*Author: Jania Jitsu
*Disclaimer: I don't even know why I even bother. If they haven't been mine in the last four parts, I highly doubt they're mine now. Chances are, they still belong to J.K. Rowling. (Warner Brothers who?)
*Feedback: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com
*Warnings/Notes: I've done my best, but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, and I'll probably change it here, too. (I think I'm just gonna leave all that there as kind of a second disclaimer.)

This part was named after an ER episode. I'm an ER nut. : D

I would like to note here that my original intents have been pretty much tossed out. Originally this was supposed to be a 3rd year fic from Lupin's perspective. I'll probably return there later, but for now it's a lot of remembering.

Much thanks to Scarlet, my fantastic beta-reader.

And, finally, the next part. Yes, I'm still with the previous flashback. This part got kind of weird because I had to write a flashback-within-a-flashback. : )






Remus woke up in the school infirmary feeling like hell. It wasn't a new feeling. Neither was the fear. He didn't remember anything. Remus checked the beds, but didn't see anyone. That reassured him greatly. There was a good chance, then, that he hadn't bitten anyone. Some of the fear subsided and Remus felt better. Then that, just the same as always, was followed by shame.

He was a monster. Something terrible that should be locked away forever. That's what his father had said, wasn't it? What were his exact words? Something about shooting every damned one of them.




His father was reading the paper. Five-year-old Remus "read" too, from his father's lap. A werewolf had broken loose from somewhere and it was roaming the country.

"Another Muggle dead," Remus's father raged. "They should just round up every damned one of those werewolves and shoot them. Then we wouldn't have these problems."

"Abbott!" Remus's mother protested in a scandalized Irish accent. Her curly hair shook with her head. She shushed the newborn baby in the crib next to her and turned back to Remus's father. "Cursing in front of the children like that!"

"Sorry, Maddie," Remus's father said sheepishly.

"Forgiven," his mother replied lightly, with a little smile as she changed the subject. "Do you think they'll be calling you, then?"

"They should be soon," Remus's father replied, eager to get off the subject of his bad language. Remus looked at his mother's disappointed face curiously. She was about to say something, when a head popped up in the fireplace. Remus giggled.

"Lupin," the fireplace head said, "we need you to come in."

"Get down, Remus, Daddy needs to work."

Remus obeyed his father, eager to get closer to the talking head. He had seen them a few times before, but his father usually took "calls" in his study.

The head smiled, seeing him. "Is that little Remus?"

Remus's father smiled with pride. "Yes."

"He's getting so big."

"We've got a little girl now too."

"I heard. Well, I'll have to pay you a visit some time, make sure these little ones aren't giving you too much grief. And I think I owe Remus here some Auror training."

Remus's face lit up. "That would be great, sir!" He'd always wanted to be just like his daddy.

"I'm going to let you go now. Get your things, Lupin, and come down to the office. We'll give you the mission details there." The head disappeared from the fireplace.

Remus followed his father around the house, helping him gather his equipment and staring in awe as the gun and the silver knife went into the belt.

Remus's mother had been rocking in her chair all this time, but now she stood up from her chair and walked over to her husband. Her face was white with fear.

"Don't go, Abbott," she whispered.

"I have to."

"But I--I've got a bad feeling about this."

Remus's father laughed lovingly and kissed her nose. "You have a bad feeling about every mission I go on, love."

Remus's mother bristled. "I do
not , Abbott! And maybe, just maybe, you should listen to me! Someday something terrible is going to happen, and you're going to wish you had listened to me!"

There was a silence as Remus's parents pulled back from each other.

"Madra," Remus's father said, his voice soft, but firm, "I am an Auror. It's my job. I accepted the risks a long time ago."

"So that means
I have to?!" Remus's mother shouted. "What about me , sitting at home, waiting, hoping that you'll come back okay, crying for joy every time you do?!"

"You knew that was the price!" Remus's father shouted back. "I explained everything to you. If you didn't like it then you shouldn't have married me!"

There was another silence as Remus's parents stared at each other in shock for a moment and Remus stared at the two of them with wide eyes. He had never seen them fight like this before. He had never seen them fight, period.

"Maybe I shouldn't have," his mother said quietly. Her voice was soft and terrible. She sounded like she had thought this horrible thought before, and hated herself then too.

His father responded almost immediately. "Maddie . . . I'm an ass. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that. You know I didn't mean it."

Remus's mother nodded, her eyes to the ground. "I know. Neither did I. Go on, now," she said, and her voice was flat, without emotion. "They're calling you." That came out bitterly.

Remus's father nodded. He kissed her (Remus covered his eyes) and walked over to the baby, kissed her on her forehead, and rubbed her tummy. (He always said that was for luck.) Then he walked over to Remus and said, "You can come out of the corner now, son. Mommy and Daddy aren't going to yell anymore."

Remus crawled out of the corner, set himself on his feet, and walked over to where his father knelt. He wrapped his arms around his father's neck.

"Daddy, Mommy's got a feeling about this. Like when Gamma died." His voice was small and childish as he begged. "Do you
hafta go?"

"Remy, we talked about this before, remember? Daddy has to work so he can bring home nice things for you and Mommy and Damita. Can you do me a favor? Can you be a big boy for me? Watch over your mother and sister?"

Remus straightened up and put on a serious face that made his father smile. Remus and his father nodded at the same time.

"All right, then. Be good and make sure the cat doesn't get out."

Remus nodded again and held his mother's hand as his father Apparated away. He looked up at his mother's grim face and knew that something
was going to happen, and that nothing would ever be the same again.




James, Peter, and Sirius noted that Remus wasn't in Potions the next morning. Lily shot them a knowing look. Sirius crossed his eyes back at her and muttered something that sounded suspiciously about "damned know-it-all chicks". James would have elbowed him or something, but he was thinking pretty much the same thing now.

"See?" she said once they were seated in History of Magic. "Am I right or am I right?" There wasn't a trace of smugness in her voice. She sounded incredibly sad.

"It doesn't mean anything," Sirius replied stubbornly. "You can't expect him to be back in one day."

"Yes, but he'll be back tomorrow. Watch."

Remus was back the next day, looking tired and ill. He came running into Double Potions late, winded and pale in the face. Professor Archer stopped for a moment and looked at him. She had an odd look on her face that went away quickly as she nodded for him to sit down and continued with the lesson.

This put the Slytherins into a near-riotous state. Why hadn't he gotten in trouble? Where were the detentions? Where was the scolding? The two-foot essay about being on punctuality and decorum, due the next day OR ELSE?

Why didn't Remus Lupin get in trouble?!

Remus avoided all eye contact as he sat next to Sirius and James. Sirius had an incredulous face, looking first at Archer, and then at Remus, who ducked his head. The entire class was watching him and it was quite an uncomfortable feeling.

"I'm up here," Professor Archer said irritably. "When Lupin becomes a Hogwarts professor you can stare at him all you want, but until then I'll ask you to concentrate on Potions."

The second-years begrudgingly turned to face their Potions teacher.



"What was that about?" James asked as the quartet walked out of Potions. (It would have been a quintet, but Lily had run off, claiming to have some other business to tend to.)

"What was what?" Remus asked, badly feigning innocence.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You didn't notice that you came in to Potions ten minutes late and Archer didn't say a word?"

"I thought the Slytherins were going to form a mob," Peter added.

Remus shrugged. "Maybe she was distracted. Maybe she figured I would have a good reason. Maybe she's going to corner me later, give me detention for a week, and take fifty points off Gryffindor. How should I know?"

Remus walked away quickly, leaving his friends behind, open-mouthed and confused.

"Now do you believe me?" a quiet voice behind them asked. The boys turned around and looked at Lily. She was looking at them sadly and clutching her books to her chest. "I told you. He's hiding something."

"That doesn't mean he's a werewolf!" Sirius hissed. "I know Remus. He's my best friend. He would-"

Lily laughed, interrupting Sirius. "What? Tell you? Oh, yeah. I can picture that. You're performing some hilarious prank. The sun begins to set. Remus says, in his perfect grammar, 'Whoops! Sorry, but I need to leave now. The full moon is coming out and werewolves like me need to go somewhere where we can't attack and kill, or possibly even bite, regular humans like you, who hate werewolves and kill them on a regular basis because of your silly prejudices.'" Lily took a breath and smiled brightly, giving a little wave. "'Hope you understand!'"

"She does a pretty good impression of Remus, for a girl," Sirius whispered.

Lily continued as if she hadn't heard him. "And can't you just see that scene going through Remus's head? He tells you and you: A- Run off screaming. B- Tell Dumbledore and get him kicked out of Hogwarts. C- Tell the whole school and the students proceed to ostracize him until he is forced to leave Hogwarts. D- Stick a silver knife in his heart."

"We wouldn't-" James began, but Lily interrupted again.

"I know that. You know that. But Remus doesn't. Haven't you noticed how closed off he is? And how excited he gets about little things, like gifts, or compliments, or friends? How about how upset he gets over his mistakes, or the bad things people say? Did you ever notice any of that?"

"He's intense," Sirius argued. "That doesn't make him a werewolf!"

"You know what?" Lily snapped. "I'm sick of arguing with you, because you obviously don't trust me enough to believe me. You can ask Remus if you really want to know." With that, Lily stormed off.

A few moments later, Peter spoke. "I think I believe her," he said in a quiet voice.

"You would," Sirius said with disgust.

"I think I do to," James said in a voice just as quiet as Peter's.

"You're-- you-- ugh!" Sirius stomped off.




"We have to ask him."

"I thought we went over this, James: no we don't."

"Sirius, we have to ask him. We have to try, at least."

"No, Peter, we don't."

"Look, maybe Lily's wrong. Maybe he isn't a . . . you know. But something is bothering Remus. We need to-- we owe it to him to find out what it is and see if we can help him."

James had a good point. Sirius sighed. After a moment he spoke. "All right, then. Let's go get this over with."

Remus was down in the conveniently empty Gryffindor common room studying a book critically. He looked up semi-casually when his friends entered. Sirius cursed their luck. Had one person- just one person- been in the common room they would have abandoned the plan and talked about Quidditch or something.

"Hey." Remus looked at their grave, sad expressions and immediately stood up. "What's wrong?" he asked, concern in his voice. "Are you guys okay? Where's Lily?"

That's so . . . Remus, Sirius thought. He's automatically worried about everyone else.

"We're all okay," James reassured him. "We just . . . needed to ask you something. If anything was wrong."

Remus looked at them uncomfortably. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, Remus, you're our friend. That's like a brother." James began to ramble, looking around uncomfortably. "So we care about you, you know? And a lot of stuff's been happening to you lately and we-"

"Remus, are you a werewolf?"

"Sirius!" James and Peter exclaimed. James turned around and punched him in the shoulder, but only because that happened to be the first place his fist contacted. Sirius fell back a few steps before he regained his balance, scowling at James, then directing his attention back to Remus.

Remus's eyes had gone wide and his jaw dropped. His hand went up to cover his mouth. His face got several shades whiter than it usually was and he sat down hard, missing the chair and tumbling to the floor. Not that he noticed.

"What? How-- how did you find out?" he whispered. "You . . . know . . ."

Remus stopped talking, got up, and walked mechanically out of the room. His walk turned into a run as he got past the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Way to go, Sirius," James said irritably, looking as if he wanted to punch the other boy again.

"Well, you didn't do any better!" Sirius retorted.

"What's wrong with Remy?" Lily asked walking into the room. "He was acting really un-Remus-like. He was running down the hall and he knocked into me. Didn't even really apologized, just mumbled something. I think he was crying."

She looked from James, to Peter, to Sirius. They all looked at the floor.

"You didn't," she said quietly.

"You told us to," Peter reminded her in a whiney voice.

"Under my careful supervision! You need me here to make sure you don't say or do anything stupid like this! I can't believe you three! Remus is your friend! How could you?"

"We have to do something," James decided.

"What can we do?" Peter wondered.

Sirius stood up and started walking briskly towards the door. "Well I'm going to find him. You three can come along if you like."

He didn't even pause at the portrait of the Fat Lady, but everyone had caught up to him already, so he didn't need to.



Minerva McGonagall looked out her window to see a strange sight. Remus Lupin running, and followed a few seconds later by James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew . . . and was that Lily Evans leading those three? She was quite a sprinter. The last four were all shouting something that Minerva could hear, but not make out.

Minerva shook her head. Children these days were so strange. Why, just last week those four boys sent a package to young Severus Snape. Needless to say, everyone was surprised when the dungbomb exploded, though Minerva didn't know why.

They were always up to something. She had grown so sick of shouting their names that she had complained to Dumbledore. And what was the man's advice? Give their group a name so you won't have to shout so much! Sometimes she really wondered about him, though she had taken his advice.

So what were those Marauders up to now?



Remus ran through the Hogwarts grounds without a set destination. He didn't really care where he was going. He just needed to hide out until sundown, when he would sneak back into Gryffindor tower, pack his things, and leave.

But what if they got the Fat Lady to change the password? That would make sense. They wouldn't want something like him to be able to get back in.

Remus wiped tears from his eyes, ashamed to be crying. (His uncle said that crying was for little girls. Uncle didn't even cry when his own sister died. But his uncle didn't have to leave the one place on Earth where he felt happy. So what did his uncle know?)

That was it, then. He would have to go home. Go to a Muggle school and live like a Muggle. Maybe he could get a job of some sort for weekends and holidays so he wouldn't be that much of a burden on his family. Because, oh, his father would be so angry with him!

Remus paused at the entrance to the Forbidden Forest uncertainly. He could go in there and wait until it was safe again. It would be a very good place to hide. But it was called the Forbidden Forest for a reason. Probably a very good reason, actually, though Remus didn't know what it was.

"Remus!" a voice behind him called. It was Peter.

"Remy, wait up!" That would be Lily. She had little pet names for all of them: Jamey, Siri, Petey, and Remy.

Remus turned around and looked at them with confusion. Why were they following him? What did they want? His heart skipped a beat. Were they going to kill him?

Remus looked for a place he could run to. The only way he could go was into the Forbidden Forest.

Remus took a step backwards.

"Remus, where are you going?"

"Duh, James," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "That's the Forbidden Forest behind him. He's not going to bloody France. Not like that, anyway."

"Well, either way, stop it!" James said. "Come on and we'll all talk."

"About what?" Remus asked.

"About what a screw-up Sirius is . . . the weather . . . how badly the Chudley Cannons suck . . . I dunno. "

"So," Remus said slowly, "you don't think . . ."

"What?" Sirius asked. "That you're a horrible monster? Of course not. We aren't carrying anything silver, are we?"

"Shove it, Sirius," Lily snapped as she tried to catch her breath. "You three have already botched this up enough. Let me talk." She turned to Remus. "Remy, we're your friends. That means you're stuck with us forever. We could never hate you."

"Yeah," Peter added, "not even if you suddenly became friends with Snape."

Lily glared at him and then at James and Sirius, who were laughing a little at the comment.

"Don't mind these idiots," she said fiercely. "Talk to me." When he said nothing she tried again. "You need to talk to somebody, Remus. This must be a lot for one person to deal with."

Remus looked up at them, his eyes more trusting but still very sad. He did need to talk to someone . . . they had no idea.

After nearly a minute he finally spoke, startling the other four with the sudden noise.

"I was five years old. My father was- still is- an Auror. A werewolf broke loose from some prison or something. My mother . . . she got these feelings about things. Intuition. She got it from her mother, so I suppose it's genetic." Apparently it only went to girls, though, because Remus knew he had never had any psychic revelations.

"She didn't want him to go. But he had to. It was his job. He told me to look after Mother and my little sister Damita. She was just a baby then- only a month old."

Remus took a deep breath and told them what happened after his father left.

"My mother walked around the house at least twenty times that night, not even pretending to be cleaning up. She was shutting windows and locking doors. I didn't like the shut windows. It made my room stuffy. So I didn't tell my mother when I opened my window. It wasn't all the way. Just a little bit. I didn't see-- didn't think anything was wrong . . ."

He shook his head and continued. "We were in the living room. My little sister was sleeping in her room. Merlin- the stupid cat- got out through the little doggy door my father had cut for when we got a dog. I-" Remus took a deep breath and looked up at the sky, as if it would help him to be strong. "I went out to get him. My mother came back from checking on Damita just in time to see me go through the door . . ."



The full moon illuminated the yard and the small stretch of woods by it so that Remus could almost see clearly.

"Meeeeerliiiinnnn," he called. "Merlin, come on, you stupid cat. Mommy and Daddy said to stay inside!"

"REMUS!" his mother shrieked from the doorway. "Remus
come back! Forget that damned cat and get in here NOW!"

Remus's eyes widened. His mother had said a bad word.

"Mommy?" he asked. She was running across the yard. She grabbed him roughly around the middle, hauled him up, and ran into the house faster than Remus had ever seen anyone run in his life.

Of course, all the walls in the world couldn't make a difference when the danger was already within.

Remus's mother flung the door open and set Remus down. Then she screamed.

Remus looked up and saw what she saw: there was a really, really big dog in the house growling at them.

"Mommy . . . ?"

"Remus," his mother said slowly, "back outside slowly. Then run into the barn and close the door. Put as many heavy things as you can in front of it.
Don't open the door unless Daddy or I come, Remus. Do you understand?"

Remus did as she said, backing slowly towards the door, but the dog started growling menacingly and he stopped.

Then several things happened at once:

"Remus, GO!" his mother shouted.

Remus ran out the door and shut it.

But not before he saw the dog leap onto his mother.

Remus shoved the door open and ran back inside. The dog was
chewing on his mommy! There was blood all over the place. It was hurting his mommy ! She wasn't even moving . . .

Remus grabbed the fire-poker-stick-thing and poked the dog in the side. "LET MY MOMMY GO!" he shouted, but his voice was small and childlike. It didn't scare the monster.

The big gray dog turned to him and growled. Remus started backing up again, waving the fire-poker-stick-thing at the dog to keep it off. He got out the door and started running towards the barn.

The dog was too quick. It caught up with him and tackled him from behind. Remus wriggled until he was in a ball, but the dog didn't go away. It did stop moving for a moment and looked over at the horizon. It looked like it knew something.

Remus peeked between his fingers and saw the first rays of dawn peeking out hopefully from the trees. The dog turned back to Remus and bit him on the arm, but then backed off. It stood up on its hind legs and transformed into a man.

"Tell your father," the wolf-man said in a very tired, hoarse voice. "Tell him that he took what was mine, so I have taken what is his. C'est la vie."



Remus woke up in a hospital bed. His father was in a corner of the room, surrounded by Aurors and authorities. Remus whimpered.

"Remus?" His father crossed the big room in three steps. "Remus, are you all right? How do you feel?"

"There was a big dog, Daddy, and he-- he turned into a man. The dog bit Mommy up and he bi-"

"Did he say anything to you?" Remus's father interrupted Remus, who was about to say that the dog had bitten him as well.

Remus thought. "Yes. He said something about you taking his stuff, so he took your stuff. And he said something else about Sayla Vee."

Remus didn't know who that was, but apparently his father did. He paled. "C'est la vie," he said in a quiet voice. "Ulf Connor was always saying that to me."

One of the Aurors looked up with surprise. "Isn't that the father of the pup and bitch you-"

"Yes."

"It was a
trap . . . ?" A young Auror- a rookie- asked incredulously. Remus's father didn't answer. He closed his eyes and looked away.

"Well, we'll find him," the man whose head had popped up in the fireplace at Remus's house promised. He looked at his companions. "Come on, all of you. Give Abbott some time with his son."

When everyone else had left, Remus's father walked over to his bed. He pushed aside the hospital gown, exposing Remus's shoulder. He saw the silvery crescent-shaped scar, magically healed in less than five minutes. It was so small it was nearly hidden by the boy's collarbone and, had he not known what he was looking for, Remus's father would have missed it.

Abbott Lupin nodded and sat on the arm of a chair in the corner.






Note: HA! I snuck the name Connor in! HA! ; ) By the way, Abbott means Father and Madra means Mother. Damita means Little Princess. Ulf means Wolf. Connor still means wolf-lover. "C'est la vie"- French- "that is life".

By the way, I know I'm a while inbetween updates. If you want me to e-mail you whenever I update, just let me know in a review or an e-mail or something. Oh, and leave the e-mail, too. : )