*Author: Jania Jitsu
*Disclaimer: Still not mine. >: (
*Feedback: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com
*Spoilers: It's possible. You are warned.
*Season/Sequel Info: Takes place before and during Prisoner of Azkaban.
*Rating: PG-13
*Warnings/Notes: I've done my best to describe the characters as I saw them in my mind's eye. I read all the books at least once or twice and I've been going through Prisoner of Azkaban while writing this so I can make Lupin and Sirius more accurate. I'm a stickler for detail, me [; )] but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, but I probably won't change it here. (I think I'm just gonna leave that part there as kind of a second disclaimer.)

Apparently people are saying that Harry was born in 1980, which means his parents died in '81 and he went to Hogwarts in '91. I say screw that. I started writing this story assuming that he was born in 1985 and that's how I'm going about it. (Just call me a stupid American. I won't mind too much.) This means that Harry's parents died in '86 and he went to Hogwarts in '96 Book one is in 1996-97, book two in 1997-98, book 3 in 1998-99, and book four is 1999-2000.

Also, I had to set everyone's ages, cos Lupin is the main character here. Snape, Lily, James, Sirius, Lupin, and Peter all were in the same year, though some now look older than others. That's understandable, as some are dead and some have been under a bit of stress lately. I just said that Lily and James got married at 19 (since they were high school sweethearts) and had Harry at 20. They died when they were 21. That makes Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Snape 33 in Harry's third year.

Got all that? Good. Then let's get started before the notes get longer than the fic . . .

PS: I remembered to call the bathroom the "loo"! And I said "kilometer" instead of "mile"! Aren't you all so proud of the stupid American?? : )

PPS: I'm kinda disappointed that the first part confused people instead of intriguing them. It was supposed to make you go, "HUNH? Why would Snape DO that? What's his motive?" I guess I didn't write it well enough. Ah, well. We all try our best and I'm most certainly not perfect.





the history light (like a child)





Lupin boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time in about fifteen years. He got a very nostalgic feeling that he would have rather not gotten. Especially since he was sitting in the last car of the train. That had been the Marauders' car.

Speaking of Marauders past and present, that was the reason Lupin was riding the train in the first place. Sirius Black, also known as "Padfoot", had escaped from Azkaban just recently. Lupin knew that if anyone could, it would have to be Sirius.

Sirius- who had killed a dozen or so Muggles with a laugh.

Sirius- who had killed Peter with them.

Sirius- who had betrayed James and Lily.

Lupin could barely think of that without wanting to scream or cry. More likely both. He felt so bad now for suspecting Peter of being the traitor. How could he have not seen that Sirius was the real traitor? Yes, Lupin had been ill. Yes, he had to go away for weeks at a time, sometimes without notice or explanation, but he still should have seen!

But, then, how could he have? How could he have known that his best friend would turn against them all? Why couldn't it have been Snape, or . . . or anyone, just so long as it wasn't a Marauder!

Lupin didn't want to think about that selfish thought now. He had to concentrate. He was here to protect the children. To protect Harry, specifically. From his own godfather. How sad was that?

Lupin wiped away the solitary tear that had somehow escaped his eye.

That's my Sirius tear. My tear for Sirius. The only one to escape.

Somewhere in Lupin's tired mind this made sense. He pondered it as he slowly fell asleep, still exhausted from the recent full moon. But when he was asleep he thought of that no more. Instead, he dreamed of four young boys who were up to no good.




I am so blind tonight
from the history light

everything that's ever happened to me
is in my head tonight
it's kinda nice not to see another sight
till I rest awhile ...

everything that's ever been said to me
is in my head tonight
it's kinda nice not to hear another sound
till I rest awhile

and all I need is sleep
rest awhile, sleep like a child
sleep, rest awhile, sleep
I am so blind tonight from the history light





~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~




Remus Lupin sat alone, just as he always did. He was in the back car of the Hogwarts Express. The only empty car, as fate would have it.

One part of Remus was ecstatic that he had been given the chance to go to school. The other part of him was terrified.

What if someone found out about him? What if he made no friends? What if no one liked him? What if they hated him? What if they beat him up? What if he failed all his classes and they sent him home? What if he messed something up and everyone laughed at him and then they found out?

Remus had a lot of fears.




James Potter had only been on the Hogwarts Express for twenty minutes and he had already made a friend and an enemy.

Sirius Black was a tall, skinny boy with raven-black hair a bit past his chin and chocolate brown eyes that twinkled with mischief.

James was good at mischief. So was Sirius. They had bonded playing a trick on a greasy-haired boy by the name of Severus Snape.

Now that all Snape's allies- of the Slytherin persuasion, no doubt- were after them, James and Sirius were looking for somewhere to hide. They were running recklessly through the cars of the train, but suddenly the cars ran out. There was only one more left.

James looked at Sirius, who looked back at James. They both shrugged and went in.

At first they didn't see anything, but then James pointed to a corner. Sirius's eyes followed the path of the finger. Sitting in the corner was a boy about their age. He had neat brown hair and a generally good and tidy appearance. They couldn't tell much more about him, though, because he was asleep.

Should we play a joke on him? James mouthed.

"No," Sirius whispered. "Look at him. I think he's ill or something." James looked more closely. Sure enough, the boy's face was ashen and his skin pale. Something was wrong with him. He frowned and began tossing and turning in his sleep.

"We should wake him up," James said, stepping forward. He extended a hand and gently prodded the boy's shoulder.

"NO!" the boy shouted, causing James and Sirius to jump back. His eyes flew open- startling James and Sirius with their terrified, almost tearful look- and his arms flew up over his face.

"Whoa!" James shouted. "Calm down!"

The boy sat, shaking and panting, his blue eyes wide. His face was covered with sweat. He looked as if he had just run a kilometer or two.

"We come . . . in peace . . ." Sirius joked nervously.

"I-I'm sorry," the boy stammered. "I-I was h-having a-a nightmare."

"Must've been pretty bad," James remarked. "What was it about?"

The boy's head snapped up. He stared at James with a strange look in his eyes. James was shocked to realize that the boy feared him. James mentally shook himself. It couldn't be him that the boy feared. It was probably something else.

"You don't have to say if you don't want to . . ."

They were all awkwardly silent for a minute. Then Sirius heard a noise. Someone was coming. It didn't take Sirius three tries to guess who.

"Shit, James, we've got to hide!"

"Where?!" James demanded.

"Here," the boy said, unexpectedly taking charge, "You-" he pointed to James, "in the luggage compartment. Hold on; I'll give you a boost. You-" he indicated Sirius as he shoved James up, "in the loo, there."

Sirius slapped his forehead as he closed the door. "Can't believe I didn't see that!"




Remus had settled back down by the time the pack of Slytherins and Slytherins-to-be came into his train car. He pretended to be asleep.

"Should we ask him if he's seen them?" a voice asked.

"No," a second voice replied. "He's probably been asleep the whole time. Let's go back. We probably just missed them." Remus heard the door closed and opened one eye slowly. They were all gone.

He jumped up from his seat- adrenaline still running through his veins- and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Come on out, they're gone."

He pulled open the door to the luggage compartment and the boy in there fell out onto the floor, his black hair even messier than it had been before.

"I'm sorry! Are you all right?" Remus asked apologetically.

"I'm fine," he gasped, out of breath, as his hand scrambled about for his glasses. "Just winded."

"James!" the other black-haired boy came out of the bathroom. "Was that thump I heard you? Are you okay?"

"He doesn't look so good," Remus admitted.

"You can't die, James," Sirius exclaimed, half-jokingly, "you're my first friend here! I couldn't handle it if you died, especially since it would be all my fault. I can't take that kind of pressure. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he assured them. "See?" He stood up to prove his point. "Thank you for saving our asses," he said to Remus with a grin. "I'm James Potter."

"And I'm Sirius Black," the other said.

Remus shook both their hands shyly. "I'm Remus Lupin."

"Well, Remus Lupin, are you a first year like us?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, but I don't know very- actually, I don't know anyone yet besides you two."

It was then that the door opened with a little squeak. James and Sirius's eyes went wide- was it the Slytherins?

But it wasn't. It was a short, chubby boy with blondish hair.

"Is there a loo in here?" he asked, shifting from foot to foot.

Remus nodded, and pointed him towards the door.

While the boy was in the bathroom, a nice witch came by with a cart full of all kinds of candies. Remus used some of the money his father had allotted him to buy something. He ate hungrily.

"God, Remus," James said with a laugh, "have they been starving you at home? You eat like a wolf!"

Remus stopped dead, a hand holding a chocolate bar poised half-way to his mouth.

"A wolf?" he asked, his voice high and nervous.

Sirius looked at him curiously but, lucky for Remus, the boy came out of the bathroom just then.

"Oh," he said, disappointed. "I missed the candy cart."

"Here," Remus said immediately. "You can have some of mine." He really didn't want to share. It was more of an instinct.



"Share with your little sister, Remy," the woman said. She smiled. "People love people who share."



"What's your name?" Sirius asked the boy as he sat down.

"Peter. Peter Pettigrew."

Remus smiled weakly. "Nice to meet you, Peter."





~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~





Lupin's subconscious told him that something was wrong when the Hogwarts Express stopped. Not wanting to leave his surprisingly detailed dream, he ignored it for as long as he could. Soon, though, there was noise, and Lupin was forced to open his eyes.

It was dark inside the train car. Hoping his eyes didn't still glow from his last transformation, Lupin looked about in an attempt to figure out what happened.

Several young voices were talking frantically, impairing Lupin's hearing with their noise.

"Quiet!" he shushed, his voice still hoarse from the long, deep sleep. Lupin stood up and muttered, "Igniculus," causing a little ball of fire to appear in his hand.

He looked around. There were five children in the room: two Lupin didn't recognize; then two who had to be Weasleys, judging by their hair; and the last one . . . the last one could only be the son or the clone of James Potter.

Images of James and Lily's funeral flashed through Lupin's mind. As did everything terrible that he had ever done. And, like that, Lupin knew why the train had stopped.

"Stay where you are," he ordered. He needed to get the Dementors before they got here, to Harry.

Lupin felt a sinking feeling in his stomach- the beginnings of a depression- and he knew that it had already come.

The world nearly vanished around Lupin as the door opened and he was plunged into a world of despair. But he had felt worse than this before, and he knew how to deal with it.

"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks," he told the Dementor in as strong a voice as he could manage. "Go."

Lupin hadn't really expected the Dementor to leave, so he wasn't surprised when it didn't. He raised his wand and pointed it at the Dementor. "Expecto patronum!" he said quietly, but confidently. He put his hands up to massage his pounding head as his silver Patronus shot out of his wand to defend them, like a knight in shining armor.

When Lupin opened his eyes the Dementor was gone. Just like that. Lupin turned around and saw Harry lying on the ground. He rushed over in four quick steps.

"What happened?" he demanded.

"Th-the Dementor," the Weasley girl said, shaking as badly as her voice was. "Harry . . ."

"Something happened to him," said the other girl, absently twirling a lock of her bushy brown hair around one finger. "He fell out of his seat and he started shaking. Like a seizure."

Lupin frowned. "Watch him. I'll be right back."

He walked down through the train cars looking for the witch who always came down with the candy.

"Look who woke up," the she said, a smile breaking onto her face. "Have a nice nap?"

"Until a Dementor came," Lupin replied. "I need some chocolate for the children in the back car."

"How's this one?" she asked, displaying a candy bar that could easily have been five.

"That'll do."

Lupin paid for the candy and walked back to the car with precise, efficient steps. He opened the door, frightening the children inside. Without a word, he sat down on a seat and started unwrapping the chocolate bar.

He snapped a bit off the bar and handed it to the little Weasley girl, who was shaking. "Eat this, dear," he said quietly.

She frowned, like she wanted to ask a question, but instead took the chocolate. On the opposite side of the car Harry was starting to stir awake. Lupin stood up to see Harry over the other three children's heads.

Harry seemed okay, except for the after-effects of the Dementor, so Lupin moved back to his chair and began breaking chocolate again. The rush of the fight had worn off, and Lupin was left wearier than he had started off.

You can't be doing this sort of thing so soon after the full moon, Lupin, he admonished himself. It's not good for you. You'll hurt yourself.

Ignoring his fatigue and aching bones, Lupin turned to Harry, handing the boy a piece of chocolate. "Here. Eat it. It'll help."




"Is everyone all right?" Dumbledore asked, though he probably already knew.

Lupin nodded. "Just shaken."

"And Harry?"

Lupin had long ago learned to control his surprise every time he learned- again and again- that Dumbledore knew everything.

Well, hopefully he didn't know everything, or else there would be three very ashamed Animagi . . .

But, then, it was only he, the only non-Animagus Marauder, who was left to be ashamed. Lupin guessed that Sirius Black wasn't ashamed by anything anymore.

Why are you doing this? Lupin asked himself furiously. He had been just fine- or mostly fine, anyway. Now he wasn't.

Was it the new job? Probably. Was it Harry? Almost certainly. Was it Sirius?

Definitely.





MORE notes. Don'cha get sick of me? (don't answer!) : ) : "Igniculus" means "a little fire, flame, or spark" in Latin. Don't blame me if I've gotten it wrong, I used an Internet English-to-Latin dictionary.

And, I know, I've committed a songfic. I'm sorry. Really. But I was listening to Dogstar's "The History Light" and I was like, "Whoa, dude, this song does a most excellent job fitting with my most heinous fan-fiction story!" (That was a joke, for any of you who know the name of Dogstar's bass player. If you don't, and that fact really bugs you, you can e-mail me and I promise to reply nicely.) When I insert a song, three dots in a row with a space between each dot (. . .) means a pause or drawn out note. Three dots with no spaces (...) means I've edited or abridged the lyrics to suit my purpose. I thought I would warn in case I commit this "most heinous" crime again. : )