for, the only one left from those he loved, happy He watched the smiles replace the tears and grow in number. He watched the boy buzz about happily and begin to consider the prospect of school. He smiled when the boy weakly inquired about onmyoujitsu and wondered out loud if Subaru would teach him some.
Please ... Subaru?
And the voice continued, softer, more pathetic with each day. Until finally he could take it no longer.
