Chyna: Warrior Princess

Episode XV: Egyptian Affliction!

Disclaimer: The characters here are all property of Titan Sports and Vince, and no copyright infringement is intended. This story contains coarse language, but you probably know that by now.

In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for hero. She was Chyna, a mighty she-male forged in the heat of low-blows. The power, the passion, the danger.her courage will change the world!

As you may recall from our previous saga, Chyna is once more the champion of the Cosmos, after she defeated Syxx in a very hyped up arena filled with the people of Greece, cheering on the combatants with their complimentary turnip and beer in this grasp, wagering their pitiful possessions in this all out battle of good Vs. evil. It was really quite a beautiful moment.Oh, and the fact Chyna experienced a disturbing vision of her own death, but who knows.it might have been the combination of Loko weed and cheap swill.

The camp fire crackled in the moonlight as Kitty rolled over into the scrub, giggling inanely and slapping her thigh. Chyna just sat there and stared at her lunatic sidekick as she attempted to regain composure, but once again fell to laughter and flopped back down, clutching at her sides. Road Dogg squinted at her through the smoke of the flames, but Chyna, tired and not really in the mood for Kitty's ultimate stupidity, withdrew one of her well sculpted arms which she had folded in her lap, and clotheslined Kitty even further into the trees.

"Kitty, really, it's not that funny!" Road Dogg interjected, raising his finger knowingly. Kitty struggled to her knees, and still snorting slightly, took her seat next to the Warrior Princess. "Mr. Ass has taken the kingdom and joined it with his own.I think it's quite serious actually, having that numb skull anywhere near my palatial palace.

"Oooh, but it's the WAY it occurred that just cracks me up!" Kitty sniggered. "Hee hee hee."

"Oh shut the hell up." Road Dogg snapped, flicking back one of his mud encrusted dreadlocks from his mud encrusted face. "I mean, he took the Syxx thing way to literally.he still reckons it was X-Pac who offered him the damn deal!"

"Obviously so." Chyna sighed, staring the very dirty Road Dogg up and down. "But to be defeated by mud?"

"Have you ever seen an assault of mud, huh?!" He growled; Chyna looked at him straight forwardly and he continued. "These missiles really, really hurt! And, might I say, if he just stuck to the flinging of the filth, I would have had a fair to good chance to beating the asshole.but no! He had to do it, didn't he? He had to do it!"

"Do what?" Kitty asked inquisitively. Road Dogg groaned and clutched at his head.

"Well, as I fled from this mud thing with X-Pac, I look up and see this thing that looks like a flying dog. So I say.'is that a flying dog?' and X- Pac goes, yeah, a catapulted."

".A flying catapult?" Kitty said, bewildered. Road Dogg rolled his eyes in frustration.

"A flying catapult?!" He moaned and rolled backwards into the scrub. His voice sounded, irritated, from the bush. "No Kitty, it was not a flying catapult. It was a fucking dead cow."

"How the hell did you mistake a cow for a catapult.?"

Chyna very hastily unfolded both arms and smacked Kitty in the back of the skull, sending her careening face first into the forest floor. Road Dogg grinned from where he was lying, then continued with his tale.

"Yes, he catapulted an entire herd of dead cattle into my palace, my crops, and into Aysa. They were huge and they smelt nasty.I was defeated."

"Well, since you put it like that, I can kinda understand why you're pissed." Chyna commented, looking unperturbed at Kitty lying next to her. "He really is an asshole."

"I'm glad you see this whole thing from my point of view." He said, sitting up and leaning backwards. "And I'm figuring the High Council aint gonna help me on this one, so I guess I've gotta move."

"Move?!" Kitty bolted up, her back stiff as a board. "You mean, your just letting him win!?"

"Well Kitty, as much as I love the smell of dead cow in the morning, I think it's probably for the best." Road Dogg stared at the stars as he spoke. "The time has come for better things, Warrior Princess! The D- Generate Kingdom was a crappy little hell hole and the time has come for me to seek bigger and better commodities than a bright green palace, a weedy second in command, and the damn shit I go through to keep the place with Vince. The D-Generates are no more."

"Wow."Kitty sighed, wiping away a tear. "But.a world without the D- Generates is."

"Probably better off." Chyna stated flatly, rolling over on her blankets; her contribution to this conservation was over. "Nighty night."

***

As the sun rose higher in the sky in the gentle morn, the Warrior Princess, her Bardic Sidekick, Lord No-More and her demonic pony wandered into a small ocean village on the border of the WWF Realm. The smell of the docks was really quite over powering as merchants rushed about attempting to sell their seafood falafels and seaweed cakes, screeching with their painfully loud fishmonger voices about the specials of the day. Chyna rolled her eyes and forcefully removed a particularly weedy little man with a large basket of crayfish and made her way to a nearby inn, where X-Pac was instructed to meet them.

"What now, Road Dogg?" Kitty asked, her eyes wide, clutching at her staff tightly. Road Dogg munched thoughtfully on his breakfast fishcake with the chewiest seaweed in town.

"I think I will try adventure! Road Dogg warrior Prince has a nice ring, don't it? I could roam the lands, doing good wherever I want, with X-Pac as my sidekick, fighting with a.little stick."

"What are you really gonna do, Road Dogg?"

"I have no fucking idea." He moaned, clutching at his cranium as they followed the Warrior Princess into the seedy seaside establishment, where lots of great big salty warriors hurled themselves about the room with great gusto. It became apparent quite immediately that Chyna had encountered yet another fine bar brawl, and cracking her knuckles; hopped to it.

Flipping across the tables she landed upon the shoulders of a big hairy seaman, and giving a series of little Chyna shrieks began to smack a plate into his nose, before rolling rather gracefully back upon the floor and striking a pair of nasty men with an even nastier scissor kick. Kitty let out a wail and charged through the room, her staff at the ready, whacking the warriors left right and centre as she gallabounded through the filthy tavern; Road Dogg also festively attended the battle with a hell of a lot gyrating punches that could rival the punches made famous by Rocky. Chyna continued her fight, taking possession two large lobsters and wielding them with much warrior skill, flinging them much like her mighty chakram; she flipped upon the table, lifted her lobster, and spoke;

"Who started this?!" She demanded, glaring nastily at all the patrons. Immediately they all parted like a certain holy sea, and in the centre of this corrupted area, laid a very badly bedraggled X-Pac. Chyna raised an eyebrow, Road Dogg sighed and Kitty gasped audibly, before rushing to the Little Green D-Generate and giving his head a good shaking in order to encourage consciousness.

"Ooooh X-Pac!" She cried, as his head lolled from side to side with wild abandon. "What foul beastie could ever contemplate beating an innocent like you? Speak to me!!!" She dropped him and fell to a swoon; Chyna strode forward, and taking grasp of Paccy's hair, she lifted him with her sculpted arm. He was a little wobbly on his feet, but then with a little glint of determination in his eye he thrust his sword back into his scabbard and did a few small and pathetic crotch chops.

"Ha! That's it scum!" He said, much too quietly for the nasty men actually to hear him. "Run.run and be afraid."

"X-Pac, you give our ex-kingdom a bad name!" Road Dogg snapped, crossing his arms indignantly. "What did you hope to achieve?!"

".They didn't believe in my warriorness." He said, his eyes darting about nervously as he gripped the hilt of his weapon. "I was telling the epic of the Big Show, and."

"Hey!" Kitty snapped, driving her staff into the floor. "You can't just go telling that anywhere! I've got copyright to that!" X-Pac rolled his eyes painfully.

"Hey, I was only telling the bit where I kicked ass, alright?!"

".You mean the part that culminated in Chyna's death?"

"Yeah, that's the one." He paused, rubbed his hand through his hair, and continued; "Anyway, I was saying how I've come into this battle and started whompin and stompin the Big Show with my trusty."

"Frying pan." Road Dogg interjected.

"Yes.frying pan, and how I was kicking ass and then he took a nasty tumble.and I shoved Kitty out of the way and everyone was happy!" He grinned disarmingly; Chyna flicked him in the head.

"You little weed." She growled. "DO NOT take my credit, you little bastard. Or I'll 'you know what' you'." She moved his fist in a very suggestive, thrusting upwards manner; X-Pac gulped and scurried back behind Kitty. The Warrior Princess, giving X-Pac one final snarly scowl, then took her seat on one of the long, oak tables and, raising her mighty finger, ordered her ale whilst X-Pac plonked his skinny green ass down opposite of her and began munching on some possum stew. And for a short while, everything passed uneventfully; X-Pac munched, Kitty wrote, Chyna drank and Road Dogg lamented.until a loud disturbance outside brought Chyna to her feet.

"Chyna!" Kitty squealed as the Warrior Princess backflipped out the door, splattering the young bard with beer. Kitty and the pair of rag tags rushed from their seats to follow the fierce woman, who was bolting towards the docks at warped speeds, her teeth clenched and her jaw set with the gait of Nicole Bassius. Small little seamen rushed about; one ran to Chyna, and falling to his knees, wailed to her;

"Waaaaaah.my ship, my ship! He has stolen my ship!"

Chyna grabbed the little pitiful man by the collar and flung him away; snarling, she jogged mightily to the jetty, where the ship was departing very quickly indeed. She stood proud and tall as the wind whipped about her leather clad brick shit house of a body, where, by squinting, she managed to peer quite well onto the deck of the stolen vessel. The sea was angry that day, like the Undertaker receiving a hell bent low blow to his oh-so spiritual balls, but it did not matter; Chyna growled viciously, turned to the little seamen and screamed;

"WE SAIL!!!!!"

For Chris Jericho was on that ship.and he was escaping.

***

"Chyna, how can you be SURE it was Jericho?" Kitty said, in a very whiny tone of voice, as Chyna played about with the rigging of her complimentary ship.. "I mean, come on! That boat was like, getting out there, and the sea was pretty rough. And there ARE other blond men around you know!"

"Kitty, it was him, I know it was him, and don't question me." She muttered back, as she turned and observed her tiny crew of sailors. "Road Dogg, get your ass down to the bridge.Kitty, X-Pac, get off."

"Huh?!" Kitty said very hastily. "Whaddaya mean, get off?!"

"What I mean is.get off my ship!" She looked most frightful this day. "I am going to pursue Jericho, it will be far to dangerous for you and Mr. Incompetence over there, so you will depart my ship and await my return."

"Why does Road Dogg get the special privileges, eh?!" X-Pac demanded snottily. Road Dogg's head popped out from below the deck.

"Coz I'm always kickin that shiznit DAWGEE STYLE!"

"Like THAT'S a reason." Kitty snapped back. "She's only doing it preserve your masculinity!"

"My masculinity it damn fine!" He shot back at her, his head developing a rather pretty red hue. Chyna sighed and propelled him back to his quarters with a shove to the forehead, then turned back to her sidekick.

"I will be back in a few days.the people here say he's heading towards Egypt. I remember the Fates saying something about Jericho pulling off a big upset there, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to stop him." She placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "I can handle this without you."

Chyna pulled away, and Kitty retreated back to the dock, X-Pac trotting behind her, his sword in his grasp, directing people away from the scene of the Warrior Woman departing. Kitty scowled impetuously as she stepped off the ship and back onto the wooden, water slicked surface of the jetty as Chyna and Road Dogg cast off and begun sailing away.

"Nothing to see here!!!" X-Pac shouted, as he bounded past Kitty, waving his weapon above his head. Kitty growled most nastily, and grabbing the Little Green D-Generate by his jocks, dragged him off, through the crowd and back towards the tavern. X-Pac yelped and flapped his arms, but Kitty was in no mood for his little whinings, and entering the seedy, salty bar, she shoved his ass onto a chair with force she didn't even know she had.

"What's up your nose, huh?!" X-Pac demanded, pushing his sword back into the scabby looking scabbard dangling loosely at his waist. "So what if you can't go on this little joy ride to Egypt, huh? The water over there is worse than the Spartan kind! Plus, they'll probably try and recruit you for that new building project they're doing over there.what are these things called again.pointy-mids? Anyway, what's the big attraction to Jericho.the guy is an asshole! I think you're."

"Shut up." Kitty snarled, hitting him across the head with a nearby beer mug. "It's the principal of the thing.she doesn't think I can handle it! She thinks I'm some pathetic little girl! Well I'm not! I'm not!!!" She stood up, flicking a strand of black hair from her face, and lifting her staff in a long sweeping motion, she cleared the bar of a hell of a lot of bottles. They crashed to the floor in a splatter of glass and cheap alcohol, X-Pac sprung to his feet, the bar keep's eyes narrowed.

"Oooooh." X-Pac said slowly. "Now you've done it."

"You horrible little wench!" The Bar keep screamed, but Kitty just screeched right back, and smacked him in the head with a bottle that had somehow survived the fall. X-Pac gulped, Kitty took a stance, and all the seedy drinkers were back on their feet for part two of the brawl; they charged the young bard all at once with great force indeed. Kitty squealed and begun madly whacking them all on the head with her staff as X-Pac ran for cover underneath a table, screeching madly at Kitty.

"Do something! Do something!" He shouted at her, as perhaps the largest nasty boy of them all charged towards the table, and with an almighty grunt, flipped the heavy oaken piece of furniture. It flew into the mud brick wall and with an almighty crash, and soared right on through it in a cloud of dust and debris; X-Pac was exposed! Like a hermit crab ripped from it's shell he attempted to crawl for some other form of cover, but alas, it was futile. As he headed for the gaping hole in the wall, the huge seaman gripped both of his legs, lifted him up and swung him; he swung him hard and fast and released him, smack bang into Kitty. She shrieked as they both smacked into the grog splattered floor in a flurry up arms and legs, her staff poking Paccy inhumanely up the ass as they made contact with the hard ground. He wailed and flailed; she began to whimper little curses, but the pissed warriors weren't done yet!!!

"You stupid little bitch!!!" A huge hairy seaman shouted, picking Kitty up by the hair. He turned to one of his particularly ugly accomplices. "Bossman.make a fire!"

Bossman sniggered and complied, scooping up bits of broken furniture. Kitty gulped; "Fire?!"

"This enough wood Albert?"

"That's Prince Albert to you!"

"Forgive me your highness!"

Prince Albert spun on another brawler; "Bull, tie these snot pustules up good and tight! We're having a B.B.Q!"

"I thought we were gonna have a Prawn and Porn night, not a bloody B.B.Q!" Bull Buccahnan whined. Prince Albert slapped him across the back of the head and begun grunting again, so Bull squeaked pathetically and complied in tying up the pair of would be heroes. X-Pac's eyes darted about in terror and he struggled against his restraints, knocking Kitty about on the other side of him.

"B.B.Q?!" He shrieked, as Kitty madly began elbowing him to stop his hysterical wiggling. "Argh! They're cannibals! They're gonna eat us! Waaaaaaaa, I'm too young and pretty to die!"

"Shut up and let me think!" She snapped viciously, repeatedly elbowing him in the back. "Stop moving dammit!" But he would not and with a mighty whump, they both smacked into the floor, still bound together. Kitty began swearing silently as she laid in a pool of grog; X-Pac was now sobbing, as the three cannibals threw the wood into a large pile, Prince Albert striking two pieces of flint with a very disturbing smile.

"Come on Kitty, think, think, think!" The young bard said to herself, as she leaned against X-Pac, his sword's hilt now poking her in the back. Sword? With a triumphant grin as the idea struck her, she began to attempt to maneuver her arm into X-Pac's scabbard, and gripping something she believed was his weapon.

"Kitty." X-Pac said very carefully. "Why is your hand in my crotch?"

"Gaaaaaaaa!" Kitty screeched, withdrawing her hand very hastily. "I want your sword, dammit!"

"Yes, well I kinda figured that."

"No, your real metally bladey sword!!! Dickweed!" Kitty snapped. "We can cut through the ropes and escape!"

"Ooooooh." X-Pac grinned knowingly. "Well if I just kinda move like this than you can just reach.yes that's it."

Kitty and X-Pac were barely a cohesive unit, but Kitty finally managed to curl her fingers around the hilt of the weapon. Gripping it as tightly as the bad angling of her arm would allow, she prepared to wrench it out when.

"Dinner time!" Bull said happily as he lifted the pair of them up, Kitty losing grip of their last chance. She began muttering unprintable obscenities and X-Pac began to sob once more as they were carried towards the flames; Kitty was now prepared to try anything, and body thrusting with all her might, she loosened one of her legs to the extent where she could kick Bull very hard in the balls. Repeatedly. And so, seeing this as a final chance of escape, she did so.

"Ooooooooohhhhh.." Buchannan wailed, flinging the bound together duo onto the floor, where they landed heavily and in the debris of the broken bottles; Kitty quick as anything managed to take possession of a large shard of glass, and working quickly, managed to cut her restraints free. She leapt up, leaving X-Pac lying prone upon the floor, and quickly snatching up her fallen staff, she lunged at Prince Albert and begun madly beating him across the back and then up the ass. He growled dangerously but Kitty did not care, and she repeatedly low blowed him with the weapon with as much skill as any Warrior Princess. Bossman approached, Kitty looked up from her strenuous beating, and flung a beer mug in his direction; it smacked him in the forehead and knocked him cold. X-Pac looked up painfully at Kitty driving the blunt end of her staff into Albert's stomach on the ground, and rolling to one side, made the decsion he was now going to free himself and depart. Unfortunately it was a badly calculated roll, because he had rolled right into the B.B.Q area. The flames were dangerously close, but using some common sense, he managed to flick a bit of burning wood onto his restraints.and voila! He was free! And with as little scorching as possible! He bounded up, crotch chopped a bit.noticed that all three cannibals were back on their feet; and fled. Kitty gulped and followed through the smashed up door, the three warriors not far behind.

***

"Kitttttttty.!" X-Pac screamed as they jogged across the dock, the three angry seamen chasing them. "Can you swim?!"

"Why!?" Kitty snapped.

"Well.because in my experience.docks end in lots of damn WATER!"

"Ah." Kitty hitched her bouncing scroll bag up her shoulder. "That is a sticky one." Running harder, and suddenly having another idea, she grabbed X-Pac's skinny arm and taking a huge run up, flung herself over the edge.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" X-Pac screamed as they flew over the water and crashed into a small boat; the occupant looked at them both in shock but Kitty was barely in the mood to be polite, and, snatching the paddle from his grasp, she took grip of his shirt and flung him into the water. Taking possession of the other paddle she began rowing madly, the wind picking up and blasting the sail. Within minutes they were out of reach of the cannibals, which stood on the jetty, hopping up and down madly. Breathing a sigh of relief, X-Pac laid back in the small boat as Kitty rowed hard to get as much distance as she could from that cursed little marine town.

"How do you feel about a little trip to Egypt?" Kitty said flatly, as she rowed. X-Pac raised an eyebrow.

"Now hang on.are you sure Chyna wants you following her there?"

"Of course she does!" Kitty snapped. "Now sit over there.way way way over there!"

***

Chyna maneuvered the ship very neatly into the Cairo docks; throwing the anchor overboard, she grabbed the highly seasick Road Dogg from where he was standing.and swaying, and made her heroic first steps onto land.and heaps of burny sand. Road Dogg moaned painfully and grasped at his churning stomach, but the Warrior Princess did not care, and with powerful, warrior strides, she walked into the filthy little fly infested city.

"So where the hell do we start looking?!" Road Dogg demanded, flicking his hand rapidly at a swarm of hungry looking Marsh Flies. "He's just not going to pop out of the crowd and shout 'here I am Chyna! Kill me! Kill me!' now is he??"

"I'm aware." Chyna growled. "I have a plan."

"Oh goody, we've only been here 20 seconds and she's already thought of a way to kill me! Brilliant."

Chyna turned; raised an eyebrow.and hammered the Dogg with a very vindictive low blow. He wailed, she shrugged, and continued with a hint of a smile;

"As I was saying, I have a plan." She paused, but no further snipey comments were to come from the Road Kill Jesse Jammes today. "We will simply set him up.a nice little trap. Knowing Jericho, he won't be able to resist the urge for easy wealth, so we will simply leave a large fortune heavily UN-guarded. Then when he comes to take the bait.we strike."

"Oooh." Road Dogg was still clutching at his juiced grapefruits.

"I'm glad you agree." She turned and started walking towards a large temple in the centre of the town square, Road Dogg limping behind her. "Now.all we need is a small fortune."

"Did I hear someone say 'fortune?'"

Both Chyna and Road Dogg turned at the alien voice; she stood behind them, blonde, busty and extremely scantily clad. She smiled.and through all that heavy makeup, her smile was terrifying.

"Allow me to introduce myself." Her smile barely moved as she spoke. "My name is Trish Stratuspatra, and I am the high priestess to the Goddess Luna."

"Hey, aint Luna a lowly Fate?" Road Dogg whispered sharply; Chyna kneed him sharply.

Trish, raising both eyebrows, continued; "I am the High Priestess of the temple you stand before.our scared Goddess of Egypt whom my family has served for many generations. If it's a fortune you're after, to rid us of that rogue Jericho, you may take whatever is left from our temple.what he didn't get away with."

"You mean he's already started cleaning house?!" Dogg said quickly. "He don't waste much time!"

"Yes, he arrived in my temple pretending to be a pilgrim fresh from Greece.and instead, he took us for almost everything we had!" She threw her head back in a tragic gesture of woe. "All except my secret stash of family wealth in the crypt underneath the temple floors. There is much there that I and the other priestess' had squirreled away.I'm sure it would be enough to persuade him into our trap!"

"Well, it sounds pretty promising." Chyna said, her hands on her hips.

"But how will we advertise it to him?" Road Dogg asked thoughtfully; the voluptuous Trish gave another scary smile.

"Never fear man childe.I have an idea." She paused to prop up her large metallic bra. "But for now, come back to my temple, dine, rest. You are honored guests, and I assure you, I will brief you on my idea later." She began walking towards the temple, and beckoned he hand. "Come."

Road Dogg followed her hastily, shuffling through the sand towards the large building; Chyna tilted her head in a Kane like fashion.but then followed, her hand resting lightly on her Chakram.

***

Kitty groaned as she yanked mightily at the heavy boat, he feet slipping on the water slick sand of the Cairo shore, the afternoon sun beating down upon her head mercilessly. With a cry she exerted much bodily force upon the craft, but instead of shifting it she just slipped and fell flat on her ass. X-Pac bounded up the beach towards her lying in the sand, and, taking a small stick, poked her; she screeched and with a quick movement from her leg, kicked him very hard in the shins.

"Ow!!!" He shrieked, hopping about on one leg. "You little pain in the ass!"

"Huh, like I'm the one who's being the pain." She retorted accusingly, struggling to her feet, covered in brown, muddy silt. "Well don't just stand there!" She flicked him in the head for the umpteenth time. "Help me drag the boat in you runt of a Centaur's litter!"

X-Pac clenched his teeth, stomped his foot, and gave her a nasty glare; but she simply grabbed him by the hair and flung him into their transport; it was convincing enough, and now inclined to drag the thing, he did so, struggling feebly against it's weight. The pair of them heaved the encumbrance up the beach, and when Kitty was satisfied they had got it far enough as so it would not be carried it with the tide, she began gathering much seaweed and shells; X-Pac stared blankly at her as she did so.

".Kitty." He said, looking at her hard. "Why the fuck are you collecting 'the treasures of the sea'?!"

"I'm gonna cover the boat with them so it will look more natural." She replied, flinging a large piece of kelp over the top of it. "It won't look so much like a boat, so it won't get stolen."

"There aren't any people for miles!!!" He cried, waving his arm about in random directions. "And it doesn't look like a boat.it looks like a boat with a whole lot of shit on it!!! It looks as natural as Steve Austin in a lesbian Tavern!!!"

Kitty looked slightly hurt; she flung down her armful of seaweed, shells and crabs, and starting stomping up the beach. "Fine! We'll just leave it there. Come on!" She jogged up the thick brown sand dunes, falling rapidly but bounding right back up again, getting more and more of the gluggy, gritty substance all over herself. Reaching the top of a particularly steep dune, she stopped to await X-Pac, who was struggling almost painfully up the huge hill of sand; Kitty crossed her arms and sighed, X-Pac battled further towards her, she smirked, he yelped as he fell.and barreled into the hapless bard.

"Gaaaaaaa!" The both screamed in unison as they tumbled roughly down the other side of the prominence in the sand; Kitty gripped tightly on X-Pac little green trunks, his armor clanking terribly as they thundered down the beach, their weapons, arms and legs flailing in all directions as left a huge dented trail in the mud behind them. If anybody HAD been there to witness the strange spectacle, they probably would have been most surprised at the blend of green and brown shooting down the hill, the wails of both of them creating a most banshee like cry, the force they were both hitting the ground simply amazing, considering their respective sizes.

'WHUMP!' they both hit the bottom tremendously, X-Pac's head lolling about much like it had in the tavern that very morning, Kitty struggling about, a huge brown mess, her hair a caked blob of sand and small native sea grasses. Flinging her head back and sending the muck flying in all directions, she quickly decided to make her exit as gracefully as possible after that decidedly degenerate tumble; but as she went to move she found that she was unable to; trapped! Gazing down, she had hit the ground with such a force she implanted waist deep in the thick mud, and that thick mud just happened to be a pit of quicksand!.

"Oooooh." X-Pac moaned, thrashing his arms about groggily. "Now you've done it!"

Kitty turned; she glared most reprehensibly, and she spoke;

"I hate you."

***

Road Dogg nibbled happily on the little Egyptian pasties which had been served up by the most hospitable Stratuspatra; Chyna leaned back against her chair, her long athletic legs propped up on a stool. She sipped her wine, and had to admit, this was pleasant, but she was becoming impatient; she wanted to get her hands of Jericho's pin head, push it into her biceps, and suffocate him. Placing her goblet back on the food laden table, and straddling the chair in a most unladylike manner, she spoke;

"I do appreciate all this Trish." She began, leaning her elbows on the back rest of the seat. "But, I would really like to hear about your plans for eliminating the little asshole, thank you very much."

"Oh, but of course." Trish said with her smile. Road Dogg looked slightly put out. "The plan is quite simple but effective. We place all the treasure in a Temple viewing area; badly guarded of course, and offer the Temple as a gallery for a day. When he comes in to make off with it, as he will, he will fall straight into the trap."

"Hang on." Road Dogg raised a finger. "What if someone else makes off with this 'badly guarded treasure' before Jericho even gets to it, huh? Then what to we do?"

"The people would not dare defy a goddess, Man Childe." Trish sighed, leaning forward to take a small morsel of food and giving the Dogg a very lengthy view of cleavage which was wider than the Nile. He gulped; Chyna rolled her eyes. "Only a rogue like Jericho would be stupid enough to steal from a Temple, he's already proved that."

"Uh huh." Road Dogg drooled. Chyna, tut tutting, stood to her full height, stared at him, then took grip of his dreadlocks and dragged him out of his seat.

"Let's get to work then." She stared at him with a very grim smile, and moved her fist suggestively for the second time that day; he was out that door like a shot. She grinned as she followed him out the door, Trish regarded her with a sigh and a pout. But Chyna gave a small satisfied laugh;

"Still got it."

***

X-Pac's sobbing was now really getting on Kitty's nerves.and if she was able to reach him, she would have smacked him. Groaning, she searched about for something that could aid her escape.her saddle bag filled with her scrolls and basic everyday items laid feet from her grasp; but looking beyond it, she noticed something far more useful than the bag alone; a protruding stump just outside the pit she was entrapped in. she turned to the wailing little D-Generate.

"Look!" She said, loudly. "Shut up and stop struggling for a damn minute; pass me my staff."

He looked at her wide eyed, his lip a quiver, but snapping from his hysteria faster than what was normal for him, he stretched his body as far as the sand would allow, and curling his fingers around the weapon, managed to take a grip of it and pass it to Kitty. She grabbed it quickly.

"Right." Stretching the length of the long pole to the bag, she carefully and precisely hooked the end of it into the strap and dragged the bag into her grasp. Reaching into the bag and fossicking about, she pulled out just what she wanted; a small knife for peeling fruit.

"Cutlery." X-Pac said very flatly indeed. "I'm putting my life in the hands of cutlery."

"Oh shut up," Kitty snapped, interrupting him mid whine. "I see you've got some leather twine on your little green armor thingie. So get it off your little green armor thingie and into my hand!"

".Oh alright." X-Pac said hastily, working quickly at the fastenings on his armor and trunks and handing Kitty the long piece of leather. Kitty snatched it from him hurriedly, sinking fast, and tied the small fruit knife to the end of her weapon. With a small prayer and a hefty javelin throw that was nothing on Nicole Bassius, but certainly enough to save their little lives, she implanted the blade into the stump with a loud 'THUNK!' X-Pac began sweating profusely as he sunk deeper and deeper, his arms barely free; but Kitty, with an almighty wrench and a grunt, pulled upon the staff and slowly began emerge from the pit with a loud slurp. Crawling on her stomach she rolled from the quicksand, and flung the staff to X-Pac; he grabbed it, she yanked with all her might, and he was clear!

"Thank the Gods." He gasped, rolling about on solid land. Kitty scowled.

"I think a 'thank you Kitty' would be more appreciated." She stopped mid sentence. "Argh! My scrolls!"

She stared into the pit, her precious bag sitting in the middle, oh so slowly submerging into that cursed mud. But X-Pac, feeling most righteous at the moment, snatched Kitty's staff, planted it into the ground and with a small cry, whizzed around on it, his body out stretched like a delicate pirouette by Hunter; he snatched the bag, flew right on back, lost control, and crashed into the ground, clutching at the bag most lovingly. Kitty's eyes widened at X-Pac's sudden benevolent moment, and she knelt by him, still dripping with gritty filth.

"Well, a simple 'thank you' would have done just fine." And she smiled. "But anyway.you're welcome."

***

Road Dogg fiddled about with a golden bowl of small sparkly emeralds, as Chyna placed large statues around the entrance, shifting them with wondrous ease with her great big muscles. The sun was slowly setting, the time was ripe from a robbery from Jericho, as Road Dogg had been subtly advertising about the town that there was a large and very available 'treasures of the temple museum' that day, and it just so happened that the guards worked two jobs and so couldn't be there at night. Chyna's smile was most self satisfied indeedy.

"Right." She turned and grabbed Road Dogg by the scruff of the neck, causing him to whimper piteously. "Let's go, idiot."

And inside the temple they crept, taking their positions quickly. Road Dogg was hurriedly clad in a toga, dusted with flour, and mounted as a statue of Sable complete with watermelon mammary glands and a blond wig. He held the pose shakily as Chyna crept to the rear and enclosed herself within a sarcophogus; and, as the moon appeared in the sky.they waited.

Road Dogg's eyes widened as the doors slowly opened, and there, peeking his sniveling little head around the door.was Chris Jericho! He giggled to himself and gaily skipped across the room, helping himself to the small dish of emeralds and shoving the little rocks down his tight trousers. Then he caught a glimpse of 'Sable'.

"God damn. I never realized that bitch was so freaking ugly!" He commented quietly to himself, circling Road Dogg with a raised eyebrow. Road Dogg struggled to maintain his pose as Jericho approached, snatching up one of these horrible little pointy Tori statues, and circling the Dogg, scratching his chin in deep thought. "Still, the thing will probably fetch a few dinars in Greece." Shoving his booty in a bag, he wrapped his arms around 'Sable's' midsection and dragging him down from the pillar with a grunt, mistakenly gripping at the Goddess's oh-so holy pelvic region during his efforts. He froze.

"Ow!" Road Dogg shrieked, grabbing at his balls and falling on the floor in a pathetic heap. Jericho blinked rapidly, his lip beginning to quibble, as out from the sarcophogus sprung the Warrior Princess herself, stepping lightly over her whimpering accomplice, her eyes narrowed viciously.

"Jericho." She snarled.

"She-male woman from the Olympics!!!" Jericho thought for a moment, "Sorry, I've forgotten your name. Oh yes. Chyna."

"How could your forget the name, when you're bound to remember that seven inch gash she leaves in your forehead." Road Dogg moaned supportively. Chyna nodded, cracked her knuckles, and began to stride forward.

"Yup."

Jericho giggled hardily, and took up a martial arts stance, preparing himself for the assualt from the warrior woman; Chyna smirked, flexed her arms, and stood before him. Immediately Jericho lashed out with a quick side kick, but yelped in horror as Chyna caught his leg with ease, holding him there, hopping in a vain attempt to escape; shrugging, Chyna fell to her knees and, with a sharp jab, her fist met up with his unguarded testicles. He wailed as she cast him down, and slowly and painfully, he made his slow crawl of escape. But it was futile-Chyna merely bent down, and grabbing him by the hair, hauled him to his feet. He stood shakily and made an attempt to bitch slap her, as it was all he could muster at this time, but as you can imagine, it had little to no effect on the fierce woman. With a hefty grunt, she grabbed him by the throat and tossed him into the wall, where he collided and slid down haplessly, making his final landing flat on his face, his hair all terribly out of place. Chyna smiled a smile that was scary and walked towards him, placing a leather clad foot on the back of his skull, bringing a groan from her blond nemesis.

"You really are quite the little weed, aren't you?" She increased the pressure of her foot.

"Geddoff!" Jericho's whimpered in reply.

"Now why would I do that?" She proceeded to play soccer with his head.

"GAH!" Was all that came from Jericho.

"Chyna! Ohmigod, Chyna, I've finally found you!"

Chyna heard the familiar voice, and in confusion, ceased her torture for a moment and turned to see Kitty bounding in the door, followed by X-Pac, both of them caked in something very brown and unpleasant looking. She opened her mouth to speak.

"Kitty? I thought I told you."

But that was all the protest against Kitty's following of her that actually made it out of her mouth, as Jericho, quick as a wink, had rolled over and kicked her in the legs, sending the Warrior Princess crashing to the floor with a 'whump'. Kitty's eyes widened as Chyna struggled to regain her footing, but Jericho, grabbing one more handful of jewels, was making a mad dash for the door, leaping over Road Dogg, shoving X-Pac into the wall, and running directly past the stunned Kitty. She suddenly felt very apprehensive, especially seeming Chyna was giving her a glare which would certainly kill a pot-plant.

"Kitty." She snarled through clenched teeth.

"Yes, Chyna?" She replied meekly.

"Explain to me what just happened."

"Er, um.well." Kitty's chin was beginning to quibble.

Chyna was silent as she stood up, but her face was becoming very red, and a small vein was beginning to pop out of her forehead. Kitty, X-Pac and Road Dogg all simultaneously winced at Chyna's unfathomable rage, as she made her way towards the door.

To be Continued..