Three Short Interludes

An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage

Part 2--'Unleash the Power'

          So, are you liking this kind of thing so far?  Are you?  Answer me, darnit!  I swear the printer is out to get me--it's looking at me funny, Mommy!  Hey, you know what?  In all the excitement I forgot to put my usual disclaimer at the beginning of the first chapter.  And I'm certainly not going to add it now.  So let's just say that I don't own anything but a bunch of comic books, too many action figures, and six 2002 calendars, three of which I don't have any need for.  That is to say, I don't own any of Jhonen's characters, because they are his and I would not like to be blasted by his laser-toting flying monkey minions.

The second in this trio of tales occurs during the events of my ninth installment, My Fair KidK.  You remember, the one where KidK meets the Tallest, against Zim's better judgment.  KidK's Mom and Dad are away visiting the beach and Atlantic City for the day, and so their sneaky daughter has taken this opportunity to purchase a karaoke machine of her very own.  While she sets it up, Zim and Gir go down to the Rite-Aid to buy orange juice and paper clips.  But for what purpose?  Well, be baffled no more, loyal readers, for you are about to find out!

At around ten o'clock on the day in which this story takes place, Zim and Gir are watching TV in an attempt to, as Zim has put it, 'use the enemy's own media to find out more about their pitiful defenses.'

Gir:  Oh no!  Now Wilma's going to think that Fred bought that diamond ring for her

Zim:  Ha!  That boorish Fred-human's plan to hide it has failed miserably!  So let's see…(he's taking notes) the males of the species are not very adept at concealing things, and the females have a tendency to jump to conclusions.  They are also easily distracted by shiny rocks.  Something to keep in mind.

Gir:  But what's Wilma gonna to do when she finds out the ring is really Barney's gift to Betty?

Zim:  Well, likely by that time Fred will have already done something stupid in an attempt to get enough money to buy another ring, so that both Wilma and the lovely Betty can be distracted from the fact that their husbands are loutish, drunken mouth-breathers.

Gir:  Oh, hey, look!  Barney and Fred are going to fight a pro boxer to earn money!  How did you know that was going to happen?

Zim:  Well, since moving here I've had to do a great deal of research into human television, since KidK and her brother love it so much.  As you can see, it has paid off.

Gir (hardly paying attention):  No, not commercials!  I wanna find out what happens!  (he quickly forgets what's going on)  Look, master!  It's my favorite show!

The TV is currently running that ad in which that short dude acts like he's going to steal Sunny Delight.

Short Dude:  When I control the power of the sun, I…will be…unstoppable!!!!  (he is blown away by a wave of Sunny D)

Announcer Voice:  Unleash the power of the sun!

Zim (leaping up from the couch):  That's it!

Gir:  I like the cute little man too…

Zim:  No, Gir, didn't you hear what they were talking about?  I've been watching TV all this time hoping that someday the humans would accidentally slip up and blab some important tidbit of information which I could then use to destroy them.  Well, that day is today!  I shall use this (air quotes) 'power of the sun' to complete my conquest of this pitiful dirt orb!  Wahahahahaaaaaaaaa!  But first, we must have lunch.

This is about the point where My Fair KidK begins.  Now fast forward a little, and I'll reprint the part of the story where Zim and Gir go to the Rite-Aid (you know, so there's no confusion about what's going on).  OK, here it is!

Zim:  Let's see…paper clips…

Gir:  Look, Master!  Make-up!

Zim:  Gir, let's try to focus, shall we?

Gir:  Wow, lookit the candy!

Zim:  *sigh*

Gir (pointing):  There they are!  Get the stripy ones!

Zim looks at the office supply shelf.  There are several kinds of paper clips, and one variety is indeed striped.

Zim:  But those are made of plastic!  I need metal ones.

Gir:  Aw, man!  I was gonna make a necklace outta those…

Zim selects a box of plain silver paper clips, finds the orange juice (what is he up to?), and goes up to the counter to pay.

Counter-slave:  That'll be $8.80, sir.

Zim (muttering angrily):  Why does everything on this planet cost so much?  It's all so stinkily made…stupid greedy worm monkeys…

Counter-slave (without any feeling whatsoever):  Thankyoucomeagain.

Zim:  You see if I do.

Alright, now Zim has his necessary materials, but what exactly is he plotting?  Now fast forward your brains past the rest of My Fair KidK to find out.

Zim:  I can't believe she embarrassed me like that in front of the Tallest!  Well, no matter.  They'll surely forget about the little incident once I implement my plan to enslave the humans.

Gir:  Look!  I made a bracelet!  (he holds up his arm for inspection.  It would appear that he's gotten into the paper clips)

Zim:  No, Gir, those aren't for your amusement!  Now do what I told you to do and unbend those things!

Gir (going red):  Yes, my master!

Zim (to himself):  The humans may believe that their sun is on their side, and have even discovered a way to process its power into a liquid form, but once I am through with it, the sun shall scorch them all!  Muhahahahaaa!  Using a rod made of these simple paper clips, I will concentrate a beam of sun power from this orange juice and blast the sun with it, thus overloading it and causing it to become so bright that it will blind and burn the entire populace!

Gir (he's distracted again):  One time I burned the toast and the whole kitchen was full of smoke!  Mommy was mad and said a bad word to me.

Zim:  Gir!  Are you finished making the paper clips straight?

Gir:  Yup!  ^_^

Zim:  Then begin welding them together!  Soon, oh yes, very soon, the humans will run in fear from their own sun!  Then we'll see if it's such a 'Sunny Delight!'

The next day, (cuz remember, it was getting late by the end of My Fair KidK) the paper clip rod is all set up, and is now part of a complicated laser cannon pointed at the sun.

Zim:  And now, for the final step of the plan!  Gir, pour in the orange juice.

Gir:  Ay ay, Captain!

Zim:  Gir…why are you wearing a pirate hat?

Gir:  Because I found it!

Zim:  Oh really?  Where?

Gir:  Somebody down the street hid it in a big silver thing and put it out at the curb…there was a monster going around eating all the things the people put out, and I had to save the hat!  It's my friend!  Shiver me timbers!

Zim:  ……….just put the orange juice in the holding tank.

Gir:  Ar, matey!

Zim:  Er, yes.  Now let's fire this thing!  Wahahahahaaaaa!  (he pushes the 'trigger' button)  Unleash the power of the sun!

Nothing happens.  Well, actually, something happens, but not what was meant to happen.  What was supposed to happen was a huge beam of sunlight, extracted from the Sunny D, shooting into the sun and making it too bright to stand.  What really happens is that a little trickle of orange juice drips out of the cannon in a rather anticlimactic way.

Zim:  What could've gone wrong?  Let's see, I've got the right kind of orange juice, metal is a good conductor of energy, and a very thin rod ensures a concentrated blast.  So why isn't this stupid thing firing?!

Gir:  Yo ho ho!  I don't know!  Ooo, a rhyme!

Zim:  Well, that was a waste of time.  I will just have to employ a different plan to destroy the human scum.  Yes!  One of these days I will be triumphant!  Now come, Gir, let us go and watch some TV.

Gir:  Yay!  Can we watch Inspector Gadget this time?

Zim:  Does this…inspector work for the human government?

Gir:  He's a secret agent!  And he has all kinds of neat stuff in his hat!

Zim:  Hmmm, a multi-functional hat, you say?  This may be worth checking out…

Later that day, Mom and Dad come home from their lovely trip to the beach and Atlantic City.  They're coming up the stairs right now, as a matter of fact.

KidK's Mom:  Kids!  We're back from our trip, even though your father got us lost and we had to spend the night at a cheesy hotel!

KidK's Dad:  Hey!  You're just mad because you got a sunburn.  Well that's not my fault, and anyway I got one too.  So don't be mad at me!

KidK:  Hi Mom, hey Dad!  Wow, you guys really did get burned!  Now maybe you'll understand why I hate the beach so much.

Zim:  Did someone say…sunburn?  (he sees KidK's parents and their severely reddened skin)  A ha!  So the beam was invisible, eh?  I knew my plan would work, because it was an amazing plan made by me!

KidK's Mom:  Plan?  What are you talking about?

Zim (ignoring her):  I have succeeded in bringing discomfort to the masses!  Now I need only fire one more beam into the sun to achieve full disintegration!  Muhahahahaaaaaa!

Gir:  But master, didn't you get mad and hit the sun cannon with a hammer?  My poor paperclips got all bent out of shape…

Zim:  ………Curses!  You're right!  How could I not have known?  (he pauses in his self-pity as another idea comes to mind)  But now that the humans have been burned and are probably right now at this moment frantically scrambling around, they will be all the more susceptible to my latest and greatest plan--to distract them all with shiny rocks while I use my go-go-gadget helicopter to sneak into their government headquarters!  Victory shall be mine!

And upon uttering these words, Zim races down to his lab to begin work on his new scheme.  Just a few hours later, he falls out of the sky when Gir's pirate hat is accidentally shredded by the propeller that has been installed into it.  It's sad, really.

The End!

Just One More To Go!